Kwon Sungha
His clear eyes looked at me as if glaring. In that moment, the gentle hand that had been brushing through my hair swiftly grabbed the nape of my neck. I obediently let myself be pulled by the hand that yanked me forward.
I knew what he was trying to do, what would happen soon, but I didn’t want to say “we can’t do this anymore.” I didn’t say, tactlessly at this point, to wait.
Lips that approached without permission pressed down on mine. His lips, which I thought would be nothing but soft, had a rough texture the moment they touched. But that was only for a fleeting instant—the softness that the pliable sensation gave was something I was feeling for the first time. An unfamiliar stimulation was transmitted through the point of contact.
“You should, close your eyes.”
The cool chill that had filled my eyelids was covered with warmth. As his large palm brought an even darker darkness, the unfamiliar sensation became clearer. Hot breath rushed in between my parted lips.
Soon, flesh that forcibly dug into the firmly closed gap rummaged through my insides. Without any warning whatsoever, it invaded and pulled as if to swallow my tongue that it had coiled around.
I was afraid that if I clumsily imitated what Kang Sehyun was doing, I’d ruin it instead, so I just accepted him as he entangled me however he pleased. Compared to an opponent who was too skilled, everything was a first for me, and just accepting my partner was overwhelming.
I should have been exhaling, but I kept swallowing. My unorganized breathing rose up along my chin with my partner’s breath. When I tried to pull my head back because I was out of breath like someone who’d run a hundred-meter dash, my partner’s hand pressed firmly on the back of my head. With his other hand, he lifted my chin that kept dropping.
“Mm…!”
Whenever our touching lips tried to separate even a little, my lower lip was swallowed. The more hotly our tongues tangled, the firmer the hand gripping my body became. It was a rough and fierce kiss that felt utterly without consideration. Occasionally our teeth bumped, but the impatient movements continued.
In the interior of the car where silence had settled, only the sound of saliva colliding and breathing close to panting could be heard. Occasionally, moans that flowed out with uncontrolled breathing could be heard.
In the late dawn hours, anxiety surged as if someone was peeking at us. Even though we weren’t really doing anything wrong, it felt as if my morality was being pounded. Surprisingly, the heat rose more from that thrill.
The kiss I had imagined would have been done a bit more calmly. Since it was an act faithful to instinct rather than reason anyway, I had no fantasy that it would be sweet like in movies, but at least I didn’t think it would be this frantically overwhelming.
My head, which was already foggy from my cold, turned completely white just from one kiss. My chest pounded as if it would burst.
“Wait, just… a second.”
Because of the breath that had risen to the tip of my chin, I eventually pushed Kang Sehyun’s chest away with my hand. Then, barely pulling his lips away, Kang Sehyun licked over his wet lips with his tongue and kissed me several more times, briefly.
We pressed our foreheads together and exhaled our pent-up breaths. I thought only I was out of breath, but hot breath poured out right in front of my nose too. The eyes looking at me still rippled with unresolved excitement.
Could I be making a face like that too?
Before Kang Sehyun’s expression that I was seeing for the first time, I had no idea what expression I should make. Because I realized once again just how tremendous this reality I’d have to adapt to was, now that the boundary between friend and lover had completely collapsed.
“That’s enough now, right?”
“Huh?”
I thought it was over, but it wasn’t.
Before my rapid breathing had even calmed, lips that suddenly approached blocked my mouth again.
This time too, I couldn’t close my eyes right away. Over the thinly raised eyelids, his neatly arranged eyelashes trembled faintly. Without realizing it, I was staring blankly. To be able to capture Kang Sehyun in my eyes this closely, this clearly. The pounding heartbeat rang in my head.
Soon, his tightly closed eyelids gradually lifted. Below the thinly folded double eyelids, vivid brown eyes revealed themselves. His drowsy, downcast gaze soon stared at me.
“Not listening.”
From the slightly parted gap, a crushed voice leaked out. The low voice once again squeezed my heart tight.
“That’s because,”
In comparison, from my mouth came a pathetic voice drained of energy, breaking apart intermittently. At that moment, my partner, who had been comforting my wet mouth as if to soothe it, gently bit my lower lip.
*It’s not that—it’s because you’re so handsome.* The ending words I couldn’t finish, I just swallowed inwardly.
The tip of the tongue that wedged in again smoothly coiled around my tongue and pulled. I thought the movements had become a bit softer than before, but as if reading my thoughts, my partner tilted his head the opposite way and pushed his tongue in deeper. After the hot tongue swept through my mouth, it slid along the roof and coiled around my wandering tongue again. The hand that rose up along the nape of my neck and embraced my cheek was burningly hot.
