Though Hui-myeong was also anxious about being left alone, finding freedom was more important than that. Whether escape or whatever, he also had to practice a life without Do-ha.
“It’s a honeymoon. How can you do that?”
“It’s hard to leave you alone. Hmm, your body is really hot.”
Before he knew it, Do-ha had forgotten about work and burrowed into the bed, pressing their bodies closely together.
“I’m all better now, you know. It’s been three years since I had a seizure.”
The reason there were no seizures was because Do-ha clung to him obsessively so there was no time to feel lonely. But at this point, Hui-myeong also wanted to test it. Whether he’d become solid enough to stand on his own.
“I want to take you with me.”
Do-ha kept kissing along Hui-myeong’s neckline. It seemed that embracing Hui-myeong was more important to him than catching a cold right before the wedding.
Even for Do-ha, he couldn’t take Hui-myeong to the honeymoon destination. It wasn’t that he hadn’t tried. This crazy bastard really tried to lock Hui-myeong in the room next to the honeymoon suite and sleep in that room every night. It seemed they’d reach an agreement to bring lovers and spend time separately, but when his father found out about that fact, he almost got his head smashed with a golf club. It was a plan he eventually gave up because the threat could reach Hui-myeong.
“When you come back, let’s travel together, just us. Okay?”
Sick Jung Hui-myeong acted exactly like an affectionate and cute lover. Even if work was right around the corner, there was no way Do-ha could easily leave the bed leaving him behind.
“Where do you want to go?”
He asked while kissing Hui-myeong—chup chup.
“Hng, well.”
“Want to go to the same room at the Maldives resort where I’m going for my honeymoon?”
Perverted bastard. Does he want to take his lover to the room he took his wife to and do those things? His transparent intentions were disgusting. But Do-ha was human enough to do that and more.
“I want to go somewhere you can reach by plane in one go.”
Somewhere with lots of fish too. But if he said this, Do-ha would dig into the source of the information, so he had to keep it in. Even while sick, Hui-myeong watched his mood.
“Got it. Let’s think about it when I come back. Hmm, Jung Hui-myeong’s mouth is hot too.”
He was satisfied with Hui-myeong’s obedient appearance. Anyone would welcome company when sick, so Hui-myeong kept wanting to lean on him. Finding him cute as he burrowed into his arms unlike himself, Do-ha kept kissing his forehead and lips.
“Rest quietly. I’ll finish early and come back.”
“Okay.”
Hui-myeong answered with difficulty while lying down.
Unable to leave the feverish Hui-myeong, Do-ha reluctantly left the room after giving several more bird kisses.
“Haah, hng……”
After Do-ha left, a chill swept through the empty room. Though this luxury apartment couldn’t really be cold, Hui-myeong trembled as if standing alone under a north wind due to chills from the high fever and the emptiness of being left alone.
“Should have not gone……”
When he closed his eyes while curled up on his side, tears flowed down the bridge of his nose. After resolving to leave for America or the Philippines, and yet looking for him as soon as Do-ha left. Hui-myeong already felt pathetic that he couldn’t endure even a day without Do-ha.
‘How did it come to this?’
Loneliness was such a tedious emotion. After experiencing for the first time in America that a person could die from loneliness, Hui-myeong developed a terrible fear of being left alone.
From his first experience, Hui-myeong was sold for money and forced by Do-ha. Even until now, the superior-subordinate relationship between the two was firm, and his expressions and words were often squeezed out trying to please him. But when his body hurt, the first person he looked for was invariably only Do-ha. Even though all he wanted was a perfect sex toy. Sadly, he was the only lifeline that rescued Hui-myeong’s loneliness.
Perhaps it hurt more because it was Do-ha. Because of the terrible love-hate for him that couldn’t be pushed to a corner of his heart. The person who embraced him consistently for ten years was neither his mother nor Geum-gang, but Do-ha.
“It hurts so much, Do-ha-ya… huk.”
If you seem to have a fever, at least ask if anything hurts. His body wasn’t well since yesterday, but Do-ha was merciless. If he’d given even such a thread of attention, Hui-myeong would have forgotten what Do-ha did to him and been loyal like a dog. No matter how much he tormented him, one drop of such attention would approach Hui-myeong as vast affection like an ocean.
But it was Do-ha who excitedly pounded away saying the inside of his hole was hot. It was probably because of overworking him last night that his physical condition worsened.
