As days passed, Elliot increasingly showed sharp aspects. Even at the dining table, he couldn’t concentrate on his meal at all, so even Liam was rarely anxious. Even to Sarah’s cautious question asking if he was sick somewhere again, Elliot only gave half-hearted answers.
Bernard quietly held his breath at the somehow ominous atmosphere, but it was a useless action. Every time Elliot showed such behavior, the sparks invariably flew to Bernard.
“Aren’t you going around too much these days? Elliot is spending more time alone……”
“I only assigned you easy tasks to take care of your hyung, but why are you going around so much?”
Bernard’s shoulders shrank at his parents’ displeased voices. Elliot picked at the salad served in front of him and stopped his parents, saying not to do that, but that voice was also somehow sulky and drained of energy. There was clearly some change of heart. That would be the case—it seemed he’d been wearing only that watch constantly after yielding it recently, but that watch hadn’t been visible at all since yesterday.
“What about the watch you were wearing?”
“……Never mind.”
Wondering if he’d lost it, Bernard subtly brought it up, but Elliot’s answer was brief. At the profile that even looked depressed, Bernard saved his words. It seemed like something had happened, but he couldn’t guess at all.
Recently, it seemed he was frequently meeting university classmates—did he hear something? Or was it that he couldn’t bring it up because he felt sorry for losing the watch? Since it wasn’t a good place for Bernard to accompany him anyway, he’d repeatedly refused when asked to go together, but he felt belated regret about whether accompanying him would have been right.
But no matter how much he thought about it, it wasn’t a place Bernard should go. Parties where many people gathered were always uncomfortable places, and because the hostile gazes received there were too blatant, Bernard would linger at the entrance waiting for Elliot every time.
Instead, he would pick him up at the time he’d return, but after Rubens took over that role, Bernard had been distant from Elliot. From the parents’ perspective, it was understandable to be displeased. At the pouring reproaches, Bernard obediently bobbed his head.
Watching the parents worry about Elliot saying his face had gotten gaunt, Bernard chewed over thoughts difficult to express. It would only be miserable alone to bring up the fact that no one asked deeply about the cast on his left hand.
“Bernard.”
Around when the meal was ending, Elliot suddenly opened his mouth. With a somewhat complicated expression, he looked like he had a lot to say.
“Is there something you’re hiding from me?”
At the question that suddenly dropped, Bernard’s hand stopped abruptly. Not knowing what he was guessing with that question, his throat tightened. As if reading Bernard’s anxiety, Elliot’s eyes narrowed.
“Are you in contact with Rubens somehow?”
“No, not particularly……”
“Really?”
Perhaps because his question was meaningful, the parents’ gazes converged at once. As attention focused, Bernard felt like his heart sank. Anxiety spread inside him.
“You don’t lie to me, right?”
Elliot looked straight at Bernard with green eyes. The fingertips of Bernard’s hand holding his fork turned pale. He wanted to avoid answering, but if he deflected his words in the current situation, he would clearly look suspicious.
“……Of course not.”
“That’s all I need.”
Elliot crushed the salad served on his plate with his fork with a somehow relieved face. However, Bernard knew well enough that such an expression wasn’t really one made after shaking off all suspicions.
“I trust you.”
“……”
“You’re my first, and unlike other people, we’re twins connected by something. Right?”
When the parents looked at such an Elliot admiringly, Bernard alone felt isolated. Such words from Elliot had always been Bernard’s pride. He was always so happy his chest ached at his words prioritizing him first. Not even once had he felt any sense of alienation from it.
But why was it? Now, only a stuffy emotion kept rising. He was curious. Why he lied to Rubens. Why he didn’t say the partner that night wasn’t him…… Whether he’d never suspected that the partner that night might not have been Bernard.
But what would have changed by asking such questions?
“…Yeah, Elliot.”
The image of his twin, who was like his pride, seemed to waver in his vision. Bernard couldn’t sort out anything and left his seat. At his greeting saying he’d get up first, no one stopped him. He grabbed only his wallet and coat and hurriedly left the house.
It felt like a stone was pressing down hard on his heart. Having left home without a destination, his steps headed incoherently toward downtown. His head was all tangled, but he had no confidence he could untie the knots.
He vaguely thought everything would be okay if he shook off Rubens. However, thinking about it, it wasn’t something that would be resolved by Bernard sorting it out alone. Rubens’s behavior, which seemed different from before, and Elliot’s reaction seemed to foretell a stagnant progression.
“It must be my imagination.”
He tried speaking out loud. It was also an action praying it would be so. While tidying his clothes, he pushed aside anxious thoughts and recalled in his head the things to come first.
