He wanted to protect the baby. Because it was the precious baby Jeongwon had left behind.
“Let’s go back to the hospital room, Soohyun. Recover and… come see Jeongwon-ssi again.”
He wished he could just lose consciousness. But instead, Soohyun’s mind became clearer. The current situation felt excessively unreal.
He lived, and he died.
* * *
“Lee Soohyun-ssi, the blood test results and… the ultrasound too.”
After leaving the mortuary, Soohyun immediately received obstetrics and gynecology treatment. From the mouth of the doctor who alternately looked at his face, completely pale with torn lips, and the chart with a dry expression, came a story he didn’t want to believe.
“There was bleeding too, and the blood test numbers are bad. It seems like a miscarriage is in progress.”
“…What?”
“In the case of omega males, maintaining pregnancy in the early stages is difficult from the start. And there was also an accident. I’m sorry.”
Soohyun looked at the doctor with a blank face, then turned his gaze to the calendar hanging on the wall. In just two weeks, it was the day they were supposed to get married. Today, suddenly both he and the baby were gone. Leaving only the person called Lee Soohyun alone in the world, his loved ones all left at once.
“I… see.”
“Your pheromone levels aren’t good either. Did you imprint with your partner?”
“What? Yes…. Imprint… yes, that’s right. I did with Jeongwon-ssi.”
He had imprinted with him because he wanted to be together for life. The mark he left still remained vividly on his nape, but he was no longer by Soohyun’s side.
“There may be aftereffects, so come back for an examination later.”
Soohyun nodded and left the examination room. Seeing Soohyun leave the examination room with a deathly pale face, Chaeho’s mom stood up in surprise. He was glad he had her wait outside when she insisted on going in together. He didn’t want to worry someone who had already given him too much.
“Soohyun. The baby… the baby?”
“Ma’am….”
“The baby is okay, right? That’s it, right?”
What should he answer? Soohyun muttered like talking to himself in a soulless tone.
“Everyone… has left.”
* * *
Before holding Jeongwon’s funeral, Soohyun lost the baby. Though he tried to hold onto even a very small hope, Soohyun’s body, which could neither receive alpha pheromones nor maintain omega pheromones, couldn’t protect the baby.
Before he could even properly pull himself together, Soohyun had to hold Jeongwon’s funeral. Like Soohyun, Jeongwon was also someone who didn’t have much family, so not many people watched his final journey. Though a person had died, compensation for the accident was not smooth. Moreover, since Soohyun wasn’t legally married to Jeongwon, he couldn’t even receive the compensation paid in exchange for his life. Watching Jeongwon’s relatives who came to find Soohyun after he died fighting to take the price of his life, Soohyun had to despair once again.
“Jeongwon-ssi……”
Where was the end of the misfortune placed on a person? Having lost everything, Soohyun no longer wanted to continue living. He only had the desire to follow Jeongwon like this. Though he had been alone from the beginning, after Jeongwon left, Soohyun sank into piercing loneliness and longing.
“Soohyun. You need to eat something.”
Chaeho’s family was Soohyun’s only support. It was Chaeho’s mom who stayed by the side of Soohyun, who couldn’t eat or sleep, and sometimes it was Chaeho.
“Hyung, can I come in?”
“Yeah….”
Seeing Soohyun, who couldn’t smile brightly like before and was shadowed by despair, young Chaeho was very sad. He missed him who had been kind and beautiful before. Despite Chaeho’s family’s efforts, Soohyun gradually changed like a withered tree. Moreover, after Jeongwon, who had imprinted with him, died, Soohyun’s pheromone gland could no longer produce fragrant pheromones. Soohyun’s pheromones that Jeongwon had liked so much could now no longer be smelled by anyone.
“There are sometimes cases of experiencing these aftereffects after the imprint is released. Usually they recover again within a few months or years, so let’s watch.”
Chaeho’s mom stopped Soohyun from leaving the house. And she cared for and comforted Soohyun, treating him like her own child. Young Chaeho also spent time by the side of Soohyun, who had become half-disabled, talking or reading books.
“Chaeho, hyung is tired.”
“Really? Then hyung lie down. I’ll stay here a little longer.”
“You will?”
After the accident, Chaeho came to Soohyun whenever he had time, and sometimes he came to Soohyun’s room with a pillow and tried to sleep next to him. At Soohyun’s words that it wouldn’t be uncomfortable to sleep together on the narrow bed, Chaeho hesitated for a moment before opening his mouth.