Even though startled me couldn’t do anything, my partner resolutely did what he had to do. He coaxed and soothed my clumsy self, repeatedly sucking strongly on my tongue that was hiding here and there, then releasing it. Whenever I was overwhelmed, Kang Sehyun would slip his lips away slightly, then immediately rub them together again and continue the kiss. Belatedly, I couldn’t distinguish whether the heat that filled my entire body was from my cold or from Kang Sehyun.
I discovered one more thing I didn’t know about Kang Sehyun. That this man who was maddeningly gentle to his lover wasn’t gentle, at least at times like this.
How much time had passed? That thought also occurred to me belatedly only after he completely pulled his lips away. After I’d exhaled all the breath I’d been holding, only then did the clock in the center come into view.
Kang Sehyun embraced my shoulders that had been stiffly rigid. Even though we’d just had a deep kiss, my heart beat as it pleased over a mere hug.
“I’m grateful, you know.”
While I was trying to shake off the lingering sensation of the kiss that still remained, I heard truly random words from over my shoulder.
“For what?”
“That it was today.”
So… for what.
While I was carefully reconsidering the puzzling words, my shoulders that had been warm became empty. Kang Sehyun continued speaking while looking at me intently.
“Be grateful that you’re sick.”
Kang Sehyun still seemed to be conscious that my cold hadn’t completely healed. Once I understood that far, I knew what words would come next.
“Otherwise, it wouldn’t have ended here.”
***
A week from that day, Kang Sehyun clung to me at all times without warning.
Today too, wherever and whenever he got that feeling, he reached out from the entrance.
“Mmm…”
Over the hand gripping my waist, I embraced my partner’s back. When I carefully opened my mouth, the tongue that had been lightly tapping my lips slipped in smoothly.
If he’d done rough kisses where I couldn’t even breathe every time, I would have had to make quite a big resolution every time he approached so suddenly, but fortunately, in the meantime, Kang Sehyun had learned how to give fairly mild kisses. Kisses that were much slower and more leisurely than back then.
But that was only for the first 5 minutes after our lips touched. Once that time passed, his eyes would change as if asking “when did I do that?”, and rough, urgent kisses would begin. And still, whether slow or fast, I hadn’t completely adapted to either.
When my breathing became slightly labored, the firm hand gripped my waist tighter. His lower body, which approached pretending otherwise, pressed firmly against my thigh.
“Ah.”
It was time to push my partner away.
I turned my head and pulled my body back. Even though he could easily hold on if he forcibly tried to, Kang Sehyun always obediently let me do as I wanted. Although that time had been gradually increasing lately, today too he pulled his lips away without much to say.
“If you’re going to do it, at least tell me.”
My heart couldn’t survive these contacts without warning every time. There was no need to set the mood each and every time, but still, I thought it would be nice if he at least gave me a hint. That’s why I said it, but when Kang Sehyun heard my words, his straight forehead wrinkled in an instant.
“What? Kissing?”
“Yeah. Please tell me in advance.”
“…Are you serious?”
“Yeah.”
Kang Sehyun let out a crooked laugh.
“I’d rather not do it at all then.”
Did he dislike it that much? An unexpectedly extreme answer came back even though it wasn’t a very difficult request. Even an idiot would know that those words would absolutely never be kept.
“That would be kind of disappointing though.”
I said it because I genuinely thought so, but Kang Sehyun made an expression of disbelief. His eyes that had widened roundly in surprise narrowed, and a suspicious look followed.
“So you do find not doing it regrettable.”
“Of course.”
“I didn’t know you liked it that much.”
“Since it’s my first time, I’m not sure if I simply like doing it, but what’s certain is that I like doing it with you.”
It was the truth. The slightly rough first kiss, and the gentle kisses after that—kisses with Kang Sehyun always made my heart flutter and were always good.
No answer came for quite a while. This time, it seemed he couldn’t continue speaking at all. A few more seconds passed before I heard his voice.
“…Why are you doing this to me.”
Muttering that, Kang Sehyun suddenly placed his hand on my cheek again.
“Should we?”
This wasn’t what I meant when I asked him to ask like this.
I felt like I’d created some kind of wrong misunderstanding, but I decided to explain later. Kang Sehyun waiting for my permission was so lovely that I thought everything would be fine.
I slowly lifted my head and faced him. His pretty eyes curved as they looked at me.
As expected.
Kisses with Kang Sehyun—before they started, after they ended—always made my heart flutter and were always good.
