# Chapter 78
Sons of prominent families. Some names were familiar to my eyes. The sharp characters seemed to gain life and float across the paper. They gazed at me while maintaining their dignity. Somehow, they transformed into women with perfectly beautiful bodies. They smiled with pristine clarity, showing off smooth skin I could never possess. Like people without any wounds. Like people who didn’t have any troublesome future ahead. Within the crisp paper, they now sat coiled, waiting their turn. A light competition unfolded. Among the people struggling back and forth in this contest, I was absent. I stood outside, helplessly watching. What they were after was none other than the place beside Kadilen. The place next to the person I love. The place next to the person who loves me.
My excited mood sank coldly. The cold air trampled my heart, appearing instantly as if it had never disappeared. The speed was so fast I couldn’t believe it. Misfortune had merely been holding its breath. It had only lowered its posture to be able to tear at my neck anytime. Not anticipating this situation felt even more foolish. It seems unfamiliar happiness makes people stupid. I had been temporarily blinded.
I carefully traced the paper with my finger. I knew fixating on them was a form of self-torture, but I couldn’t stop. Even their names seemed different from mine. They were blessed words, far removed from gloomy fate. My gaze gradually moved downward. Though every name was heartbreaking, nothing could surpass the character placed at the very end. Kadilen’s signature, lightly scattered with the small pen he always used.
Compared to the document’s importance, that signature seemed too carefree. The handwriting was so thin it didn’t match any other name. It was ink that had barely grazed the paper. Instinctively, I tried to find traces of hesitation. Hoping he had paused momentarily before completing the elegant curve, wishing he had hesitated several times, struggling with a trembling hand. But the characters flowed without interruption. Without even a single moment of hesitation, it was done instantly. He probably hadn’t wasted even a second signing.
On a document seeking someone other than me. Kadilen hadn’t hesitated.
That, more than anything, shattered my heart.
“Ludin?”
Just as my miserable expectations were betrayed, the door opened. I was too exhausted to identify people by voice alone. I hadn’t realized Kadilen might have returned. If so, I had many questions to ask, but my hands moved automatically to hide the document. The paper disappeared from my sight, smiling vigorously. Their lively laughter still tickled my ears.
“Jiman said you’d be here.”
Finally, he entered my field of vision. Thankfully, it wasn’t Kadilen.
Devan looked around with a slightly puzzled expression.
“Kadilen isn’t here?”
He’s not here. I opened my mouth, but my throat tightened and no words came out. Uttering those words felt like a reckless action. As if by saying it, Kadilen might truly disappear. It felt like he might vanish forever to a place I couldn’t see. Devan’s eyes narrowed further.
“You…”
He approached me in one breath. A large hand rested on my forehead.
“Are you sick?”
Though I thought so, I couldn’t answer readily. Because I couldn’t precisely say where it hurt. Devan immediately grabbed my wrist. Hot fingers dug into my sleeve, touching the faintly visible vein. He quietly counted the beats.
“Let’s go for treatment. You’re not yourself right now.”
“…Alright.”
My docile response contorted his face. He seemed to think something was truly wrong now. If I stayed still like this, Devan would ask. He would persistently question the source of my unhappiness, as he usually did. Then what should I do? Could I honestly confide in him? Shouldn’t I ask Kadilen first? But Kadilen…
He knew. He even approved it. He picked up the pen without hesitation. Yet he didn’t tell me. Perhaps he hoped I wouldn’t find out. He knew I would be shocked and stand in his way. He anticipated I would quickly regain this weakness and become a cumbersome obstacle. That sounded incredibly reasonable.
“Ludin. Snap out of it.”
“…”
“It’s a face I haven’t seen in a while.”
Devan gently stroked my cheek. My attention returned to him at the hot touch. Strange as it sounds, I briefly missed that heat. His character that only looked ahead. His presence that had suffocated me in pitch-black darkness but showed interest in nothing else. I shook off the terrible thoughts. The perceptive Devan might read my mind. Having just sorted out our relationship, I didn’t want to cause unnecessary trouble.
“What did Kadilen say?”
But he sensed something. Devan’s sensitive instincts suspected Kadilen. He lowered his voice. Though it was an empty room, he urged for secrets as if whispering.
“You can tell me.”
“…”
“You couldn’t have done anything wrong. It’s okay.”
