Anxiety fiercely kicked in. There was no answer coming back. Needless to say, that silence made his insides even more anxious.
When he slowly turned his head, he could confirm Yeonjun already sitting in the seat next to him. He had a calm face to the end. Eyes that had sunken down as if lost in thought.
His heart constricted even more at that quiet atmosphere that was subtly different from usual. Well, how could it be the same as usual? No matter how kind and gentle this kid’s personality was. A drunk person who had suddenly barged in couldn’t have been pleasant. No one likes that kind of thing. Moreover, he…
“……”
He gripped the edge of the blanket tightly. Eunha knew his drunk habits well. When excessively drunk, he would fall asleep as is, but if his consciousness was held onto, he would recklessly try to fill the spot next to him. Therefore, the night he couldn’t remember itself had never acted as a big problem. Well, because those Eunha had been hanging out with were always similar types. People whose interests aligned, whose values and conduct were similarly dissolute.
But Yeonjun wasn’t. It was precisely because of that point that he had continued meeting with him until now. By treating him the same way and making him get swept up in himself. Because he felt sorry for getting inappropriately entangled. He had granted the requests he wanted. Although the boundary line had subtly blurred at some point, such as gradually doing skinship, he had absolutely no intention of repeating the same mistake at least. And yet.
It had gone perfectly awry. As his thoughts reached that point, he felt as if his insides were drying up rough and parched. Eunha, who finally turned his gaze away sharply, clenched his fist tightly then released it. Then he gave up on his own. Thinking that perhaps it was a good thing.
Right. Maybe it really was. Because he had been uncertain how long he could continue this kind of meeting. Because in truth, this kid had made him uncomfortable for a long time. Because he had wanted to cut off the relationship as soon as possible. Thinking that since things had gotten twisted, it might not be bad to just clean it up like this. That as a result, it was rather a good thing…
“……See. I told you.”
However, what flowed out was a miserably twisted voice. Eunha forced himself to continue speaking.
“That I’m originally that kind of person. You knew it too, didn’t you? I’m just, always, this kind of……”
While rambling incoherently, his head became complexly tangled. That I’m originally the kind of person for whom this is natural and familiar. That I’m very different from you. That I’m a very insignificant and pathetic species. That in fact, I haven’t become an adult at all. That I don’t know why you like me when I’m this faded. That it seems better to stop after all… There was plenty to say, but somehow it didn’t come out well. Because it felt like his insides were being painted pitch black.
He couldn’t understand that well. What was there that couldn’t be said? They were all nothing more than facts.
It was in the midst of that. Suddenly, one shoulder was gently embraced. Yeonjun, who had grasped his shoulder and pulled Eunha’s body slightly just like that, leaned his body in. Eunha slowly stopped speaking and raised his head. He met eyes that were hesitantly, quietly examining this way.
“What are you thinking about?”
A voice mixed with a bit of laughter. Because there was no sign of finding last night unpleasant in it, when he just quietly looked instead of answering, he slightly straightened the waist he had bent.
What eventually came back was an unexpected correction.
“You don’t have to talk like that. Because nothing happened yesterday.”
An unexpected explanation. Eunha put strength into his brow. Nothing happened. He looked suspiciously, but it didn’t seem like a look of packaging it with lies. Nevertheless, he asked. Because it was an explanation he couldn’t easily believe.
“Nothing?”
Yeonjun blinked his eyes a couple of times, then surreptitiously rolled his eyes to the side.
“……Mm. Just, only a little with our mouths?”
“…That’s not nothing happened.”
“Well……”
“……”
“But there wasn’t any mishap like what you’re guessing, hyung.”
“……”
Eunha took a breath once and slowly lowered his gaze. As he quietly took in his body still in the same outfit he had worn yesterday, an addition followed.
“If we’re being precise, it’s right that we slept together.”
“……”
“We really only slept.”
“……”
“That’s all.”
At the candid explanation, his head cleared as if dark clouds were lifting. Only then could Eunha look back at the present objectively. He had been too flustered to think about it, but if he thought about it, there wasn’t anywhere uncomfortable or painful. Rather, he only felt refreshed. Both mentally and physically.
……Then really nothing happened. We just slept.
“……”
He blinked vacantly. If so, it was fortunate. Though the fact that he had gotten drunk and barged into someone else’s house and caused a disturbance didn’t change. For now. In that it hadn’t gone to the worst.
Right. It is fortunate, but…
Then why this reaction?
He quietly raised his head again. Yeonjun, whom he looked at like that, also had a calm face. Since waking up from sleep, he had been maintaining a quietly sunken attitude without any particular turbulence throughout. As if deeply lost in thought. Or like someone who had something else on their mind.
……A mishap didn’t happen but they did kiss?
He wasn’t sure. It was when he was casting a vaguely puzzled gaze. Soon, he opened his mouth. As if informing the silently curious Eunha of the answer.
“Hyung.”
“……”
“The reason you can’t sleep well……”
After saying that much, he moved his lips. The hesitating sign didn’t last long, however. It was when he had the impression that the eyes he faced seemed to soften gently. At the same time, when a pitying emotion also slightly brushed past.
“Is it because there’s no one next to you?”
For a moment, his vision shook violently, unable to help it.
His facial muscles relaxed completely and his mouth opened surreptitiously. His head went blank at the point that had been touched upon unexpectedly.
Even knowing it was a reaction that was no good to show at all, he couldn’t manage his expression at all. Like someone whose vital point had been suddenly and firmly stabbed.
“……That’s.”
His head seemed to spin rapidly and tautly. His gaze moved here and there, and flustered chunks of breath burst out. Eunha, who had opened his mouth as if pushed from behind, had to be immersed in the feeling of his throat being completely blocked in front of the gaze that looked in as if observing.
Like that, missing the timing to answer, he shut his mouth tightly. To Yeonjun, it would be no different from an admission. Eunha, who bit his lips in dismay, looked at the empty air. Really, while thinking he didn’t know what had happened yesterday. So.
……How do you know that?
“Am I right?”
“……No?”
At the response that had no confidence loaded into it at all, a deflating sound of breath was heard. Something close to a pitying laugh. With that as the end, silence arose for a moment.
“So that’s what it was.”
“……”
“So, all this time……”
“No. I said no.”
He belatedly came to his senses and raised his head. He tried to make a correction while putting strength into his vocalization, but it didn’t seem to work particularly effectively. Because the eyes he faced only became deeper.
