Deus, who had been looking at me with a languid expression, swept back his wet hair. The deep-set eye sockets beneath his prominent brow bone gave off an especially more decadent feeling than usual. His large hands, with fingerprints nearly worn away, fiddled with my earlobe. A sinister voice, contrasting with the affectionate touch, pierced my ear.
“I’ll ask you one last time.”
“……”
“If you lie again, I’ll kill everything you care about.”
As soon as I grasped the situation, I quickly tried to get up. Deus, who embraced my neck and made me sit back down, pressed his body against my back. I felt a specific intent in the touch that gripped my inner thighs painfully tight.
“Have you slept with any man other than me?”
It was unmistakable murderous intent.
I swallowed dry saliva with a stiff expression. Even while I was rolling my eyes, pondering my answer, Deus didn’t take his gaze off my face. As if he wouldn’t forgive even the slightest contradiction in what I said from now on.
That’s why there were no words I could say. Even if it was because of claustrophobia, the fact remained that I’d gotten involved with Kiss. In fact, I thought I didn’t need to explain every detail of these circumstances to Deus.
My childhood past was a weakness I wanted to hide. Everyone in the world has their story—I didn’t want to show anyone the pathetic sight of trembling, bound by such a past.
And what if Deus, after hearing my story, instead used that weakness to threaten me? Looking at his behavior so far, it was entirely possible. So I answered, pretending to be as nonchalant as possible.
“We’re not in the kind of relationship where we demand accountability for such things, are we?”
“……”
“I’m not your lover.”
Judging by the atmosphere, it didn’t seem like he’d listen even if I made excuses, so I just chose to break through head-on. In fact, if there was a reason, it was also that Deus had been quite lenient with me recently. Should I say he’d become somewhat more manageable than when we met in the Void?
Until now, I hadn’t just been taking it passively either. What was acceptable and what wasn’t. I’d been testing Deus, constantly walking the line appropriately.
If there was something I’d learned from those tests, it was that Deus didn’t get angry at me over most things. I’d become accustomed to Deus’s tolerance and took that tolerance for granted.
Even if it was gloomy, it couldn’t be helped. Herbivores needed survival skills suited to herbivores. Deus, who had been quietly listening to my answer, let out a small laugh. Then he whispered in a gentle voice.
“I think you’re misunderstanding something. The tolerance I showed you wasn’t for your sake.”
“……”
“It was for my sake. As long as you didn’t run away from me, there was no need to be fierce. And it was cute watching you diligently work your little brain to test me.”
My eyes widened at the hand sliding in toward my groin. Several fingers suddenly gouged the inside of my hole without warning. I unconsciously hunched my upper body at the touch roughly prodding my still slightly swollen lower area. Deus, tightly embracing me as I struggled, scraped the inside.
It seemed he intended to extract all of Kiss’s semen still remaining inside. I felt a chilling sensation at the hand recklessly digging inside. Deus, who had been extracting semen without caring about my suffering appearance, buried his lips in my nape.
“But in that storage-like room, this thought suddenly occurred to me.”
“Ngh……”
“How hot must your body have been for you to beg to be held on such a dusty floor? Why don’t you understand that I cherished you so you wouldn’t be treated like such cheap trash?”
The fingers that had been savagely prodding inside pulled out, and with a welling sensation, the pooled semen flowed out. I kept silent with a face turned white. My body trembled regardless of my will. It was because I felt a strong anger in Deus’s voice that I’d never felt before.
‘This is dangerous.’
I thought I should explain even now. I thought that if I explained it was to forget my fear, the situation might improve compared to now. I spoke in a trembling voice.
“It wasn’t like that. Just listen to me.”
“If it really wasn’t like that, you should have said that first. Why did you lie?”
“……”
“I gave you so many hints to stop working your brain in front of me, and you still didn’t get it.”
The hand that had been gently stroking my abdomen soon grabbed my throat. Blood immediately rushed to my face at the fingers pressing down hard on my windpipe. As my breathing was cut off, it felt like my eyeballs were rolling back. Deus, who had been making a ‘shh…’ sound as if soothing a child in my ear as I thrashed, strangled my neck harder.
“So what I’m saying is, why don’t you just die like this in my arms?”
