Was the happiness Soohyun wished for really in such a high place? It would have just been sharing warmth with someone he loved and smiling. Though plagued by extreme fatigue, Chaeho couldn’t stop thinking about him.
Trrr-Trrr—
The phone he hadn’t set to vibrate mode rang weakly. Realizing that the source of the familiar music sound came from the phone, he hurriedly raised his hand.
“……!!”
The name displayed on the screen was that very name he’d longed for so much over the past two months.
* * *
Soohyun searched for the obstetrics and gynecology clinic closest to the motel. Before going to the hospital, he stopped by the convenience store, bought 2 more test kits and did them all at the same time. The results were all two lines—the color wasn’t very dark, but it was definitely pregnancy.
“How… how can this be…”
There really was a baby. Inside his belly… Soohyun recalled the last date he’d had relations with Seojun and roughly guessed he was about 2-3 months pregnant. Suddenly the panic disorder medication he’d been taking all this time came to mind and he was frightened. What if it harmed the baby? Soohyun skipped the medication he took daily and took all the medicine to the obstetrics clinic.
“Lee Soohyun-ssi, please come in.”
As soon as his name was called, Soohyun looked at the doctor with a tense face and barely opened his mouth.
“Two lines… appeared.”
“Is that so? Then you must be pregnant. Do you remember roughly when it was?”
“Well, that’s…”
Soohyun hesitated a bit before opening up about his body. That he hadn’t had a heat cycle even once in the past few years, and that he’d previously been told he couldn’t get pregnant because his uterus was severely damaged in an accident. The doctor, who listened to Soohyun’s story from beginning to end, thought about something for a moment and then guided Soohyun to lie down on the bed for now.
“Hmm… Usually the test kit reacts around 3 months, so we should be able to see at least the gestational sac. Let’s see if you’re pregnant first.”
Soohyun looked at the screen with a tense face. The screen that looked pitch black had whitish things mixed in so he couldn’t really tell what was what, but the doctor moved the device on Soohyun’s belly and stopped at one point, pressing the button several times.
“Lee Soohyun-ssi, look here. See this black dot here?”
“Yes, what’s that…?”
“It’s the gestational sac. Based on the size… it looks about 8 weeks.”
“I… I see.”
There was a baby. Though it was small enough to appear as a dot, his heart swelled thinking that the black dot would gradually grow and take form as a person. He didn’t want to lose the child like 8 years ago. Soohyun was willing to do anything to safely give birth to the baby.
“But Lee Soohyun-ssi, if pheromones aren’t coming out… it’s important to at least receive your partner’s pheromones.”
“Is… that so?”
Seeing Soohyun’s complexion darken rapidly, the doctor cleared his throat and examined the medicine Soohyun brought.
“You’ve been taking this medicine continuously, you’re saying. Hmm…”
“Yes, I have some circumstances…”
“Fortunately, it’s still early, and looking at the medicine, they’re not drugs known to have fatal effects on pregnant women. Still, it would be better not to take them from now on. Come back for another checkup in a month, and if you need any kind of help, I recommend visiting a nearby public health center.”
“The public health… center?”
At Soohyun’s question, the doctor nodded. He seemed to have caught on to Soohyun’s situation.
“…It’s not far from the hospital. If you feel even slightly unwell, come to the hospital right away.”
Soohyun hurriedly left the examination room. In his hands were an ultrasound photo with the baby and a maternity handbook. Soohyun headed to the public health center with the ‘pregnancy confirmation certificate’ handed over from the desk.
[Single Father Support Program]
This was the first paper Soohyun grabbed upon entering the public health center. Soohyun carefully examined the contents of the leaflet and was relieved to learn that he could receive government support for temporary housing and medical expenses. He never expected to settle down this way in a place he had arrived at wherever his feet took him, but to protect the baby, he had to receive all the help he could get.
“Please fill out the documents. The pregnancy confirmation certificate and family relation certificate…”
Most of the documents needed for support could be handled within the public health center. Soohyun asked when he could enter after submitting the documents related to facility admission. A place to stay immediately was most urgent.
“If there’s a spot available, you can enter right away… if not, you might wait for a few months. We can’t know right away, so you’ll be contacted when a spot opens up. You can make the voucher card at the bank right away and use it.”