Since he could barely move his body, even those things one by one were wounds to Hui-myeong. Though he looked with pitiful eyes and acted as if he’d die without him, in the end, the biggest use from start to finish was continuously sex. A relationship where Do-ha could skip when he was tired, but Hui-myeong couldn’t refuse.
‘What was hyung like?’
Suddenly his mind shifted to Geum-gang.
‘What is a guy’s lips, it’s not a gummy bear.’
Ten years ago, at the beach where Geum-gang took him, the two had their first kiss. They’d just been the relationship of a strong hyung and a duckling-like younger brother, but from that day they became something like lovers. Even without defining the relationship in words, their bodies reacted first. When he went to the rooftop to find Geum-gang who was hiding, he who’d been pretending to sleep would pull his waist and kiss him, and the kisses in his car were countless.
‘Hyung was really innocent too.’
Recalling the past, a hollow laugh escaped even in this situation.
At that time, Hui-myeong didn’t know how men in love shared physical intimacy. What the two had done was at most kissing while fumbling around with hands inserted under their tops. No, maybe Geum-gang knew. But he always acted as if he were committing a sin doing anything more than kissing with Hui-myeong in his school uniform. While going around doing all kinds of bad things outside.
‘Why is a gangster so upright and all that?’
Maybe that’s why the words “let’s live together after high school graduation” sounded lewd. High school graduation meant both liberation and a beginning for the two of them. If only Geum-gang hadn’t been involved in that murder case, they would have lived together as planned.
‘What can I do about something that’s already passed?’
Geum-gang was already a finished love, and the one by Hui-myeong’s side now was Do-ha. Even if he left Do-ha, there was no way Geum-gang would accept him.
‘I don’t know.’
Since his body hurt, only beautified old thoughts came to mind for no reason. The words he heard from Geum-gang now were things like “I’ll fuck you until your back hole tears open.”
Though he was abandoned by his mother and came to Do-ha, if he was abandoned by Do-ha, Hui-myeong would have nowhere to go. Before such a terrible thing happened, he had to run away first. That was the resolution Hui-myeong had made.
He was both afraid to leave Do-ha, who was consistently crazy about Jung Hui-myeong, and the concept of standing alone itself was scary. But if he missed this opportunity, he didn’t know when another chance would come around.
He couldn’t let his heart weaken just because he was sick. He couldn’t continue thirsting while relying only on affection that would eventually fall away from Do-ha.
In the end, he was horrified at himself for craving even violence as attention.
Contrary to his promise to come home early from work, Do-ha only returned home at 11 PM. Though he wanted to escape again and go meet Geum-gang, his body wouldn’t listen. They said the cold going around these days was severe, and Hui-myeong suffered through the illness badly.
Do-ha mixed bodies with Hui-myeong, who was drooping from being sick. The reason was that the inside was hot, so it felt good. It wasn’t the first time having sex while sick, and it wasn’t particularly sad or painful. Since it was just a cold at most, he didn’t expect him to nurse him devotedly.
Do-ha loved Jung Hui-myeong very much, but he didn’t love him more than himself. Hui-myeong’s health wasn’t above his desires, and if it wasn’t loneliness that threatened his life, he would leave him like torture. There was no ‘sacrifice’ in his love.
Until now, Hui-myeong had offered his body as if clinging to Do-ha, who embraced him even like that, but now he decided to escape from such foolish obsession.
‘Can I prepare and leave within a week?’
Even while his body was swaying while being held by Do-ha, Hui-myeong kept thinking about leaving.
The important thing wasn’t just obtaining money. Since he had been living as a dependent since age twenty, all the complicated matters were handled by Do-ha and his secretary, Section Chief Kim. So even trivial things like booking plane tickets or reserving hotels were unfamiliar to Hui-myeong.
Even if he had a mobile phone, until now he had only watched videos or portal sites at most, and even if he learned how to make reservations, it was tricky since all his credit cards were connected to Do-ha.
Even if he was lucky enough to go to America, all the places Hui-myeong knew were places he had gone with Do-ha, so the probability of being caught was high. There wasn’t a single easy aspect in many ways, but that didn’t crumble Hui-myeong’s resolution.
‘It would be good if hyung would lend me money.’
Even while groaning in bed, Hui-myeong kept thinking of Geum-gang. Although he had said scary things like he’d fuck him until his hole tore open or he’d strip his organs, Hui-myeong was certain that Geum-gang could never do that to him.
‘He’ll at least properly receive the value of the item. That much wouldn’t be difficult.’
