“It’s not exactly like that…”
Hyeondo finally provided a slight hint. As if unable to ignore Seungju’s face that looked extremely intrigued, he spread both hands and spoke as if surrendering.
“If I had to say… well… we had some physical communication.”
That was truly an absurd thing to say. If Seungju had been sober, he would have asked back with some shock. An exchange of money and body? No way, how could that be. And Hyeondo would have been incredibly embarrassed.
But that was something that would never happen in the first place. If Seungju hadn’t gotten Hyeondo pretty drunk, Hyeondo wouldn’t have said such a thing.
And something happened to Seungju too that wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t gotten pretty drunk himself.
Alcohol spun Seungju’s reason around and flipped it over, and when that was combined with the positive impression he had of the person called Yoon Hyeondo, the tragedy occurred where Seungju thought Hyeondo’s words made sense.
Seungju’s next memory was holding out his card to the taxi driver. Would you like a receipt? Oh, no. Thank you. Getting out of the taxi, Seungju let out a deep sigh reeking of alcohol, then unconsciously gulped down the hangover drink he was holding.
He pulled his mouth away from the plastic bottle and stared at the bottle in his hand. What, when did I buy this? His hand fumbled several times closing the cap. Seungju moved his steps toward the officetel entrance, staggering slightly.
“Heo Seungju.”
Seungju stopped at the sound of someone calling him. He tilted his head slightly. I know this voice.
“Just getting home?”
Seungju turned his head toward where the sound came from and the next moment let out an unseemly scream.
“Ahhh!”
“You scream at the sight of someone’s face?”
“Holy shit…. You scared me.”
“Shit?”
“What are you doing here?”
Muyeon’s expression wasn’t good after hearing that. He was sitting perched on the edge of the flower bed maintained next to the officetel entrance. Seungju approached closer to him.
Muyeon held out his hand. When Seungju tilted his head again, Muyeon grimaced. Seungju thought to himself that this was the first time seeing Muyeon’s face like that. What kind of expression was it—an insanely irritating, offensive expression. But it suited him well, as if he’d been born offensive from birth.
Pressed down by the power of Muyeon’s face, Seungju opened his mouth somewhat hesitantly.
“What.”
“Phone.”
“Phone?”
“Give it here.”
Seungju didn’t notice that Muyeon had spoken in banmal. But he’d definitely experienced this arrogant way of speaking and attitude before… While thinking that, Seungju fumbled in his pockets. It should be here… it’s not. Then is it here… Seungju rummaged through his bag and found his phone.
When Muyeon received the phone and turned on the screen, the same image Seungju had seen before appeared. A festival of missed calls and messages. Seungju reflexively narrowed his eyes and checked how many calls there were. Twenty-one calls. Seungju narrowed his eyes even more.
But Muyeon thrust the screen at Seungju. With the desire to look away, Seungju rolled his eyes.
“What are you doing here?”
“……”
“You said you’d call?”
“……”
“You were out of contact until this hour, so I came looking for you.”
“No… why go that far.”
Muyeon raised his eyes. The effect was tremendous. At his cold face and blazing eyes, Seungju lowered his eyes like someone who’d committed a crime.
“Who did you meet?”
“A senior I know…”
“Someone from the company?”
“Someone who used to work there and left… someone you don’t know, Muyeon.”
“Man? Woman?”
“Man…”
Muyeon’s questions stopped. Seungju raised his eyes to look at him. He shouldn’t have done that. Because Muyeon’s expression had become even more murderous.
“Fine, let’s say women are off the table like you said.”
“……”
“You drink alone with a man until this hour?”
No, what’s with this tone like scolding an unchaste teenager? Discontent suddenly raised its head in Seungju’s heart. Alcohol deleted Seungju’s patience. His mouth ran off on its own.
“So you come all the way to my house at this hour?”
“What?”
“You know that’s fucking scary, right?”
“Fucking?”
So what’s with that tone like pointing out a subordinate’s loose language habits? Muyeon frowned.
“Look here, Seungju.”
What a mood-killing thing to say. Seungju didn’t answer.
“Don’t you know your own drinking habits?”
“……”
“At your age, drinking like that and going around without even knowing your own drinking habits?”
“What did I do…”
“Leaning on people in front of you, clinging to them.”
“……”
“You did that at the company dinner too.”
He must be talking about that day they went to a second round just the two of them. Of course he doesn’t remember. Another thought suddenly popped up in Seungju’s head. Wait, didn’t he tell me everything that happened that day? There was something else I don’t know about? Seungju snapped back, his heart surging with a wronged feeling.
