“10 seconds is enough. Just wait a moment.”
When I inadvertently pressed the open button, Cha Jeonghan disappeared toward the house. Unable to understand what on earth was happening, I waited for him with the elevator door open.
When it seemed a bit past 10 seconds, Cha Jeonghan came into the elevator holding something. Something heavy was placed on my shoulders, and when he stepped back a bit, warmth spread throughout my entire body at once. Only then did I realize that Cha Jeonghan had brought out a long coat and draped it over my shoulders.
“Don’t go around cold. Think about the weather for yourself too.”
“……”
“Get there safely.”
“……”
“I’ll contact you.”
Cha Jeonghan, who went outside the elevator, waved his hand once. When I released the strength from my fingertips that had been pressing the button, he disappeared inside the closing door.
I got in a taxi without difficulty and headed home. Looking out the window that was cold and pitch black, unlike before, I wasn’t cold at all.
“……”
Trying not to think about the coat, I tried to think about the buildings visible outside the window that weren’t unfamiliar, looking at them for nothing. I read the store names meaninglessly and tried to think about their meanings, but tears kept coming. I tried to hold back from crying, and when I really didn’t want to cry, I could hold it back well, but after crying my heart out once, holding back tears wasn’t easy.
Cha Jeonghan was all over the coat wrapped around my shoulders and body. The smell of the perfume he liked kept reaching me even when I tried to avoid it, so nothing outside the window could be seen properly.
‘I’ll think from the beginning again.’
‘……’
‘This time, for you.’
I couldn’t help but think about the voice that held sincerity, and even among all that, the heart that saw me dressed lightly and hurriedly brought the coat he wore most often to drape over me…. How long would it take to forget this Cha Jeonghan? Would I need time equivalent to how much I loved? What would happen if my love didn’t end even while trying to forget? I’d never be able to forget you for the rest of my life.
The word “lifetime” was truly difficult and heavy, yet on the one hand, it was a relief. It was because of the thought that Cha Jeonghan might still remain in all my time.
I leaned my head against the cold taxi window and closed my eyes. My warm and hot head gradually began to settle down.
* * *
December 30th. The alarm I’d written down beforehand rang because it was the day Cha Jeonghan was going to the drama awards ceremony. The drama **<Understanding the Family>** that aired at the beginning of this year had done so well, and there were still many people who mentioned it without forgetting, so we were expecting him to receive the Excellence Award.
He’d received the Rookie Award the year he debuted, and after that, most of the dramas he did aired on broadcasting stations that didn’t hold award ceremonies, so it would be quite a while since he’d gone to a drama awards ceremony like this. He was used to receiving many awards every year for films, but the fact that he’d appear at a drama awards ceremony on live broadcast made even me nervous.
Normally, I would have gone to the awards ceremony venue with him, watched Cha Jeonghan dressed magnificently the whole time, and been happy sending big applause every time he received an award. But the moment I’d thought was natural until recently had now become something completely unnatural.
If I just stayed at home, I felt like I’d watch the awards ceremony in the evening and waver every time Cha Jeonghan appeared, so I made plans with friends who were contacting me to have a year-end gathering. And during the day, I decided to have lunch with my sister who was taking a day off from the cafe. Looking at my current state, it was a schedule that could be tight and overwhelming, but still, I felt like I had to move like this to escape only thinking about Cha Jeonghan all day, so I went outside.
“Yuhyeon!”
“Noona, why did you come so early? It’s not time yet.”
“I miscalculated the time and arrived early. Then why did you come 20 minutes early?”
“I thought there’d be traffic, but there wasn’t. Good thing I left early.”
“Right. Let’s go in. This place is really delicious.”
Noona worried the whole time we ate lunch that something seemed to be going on with me lately. She carefully asked if something had happened with Cha Jeonghan, saying I’d lost weight and looked like I had no energy at all. I knew noona would have noticed, and knowing that I always stuck with Cha Jeonghan, she had no choice but to connect all my moods with Jeonghan. I wondered whether to speak honestly, but it still didn’t seem like the right time yet.
“It’s not like that. I just had a pretty bad cold. I don’t get sick often, but when I do get sick, it’s pretty bad, you know.”
“Mom and Dad are worried too. They’re wondering if your work is too hard. It might seem too taken for granted, but we’ve all eaten together with Jeonghan on your birthday every year. But this year Jeonghan didn’t come either… and you don’t look well, so we wondered if something happened between you and Jeonghan.”
“What could happen between me and Jeonghan? He’s so good to me. You know that too, noona.”
“I know…. That’s why I was more worried. I’m glad it’s not that. Then I’m less worried about you, I just need to worry less about myself.”
