“I normally can’t sleep with other people. But you’re fine, Soohyun-ssi.”
Thinking about it, the fact that he suddenly had to move from the house where he lived, and that he coincidentally ran into him at home—it all seemed like fate. Seojun, who had always met only people who craved him, found it fascinating that there was now someone he desperately wanted.
“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry.”
He wouldn’t be able to completely erase the past when he acted stupidly. He was still guarded against him, and even sleeping together like this now couldn’t have happened without the justification of a contract. Even if he thought all of this was just work, Seojun steeled his heart to do his best to have no regrets.
Moreover, he was sick. The image of him clutching his neck with the blood drained from his pure white face was still vivid. When other people said they suffered from panic disorder, Seojun had treated it lightly, dismissing it as a matter of mindset. But when he thought of it as Soohyun’s situation, it changed.
“I’ll help you diligently. When you get better…”
He wanted to ride in the car together and go out to play, and have dates in quiet places with almost no people. He wanted to look at his face smiling shyly while eating delicious food, then secretly kiss him avoiding others’ eyes.
“…I like you, Lee Soohyun-ssi.”
It must have been because of the dawn atmosphere. While caressing Soohyun’s face, Seojun let out a confession he’d never spoken aloud before.
“What am I saying now…”
Throughout his life, Seojun had never told anyone he liked them. He’d recited it as dialogue in dramas or movies, but that was just acting.
“……”
There was no way he could gloss over it by saying he was just interested. He liked him. That was the only way to think about it. Because he liked him, he wanted to be with him and wanted to have not just his body but his heart too. Seojun slowly lowered his head. He gently brought his lips to the lips he had carefully fiddled with his hands.
His vision swam at the fragrance blooming between their breaths. How could this be when it wasn’t even pheromones? Seojun pushed his tongue between his lips that had slightly parted in his sleep.
“Mm… mmm….”
He gently sucked on his lower lip and lightly bit it enough not to wake him. He loved everything—the soft, moist mucous membrane, the gums supporting the even rows of teeth, and the tongue sleeping soundly. Wanting to taste a bit more, Seojun gently pressed his jaw with his fingers. He put his tongue inside the parted mouth and ravished the moist flesh that responded even in sleep, then gently stroked his waist.
‘Is it okay for a person to be this pretty?’
The reason he’d thought his first impression was plain was because he had monolids. Though he didn’t have a flashy taste, his impression was like a pastel-toned hanbok—the more you looked, the prettier he was. His height was tall but his frame wasn’t large, his waist was slim, and while he had no excess fat, his skin was soft as if it stuck to the palm. Skin like rice cake with not a single pore even up close, and inner flesh smoother than his face. He was like clear water pooled in a spring.
“This won’t do. I need to sleep quickly.”
If he kept touching Soohyun any longer, he felt like he’d do terrible things to him in his sleep. Seojun hurriedly removed his hands from his body, lightly pressed their lips together, then embraced him and closed his eyes.
“Sleep well, Soohyun-ssi.”
Hearing Seojun’s murmur, Soohyun very slowly opened his eyes. He’d thought the confession he heard in his sleep was just a dream, but when his lips, soft as cotton candy, carefully overlapped with his own lips, he knew it wasn’t a dream.
‘I really don’t understand.’
Several years ago, there was someone who confessed, saying they’d fallen for him in 3 seconds. And that person left after giving Soohyun an indelible wound. The past five years had been a punishment and a time of regret for Soohyun. Was this man truly sincere? That couldn’t be. A person like a star in the sky, a “star” that someone like Soohyun could never grasp no matter how much he reached out—the feelings he had for him couldn’t be sincere.
Soohyun didn’t want to dream futile dreams like that anymore. Right now, he was probably just drunk on his appearance, feeling curious about himself who was a bit different from the people he’d seen until now.
‘…Nothing will change even if I think deeply about it anyway.’
Even when he tried to push him away, Seojun kept approaching, and the speed at which he approached was faster than the speed at which Soohyun retreated.
‘Choi Seojun-ssi, you…’
If you knew what kind of life I’ve lived, could you look at me with the same face as now? Even though you despised and ridiculed me for being an omega from the Center.
But there wasn’t much Soohyun could do now. Since he’d come to live in his house, things would definitely happen where he’d get entangled with him whether he wanted to or not. And perhaps Soohyun might foolishly give himself over to the emotion called “love” again.