The kind voice easily passed through my collapsed heart. The desire to avoid creating senseless chaos collided with the desire to sob and confess everything. Devan’s dark eyes were drawing me in. He gazed at me persistently, ready to take my side at any moment. But rational thought suppressed the rising impulse. Nothing would change by receiving comfort.
“It’s nothing.”
“Are you sure?”
“We just… had a little argument. It was resolved quickly.”
Despite my mumbled response, Devan didn’t take his eyes off me.
“What did you argue about?”
“Just something trivial.”
“Is it related to this?”
“Huh?”
He roughly snatched the document from behind me. It was the document I had covered with other papers. The entire document, now in Devan’s hands, quickly passed through his gaze. I grabbed his arm in panic. Being entranced by his intense gaze had been a mistake.
“It’s not like that. Put it down. It’s important.”
“How would you know?”
He appeared even more suspicious. I quickly racked my brain.
“…I saw it when Kadilen was working.”
There was no way my uncertain answer would be accepted. I couldn’t stop him as he checked the document, turning page by page. Glancing occasionally at me waiting anxiously, Devan continued examining the document. His unhesitating hand stopped at the expected section. I swallowed hard. Though it was Devan looking at the paper, my face grew pale alongside his. He checked the contents several times with a coldly hardened face. Soon, that paper which had terrified me was spread before my eyes.
“Then you saw this too.”
Devan’s voice lowered infinitely. I couldn’t answer.
The document in his hand looked more splendid than before. I consciously raised my gaze. I didn’t want to see Kadilen’s signature embedded somewhere at the bottom. It felt like everything would become certain then. This rising anxiety, and this fear that had found me again.
“You didn’t know. Right.”
“…”
“That bastard did this without telling you, didn’t he?”
Devan stared at me standing silently. His coldly chilled face was filled with anger. He seemed barely restraining himself from shouting immediately. Instead, he walked in the opposite direction. After walking to the far end of the room, he spat out harsh curses. The cold profanities echoed throughout the room several times.
I kept my head down like a criminal. Though I knew there was no need, my heart kept blaming me. Why hadn’t I anticipated this? Starting like that, why was I unqualified? It ended that way. Finally, having controlled his anger, Devan walked back to me. Without hesitation, he reached out and lifted my face. Meeting my eyes that had failed to hide emotions, he whispered as if to say listen carefully.
“I won’t let it stay this way.”
“…”
“I didn’t give you up for you to be like this.”
My eyes stung. I had already shown all my miserable appearance. There was no need to show an unseemly crying face too. But tears came before resolution. My throat began to burn. Tears flowed irritatingly ahead, wetting my cheeks. Devan’s expression crumbled as he watched me. He reached out and embraced my head.
Using the excuse that my face was hidden in his arms, I cried for a long time. I thought I had truly become happy. I thought I had reached the pinnacle of happiness. That’s why I hadn’t seen the cliff just ahead. The misfortune that followed happiness that had felt perfect was more gut-wrenching than usual. I felt like I had become a much weaker person than before. My shoulders shook involuntarily with the intensifying emotions. Devan gently stroked my back.
“If you cry like this again, it makes me greedy again.”
He said with a voice mixed with a sigh. Perhaps he needed comfort too. Though I knew this, I had no strength to provide it. Instead, I gave a different answer. To prevent Devan from changing his mind. And to make a promise to myself as well.
“I’ll ask him.”
“Kadilen?”
“Yes.”
My voice broke miserably. Devan was silent for a moment, but soon spoke coldly.
“If you ask, what will change?”
I lifted my head. Though I knew my face was a mess from tears, I faced Devan who was looking at me. His expression wasn’t filled with greed or anger. He looked somewhat perplexed and somewhat sad, as if he didn’t know how to explain this fact to me.
“Kadilen is the king. As long as he doesn’t give that up, he needs an heir. Can you watch him spend his life as a husband with another woman?”
“…”
“Moreover, that guy has already made his choice. Without even asking for your permission. Do you need more words?”
“…I can understand.”
I answered haltingly. But doubt immediately surged. Really? Can I really understand?
Could I really watch that?
Could I understand the fact that Kadilen tried to get married secretly? After hearing his explanation, would I be able to accept the person who would fill the place beside Kadilen in my stead?
I looked into Devan’s eyes. Though I didn’t say anything, he seemed to have already read my answer.
