“The moment any threatening behavior occurs, that’s when it starts. Even with just a name and phone number, I can submit a fact-finding request and handle it. Even if it doesn’t amount to a case, scaring some brat is nothing.”
I thought he was joking, but hyung-nim’s face was more serious than ever.
Why is hyung-nim, who’s always calm, mature, and cautious, suddenly being like this?
“Since you got compliments even with that orange poodle hair at the MT, while some kids beg you to go on group dates with them, there are also kids who are jealous behind your back.”
“……”
“I’m saying you’re outstanding, baby.”
At first it was absurd, but now my face felt like it was burning up.
“You don’t need to be intimidated by kids like that.”
“That’s, that’s enough. Anyway, I’m really not interested in group dates. It’s not that I want to go but can’t.”
Now that I think about it, hyung-nim was trying to take my side. Without having heard the full story at all.
“Mm.”
The moment my heart was about to swell with emotion, hyung-nim’s puzzled voice continued.
“Now that I think about it, that’s a bit strange.”
A brief silence flowed, and hyung-nim spoke quietly.
“……What is?”
Somehow I felt the atmosphere had changed.
“The kid who was fooling around wanting to kiss not long ago has no interest in group dates?”
I blinked blankly. Only after hearing hyung-nim’s words did I realize the problem.
“A kid who’s curious enough to grab just anyone and ask to kiss, now that I think about it, has absolutely no interest in group dates or blind dates.”
“……”
“Strangely.”
Of all times, the car stopped at a red light.
I felt hyung-nim’s gaze, and I rolled my eyes.
“Uh……”
Right, I’m a wild colt right now. Especially one extremely curious about this stuff.
My mind worked busily.
I briefly considered whether I should pretend to be interested in group dates right now to maintain the newly established image.
Should I force myself to go on group dates for future plans?
I thought about it briefly, but I really didn’t feel like it. Actually, trying to meet anyone other than hyung-nim was something I couldn’t even imagine.
“Umm, it’s true that I’m curious about kissing but……”
And hyung-nim was still staring intently at me. As if to say, go ahead and answer.
“That doesn’t necessarily mean I want to date right away……?”
“……”
“I’m extremely curious about kissing, but I don’t think now is the time for me to date.”
Done. This much should be a good excuse, right? I almost felt a bit proud.
‘I don’t think now is the time for me to date.’ That was something I saw in an entertainment article recently. There’s no better answer than this to the question of why you’re not dating.
“Huh.”
But at my words, hyung-nim burst out with a hollow laugh as if he was dumbfounded.
“You’re curious about kissing no matter what, but you have zero interest in a serious relationship?”
“Huh? I didn’t mean it that way though?”
“What do you mean you didn’t? That’s exactly what you meant.”
Hyung-nim’s expression was getting grimmer by the second. It was an expression of feeling lost about where I’d gone wrong. And he even shook his head.
I really didn’t mean it that way. Somehow with that answer just now, it seems the ‘wild colt’ image hyung-nim has of me has become even more fixed.
“You don’t want to officially date one person, but you want to kiss regularly regardless of who the partner is.”
“N-no, hyung-nim, that’s not it!”
“Then what is it?”
This was really unfair. It’s really not that—actually, I want to do all of it with hyung-nim!
But my mouth wouldn’t open easily.
“Do you have someone specific in mind, as a romantic partner?”
My heart dropped. Having much to hide, I chose to keep my mouth shut.
“Th-there’s no such person.”
What can I do? Even if it’s unfair, I can’t reveal my true feelings right now.
“I want to date someone I truly love, that’s why. There’s no one in particular……”
My whole body tensed up in case hyung-nim would ask if I liked someone, and if so, who.
The gaze that changed to interrogating mode the moment I said I wasn’t interested in group dates was still vivid.
If I said there was someone, he would have asked who. Actually, I want to kiss and date only with hyung-nim. I didn’t want to be a wild colt from the beginning either.
“Right, you should date someone you love.”
After a brief silence, hyung-nim unexpectedly nodded. Did my words get through?
“I wish you’d think that way about kissing too.”