“Noona, is something wrong?”
“Minseong-ssi is going on a business trip to Europe next week to live there for a month. He said I could go with him, and I want to go too…. But it’s hard to just leave the cafe to the part-timer, and if I close it for a month, people will think it’s gone out of business. I have some regrets, so I’m still thinking about it, but I’ve pretty much decided not to go.”
Along with thinking it would be hard to be apart for a month, the room built inside the cafe came to mind. I thought maybe I could watch the cafe for noona while she was away with brother-in-law for a month and stay in that room. In a month, I could find a decent place, and also, if I watched the cafe, noona could go much more comfortably than leaving it to someone else.
“Noona. I’ll watch the cafe. Go with brother-in-law, noona. You haven’t been able to travel properly together since getting married, so it’d be good to go live abroad for a month.”
“How can you watch the cafe? Jeonghan’s schedule must be busy too.”
“It’s okay. I don’t handle all the main schedules…. These days Jeonghan does everything well on his own, so I’m home most of the time. Rather than just doing nothing, it’s good to have work, right?”
“Would that really be okay? I’d feel so relieved if you watch it for me, but cafe work isn’t easy either…. You already seem tired, and I’m worried I’m giving you too big a responsibility.”
“I’ve done a lot of cafe work with you, noona. If there’s more I need to know, tell me before you go. It’s not like I’m doing it forever, it’s just a month.”
Seeming to like my proposal, noona picked up one of the shrimp dishes in front of her and placed it in front of me. Seeing her smiling face made me feel good.
“Then I’ll have to ask my younger brother. Thank you, Yuhyeon. Minseong-ssi really wanted to go together too, so I felt sorry and regretful. Thank you so much.”
“It’s nothing…. I’m not doing it alone, and the employees will all still come, right?”
“Yes, of course. Go before opening to prepare, and the closing part-timer comes before dinner, so you can leave it to them and go.”
“It’s not even hard work. I’ll come to the cafe this weekend. Tell me what I need to know then. Oh, you built a room inside there, right? Can I use it?”
“Of course. You can use it. If you need to close or have things to do, do them, and it’s annoying to go home at night. When that happens, you can sleep there. I should clean it thoroughly. Thank you, my brother.”
It seemed I could pack all my things by the weekend and take them to the cafe the day noona left. Among furniture and such things, those too precious to throw away could be left at a storage place and moved when I properly found a place, and for now, if I just packed the things needed for living separately, I could stay in the room inside the cafe. I thought nothing was working out, but I was really glad that at least this one thing worked out.
* * *
Glasses clinked here and there. I kept accepting drinks, but feeling like I shouldn’t drink, I didn’t take a single sip and just watched this noisy atmosphere.
Among the guys who had come to the class reunion that had ended a bit badly when I came with Cha Jeonghan, only the decent ones came out, so the atmosphere was very good. Perhaps because work stress was tremendous, bottles kept tilting nonstop and stories about work and bosses continued. Just listening, I kept thinking how amazing it was that they endured and worked through that every day.
About two hours after meeting, everyone except me got drunk, voices got louder, and actions became a bit more aggressive. But everyone was just laughing, happy about something.
“Oh! Ma’am! There, there, please turn that on. Ma’am, you know Cha Jeonghan, right! He’s on there! That handsome bastard…. He’s our friend. He’s our alumnus! He was in the same class, I’m telling you?”
“Hey! Cha Jeonghan wasn’t in our class, was he? He came because he followed Ji Yuhyeon! Did you know?”
“What do you mean Cha Jeonghan wasn’t in our class! I saw him in our classroom every day.”
After seeing Cha Jeonghan on the restaurant TV, the topic of conversation completely shifted to Jeonghan. I faced the awards ceremony here that I had left the house to avoid watching. The host was interviewing Cha Jeonghan, asking if he thought he could receive an award. Jeonghan, his hair nicely styled and dressed more splendidly than anyone, smiled and honestly said that since he worked hard, it was true he wanted to receive an award, and cheers erupted from the audience.
“Oh? Come to think of it, Ji Yuhyeon! Why are you here instead of going there? Don’t you go together to things like award ceremonies?”
“The other manager hyung went there.”
“Really? So you don’t go everywhere. But seriously, that face is something he was born with. They say when you get filmed by a broadcast camera it comes out weirder than my face, but what about him?”
“Jeonghan photographs well. So when he goes to commercial shoots or drama filming and gets camera tests, everyone’s surprised. They say it’s really rare for someone to be captured with that presence just as they are in real life…. Everyone loves Jeonghan. Saying he comes out too well.”
