“I… just want to work.”
“…Pardon?”
Even while watching Seojun’s face, which had been full of excitement, gradually distort, Soohyun didn’t stop. If he didn’t draw the line now, he wouldn’t be able to push him away when he approached. Because Lee Soohyun was that kind of person. If something happened where he got hurt again this time,
He wouldn’t be able to live anymore.
“I thought of today’s invitation just as work too. I seem to have misunderstood something.”
“But today… then why?!”
Seojun’s voice rose. Soohyun deliberately hardened his face.
“Did you say 3 seconds?”
“Huh? Yeah, well….”
“That my appearance isn’t too bad… it’s embarrassing to say with my own mouth, but…. I know.”
“Wh… what are you saying right now…?”
Soohyun’s face cooled coldly. He didn’t want to leave even the slightest room. Because he was just an omega from the Omega Home Care Service Center. Because he knew he wasn’t in a situation or position to do something like playing at romance with someone.
Seojun’s eyes were clear and strong, so his heart wavered for a moment, but Soohyun clenched his fists tightly. His affectionate gaze reminded Soohyun of someone he truly missed, making it difficult to continue harsh words. But he couldn’t stop.
“If you liked my appearance, that’s fine.”
“Lee Soohyun-ssi?”
“…I’m not foolish enough to believe there’s sincerity in interest that arose in 3 seconds.”
“……!!”
“I’m not an idiot.”
The warmth disappeared from the voice of Soohyun who had been moaning on the bed just moments ago. Seojun looked at him with eyes that absolutely couldn’t believe it, but Soohyun turned away from his gaze and stood up from his seat.
“Lee Soohyun-ssi!!”
“…I’m sorry but I’ll use the bathroom.”
Soohyun went out to the living room. Right, this is correct. Just because they had an impulsive relationship, just because they had sex with him a few times, something like falling in love couldn’t happen and shouldn’t happen.
“Lee Soohyun-ssi! Just now… what you just said, is it sincere?”
Seojun, who had rushed out of the room, screamed at Soohyun’s back. Soohyun hunched his naked body completely and lowered his voice without even turning around.
“Choi Seojun-ssi… do you find me ridiculous?”
“Huh? What? Suddenly what….”
“Does a center omega like me have to accept it without complaint when someone like Choi Seojun-ssi says they like me?”
“…Pardon?”
Seojun looked at Soohyun’s back with a dumbfounded face. He was curious what kind of face he was making while saying these things to him. The curve drawn at the corners of his mouth when he held chopsticks with beautiful fingers and carefully handed over the rolled omelet was soft and warm…. But the current Soohyun was colder than ice. Every word that popped out of his mouth was freezing.
“…I’ll excuse myself now.”
Soohyun just went into the bathroom, and Seojun stared at the closed door with a stupid face, then roughly swept up his hair. Until just moments ago, he had even wrapped his legs around his waist on the bed himself. Seojun couldn’t understand Soohyun’s sudden change in attitude at all.
Also, because he hadn’t anticipated even slightly that he would say he disliked him, Seojun was beyond flustered to absurd. No way, me? This Choi Seojun? Even though I’m saying I’m interested, a person who dislikes me exists in this South Korea? And an omega is saying they dislike me?
Seojun’s doubts gradually turned into anger. Seojun, who had hastily put on clothes, sat on the sofa and waited for Soohyun anxiously.
“Lee Soohyun-ssi, let’s talk for a moment.”
It would have been better if his words had come out more gently. It would have been better if his actions had been a bit slower and more affectionate. The actions of the 25-year-old young man whose feelings were denied were fast and rough. Soohyun’s eyes, caught by the arm by Seojun without even properly putting on his clothes, wavered precariously like a candle before the wind.
“Why… why are you doing this.”
Soohyun’s face turned deathly pale. The arm held strongly by Seojun hurt too much. As he became unable to move his body as he wished, old memories he’d kept hidden slowly raised their heads.
“Let go… let go of this….”
“Is it Lee Soohyun-ssi who found me ridiculous? Just because I said I like you, you can just say something like this….”