“Hk, kk……”
“No, that seems better. No matter how much I think about it, that’s the only answer.”
I scratched Deus’s forearm with my nails as he wouldn’t release my strangled throat. In the midst of being choked, I happened to check Deus’s face and got chills. It was an expression that showed no particular emotion even while watching me die. Gradually, strength left my body and my vision flickered.
‘I don’t want to die.’
Before my breath was completely cut off, I squeezed out my remaining strength and jabbed Deus’s chest area with my elbow. As soon as the strength loosened from the hand strangling my throat, I hastily escaped from his arms.
Just as I was desperately gasping for air like a beggar who’d starved for days, I hesitated and looked up at the shadow cast over my head. Deus, looking down at me with a smiling face, grabbed my chin. Then he pressed down hard on my tongue with his finger.
Saliva I couldn’t swallow dripped long below my lips from my forcibly opened mouth. Deus, watching this as if pleased, tilted his head slightly to the side and said.
“Work your brain again, hm? You’re good at that. Why are you suddenly acting innocent? It’s not too late even now. At least cling to me saying you love me.”
“Cough, hic……”
“Don’t cry. If you cry, know that your jaw will break just like this.”
I felt strength entering Deus’s hand gripping my jaw and flinched. I looked up at Deus, forcibly suppressing the feeling like I would cry. When I was young, I was like that. I easily submitted to violence. I thought if I acted more cute, if I became exceptionally good at something, I might not be abandoned.
‘I’d rather die than do that again.’
But that was all my delusion. Even if I acted cute, even if I became good at something… in the end, they inflicted violence on me somehow. Only then did I realize. Submission rather permitted violence.
My body trembled with fear, but for some reason my heart was calm. I broke the silence and opened my mouth.
“I’ll stake my entire life until now on this.”
“……”
“I hate you to death.”
Deus’s hand gripping my jaw flinched. I let out a hollow laugh toward Deus, who was looking at me expressionlessly. My young self, who had looked around nervously to avoid getting hit, passed through my mind. Tears dripped down my cheeks. With reddened eyes, I spat out in a choked voice.
“And that feeling will never change in the future.”
Deus, who had sighed, escaped from the bathtub. Then he squatted beside the bathtub and looked at me. The hand that had been rubbing away the tears flowing down my cheeks as if pitying them soon grabbed my hair. A lifeless voice resonated low in the bathroom.
“Then die.”
My head, which had been bent back with a whoosh, was soon shoved into the water. Water entering through my nose and mouth blocked my windpipe once again. Was it my imagination? I felt an emotion other than anger from Deus’s hand pressing down my head. It was definitely a sorrow deeper than anger.
* * *
Fortunately, perhaps he didn’t intend to drown me, my head rose above the water just before I lost consciousness. Deus carried me, who was too busy coughing to think clearly, to the bed. Then he tied my wrists behind my back as I lay sprawled with no strength in my body. He must have thought I might run away. Deus, who had smiled faintly at me actually checking where the exit was, tied cloth over my eyes as well.
“I’ve been thinking recently.”
The madman, who tied the cloth covering my eyes once more tightly, soon embraced me tightly from behind. Now that even my vision was blocked, I thought I might really die here today.
“Just being hated like this might not be so bad. If I become the person Ash hates most in the world, that has its own meaning.”
A gentle voice resonated in my ear. Deus, resting his chin on my shoulder, continued slowly.
“What should I do to be the most hated in the world? First, I should eliminate everything you cherish.”
“……”
“Or I could let something precious develop, then kill it when Ash thinks ‘I’d be fine dying with this person.’ When it develops, kill it again, when it develops, kill it again……”
The blindfold that had been covering my vision slipped down loosely. My lower area, loosened slickly from fingers constantly prodding inside, and my wrists tied tightly behind me hurt. I couldn’t even gauge how much time had passed.
“If I keep doing that, eventually only I will remain by Ash’s side. Because you’ll become afraid that I’ll kill whoever you love.”
I had no strength left even to answer, so I lowered my head silently. Deus, who had been gnawing on my nape, gripped my chest tightly as if demanding an answer.
“What do you think, Ash?”
｡:ﾟ(;´▂`;)ﾟ:｡