“It’s frustrating.”
At the words thrown out petulantly like a complaint, Seo-an looked back at him again.
With no intention of hiding his true feelings, he bit his lower lip slightly and was rolling his eyes around with a displeased expression. He didn’t know what to say to that. So as he just moved his lips wordlessly, Hae-won spoke first in a low voice.
“Well… things have turned out this way, can’t do more than this. Hyung, just be honest with me.”
“Yeah, about what?”
Right, as Hae-won said, things had turned out this way, so what more was there to hide?
The relationship with Ji-yu that he hadn’t intended to reveal was already known anyway, so there was nothing more to hide.
Seo-an turned around completely as if to properly engage in the conversation. When he faced Hae-won and showed a gaze that said ‘Go ahead and speak,’ Hae-won asked with a sigh.
“You didn’t dislike it, right? Hyung, you were hard.”
“……”
No, still, if you ask so blatantly, that’s embarrassing in its own way.
I just need to answer ‘yes,’ but why is admitting that so embarrassing? As he bit his lips in embarrassment, Hae-won continued.
“I liked it. Hyung’s reaction was clearly fine too, but if you say here that you hated it, really—”
“…I liked it.”
To Hae-won, who had buried his face completely in his large hands, Seo-an answered honestly at the top of his head.
“I didn’t dislike it.”
When he deliberately answered clearly once more, Hae-won’s collapsed head slowly lifted. He seemed to glance and assess the mood with his eyes, then soon showed a slight smile.
“Then that’s good enough.”
“…Let’s take it slow, slowly.”
Seo-an concluded the conversation like that.
Even while already vaguely anticipating the future his answer would bring, Seo-an tried to turn away from it with all his might for now.
***
“When the kid comes, act like nothing happened, got it?”
Seo-an spoke to Hae-won through gritted teeth with a forced smile.
In the end, that night, Hae-won stubbornly insisted on not going home but sleeping over at Seo-an’s place. If it were just one day, he’d let it be, but Hae-won made unreasonable demands and ended up spending all the days Ji-yu was away at Seo-an’s house.
Today as well, the two who had greeted the morning together had just arrived side by side at the daycare as it was time for Ji-yu to arrive.
Naturally, his actions couldn’t help but be on his mind. Seo-an was now thinking he had to acknowledge that he couldn’t push away Hae-won, who was acting more persistently than before, even though he knew it.
The kiss with Hae-won kept coming to mind from time to time, making his head dizzy. If he came even a little closer, he’d flinch in surprise and move away, and there were times when he’d hurriedly dodge the hand reaching out even though the other person had no particular intention.
Even though he was the one who had given a reprieve by saying to take it slow.
“Haah…”
Seo-an, who let out a long sigh, held his forehead with a complicated mind. Meanwhile, Hae-won was just standing beside him, smiling broadly.
“I think Hyung needs to be more careful than me. No, if you keep acting so obviously like that, I really don’t know what to think.”
The gentle voice that seemed to show musical notes was full of playfulness. What do you mean think? It seems like you’ve already reached a conclusion.
It was as if the emotions he’d hidden invisibly were all revealed. Since he already knew his feelings, Hae-won was playing around as if there was nothing more to be cautious about, and it was overwhelming how to handle him from now on.
His insides were still complicated. Still, now that he had a child in his care, he thought he couldn’t just do as he pleased anymore, but at the same time, he was rationalizing to himself that maybe it would be a bit okay.
Since his uncompromising feelings were clashing, his actions also wavered back and forth. Even though he knew this would only cause more confusion for the other person, Seo-an couldn’t quite get a grip on his feelings. To be precise, it might be closer to deliberately finding fault with feelings that had already been sorted out.
While organizing such complicated thoughts as much as possible, he saw a yellow bus coming in from the apartment entrance.
“Be quiet, really be quiet from now on.”
“No, I’m telling you I’m being quiet.”
“Be quiet anyway.”
“This hyung is really a funny hyung. Where is there anyone as quiet as me here? Right now, Hyung is making the biggest fuss.”
“…Be quiet.”
The two faced forward with raised corners of their mouths, having a bickering conversation. Seo-an occasionally tapped his shoulder with his forearm, desperately trying to block any strange atmosphere between them that Ji-yu might notice.
Hae-won watched such a Seo-an with a beaming smile from about half a step away.