“At the company dinner? I don’t know what happened, but then didn’t you benefit from that too, Muyeon?”
“What?”
Muyeon’s voice sank. Seungju unconsciously swallowed dry saliva.
Anyway, this temper, this dissident-like true nature was hard to control whenever he drank. He shouldn’t have done that. Whether Seungju regretted it or not, Muyeon stood up from his seat. Seungju slowly raised his head following him. Muyeon said in a low voice.
“You’re really driving me crazy…”
Muyeon’s eyes shone strangely. Strength entered his jaw, then released. Muyeon took a deep breath and let out a sigh. Anyone could see it was a face holding back anger.
Because he was drunk, somehow this didn’t feel like a situation he was actually in. With his floating head, Seungju thought. For someone like Baek Muyeon, patience might really be a difficult thing. Separate from that understanding, Seungju felt regret and the guilt that followed. I definitely misspoke.
Muyeon finally calmed his mind, or so it seemed, as he let out a deep sigh.
“I really…”
“……”
“I don’t want to be like this either, you know?”
It’s a line men often use when showing off. But Seungju knew Muyeon’s words were sincere. Well, even if he were showing off with that face, it would only add plausibility. Taking advantage of the gap, Seungju quickly answered.
“I’m sorry…”
“You know you’re sorry?”
“……”
“I said I’d let you off just once, right?”
“When?”
Ha. This time Muyeon looked at the sky and let out a short sigh. An expression that said he was going crazy. Seungju felt even more sorry. The man who said there wouldn’t be a second time would probably collect the price for this sin. But what to do. I have nothing to give him.
Then the last memory from the drinking session earlier came to Seungju. Because he still wasn’t in his right mind, it felt as if a valid solution had suddenly flashed to him.
Seungju took Muyeon’s hand. He slowly spread the fingers and rubbed the inside of Muyeon’s clenched palm with his fingertips. Slowly, until Muyeon’s hand lost its strength and then stiffened again with a different kind of tension.
“…Let me off just one more time.”
“……”
“Want to come up?”
Muyeon looked down at Seungju. Just two days ago, Seungju thought he’d seen the mask on that face. So Seungju knew that the wavering that rose in Muyeon’s eyes now was sincere. But he didn’t have enough mental capacity left to connect that with what Muyeon had said just before.
***
Heo Seungju probably couldn’t have imagined it, but there were two most intense emotions Baek Muyeon felt in front of his house. The first of these was reality shock.
There were also two reasons for the reality shock. The first was that this was something Muyeon was doing for the first time. Among the countless hoodlum acts and thug behavior he’d done, waiting for someone in front of their house was not one of them.
Waiting endlessly and one-sidedly for someone without knowing when they’d come, without even contacting them, was something that didn’t exist in Muyeon’s world. In the first place, he’d hardly ever waited for anyone. If contact didn’t work, then it didn’t work; if they didn’t come, they didn’t come. The one who wanted it more was always the other person.
Muyeon had been sitting in the car at first. And then he realized why he’d never done this kind of thing even once. First of all, this was pathetic. Baek Muyeon hated shabby things most in the world. The self-loathing from doing the thing he hated most was not an emotion that Baek Muyeon, who had both narcissism and lucid reason, could endure. Moreover, this was also boring. Even when he turned on music it didn’t please him, and even when he looked at his phone he quickly ran out of things to do.
While doing something he’d never done in the past and had no intention of doing in the present, he looked out the window.
So what am I doing here right now?
The fundamental question brought along plausible grounds. The pretentious intoxication of ‘I’m doing this much for my lover.’ It was the same kind of thought as the self-satisfaction he’d felt from the very act of devotion that went along with the direction toward the new life that had come to Muyeon.
And this very paltry self-satisfaction was the second reason for the reality shock Muyeon felt.
Waiting in front of a lover’s house when you can’t reach them is seen as a method inevitably chosen from an overheated flow of emotions that are worried, frustrated, and burning with impatience. Having directly waited for Heo Seungju like this and experienced it, that was bullshit to Muyeon.
This is just a pathetic thing. Guys who think this is proper are probably stupid enough not to know what’s wrong with it. If they’re as selfish as they are stupid, they’re spouting this kind of talk to avoid the stigma of being pathetic.
I came all the way here for you, you made me like this so you’re the bad one. So listen to me. Those shabby lines. Truly lines that only a despicable bastard drunk on narcissism would say.
It was a conclusion that made Baek Muyeon, who had some expertise in narcissism, feel unpleasant.
