# Chapter 79
The quickest way to forget a complicated situation. I ran away immediately. Whatever happened, I just wanted to get as far away as possible from that cruel document. I couldn’t understand it, nor did I want to. Just when I thought I had finally reached my destination, it felt like someone had stolen the flag and placed it on a distant mountain peak. That’s cheating. It’s cheating, isn’t it? My hardships kept endlessly multiplying. It had always been this way, but could I guarantee it wouldn’t continue? Perhaps loving Kadilen was destined to come with countless difficulties from the start. Like persistent vines that never end no matter how much you cut them, hardships were tirelessly following behind me.
Devan gently caught me as I rushed out of the room mindlessly. His hot hand wrapped around my wrist. If Devan had the key to end this misery, I would have turned to him willingly. But even he didn’t have a proper solution. Devan blocked my path with a frustrated face. Even though I knew he wasn’t frustrated with me, my heart twisted.
“You’re going to leave like this?”
“You said there’s no use asking. You said it yourself.”
“Then get angry. Confront him. You need to do something.”
“Why should I?”
I wasn’t asking sincerely. Devan was right. Perhaps a significant portion of this intensely burning emotion was anger. But was it really my duty to carefully hold that document and wait for Kadilen to return? I pictured myself shouting like a jilted lover, seeking confirmation of love. I would probably cry, and Kadilen would explain. Whatever his explanation, the fact that I could never be the one by his side would remain unchanged. I didn’t have the strength for such an argument yet.
I had suffered enough misery for one day. Right now, I just wanted to be endlessly miserable somewhere where no one could see my tears. Perhaps if I surrendered to the wave-like hardships and let it all out, a better judgment might come to me.
“You’re crying like that and you’re not angry?”
“I am angry. But I don’t want to be angry today.”
Just a few dozen minutes ago, Kadilen and I were happy. Kadilen’s gentle whispers had sounded truly sincere.
‘I promise with my entire life.’
‘Everything is yours. There is not a single thing of mine that I haven’t given to you.’
The affectionate promise sweetly echoed in my head. Kadilen, uttering such words, was pulling me toward him with all his might. The air around him, all the countless particles between us, everything directed me toward him. All I could do, helplessly drawn in, was to taste his lips.
So just for today, couldn’t it be like that?
As if there was no strange document. As if everything of Kadilen’s was truly mine.
Couldn’t I remember it that way? I pleaded with Devan, deliberately ignoring the fact that I was completely wrong about who to plead with. But Devan was cold. His eyes mercilessly pierced through my heart.
“You’re doing this because you’re scared.”
“No.”
“No one would believe you with that face.”
I couldn’t ask what my face looked like right now. It was probably terribly distorted. It wasn’t this difficult to hide my emotions before. The shell once cast off could no longer wrap my fragility. Blood gushed from the heart I had proudly opened. Devan was standing there, witnessing it all. His eyes sank heavily. The hand holding my wrist tightened.
“Ludin. If you’re that scared…”
“…”
“Just come to me.”
It wasn’t a plea. A gentle command. Devan whispered as if coaxing a child.
“I’ll make sure you’re never scared again. Run away to me.”
Our eyes met. A voice as gentle as the sound of rain. Into the miserable ruins, Devan walked with a flower. The faint fragrance naturally lifted my head. Warm breath touched the wound. The thoroughly restrained wrist felt cozy. A hand that seemed like it would never let go. What I needed more than anything right now. Devan’s whisper was a baton wrapped in soft cloth. It led me without pain.
“I’m a simple person. There are no complicated situations with me.”
“…”
“You know that.”
A promise hard to ignore. I remembered how hot his body was. And how isolated his cave was. A place perfectly detached from wealth, honor, and all social values. Devan had given up everything and confined me. It was hell, but he was all I could see. And for Devan, that was enough. His lips parted again.
“All you’ll ever need to do is just love me forever.”
* * *
Jiman caught me in surprise as I rushed in. His kind eyes widened. He had reason to be surprised. My face was a mess. Among the emotions tangled like twisted threads, Jiman deftly picked out what was necessary.
