***
After a few days, my frizzy hair started to settle down.
If I was really like a poodle before, now it was just slightly textured. I touched the ends of my hair with my hand while looking in the mirror.
It’s better than trying to force a fix and ruining it again, right? At school, most of the reactions were positive rather than saying it was weird, so I decided to let it be for now.
Of course, hyung-nim still didn’t seem to like it.
“Honestly, the curls are cute. Your hair was curly like this when you were little. That’s why I thought you were cute when I first saw you too.”
“……”
Our relationship hadn’t really changed much from before. We weren’t awkward, and hyung-nim treated me the same as usual.
“What I don’t like is that color. The baby looked perfectly pure with just slightly faded natural color. Now you just look like a delinquent. It’s really not good.”
No, wait. Maybe things did change a little.
Actually, I enjoyed when hyung-nim nagged or controlled me. And from the moment my image became that of a wild colt in hyung-nim’s eyes, his nagging increased.
I decided to fully enjoy the benefits brought by my new image.
“If I re-dye my hair, can I kiss you?”
My gaze must have been a bit lewd, because hyung-nim took a step back.
“Such a little thing has no shame. I raised you so prettily, so why are you like this?”
And if there was one more thing I learned, it was that hyung-nim found this side of me somewhat cute too. As long as I didn’t cross the line, it was okay.
“Then doesn’t that mean it suits me? You said I’m like an unbridled wild colt these days.”
“Right now you look like a puppy because of your hair. A puppy that charges forward without looking.”
Suddenly, hyung-nim grabbed my head and examined it from all angles for a while.
“From what I can see, you must have hit your head hard at some point. You just haven’t been caught by anyone yet, so I’m the only one dealing with these aftereffects.”
“No, I haven’t hit my head.”
“You must have hurt yourself without knowing and forgot about it. You’ve always been like that. Getting hurt in secret places.”
“When did I ever? Hyung-nim, come here for a second.”
In the end, I failed at kissing that day too, but I was aiming for a second kiss whenever I got the chance.
“Hajin’s original hair color was really pretty.”
On a Friday morning when there were no classes, I glanced at hyung-nim sitting across from me at the words I heard while eating.
“That hair color is something others can’t achieve even if they pay money.”
“……”
“Not completely black but also not too light. You don’t know how hard it is to get that perfectly neat, slightly faded color, right? But you covered it with a common color. Every time I see it, it’s so regrettable.”
Again today, hyung-nim was finding fault with my hair color from the morning.
I moved my jaw that had paused for a moment. I dropped my gaze from staring at hyung-nim back to my rice bowl while chewing.
“No matter how I look at it, your hair stands out too much. At first it at least looked brown, but why is it becoming more orange as time goes by? Just don’t wash your hair, baby.”
Even though I kept telling myself I liked it no matter what hyung-nim said, hearing this repeatedly made my resolve waver.
Honestly, I sighed every time I looked in the mirror too. If the perm had relaxed just a bit less, the hair hyung-nim called poodle-like would have become an orange poodle by now.
Is it really that bad? My friends didn’t say much. Even my female friends said it suited me better. Of course, that was before it turned this orange color like now.
“Let’s go dye your hair together after you come back from the MT. If we cover it with something a bit darker, even if it’s not exactly like your original hair, it should be okay. We haven’t done that one yet. Last time Hajin did it alone, but we promised to do it together now, so this time we’ll do it together anew.”
“Are you doing the bucket list with me again?”
Actually, after living with the dye job for a few days, this hair color that stood out more than before didn’t really suit my personality.
So I was willing to re-dye it anytime, but with hyung-nim I found myself being stubborn for no reason.
“If you don’t make outrageous demands, I’ll reconsider.”
“No, if you won’t kiss me, I won’t re-dye it.”
I answered quickly and then put the last spoonful in my mouth.
I had to leave for the MT meeting point in an hour, so I couldn’t focus at all. After checking the time, I hurried up from the table.
“Thank you for the meal, hyung-nim.”
“Okay.”
After bowing, I went into my room to finish packing the luggage I’d started yesterday.
These days, hyung-nim was getting busier with preparations for opening his practice.
Phone calls continued late into the night, and there were always piles of documents scattered on the table. The sight of hyung-nim’s back working with his laptop open in the living room was seriously unfamiliar.
