I won’t give him my affection. I won’t cherish him deep in my heart, or regard him as the meaning or reward of my life, and I especially won’t lean on or rely on him.
I’ve always lived a life where I lose the things I love. Love has always made me happy, but it’s also made me equally sad, and I’ve always been left alone before the traces of what I loved.
So, you too.
“…….”
Blanc stared intently at me. Contrary to my expectation that he’d seem disappointed, he appeared completely unfazed. He simply stared at me as if trying to confirm something.
Soon, his eyes curved gently.
“You know what? Trying not to like someone ultimately means you already like them.”
“…….”
“You’re already attracted to me. Aren’t you?”
I should have denied it. I should have scoffed at him, saying it was ridiculous.
But I couldn’t. I just stood there blankly, rooted to the spot, looking up at Blanc. I was only being stubborn because I didn’t want to admit that he’d hit the nail on the head and left me speechless.
“You’re good with words. Just good with words, really.”
I narrowed my eyes and nagged at him.
“What’s so attractive about you that I’d be drawn to you? You don’t promise anything, and you appear and disappear as you please. Hm?”
“I couldn’t help that. But it’s almost all ready now……. If you wait just a little longer, we can be together.”
In the end, I knocked him on the top of his head.
“You said that before too. You made me wait indefinitely with ‘soon’ and ‘just a little.'”
“Mm.”
“At least if I don’t have expectations, I won’t worry about it.”
For you, it’s just a matter of seeing me or not, but on this end, even the daily blood loss is different.
I was about to scold him more, but seeing him looking oddly dejected, I couldn’t bring myself to continue. I gently patted his head as he acted like a small animal being scolded.
“……So, after that ‘soon’ or ‘just a little’ passes, are you certain we can keep being together?”
“Yes!”
Blanc, who had become as small as Lenox, suddenly lifted his head. His golden eyes sparkled brightly as if he’d never been dejected.
“During the day, at night, at dawn, we can be together every single day. I can give you as much power as you want. I’ll fill you up anytime. I’ll feed you as much as you want.”
“…….”
“In return, let me stay by your side. Live multiple lifetimes for me. Become the most delicious soul like that and let me eat you.”
The hair of the creature circling around me fluttered gently like dandelion seeds.
“I’ve filled you up completely, so you should be fine today.”
Instead of answering, I gently rubbed my solar plexus. Just as he said, his power was so full it was overflowing.
The small creature whispered in a soothing tone.
“So take this and wait for me until I come back.”
I could feel the white space becoming distorted as if I was about to wake from the dream. With my arms crossed, I watched Blanc scatter away as if he’d never been clear.
When do you expect me to wait, not knowing when you’ll come again?
And if your heart changes and you don’t call for me, should I just wait obediently, accepting it? No. That doesn’t suit my temperament.
I woke from my sleep with a resolute heart.
If you don’t call for me, I’ll come to you myself.
***
“This is the best I could do.”
Albert, who had placed the investigation results in front of me, bowed his head.
In truth, it was ambiguous to even call it results. It was merely a map with checkmarks on a few villages outside the territory.
“The items discovered near the Tower are being analyzed by the mage teacher for the type and history of the power contained within them, but…… it seems it’s not going well.”
I pointed with my finger at a small village in the southern part of the territory, about half a day’s carriage ride away.
“Then why did you mark this place?”
“I heard there are materials about the Tower in the library here.”
If all he brought was a map despite hearing there were materials, it probably meant I needed to go there myself to preserve the historical documents.
“I heard it’s a scholarly work by a certain magic beast scholar that organized the commonalities with the Tower in the desert region. Even if nowhere else, I think Your Imperial Majesty should visit this village in person.”
“Hmm.”
“The weather has warmed up considerably. While it’s still winter in the north, spring has fully arrived in the other villages. It might be nice to go with little Your Imperial Majesty as an outing.”