“Have you been crying?”
I clumsily covered my reddened eyes, feeling embarrassed. Jiman didn’t forcibly remove my hand. Instead, he sat me down and knelt in front of me. His lowered gaze lingered on me for a long time.
“Ludin. What happened?”
“…”
“Please tell me.”
Before I could filter out what parts I could speak about, the door opened fiercely. I knew who it was without looking back. Devan walked swiftly right up to me. The hand that was about to grab my shoulder was brushed away into the air by Jiman.
“I need to talk to you. Please step aside.”
“Did you make him cry?”
“Please. I have something important to say…”
“I asked if you made him cry.”
The air froze coldly. I couldn’t believe my ears. Devan was equally surprised. He who had been trying to drag me away forcefully stopped with a distorted expression. Jiman slowly hid me behind his back. Devan’s hardened face was blocked by his broad back.
“Get out.”
“What are you…”
“I said get out.”
A sharp voice. It was a voice I never thought I’d hear from Jiman. A long silence followed. I couldn’t confirm, but Devan’s expression would probably be the same as mine. In normal circumstances, this would have led to a major fight, but fortunately, Devan didn’t lose his reason like before. His voice trembled faintly, as if barely suppressing his anger.
“I didn’t make him cry. I’ll explain slowly, so give me some time.”
It was a more courteous request than expected. But Jiman turned around without wavering and gazed at me. Unlike when he was looking at Devan, his eyes were affectionate.
“Do you want to talk with him?”
After considering, I shook my head. I couldn’t talk more with Devan in this state. Anyway, I had to go to Arzel’s castle with him tomorrow. After gathering my thoughts for a day or so, I would be able to calmly respond to his temptation that was prying into my collapsed heart. What I needed was not a choice swept by emotions, but time to compose my confusion. Jiman, who understood my clear refusal, turned back to Devan. My view was completely confined by his solid body.
“If you don’t leave now, you will never be allowed to enter here again.”
It was calm, but a clear threat. Jiman spoke continuously in a low voice.
“I will stop you with all my authority. You will never see Ludin again without permission. So leave now.”
“…And if I refuse?”
“You will regret it.”
A tense atmosphere was palpable. Jiman’s body, which had been issuing calm threats, was also stiffening in preparation for an attack. I could vividly imagine what kind of conflict Devan might be going through in the unseen space. My sigh loudly resonated in the room. It was a misconception to think Devan would leave the room after a moderate quarrel. I gave up just hiding behind Jiman and quietly persuaded them.
“Devan. Let’s talk tomorrow. Don’t make a fuss.”
“…”
“Jiman, too. I’m fine. It’s not Devan’s fault. I’m just tired. I’ll be fine after some sleep.”
But neither of them moved. The air was still suffocatingly cold. It seemed like one side would rush toward the other at any moment. I finally spoke weakly.
“Please, both of you.”
Only then did I see Jiman’s tense body relax a little. Devan also let out a low sigh. He stared at me for a moment, then walked toward the door as if he had given up. The heavy footsteps continued slowly, hesitating slightly before completely disappearing. But their owner looked back at me painfully once and then quietly vanished outside the door.
As soon as Devan left, Jiman lowered himself in front of me again. Pure concern lingered in his expression. His face with soft lines hid its sharpness and revealed clean affection. A face that shone brightly but preciously held a weighty emotion. Jiman patted me with his large, warm hand. I knew what he wanted to ask, but I was too exhausted to explain.
“No need to talk. I’ll prepare your bed.”
“…Thank you.”
“Then please don’t cry. That’s what will make me happy.”
Jiman fixed the bed. Seeing the fluffy blanket, my heart felt wearily relaxed. I wanted to forget everything and fall into sleep. I was tearfully grateful for Jiman’s consideration in not asking anything. I took the medicine he offered and changed clothes. As I went into the cozy blanket, I tried not to think about tomorrow. Or at least, I hoped I would be a more mature and adept human than I was today. A person who could handle difficult knots comfortably. So that I wouldn’t hurt anyone and could also protect my love.
Night came quickly.
