Shocked, I quickly turned my head away. I hurriedly focused on stuffing the rest of my things into my backpack.
Even as I tried to erase the scene I’d just witnessed from my memory, my face was already burning up like crazy. At this rate, it must have turned red enough to explode, and I hoped my flushed face wouldn’t catch hyung-nim’s attention.
“You sleep hugging it every night.”
Hyung-nim’s voice was languid. He was clearly teasing me, calling me childish. But what actually flustered me was something else entirely.
“H-Hyung-nim, don’t you have things to do? You’ve been so busy lately.”
“I can do them after sending Hajin off. But, Hajin.”
“……Yes?”
“That Jihwan guy or whatever—he still doesn’t have a girlfriend?”
Why is he suddenly asking about Choi Jihwan’s relationship status?
“Jihwan doesn’t have a girlfriend. But he says he’s had someone he’s liked for a long time.”
“What?”
Hyung-nim laughed as if dumbfounded. Then he actually leaned his cheek against my stuffed animal and lay down on the bed.
No matter how I looked at it, that sight was far too stimulating. I had to hastily avert my eyes. Otherwise, my heart felt like it would burst again.
“That kid’s really ridiculous too. He’ll kiss a friend if they ask him to, but he has someone else he likes?”
“For some people, a kiss might not be a big deal. I think I’m a bit like that too. Maybe it’s because I’ve only done it once?”
After saying that, I glanced at hyung-nim. As expected, his expression was displeased.
“I think you’ve made the wrong kind of friend. I didn’t like that his hair was dyed from the start.”
“Hyung-nim, you’ve never liked any of my friends anyway. You even disliked me hanging out with Jeongyeon.”
Hyung-nim seemed at a loss for words and chuckled.
When I peeked at him, hyung-nim had taken off his glasses and was pressing his eyes and forehead as if tired.
“Now that I think about it, I didn’t really like you two hanging out together either. Such a sweet, well-behaved kid somehow only gets into trouble when he’s with Yoo Jeongyeon. I thought it was good that you two were separated.”
In reality, hyung-nim had scolded Yoo Jeongyeon multiple times for corrupting the well-behaved kid. By now, hyung-nim must know. The truth was that Jeongyeon and I were similar kids all along.
And sure enough, hyung-nim laughed and said,
“Now that I think about it, it wasn’t because of Jeongyeon. It was always you.”
Watching hyung-nim narrow his eyes and mutter, I smacked my lips in regret.
“How did you fool the adults all this time. You’re just as much of a headache as Yoo Jeongyeon.”
Ah, it’s really, truly regrettable. If it weren’t for the MT, I’d be sleeping in that bed tonight.
The faint traces of hyung-nim’s pheromones would probably linger for several days. I hoped the scent would still remain even after I returned from the MT.
After some time passed, I finally finished packing.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to take you?”
“It’s fine. I promised to help the student council kids with grocery shopping, and we’re meeting in front of the mart near the train station, so I have to go a bit farther than school anyway.”
When I answered cheerfully, hyung-nim raised his eyebrows slightly as if surprised.
“And hyung-nim, you’ve been busy lately.”
I tilted my head up slightly with a triumphant air.
I wanted to show hyung-nim, who still worried that I might run into bad hyungs, that I could do well on my own, that I was really an adult college student now.
“I’ll have a good time there, so don’t worry until the day after tomorrow. I won’t smoke, and I absolutely won’t eat ice cream with just the two of us.”
Hyung-nim looked at me for a moment, then nodded. The way he smiled seemed as if he was proud of me.
“Alright, be careful. I’ll keep my worrying to a minimum.”
Rather than saying he wouldn’t worry at all, saying he’d keep it to a minimum somehow made my heart flutter.
***
On Friday afternoon, the train heading to the MT destination was bustling.
Sunlight flashed quickly past the windows, and luggage bags and people’s legs were tangled together in the aisles. It must be MT season. Not only our department but students from other schools filled the train as well.
At the end of the aisle, soju boxes that couldn’t fit in the luggage compartment occupied the space by people’s feet. Having never been on a train trip before, I found each unfamiliar scene fascinating and fun.
I’d heard that for the Saeteo we went to in March, since more people went, each department rented buses, but this MT with just the College of Liberal Arts was different.
The student council had loaded only some of the luggage into one car, and the rest of the students had to take the train. At some students’ feet were soju boxes that couldn’t fit in the car.
