I composed my expression to seem unbothered.
The department atmosphere, which had been friendly and united at the beginning of the semester, had subtly changed after midterms. To be precise, it split based on Han Seoyoung and Lee Gyeongho, and Gyeongho’s group especially avoided me.
Han Seoyoung, who had seemed to be getting along well with Lee Gyeongho, for some reason became someone who didn’t even acknowledge Gyeongho anymore once May arrived.
I didn’t know for sure, but it seemed their relationship had fallen apart because of Han Seoyoung’s appearance in the video Park Seyeon filmed and uploaded, patting me when I came down after dancing.
I didn’t know the exact reason, but Gyeongho’s group had drawn a line with me after that and showed hostility.
I greeted familiar faces and headed to my usual seat.
Since I generally sat with Choi Jihwan, I looked for his head. Choi Jihwan was, as expected, sitting in the same spot.
Among dozens of classmates, only about five kids avoided me, but it still bothered me.
I lightly tapped Jihwan’s shoulder and sat next to him.
“Hajin, did you see the assignment that was posted?”
At the same time, Han Seoyoung, sitting nearby, asked.
“Ah, I haven’t seen it yet, is it really hard?”
“It’s crazy this time.”
Maybe because she was the department president, Han Seoyoung always made sure to inform kids like me who didn’t frequent the group chat much about assignments or important department events.
“It looks like it’ll take more time than last time. I got a substitute shift this weekend but I’m just going to say I can’t do it.”
“Huh, that bad? I should look at it now too.”
That was when I was searching for my phone in my pocket.
“Euahahaha!”
When I turned my head at someone’s loud laugh, as expected, Gyeongho’s group was gathered. Perhaps feeling my gaze, my eyes met with the laughing Gyeongho. Gyeongho immediately hardened his face, and soon several more gazes focused on me.
In the instantly chilled atmosphere, I was the first to turn my head.
The laughter that had been coming from the classroom door seemed to stop for a moment, then burst out again immediately. I could feel all the gazes avoiding me.
Tap tap.
That’s when I felt a touch tapping my left shoulder. When I looked to the side, Park Seyeon and Han Seoyoung were sitting side by side, saying ‘sorry’ with their lips. They even made a gesture of rubbing their hands together as if begging me to look.
Those two hadn’t done anything wrong at all…….
I smiled and quickly shook my head. At the same time, I took out my tablet from the bag I’d set down beside my desk.
Then I scribbled some words on a memo app and showed it to the two of them.
It’s okay!! 😀
Puhaha.
Then the voices of the two people, laughing as if relieved, rang out softly. At the sound of laughter, my heart felt at ease too.
Now it was time for the professor to arrive, so I had to open the lecture file. I was looking at the screen when Jihwan let out a deep sigh next to me. It seemed he’d been watching the situation the whole time too.
“Those guys are still acting like that.”
“They need someone to blame. Gyeongho really liked Seoyoung……”
I answered with a forced smile. Choi Jihwan had been playing a game on his phone the whole time since the moment I arrived at the classroom, but now he’d even turned that off.
“I was so frustrated that I asked Han Seoyoung yesterday, and she said they didn’t break up because of your video. That pathetic bastard got dumped and is blaming an innocent person, damn it.”
“Huh, quiet. They’ll hear you.”
I quickly put my finger to my lips to stop him. Still, as if his anger wasn’t relieved, Choi Jihwan clicked his tongue.
Still, what was fortunate was that there were more people on my side in our department. Though it was short, remembering the beginning of the semester when we all got along well together made me sad. Can’t I get along well with everyone?
“Ah, it seems like Hyeonji is looking for guys to go on a group blind date, are you going? Originally it was supposed to be a blind date between Betas, but she said you can come too.”
“No, group blind dates are kind of……”
They said the beginning of the semester was blind date season, and news of arranging blind dates came almost every week.
“I thought so, so I already told her. That Lee Hajin would be busy. If you’re going to make an excuse, say you’re busy. Or say you’re going to see your mom and dad.”
“Thanks, Jihwan-ah. But I’m really going to see my mom and dad, how did you know?”
“It’s just an obvious answer.”
“Oh, is it?”
When I spoke with wide eyes, Choi Jihwan burst out laughing.
“But honestly, it wouldn’t matter if you went on blind dates, would it?”
“Huh?”
“I went as a substitute once before too. I just drank a lot and came back. It was nothing special. You like drinking gatherings but you don’t go on blind dates.”