The tendons showed on his forearms with his shirt sleeves rolled up, and every time he lowered his head with his tie loosened, he was strangely magnificent. I also secretly stole glances at him massaging the back of his neck with his hand.
Even while I was eating breakfast, hyung-nim was working on his laptop at the table while wearing glasses.
Sometimes when hyung-nim had to look at the laptop screen for a long time like now, he would wear glasses, and with glasses his neat features stood out and his focused gaze was cool.
I don’t know how much effort I put into glancing at that sight inconspicuously the whole time I was eating.
“Hyung-nim, what brings you to my room……?”
But after I finished eating, hyung-nim followed me around. The nagging that started during the meal didn’t seem to be over yet.
While I was packing, he even followed me into my room and stood with his arms crossed, looking displeased.
“No matter how I think about it, I’m worried. What if bad sunbaes see Hajin’s hair and rashly have prejudice?”
“Hyung-nim, sorry but please move.”
Hyung-nim was acting a bit strange today. While I was diligently packing, hyung-nim kept fussing beside me. Why is he acting like that?
Could it be…… because I’m going to an MT for the first time?
Today was the day one of the items on my bucket list would finally come true. I wasn’t showing it, but actually I was quite excited inside.
“Hajin-ah, what will you do if people ask you to go smoke cigarettes?”
I finally put down my luggage and looked at hyung-nim.
Right now in front of me, hyung-nim looked even more intellectual and cold than usual because of his glasses. His profile bathed in morning sunlight looked more sculpted than a sculpture.
“Hajin has been vulnerable to cigarette smoke since childhood because of asthma. Are you really going to hesitate and follow them? Really?”
To think such a magnificent person is listing out unnecessary, old-womanish worries just because I’m going to an MT.
Honestly, I really like it. But I answered calmly.
“Hmm, wouldn’t it be okay to breathe in cigarette smoke just once?”
“I knew you’d be like this. Absolutely not.”
I pressed my lips tight. Even now I was barely managing not to show that I was fluttering at hyung-nim’s annoying interference.
“Should I teach you how to refuse in those situations?”
“Hyung-nim, I’m not going on a high school field trip. And there aren’t many sunbaes in our department who smoke. As far as I know.”
“Then what if some alpha sunbae late at night says he’ll buy you ice cream, and asks you to go out and eat it together, just the two of you. What will Hajin do?”
“Um…… wouldn’t I just go eat it together?”
“Why? Could it be because you want ice cream?”
I blinked for a moment. This question was a bit confusing.
Even if I don’t particularly want it, if a sunbae suggests it, isn’t it right to follow along in most cases?
Is this wrong? Is there some meaning that all adults know? Am I the only one who doesn’t know?
“This kid is really going to be in big trouble in many ways. You should at least be a high-level wild colt. You’re sly yet ambiguously innocent, so the hyung-nim watching you only worries.”
“I, I don’t know. I’ll somehow have fun and come back.”
When at a disadvantage, avoiding is the best strategy. I slipped away from hyung-nim and headed to the desk.
“It might be different with friends your age, but if you carelessly follow such a sunbae out, you could get into trouble. There are definitely guys who have ulterior motives toward juniors and try to lure them with thousand-won ice cream.”
As just a freshman, I still didn’t know much about things like MTs or senior-junior culture. It’s natural that hyung-nim knows better than me.
But then why does it feel like hyung-nim is worrying unnecessarily today? Usually he only says nutritious things, but today he’s a bit…….
After packing the charger I’d left on the desk as the last item, I turned around. And then.
“……!”
I couldn’t help but be shocked.
Hyung-nim was leaning back loosely on my bed, fiddling with my teddy bear.
“Do you like this doll?”
Right now, Jeongwoo hyung-nim is on my bed. And the teddy bear in his hands is…….
The one I used for something very improper.
Last night came to mind. The memory of rubbing it between my legs too. I let out hot moans, and outside the door there was the sound of hyung-nim moving, and I couldn’t stop my actions even while covering my mouth.
And now hyung-nim is holding that doll.
After grabbing its limbs and moving it around, hyung-nim buried his nose in the doll.
“It smells like Hajin.”
Fuck.