“Let go of this… hng… hng-hng… hng,”
Tears quickly filled Soohyun’s eyes. He didn’t want to show tears in front of him, but just like before, his body didn’t move according to his will. Vision blurred by tears, trembling body, and gasping breath. Everything was unfamiliar yet familiar. Of all places, for this to happen here….
“Lee Soohyun-ssi! I just… huh?”
“Huk… heo-heuk… hnng… huk!”
With his arm still held by Seojun, Soohyun gasped for rough breaths and then brought his hand to his chest as if in pain. Not wearing any grabbable clothing, he barely held onto a towel.
“Lee Soohyun-ssi! What’s wrong all of a sudden!”
“Hng, hng-hng, khng, hng.”
At the sight of Soohyun with a bright red face streaming tears and unable to breathe properly, Seojun panicked. He caught Soohyun as he was about to collapse to the floor and laid him on the bed. As soon as Soohyun lay on the bed, he curled up like a shrimp and made whimpering sounds in pain.
“Soohyun-ssi! Lee Soohyun-ssi! This is driving me crazy. I… I was wrong! Ah!!”
“Huk… khng… ah… hng-hng….”
Seojun put his hand to his forehead, not knowing what to do. Dripping with cold sweat, he looked like something terrible might happen at any moment. Seojun barely thought of an ambulance and picked up the phone.
“Khng, ba… bag….”
“Huh? Soohyun-ssi? What did you say?”
“Ba… bag….”
“Bag?”
As soon as Seojun said the word bag, Soohyun’s head nodded. Seojun rushed out to the living room to find Soohyun’s bag, and Soohyun rummaged through the bag with trembling hands, took out medicine, and poured it into his mouth.
“You’re taking it without water? Wait a moment!”
Seojun, who had rushed to the kitchen, held out a cup to Soohyun. But realizing he was in no condition to hold the cup, he held water in his mouth and pressed his lips over Soohyun’s lips.
“Haa… haa… haa….”
“Lee Soohyun-ssi… I… what did I… ah! Earlier that… too roughly.”
Even while watching Seojun’s face turn deathly pale, Soohyun still couldn’t speak. Knowing well that it would take some time for the medication to take effect, Soohyun sent a hand signal that seemed to say it was okay and tried to breathe.
“Soohyun-ssi, where does it hurt… no. I was wrong. I just….”
Soohyun’s heart ached. He could tell that at least his apology contained sincerity. He thought that perhaps his confession of being interested in him might also be sincere. But at the same time, Soohyun clearly realized his own situation in definite form. Even though 5 years had passed.
Soohyun was still in the same place. He tried to hold hope that he might have improved a little, but his body didn’t move like his heart.
“I’m… fi… ne now.”
“Soohyun-ssi.”
Soohyun forced himself to sit up. What should he say to him who was looking at him with a face about to cry? Looking at his eyes asking what on earth this was about, Soohyun barely opened his mouth that wouldn’t open.
“Choi Seojun-ssi.”
“Yes? Are you okay now? But why earlier…? Does it hurt a lot somewhere?”
“…I have an illness.”
Soohyun’s voice speaking about his illness in a voice cracked all over was surprisingly calm.
“An illness… you say? Then to the hospital now…!”
“…Panic, no, it’s a mental problem. I’m okay now.”
“Panic… disorder?”
Instead of answering, Soohyun nodded. After the attack subsided, the extreme fatigue that rushed in covered Soohyun. It was fortunate that he’d brought medicine just in case. He might not be able to work at Seojun’s house anymore because of today, but it couldn’t be helped. The nightmare that began 5 years ago wouldn’t easily leave Soohyun.
“…So I can’t go to crowded places, and I can’t ride buses or subways. Usually there’s no big problem, but….”
“Then why earlier?”
Soohyun couldn’t answer. There was no way he could tell him the truth that it was because you touched my trauma. He didn’t want to lay out pieces of memories he didn’t even want to fumble with.
“Sometimes… things like that happen.”
“It’s because of me, right?”
“Pardon?”
“I yelled earlier and… grabbed your arm roughly and… so because of me….”
Seojun’s voice became moist. To him who was even drooping his eyebrows heavily and blaming himself, Soohyun didn’t know whether to say yes or no, so he just remained silent.
“I see…. Because of me, sorry! I’m so sorry.”