“I’m… scared you’ll go somewhere, hyung.”
“Chaeho….”
“I’m scared… you’ll have bad thoughts. Ah, no. I just like being together.”
“Hyung is… sorry.”
“No, hyung! It’s not that! There’s nothing to be sorry for. I just… I like you, hyung. I want to be with you.”
“Okay. I like you too, Chaeho.”
“Yeah. Soohyun hyung.”
With Chaeho’s family’s devoted care, Soohyun’s wounds were filled very little by little. Though he lost his beloved and even lost the baby, Soohyun tried hard to erase the desire to die. Because it was a life that Jeongwon had protected, he had to live for him. Only after being cooped up at home and suffering for a full year could Soohyun barely come outside.
“Hyung, going to the hospital?”
“Yeah. I’m going alone today.”
“Will you be okay? Go with Mom.”
Chaeho, who had turned fifteen, had grown to almost the same height as Soohyun. Seeing Chaeho looking at him with a worried face, Soohyun smiled with difficulty.
“It’s okay. Don’t worry too much. I’ll be back safely.”
“Yeah. Hyung be careful and see you later.”
The life of going back and forth between obstetrics and gynecology and psychiatry continued. Soohyun’s pheromone gland didn’t move as if time had stopped at that moment a year ago, and his heat cycle didn’t come either.
“……”
On the way back from the hospital, Soohyun stopped in front of a cafe. Seeing a part-time job posting, he hesitated very briefly. He could no longer stay at Chaeho’s house. He had already been relying on their kindness for three years now. Though he was left alone, he had to live. Because he owed his life to Jeongwon.
“Excuse me. I came after seeing the part-time job posting.”
Soohyun opened the cafe door and went inside. It was Soohyun’s courageous first step trying to stand up from his wounds.
* * *
Soohyun’s story was quite long. In the middle, when talking about Jeongwon’s accident, Soohyun held his breath and sobbed. Seojun held his hand, saying he didn’t have to talk anymore, but Soohyun didn’t stop.
He wanted to confide the truth, the story he had never told anyone until now. Moreover, Seojun was the first person to show him sincerity in five years. Because he was the person who said he wanted to help without turning away from Soohyun’s pain. He had a small hope that it might be okay to bring up his story a little.
“Seojun-ssi.”
“Yes, Soohyun-ssi.”
“I’m not someone who suits you, Seojun-ssi. I know that best more than anyone.”
“Soohyun-ssi, such words…!”
Soohyun slowly raised his head. Seojun was still holding Soohyun’s hand. Having lost his imprinted one and lost his child, he was already no different from having been married once. Moreover, Soohyun was hiding one painful secret he could never tell him.
“So, you see.”
Soohyun was silent for a moment. Though he knew it couldn’t work out with him, his heart kept wavering toward him, but no matter how much he thought about it, this really wasn’t right. In fact, wasn’t this an obvious beginning whose end anyone could see? A famous actor and the center’s omega who was sick in body and mind.
“I won’t change much in the future either.”
Soohyun’s interlocked thumbs drew circles alternately.
“I’m truly grateful for your help. But I don’t want to be a burden to you, Seojun-ss…!”
“Soohyun-ssi!”
Once was enough for being rejected. If he heard the word “no” from him again this time, Seojun felt like he would be quite hurt, so he forcibly blocked his refusal.
“Soohyun-ssi. I like you.”
Seojun made the confession that Soohyun hadn’t hoped for even more clear. Just as it was, sharing bodies and sharing a bit of warmth was what Soohyun had wanted, but as if that alone wasn’t enough, Seojun didn’t hesitate in showing his emotions.
“At first, I was just curious about you, Soohyun-ssi. I wanted to know what kind of person you were. And you’re this pretty but you don’t smile much, so I was concerned. When you weren’t in my sight, my chest felt stuffy.”
“……”
“I know I acted poorly. But no matter how much I think about it, there’s only one word that comes to mind that can explain these feelings of mine right now.”
“Seojun-ssi. I’m, so I’m….”
Soohyun’s voice trembled and Seojun’s eyes had no wavering.
“I like you, Soohyun-ssi. I don’t want to say ambiguous words like I think I like you. I like you. I hope you smile. I hope you become happy.”
“Ah….”
The words “I hope you become happy” moved Soohyun’s heart. Jeongwon’s last voice saying he wanted to make him happy and Seojun’s voice overlapped. He was such a strange person. How could he, to this extent,
Say the same words as that person?