Of course, group blind dates among college students didn’t seem to be something to think about seriously, as hyung-nim said. I knew that even if we didn’t necessarily become lovers, everyone could just have fun together like friends.
“Actually…… hyung-nim said it would be better if I didn’t go on blind dates.”
“Your hyung-nim? Why, because of drinking?”
“No.”
I deliberately spoke solemnly then giggled. Then Choi Jihwan’s eyes widened.
“Wow, did the push-and-pull work properly back then? Has the atmosphere changed a bit lately?”
Honestly it wasn’t quite to that extent, but it was true that I’d gotten closer to hyung-nim than before. It didn’t seem like he saw me as just a kid anymore either.
“Yeah, it’s really good lately. We eat together often. We talk a lot too.”
First of all, the fact that I had conversations with hyung-nim on topics like kissing and blind dates itself was tremendous progress for me.
To have such conversations with hyung-nim who still only saw me as a kid. I felt like I was being recognized as an adult little by little.
“Being able to see him every day is really a huge advantage. You even live together. Can’t you just drink and look for an opportunity to jump him?”
“……!”
“Why, hyung-nim is an Alpha too.”
Without realizing it, I looked at him with an expression of disbelief. Honestly, I’d never even dreamed of such a thing.
“Hey, still, how could I do that……”
“You’re an Alpha and Omega, what’s there that wouldn’t work.”
“Heek.”
How could I with hyung-nim. I was startled and hit the shoulder of Choi Jihwan, who was laughing playfully.
Maybe not kissing, but that was really not it. That’s ridiculous. There’s no reality to it at all.
“Honestly, I think that’s the fastest way? You just need an opportunity to blame it on.”
“……”
Could it be from experience? His tone was strangely bitter somehow, so I thought that, but because Choi Jihwan turned his game back on, it felt awkward to ask directly.
“Anyway, blind dates are kind of… Besides, hyung-nim said he’d pick me up from school tomorrow so let’s have dinner together. He said he’d make something delicious.”
“That’s crazy, aren’t you going to start dating soon?”
“Hehehehe.”
Originally I had been curious about blind dates.
It was for the exact same reason as wanting to drink until I blacked out, or wanting to go to an MT. But now that I was living with hyung-nim, I didn’t really feel like it.
Soon the professor came in and class started.
The lecture I was taking now was ‘Understanding Anglo-American Drama.’
I wasn’t originally someone who listened to class diligently, but still, among this semester’s major lectures, I liked this class the most.
Plays had a different charm from novels. Rather than explaining the inner thoughts of characters, they showed everything only through dialogue and actions. Who liked whom, who was lying, who was hurt.
So the same line could become completely different depending on which actor performed it.
The play we’d been learning since last week was Tennessee Williams’ <A Streetcar Named Desire>. A story about a woman named Blanche who tries to hide her past and live a new life, but everything ends up being revealed.
Before class, the professor always emphasized the same thing.
“All characters in plays have secrets. The moment those secrets are revealed is precisely the climax.”
I had two secrets.
That I loved a person named Yoo Jeongwoo, who I’d known since birth and was no different from a real older brother. And that I might leave this world earlier than that person.
Sunlight fell long across the classroom desk.
Lately, I kept having such thoughts for no reason. If I keep spending time with hyung-nim like this, if I just become a little more mature while living like this.
‘Maybe someday it could really work out. And maybe my illness could actually be cured without a trace.’
I, who had always been pessimistic after being told I had a terminal diagnosis, was being optimistic recently.
Maybe it really could work out.
Even though I knew it was baseless optimism, lately it kept making my heart flutter.
***
The next day, I was very excited from the morning.
Today was the day hyung-nim was supposed to pick me up at school to have dinner together.
I didn’t see hyung-nim since he left early in the morning, but just being able to spend time together in the evening was enough.
I couldn’t concentrate at all throughout the continuing lectures.
Should I spontaneously suggest going to the amusement park after dinner later? They say the amusement park parade at night is so pretty.
Going to the amusement park was originally on my bucket list, so I had a good reason to suggest going. Or it might be good to suggest going to karaoke.
Unfortunately, today was my least favorite class. I was busy imagining hyung-nim waiting in the car while letting the professor’s lecture go in one ear and out the other.
Hyung-nim, what should we eat today?
1
I like everything you buy me, hyung-nim.
1
But it might be good to make something and eat at home too.
1
I’m really good at making kimchi fried rice, you know.
1
However, the ‘1’ next to the messages didn’t disappear even though quite a bit of time had passed.
He usually replied well, but it was quite different from usual.
