# Chapter 100
As soon as I felt “myself” emerging, I lost my rationality. Heavy, gloomy emotions like confusion, anger, despair, and hatred flowed throughout my body. My emotions became too intense to control. Blood vessels bulged in my neck as I spoke roughly.
“You know! That I can’t go back to how I was before! So what do you want to do about it?”
I never imagined I could become more miserable than this. The past time had been a continuous series of suffering. That’s why I wanted to let go of life.
But at Boss’s words, I simply couldn’t maintain my composure. He should have never loved me. Then at least I could have accepted it indifferently.
But he said he had liked me from the beginning. He, who had never genuinely smiled at me, who had never worried about me, was now saying he liked me.
How could I brush off those words? All kinds of questions circled in my head. I was truly pathetic for even momentarily wanting to trust Boss.
Following my emotions, my nails gradually began to sharpen. Without hesitation, I plunged my long, keenly transformed nails toward my throat.
I didn’t want to think anymore. I wanted to stop everything now. Thinking about Boss. Being swayed like this. I wanted to cut it all off.
But there was someone who grabbed my hand. It was Boss, of course. My nails, blocked by his hand, tore his skin. Despite the blood dripping to the floor, he looked at me instead of his own wound and urgently spoke.
“I know. Besides, I’ve hurt you from the beginning. I don’t think about going back to how things were.”
I turned my eyes to look at Boss. Unlike the chaotically unfolding situation, I saw calm, settled eyes. In my werewolf state, my physical abilities were superior. If I applied force, I could shake off his hand easily. But instead of doing that, I decided to listen to what Boss had to say one last time.
It wasn’t that my heart had softened. I just wanted to hear what he had to say. When I relaxed my hand, as if reading my intention, he began to speak.
“Before, I liked the Kay who loved me, and I wanted the previous Kay back.”
“…”
“But now, it’s different.”
My furrowed brow relaxed at Boss’s continued words.
“So you’re saying you’re satisfied with me as I am now?”
I know we can’t go back to the past. But the future won’t be particularly different either. Neither I nor he had the ability to make it so. Instead of giving a precise answer to my question, he spoke different words.
“I’ll give you everything of mine. So please do as Kay wishes.”
He gently took my left hand. With careful and gentle touches, Boss began wiping the blood from my nails. Rather than thinking about the future or the past, he was doing what he could do right now.
That’s why he was saying he would give me everything now. Because that was all he could do for me at this moment. I stared at him for a while before speaking.
“If I told you to die, would you?”
His touch momentarily froze. An expression that seemed to recall something briefly appeared and disappeared on Boss’s face, not one of reluctance.
As if it had never happened, Boss looked at me with a gentle smile. His eyes curved elegantly, showing a sign of submission.
“Of course.”
There wasn’t a trace of falsehood in Boss’s appearance as he said that.
“If you want this useless life, you can have it anytime.”
He raised my hand to his neck, as if ready right away. Boss’s neck was caught in my hand. I could feel a faint pulse beneath his warm skin.
Since I hadn’t released my werewolf ability, this neck would easily break with just a little force.
He was the one who made me like this. There was sufficient justification, so killing him wouldn’t be difficult.
But despite that thought, no strength entered my hand. After staring at my unmoving hand for a long time, I roughly pushed his hand away.
“Why are you going this far?”
Even though I hated him terribly, I couldn’t kill Boss. He was my everything. I had lived my whole life for him. He had become everything to me, to the point where living for him rather than for myself was natural. So there was no way I could kill Boss with my own hands.
Did he know that fact? Is that why he could do such things without hesitation? But I couldn’t find any calculated aspect in Boss’s recent actions.
Everything was sincere. That’s why it was even more incomprehensible.
“I’m not even the Kay you knew anymore.”
There was no reason for him to go this far. What Boss had liked was me before I died. But I could never go back to that time.
“What remains is just an empty shell. I’m… tired.”
Boss would see it too. What I look like now. Wasn’t I severely broken to the point where one could rightfully call me insane? There was no need to desperately save someone like me. I was in a state that couldn’t be fixed.
But as if that was just my thought, Boss spoke firmly.
“Because it’s you. No matter what form, it doesn’t matter. I just like Kay, that’s all.”
There’s no grand reason. Just because it was me, and that was everything, he said he liked me as I am now.
“I’m sorry. It’s the first time I’ve felt love, so I don’t know how to express it.”
“…I wish this was our first meeting.”
Words came out on their own without going through my thoughts. As I spoke, an impossible moment began to form in my mind.
Yes, how nice it would have been if this was the beginning. Then at least there would still be many opportunities to be happy.
It was a small voice that could have been dismissed, but he didn’t ignore my words casually. Boss, who had been thinking about something, smiled as if he had found an answer.
“If you want, I’ll erase my memories but keep my feelings.”
“Then wouldn’t you forget me?”
I was the one surprised by him speaking so lightly as if it was nothing. Erasing memories? How could he say such a thing?
“It’s okay. Even without memories, I’ll still like Kay.”
That wasn’t the issue. The problem was the very act of erasing memories.
His words about giving everything weren’t a lie. If I just said the word, Boss would immediately erase his memories. And we would become strangers and start from the beginning.
“…I don’t want that.”
Could I truly call us “us” if Boss lost his memories? No matter how this ends, I didn’t want to go back to the beginning. If memories were erased, it might be possible to become happy. But I didn’t want to be erased from his memories.
Boss nodded in understanding as I immediately shook my head. There was a sense of dissonance in his attitude of following whatever I said.
Boss spoke to me again in a gentle voice.
“Kay, I’ll give you whatever you want. So please, just don’t die.”
His voice gradually became softer, with the last part close to a faint whisper. But no matter how desperately he spoke, that wasn’t something I could control.
Who would want to die? People die because they have to die.
“…Everything has an end.”
Even if I came to like Boss again, that wouldn’t change.
“I’m afraid of being abandoned by you. I’m afraid I might really go insane then. I’m afraid of breaking down disgracefully.”
A voice immersed in fear was weakly uttered. That was what I wanted to avoid most. It might be okay now. But can a person’s heart be eternal? Later, his feelings would gradually begin to fade too.
When that happens, I would be abandoned and become alone again. Rather than experiencing that, it would be better not to start at all.
Just imagining it briefly made my chest ache. Boss, who was staring at me as I bit my lip hard, met my eyes.
“If there’s an end, it would probably be the day I die. And even after death, I will love Kay once more.”
“How can you be so sure?”
What is the basis for his certainty that it will definitely be like that? Everything ends when you die. The connection between him and me would snap like a thin thread.
There was no deception in Boss’s eyes. He truly believed it.
Boss, who gave me an affectionate smile as I showed a distrustful expression, gently opened his mouth.
“Because I’ll make it that way.”
It was a brief statement, but my heart was rippling because of that one sentence. Boss was always a rational person. He never acted emotionally and didn’t harbor vain hopes.
That’s why I thought no one was more suited for Boss’s position than him. But now, he who had been like that had changed like this.
“I’ll ask a superpower user who handles the threads of fate. So that I can be connected to you even after death.”
I had never heard of such a superpower user. But Boss spoke decisively, as if he would create one if none existed.
“You might come to dislike me later—”
Even if there was a superpower that handled the threads of fate, it would be a foolish act. Isn’t a person’s heart something that can change at any time? There would come a day when he would regret these words.
“That won’t happen. Kay is the reason I live.”
It was surely going to be like that… or was it because Boss asserted that it wouldn’t be?
“So I will love you forever. Whether alive or dead.”
There was a part of me in the corner of my heart that unconsciously wanted to believe these words.