It would be fine. Since the weather had warmed up, it would be good for going around, and it seemed nice to let Lenox, who’d been cooped up in the castle, loose in the fields to play.
“……Wait. I never said I’d go with Lenox.”
“Will you leave little Your Imperial Majesty at the castle?”
“As if something might happen. Absolutely not.”
Albert smiled brightly.
“But why are you looking into the Tower? Actually, the reason that place remains an unknown region isn’t only because it’s dangerous, is it?”
True. People would think that investigating the veiled Tower would result in more losses than gains. It doesn’t promise any fame, nor does it earn tremendous money.
But if there’s a reason I’m being stubborn about this, it’s because.
“I need to live like a human.”
“……Pardon?”
“Don’t ask more. It’s troublesome to explain.”
Afterward, the morning passed by in an incredibly refreshing mood. My head was clear, my breathing was comfortable, and my body felt so light it could fly.
As I realized anew just how absurd a condition I’d been enduring, even the greed to tie Blanc down and keep him seated by my side raised its head.
When I easily finished about twice the usual amount of paperwork without showing any signs of pain, even Billy looked at me with surprise, examining me from various angles.
“You look exceptionally well today, Your Imperial Majesty. It’s as if something good happened last night.”
“It did.”
“Did you find a new medicine that works well for headaches?”
“Hmm…… Not a new medicine, but one that works well, yes.”
Since I’d met that guy after a long time and rubbed lips intensely, it wasn’t entirely wrong.
If this state continued, I could probably increase the intensity of the training scheduled for the afternoon. My heart fluttered at the thought of properly exercising after so long. What exercise should I start with today? I could probably add about 3 sets of squats.
Lost in pleasant worries with an overflowing heart, I noticed the atmosphere in the training grounds was unusual. The knights who had been gathered in a circle surrounding something didn’t know what to do when I appeared.
“Y-Your Imperial Majesty.”
“You’ve arrived.”
“What’s going on?”
“Well…….”
“W-we were, um, so busy training that we took our eyes off for just a moment…….”
The moment I saw who was sitting collapsed in the center of the training grounds, my blood ran cold.
“Everyone move aside.”
Lenox, collapsed on the ground, whimpered as he looked up at me. His ankle, visible below his rolled-up pant leg, was swollen.
“Your Imperial Majesty…….”
“How did you get hurt?”
“I…….”
“I’m not asking you.”
My cold gaze turned to the servant around Lenox’s age standing beside him, fidgeting anxiously.
“I told you there should be no time when Lenox is left alone, except when sleeping.”
It’s an active age. That meant it’s an age when one gets hurt easily. If he’s cheerful but not accustomed to physical activity, and especially a growing child whose growth spurt could come at any time and to any extent, it was even more so.
“The same goes for training. I told you several times to assist him from the side so he absolutely wouldn’t overdo it, monitoring his condition no matter what he’s learning.”
“……I’m sorry, Your Imperial Majesty.”
“Give me what you’re holding.”
As I knelt on one knee, applied a splint to the child’s ankle, and wrapped it with bandages, Lenox spoke in a deflated voice.
“Please don’t scold Din. I was the one who insisted.”
“Even if you insisted, it’s your servant’s duty to persuade you. That’s why I pay him and let him live in the castle.”
“…….”
“Why did you insist?”
Looking at the injury, it seemed he had failed to land properly after a roundhouse kick, causing his ankle to twist outward.
Thinking he might have hurt other places while falling, I quickly began touching his arms and shoulders, observing Lenox’s reactions.
Actually, I didn’t really ask because I was curious. It was simply a pretext to start lecturing him that no reason whatsoever is more important than his safety.
So I was going to refute whatever excuse the ten-year-old gave me as soon as I heard it.
“……Hurry.”
“What?”
When I raised my head and saw tears welling up in those eyes blue as a clear sky.
“Because I wanted to follow Hyungnim…….”
I became unable to say anything at all.