With those words, the car started moving again.
“But I’m sooo curious about kissing.”
Hyung-nim chuckled at my stubborn words. Fortunately, hyung-nim seemed to understand my curiosity itself.
“Right, at your age you can be like that.”
Does that mean hyung-nim was like that at my age too? Just imagining it for a moment made me feel spiteful.
The situation passed somehow, but looking back, there was one thing that was unfair.
‘At your age you can be like that.’ It sounded like hyung-nim wasn’t curious because he’d done it all.
“How many times do I need to do it to not be curious anymore?”
“What?”
“You said it earlier, hyung-nim. Whether I’m not curious about dating but curious about kissing no matter what. But I’ve only kissed once so far. So isn’t that the problem?”
“So, you’ll keep doing it until you’re not curious anymore?”
As expected of a lawyer, hyung-nim perfectly grasped the gist of my words. The corners of hyung-nim’s mouth rose. As if he was dumbfounded.
“I’m just curious how many more times I need to do it to not be curious. You seemed to know well.”
“I call you a wild colt, but I can’t get used to hearing these things from you every time.”
Hyung-nim frowned.
“How about just dating instead?”
However, I didn’t expect what followed.
“Group dates or dating, I’m saying you don’t need to think about it too seriously. Especially at your age.”
“……”
“Especially something like a group date, you can think of it as just going out to have fun. If you happen to meet a gentle, kind kid like you, that’s great. Not some weird guy with yellow hair.”
Did hyung-nim date like that at my age? Without thinking seriously about it, and until kissing became familiar. What kind of people did hyung-nim meet while I was growing up? I was curious but also didn’t want to know.
“If Hajin dates properly, I should stop interfering too. I’m just scared you’ll grab just anyone.”
He’s even actively encouraging me to try dating like this. Everything felt disappointing.
“If I go thinking of it as just going out to have fun, and then I want to kiss some new weird guy I met?”
“……”
“You know. When I’m curious, I’m the type to solve it somehow……”
It was something I blurted out impulsively, unable to suppress my twisted feelings. And sure enough, his gaze slowly turned.
I don’t know what expression I was making. But what’s certain is that hyung-nim read my expression, and I thought ‘oops.’
“……Hyung was mistaken. Hearing that, I think it’s fine not to go on group dates.”
“Right?”
“Rather, I’m scared the other kids will learn bad things from the wild colt now.”
“Hehe.”
Seeing his chuckling profile made me laugh naturally. Anyway, hyung-nim told me not to go on group dates.
“Hajin, absolutely don’t go on group dates.”
Was it because I laughed? Hyung-nim emphasized once more as if he couldn’t help it.
“And one more thing, ignore those weird kids I mentioned earlier.”
“……”
“You’re living with someone who can file a lawsuit for you anytime.”
It seemed the brief conversation we had earlier stayed in hyung-nim’s mind. With hyung-nim’s one comment, my heart felt strangely at ease.
“I will. Because I have hyung-nim……”
Even though the real problems weren’t solved, strangely I felt like everything would be okay. I felt a small satisfaction from that alone.
Just that fact alone made me happy for no reason.
***
While walking to school after getting out of the car, I kept smiling.
Because before getting out, hyung-nim said let’s have dinner together tomorrow. He even said he’d come pick me up at school.
“You’re really coming to pick me up?”
“Yeah, looking at Hajin’s schedule, it seems like the timing will work out.”
“Understood, hyung-nim!”
I kept fiddling with my hands the whole way to the lecture hall. The fingertips that hyung-nim’s lips had touched while feeding me the jelly still tickled.
But my happy thoughts disappeared the moment I opened the lecture hall door. Multiple gazes turned toward me all at once, and a small murmuring arose.
“Hi, Hajin.”
“Hi.”
When I went inside, Park Seyeon and Han Seoyoung were the first to greet me. I waved my hand.
On the other hand, I’d been feeling gazes from the other side of the lecture hall since earlier. It was the place that had been murmuring from the moment I entered.
The strange gazes felt prickly as if scraping across my skin.