“I understand. Thank you.”
Soohyun stopped by the bank to apply for the card and checked his bank account balance. Seojun had given Soohyun generous wages for the past few months, and Soohyun, who had almost no occasion to spend that money, traced the numbers printed in the bankbook with his finger and calculated how long he could last.
‘It would be nice if I could enter the facility right away, but… just in case. I should look for a monthly room or something.’
In a situation where he didn’t know when he’d enter the facility, it was burdensome to get a monthly rental room that required a one-year contract. Soohyun decided to look for a monthly room rented by the month at a motel or a goshiwon and quickened his steps.
‘Come to think of it… I’m okay even without taking medicine.’
Even though he had been weaving through crowds of people since morning, Soohyun wasn’t anxious or suffering from chest pain as if his heart was being squeezed. It was amazing that he had endured such a long time without panic disorder medication. Soohyun stroked his belly with his hand and murmured to the baby.
‘Maybe I’m not scared because you’re here, because I’m not alone. Thank you. Thank you so much.’
Perhaps last night’s anguish was actually the baby’s cry too.
‘Dad! I’m here! So don’t think bad thoughts!’
Thinking that the baby had scolded him to live without having foolish thoughts since he was here, Soohyun was grateful for even last night’s pain.
‘Dad will, do his best. I’ll definitely… definitely protect you.’
Soohyun decided to think of the baby as a gift sent by Jeongwon in heaven. He decided to believe that to comfort him who found life burdensome, it was his wish that he still wanted him to live, that he had sent back the child he lost then.
Soohyun’s steps as he set out to find a place to live were light.
* * *
[Soohyun-hyung!]
“…Have you been well?”
Chaeho’s hand holding the cell phone trembled terribly. Chaeho held the phone with both hands and just waited to hear the voice of the person he had missed so much.
[Hyung, what on earth is this… how did this… I was so worried!]
“I know… I know, Chaeho-ya. Hyung is sorry.”
[Hyung….]
Soohyun pinched the tip of his nose as he heard the trembling voice beyond the receiver. His eyes grew hot and his nostrils stung. At his earnestness in calling his name, Soohyun knew how much Chaeho had waited for him for two months.
Two months was very long for Chaeho, but for Soohyun, it was a very short time. For a little less than a month, he stayed in a cheap motel room looking for work, and after that, as soon as a spot opened at the single father independence facility, he had to enter there and adapt.
[How… have you been? Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?]
“Yeah, I’m okay. But Chaeho-ya, I have a favor to ask…”
Hearing the word ‘favor’ from Soohyun’s mouth after so long, Chaeho became urgent. Since he already knew roughly where he was, if he called, he was thinking of running over right away.
[Just tell me anything, hyung. I’ll do anything!]
“Okay, then…”
Soohyun barely confessed the story he had repeatedly agonized over even before calling Chaeho. After hearing Soohyun’s story, Chaeho was silent for a while, then gave Soohyun the answer he wanted in a somewhat heated tone.
[Got it. Then I’ll come right away. Now.]
“Ah, no. You don’t need to. It’s already late at night. You can come when you’re resting…”
[…If hyung is calling me, it must be a really urgent situation. I’ll come right now. I can take off work tomorrow.]
“But…”
Soohyun trailed off. Chaeho was right. Soohyun wasn’t in a position to save face. Since he had decided to do anything for the baby, he had to receive help from the only person who could help him.
[I’ll leave right away. Tell me where to go.]
“…Here is…”
Even before finishing the call with Soohyun, Chaeho grabbed his car keys and ran outside. If he went fast, it was a distance he could reach within an hour. Chaeho gulped down a cup of coffee in one breath and widened his eyes. It was finally time to meet him.
* * *
‘Is this the right thing to do?’
The facility where Soohyun was admitted wasn’t very modern, but it wasn’t an inconvenient place to live either. It was set up as studio-type rooms so that single fathers or single mothers could live in their own rooms, and he could receive basic education about pregnancy and childbirth, so it was a very grateful place for Soohyun.
Soohyun looked around the room where he had been staying for a month while waiting for Chaeho to come. Inside the maternity handbook neatly placed on the desk was an ultrasound photo of the baby who had grown much more than two months ago. Soohyun recalled what happened at the obstetrics and gynecology clinic yesterday.