I casually asked Choi Jihwan,
“How much do you have to drink? Do you have to drink a lot? Even if forced?”
“If you get caught in the wrong situation, it could happen, but you just moderately dodge while drinking.”
“How do you moderately dodge?”
“Act like you’re really drunk, pretend to go to the bathroom and slip away. It’s nothing special.”
“Aha.”
I nodded for now, but I wasn’t confident. For something that’s supposedly nothing special, it seemed difficult……
Among the department students who boarded the train together, there were friends sitting shoulder to shoulder looking at phones and laughing.
Among them were Lee Gyeongho and Han Seoyoung, who I’d eaten with Choi Jihwan before, and I wasn’t the only one looking at them with eyes that seemed to say, “When did those two become like that?”
Normally, I was the type who was somewhat oblivious. I only found out after over 100 days that friends who attended the same academy classes as me every day were dating, and if Yoo Jeongyeon hadn’t told me, I would have missed it until they broke up. Even someone like me could tell that the atmosphere between those two was quite warm and friendly.
What happened to Lee Gyeongho’s girlfriend, who he’d been dating throughout high school?
Just as I was thinking that, Choi Jihwan whispered beside me,
“Gyeongho got dumped. Last weekend.”
“Really?”
Jihwan’s tone was calm, but there seemed to be some sympathy mixed in.
Two months since entering university.
No matter how hard you tried to hold on, emotions were bound to waver in the face of a changed environment.
“I guess it can’t be helped that when bodies grow distant, hearts grow distant too.”
As soon as I thought it, one question was resolved. Overcoming an environment that had changed from high school when they were always together didn’t seem like an easy thing to me either.
Lee Gyeongho’s girlfriend, unable to control the disappointment that had flooded in during the two months since entering university, ultimately chose to break up.
Hearing that story, hyung-nim and I suddenly came to mind.
To me, Jeongwoo hyung-nim had always been someone close by from the moment I was born. Even my cousin hyung didn’t live seeing each other’s faces that often, but we had lived closer than family, like family.
The close distance between us was the reason I couldn’t carelessly approach Jeongwoo hyung-nim. But maybe it was also the reason I couldn’t let go of my feelings for hyung-nim?
“Then…… did you grow distant too?”
That’s why I couldn’t help but ask.
“You go to your neighborhood every weekend. You’re going to see your teacher, right?”
About Choi Jihwan’s unrequited love, which we hadn’t brought up since we first talked about it in front of my house.
If there had been years spent far apart, or if I had succeeded in starting to live alone. Would my feelings for hyung-nim have eventually dulled?
At my question, Choi Jihwan let out a short sigh.
“Yeah, but I haven’t been able to meet them even once.”
“……”
“I haven’t really grown distant at all.”
From the expression on his face as he spoke calmly, I could sense many things. Clearly, no words of comfort would be of any help.
“You’re having a hard time too, Jihwan-ah.”
“You are.”
“What am I.”
“I’ve at least kissed someone. Unlike you.”
I smacked his shoulder at his annoying smirk. After glancing at him as he exaggerated about how much it hurt, I checked to see where the train had gotten to.
Choi Jihwan was the only friend to whom I’d confessed the fact that I was inexperienced enough not to have kissed anyone even after becoming a college student. Moreover, the perceptive guy seemed to have already figured out that hyung-nim was the object of my unrequited love.
Even though I hit his shoulder at his teasing, I actually wasn’t in a bad mood.
Because actually, I had done it that day too. A kiss with hyung-nim.
That was still a secret just between hyung-nim and me.
Since it was practically thanks to Choi Jihwan’s help, he was a friend I was truly grateful to in many ways. I could only hope that his romantic endeavors would work out well soon.
“I actually can’t imagine growing distant. I’ve never been apart from hyung-nim. Actually, I tried to distance myself recently because of something embarrassing, but I failed.”
“Your case is different. You’ve never had anything to begin with.”
“Huh?”
“I’m in the position of trying to recover a relationship after it fell apart, and Gyeongho dated throughout three years of high school before breaking up.”
Oh, is that so?
“Rather, if you’re out of sight for a few days, your hyung-nim might suddenly start worrying about you and thinking of you. The push and pull happens naturally.”
“Push and pull?”
I blinked rapidly. I’d heard many times that push and pull was essential in romance, but I’d never once thought about trying such a thing.