Why is the back of his head so round today? The cheeks that bulged because he bit his lips tightly as if nervous kept making him smile.
He’s two years older, but what am I supposed to do if he’s this cute? And when he gave off a ‘soft’ impression with such a handsome face, he really felt like he’d go crazy.
Hae-won barely held back the laughter that kept trying to leak out. As a result, his feet naturally tapped and his body swayed back and forth, and around the time the bus slowly entered the complex, it became more severe.
“Ah, stay still.”
“What, are you the controlling type? Ah, I’m not really into that.”
“Tsk.”
Seo-an had been especially reactive even before. At least recently, had he drawn some kind of line on his own? No matter how much he teased him, it wasn’t as good as before, but it was so fun to see him reacting as if he’d returned to those times again, using that night as a reference point.
Finally, the bus carrying the children stopped in front of the two. As soon as the door opened, the teacher who had already become familiar got off the car first, and holding hands, they jumped off one by one.
A bright smile bloomed on the lips of the two who immediately found Ji-yu among the children.
Seo-an, who first burst into laughter at her appearance all bundled up today too, wondering if she’d been wearing the muffler they’d sent her off with well, crouched down with a plop and spread both arms.
“Ji-yu-ya.”
“Daddyyy!”
With a clear voice cutting through the air, the child ran over in one breath and hugged into Seo-an’s arms. Perhaps worried the children would catch colds on the bus, the heater had been on the whole time, as even the muffler was warmed up.
Seo-an, who tightly hugged the child snuggling warmly into his arms, kissed her forehead several times. The cute laughter that burst out each time had the power to blow away all the complicated thoughts in his head.
“Was it fun? Didn’t you miss Dad? You didn’t even call yesterday.”
“Yesterday wasn’t Ji-yu’s turn. Ji-yu did it yesterday-yesterday.”
Ah, the day before yesterday.
Seo-an, who properly understood the child’s words this time, said “I see” and stroked Ji-yu’s head. Ji-yu, who made several cute sounds like a puppy whimpering, then discovered Hae-won standing quietly behind Seo-an’s back and opened her eyes wide.
“Samchon came too!”
“Of course, Samchon came since Ji-yu was coming. Happy to see me?”
“Yeah!”
Ji-yu escaped from Seo-an’s arms where she’d been hugging and hopped over to Hae-won. Hae-won, who lifted the child into his arms at once, gently stroked her head. The child, who giggled again at Hae-won’s touch, seemed to be feeling only pure happiness.
Watching that, Seo-an’s insides became complicated again. Seo-an approached the child who had left him and was in Hae-won’s arms and asked.
“Do you like Hae-won Samchon that much, Ji-yu-ya?”
“Yeah.”
The child didn’t stop at answering that she liked him but even rubbed her cheek against Hae-won’s shoulder.
Then, as if remembering something, she jumped down from his arms again.
The two adults hurriedly bending their backs, startled by even one small movement of the child, was quite a funny picture, but on the other hand, it also briefly showed that the hearts of the two people caring for the child weren’t so different.
The child didn’t know the circumstances of the adults struggling with just her alone. She rummaged through her bag with fern-like small hands, then pulled out a page from a sketchbook from the inside pocket.
“Look at this!”
“What is it?”
“Look! This, huh? Daddy too.”
As if telling them to come here and look properly, the child grabbed Seo-an’s collar without hesitation. She probably meant to grab the collar, but Seo-an, who had his collar grabbed awkwardly while bending his waist halfway, said “Uh, uh” in embarrassment and was pulled by the small strength.
“Yeah, Daddy will look too. What is this?”
What appeared before his eyes seemed to be a picture drawn during evening playtime.
The form wasn’t very clear, but anyway, three people were standing side by side, and behind them was probably a building that looked like an apartment. And there was also a bright red lump on the ground, and next to it was a triangular-shaped building of unknown identity drawn with black lines… could also be seen.
“This is our family.”
At the child’s cute words, Seo-an gulped. He tried to hide his face turning pale, but whether it was properly hidden was another matter.
“This is Hae-won Samchon. This is Daddy, this is Ji-yu!”
At some point, the child always included Hae-won when drawing ‘family.’ The child who had once lain sprawled out and drawn a picture including Hae-won and called it ‘family’ crossed his mind. This time, he felt complicated in a different sense. Seo-an unknowingly bit his lower lip.