On Friday, he’d agreed to attend a business meeting with Rubens. It was a place close to an investment briefing, and he said Bernard just needed to quietly attend and be aware of the conversations going back and forth. He thought it wasn’t a place for him to fit in, but his protests didn’t work at all.
And Rhino’s birthday party was coming soon. It was time to decide on a birthday present. Actually, he’d been considering a few things. One was clichéd but a book, and the other was a necktie. Thinking it might be nice to gift one high-end brand necktie, he’d been looking at price ranges for several days, but his worries were prolonging because he wasn’t confident it would suit him very well.
Wondering if he should just ask outright, he’d exchanged texts several times at night, but his reactions were always consistent.
[Bernard]: Rhino, is there really nothing you want separately?
[Rhino]: Do you have to worry that much? You can give me anything.
[Bernard]: How can I just give you anything?
[Rhino]: I’m telling you, you worry a lot about only useless things.
[Bernard]: Why are you useless?
To the answer sent after long deliberation, Rhino had no response. Lying in bed clutching his phone, after not even a few minutes passed, he suffered because a bunch of voice messages saying he wanted to see him right now came.
After asking the person in question yielded no particular solution and agonizing alone several times, as he walked the streets with complicated thoughts, one item visible beyond a glass window suddenly caught his eye. It was a shop with music boxes displayed in the show window. Whether they only sold one type of product, even looking inside the window, everything visible was only music boxes.
The small music boxes glistening under bright lights were quite pretty. Delicate sculptures and various appearances caught his attention. Some passersby also peered at the music boxes several times before passing by.
Bernard, who had been hesitating and only looking at the displayed items, soon grasped the door handle. Simultaneously with the tinkling bell sound, the clerk at the counter raised their head.
“Welcome. Did you come to look at music boxes?”
“Ah, yes…… I’m going to look around a bit.”
Even when he awkwardly answered the clerk who affectionately spoke and stood beside him, the other person kept grinning. Trying to ignore the following gaze, he sneakily picked up the music box he’d just seen. It was a music box with a mermaid sitting while combing her hair elaborately carved on top of a reddish-brown wooden box.
“It’s a Reuge music box, so the sound is also beautiful.”
The clerk who’d been glancing added one explanation. At the suggestion to try operating it once, when he subtly touched the handle, a familiar melody flowed out. It was a performance Bernard would occasionally seek out and listen to when he was depressed. Bernard’s eyes widened round at the tone ringing gently, which was more beautiful than expected.
“The price range definitely goes up, but it’s good because it’s more natural and the tone is rich. Will you take this one?”
“Would it be…… okay as a gift too?”
“Of course. The wood is also luxuriously well-finished. The mermaid decoration on top is delicate too. Since it’s fine as decoration just sitting there, the person receiving it will like it too.”
At the clerk’s words flowing like water, Bernard’s worries lightened. The words saying they’d happily receive anything were nice, but he wanted to see him receive it and be happy as much as possible.
“I’ll take this one.”
“I’ll wrap it prettily for you.”
Disappearing to the counter in one go, they looked thoroughly excited, so Bernard only blinked his eyes clearly. Since it was a song that had been comforting to himself, he hoped it would also be comforting to Rhino when he was depressed.
“Is it a gift for a friend? You really chose well. Music makes the listener’s heart comfortable, you know.”
While wrapping skillfully, the clerk added affectionate words. Seeing Bernard looking embarrassed with his cheeks dyed red, she casually slipped a card between the ribbons.
“If you want, I’ll write congratulations myself, but somehow I thought you’d want to write it yourself. I chose a pretty card.”
“Thank you.”
He handed over his card and received the wrapped box. It was quite expensive, more than expected, but it was still okay. When else would he use the monthly salary accumulating little by little if not at times like this? He was saving money for independence, but it wasn’t a waste for Rhino’s gift. It was also a bold decision Bernard could make because he wasn’t a character with greed for clothes or other things.
“I’ll pray that the person receiving it will be happy.”
Unlike when he came in with a tense face, Bernard, holding the gift box in his arms, already had a softened expression. Watching the face that became brighter, perhaps thinking of the receiver, the clerk thought it seemed like a face she’d seen somewhere but pushed the question to the back.
“Have a good day.”
The back disappearing with a tinkling sound looked lighthearted, and Bernard was actually thinking he’d chosen a quite decent gift.
[Rubens]: I’ve made an appointment for 11 o’clock tomorrow.
Not knowing that the phone in his jacket pocket was conveying a new text notification.