‘It’s okay. Let’s think it’s okay.’
He definitely wasn’t hoping to return to the days when he laughed normally like before. Even that was greed for Soohyun. What Soohyun wanted now was to blend in among ordinary people and live like a shadow.
Going to restaurants, riding buses, working at a suitable place and smiling…. How much longer would he have to wait? The illness that came unexpectedly stuck to Soohyun’s body stickily and wouldn’t easily come off.
‘Because I want to help.’
Seojun, who had spoken with desperate eyes, came to mind. How much distance was there between contempt and pity? His attitude was unpredictable. Soohyun was too weak to open his heart to him, who had looked at him tenderly but also got angry.
If he got hurt again, he would never be able to get up again.
Soohyun confirmed that Seojun had fallen deeply asleep again, escaped from his embrace, and turned his body. He didn’t want to get used to this man’s warmth. Then he would surely want to lean on him, and might fall into foolish emotions.
Soohyun curled up his body like a shrimp again.
* * *
“Soohyun-ssi, I’ll be going now.”
“Yes, have a good day.”
“Are you going anywhere today?”
Five days had passed since Soohyun started living at Seojun’s house. During that time, there had been no contact from Chaeho. Soohyun held his phone and hesitated many times but couldn’t bring himself to make the call in the end.
“I have to… go to the hospital.”
“The hospital?”
After Soohyun moved into the house, Seojun treated him very warmly. When eating at home, he would invite Soohyun to join him, and would subtly approach from behind while he stood working in the kitchen to lightly embrace his waist. Each time, Soohyun stiffened his body like a stone statue.
“I need to get a checkup. I’m planning to go briefly during my break.”
“How are you going? Walking again?”
There was definitely pity in the warmth in Seojun’s eyes. Soohyun turned his head to avoid his gaze.
“…I’m thinking of renting a bicycle.”
“A… bicycle? Can you ride one?”
Soohyun nodded his head. It would take two hours to walk round-trip, so if he went by bicycle, he could save some time.
“Then I’ll call you later. Have a safe trip to the hospital.”
“Yes.”
Seojun turned around very reluctantly and left. Soohyun looked at the closed front door and rolled up his sleeves. He planned to finish work in the morning and then go to the hospital. The medicine he was taking was almost running out too, and he wanted to talk about recent changes.
“My body seems about the same though.”
Since there was no way to check how his body had changed, Soohyun didn’t know whether his illness had improved or worsened. He at least wanted to be able to ride the bus properly. Since he’d briefly ridden the bus when coming to Seojun’s house last time and hadn’t ridden it since, he didn’t know how much he could endure now.
“Should I… give it a try?”
He’d planned to go to the hospital on a rented bicycle, but Soohyun changed his mind. He decided to try riding the bus a bit first, and if that didn’t work, rent a bicycle. With his mind made up, Soohyun’s hands gradually got busier.
* * *
“Let’s go then.”
Soohyun packed his phone, wallet, and medicine in case of a possible seizure into a small cross bag and stood in front of the bus stop. Seeing the bus going near the hospital entering the stop, Soohyun exhaled deeply. He hoped he could ride it for at least five stops today.
Vrooom—
Inside the bus was very quiet and there weren’t many people. Taking a seat by the window near the back door, which was less stuffy, Soohyun closed his eyes. He endured the time on the bus by repeating to himself that it wasn’t scary, that it was okay.
One, two, three, four….
Recalling the doctor’s words, he counted numbers in his mind and also recalled happy times. He tried his best to think there were no people around him. But despite such efforts, an unwelcome stuffiness raised its head.
‘Just… just a little more….’
He tried to breathe slowly. But a faint ringing in his ears began. If the sound got any louder, it would be difficult to hold onto his consciousness.
‘This won’t do. Let’s get off.’
Soohyun hurriedly got off the bus without even properly checking where he was.
“Hah… hah… hah… Still, did I come far?”
Sitting on the stop bench, he caught his breath for a while and looked around. Where was he? He’d have to move his legs for another 30 minutes to get to the hospital, but he was moved by the fact that he’d ridden the bus longer than last time.
“Good job. Good job, Lee Soohyun.”
Walking to the hospital, Soohyun praised himself.
* * *
