“It would have been good to have olives too.”
Though he mainly made Korean food, in fact Soohyun could make almost any food except difficult dishes. He sometimes made it for Chaeho, and because he could hardly eat food sold outside, he often made it at home.
“Coffee….”
Soohyun rummaged through the cupboard. Muttering that he thought he’d seen drip bags while organizing before, he stood on tiptoe.
“Lee Soohyun-ssi, what are you doing?”
He saw Seojun walking out with sleep all over his face, swinging his arms and legs loosely. Soohyun stared at him with deliberately sunken eyes, then finally pulled out the drip bag he’d caught.
“You’re up already.”
“Because I didn’t see Soohyun-ssi. Is your body okay?”
Soohyun slowly nodded. Seojun, seeing the food set on the table, paused for a moment. The tomatoes and cheese arranged neatly without a single dishevelment, the balsamic sauce drizzled in a line on top, even the salmon canapés that looked like they could be popped into the mouth in one bite. Seojun rubbed his eyelids, looked at the table, then approached Soohyun and placed his hand on his shoulder.
“Lee Soohyun-ssi, seriously why are you doing this?”
Now if he just put in the coffee grounds and brewed coffee, breakfast preparation would be done. Soohyun pressed the power button on the coffee machine, then turned around.
“I received quite a bit of hospitality yesterday, so this much….”
“This kind of thing isn’t necessary. It’s not even working hours, did I tell Soohyun-ssi to clean and cook?”
He just wanted to repay him a little. But this time too, something seemed wrong.
“…I seem to have been rude. I’ll be going now.”
At Soohyun’s eyes that wavered subtly, seeming very hurt, Seojun’s heart rippled once again. Why was he getting angry at him right now? And why was he not saying anything to someone like this and just trying to avoid him? He thought it would be better if he yelled and got angry like yesterday.
“Lee Soohyun-ssi!”
At his back as he turned around, Seojun called him once more. Not wanting to experience being ignored without even facing him like yesterday, Seojun stood in front of him with quick steps.
“Why… are you doing this.”
“I’m sincere. And I never was certain that Soohyun-ssi would definitely accept me. If you felt bad, I’ll apologize.”
“…I’m the one who’s sorry.”
Seojun was about to ask what you have to be sorry about but closed his mouth. A difficult person—in Choi Seojun’s 25 years of life, this man named Lee Soohyun was clearly the most difficult person. If he went back like this, they might never meet again. Though they were people who would be in the same space, the times he and I lived were too different.
“Give me your phone number.”
“…Pardon?”
“Don’t contact Jinwoo hyung. Contact me directly. You’re going to keep working at my house. Right?”
Seojun, who hadn’t taken his eyes off Soohyun’s face for a single moment, discovered his pupils rippling greatly. In less than a second, the eyes that met quickly shifted position and sank obliquely.
“…If possible.”
“What… do you mean?”
This time too, Soohyun couldn’t give a proper answer. The world was full of sound people like new feathers. His expectation that someone as great as Seojun would continue to employ someone mentally unstable like himself was very shallow. Moreover, he’d even rejected his confession.
“Anyway, enter your number here.”
Soohyun entered his number on Seojun’s phone that he held out. As soon as Seojun received his number, he pressed the call button and immediately hung up.
“I’ll contact you. Be careful… going home.”
“Take care.”
After Soohyun left, the metallic sound of the front door closing filled the house. Seojun plopped down on a dining chair and stared intently only at Soohyun’s number remaining on the phone.
* * *
The morning sunlight was quite stinging. Soohyun walked choosing only the shade and looked around. When returning from Seojun’s house, it was always afternoon or evening, so somehow this road he walked in the morning felt unfamiliar.
“It’s been a while since I’ve gone out on the weekend too.”
Until now, Soohyun usually spent weekends at home alone writing or spending time with Chaeho. Narrow South Korea had many people everywhere, so there weren’t many places Soohyun could go on weekends. Even when grocery shopping, Soohyun, who was afraid of many people and closed spaces, either shopped hastily or went to a small market in a slightly distant place.
Though he knew in his head that others wouldn’t harm him, his body still shrank. To others, walking might seem arduous, but for Soohyun, being able to walk outside like this itself was a challenge and change.
“It’s quite hot now.”
Soohyun took off his jacket, hung it on his arm, and slowly climbed the hill. Because of the considerably warmer weather, beads of sweat formed on his forehead and bridge of his nose.
“Whew….”
When he’d almost reached near his house, Soohyun cooled the heat by fanning with his hand. With the weather this hot, the rooftop room must be quite heated up too.
“I should ventilate first when I go in.”
Climbing the steep metal stairs, Soohyun turned the corner. Turning the wall revealed a rooftop with a small wooden bench and a clothesline. And in the middle of it was Soohyun’s rooftop room sitting alone.
“Huh…?”
He’d definitely locked the door when he left. The door was wide open. The sound of his rapidly heaving heartbeat pounded his eardrums strongly.
“Who…?”
Had some stranger visited? Could the nightmare person from 5 years ago have found him? In a short time, numerous possibilities circled in Soohyun’s head.
“Is anyone there?”
Though it was his own home, Soohyun carefully stepped in as if it were someone else’s house and noticed the shoes placed at the entrance weren’t unfamiliar.
“Soohyun hyung, you’re just coming now?”
“Chaeho….”
He walked out from Soohyun’s room. Seeing him with disheveled clothing and messy hair, and a hurt face, Soohyun smacked his lips.
“Hyung… Soohyun hyung.”
“Chaeho.”
The two just looked at each other’s faces without being able to say anything. Chaeho dragged his drooping body over and stroked his cheek.
“…I was worried. I thought something happened since you came late.”
“You did… what? Why worry like that. I’m not even a child.”
“How could I not worry!!”
Chaeho’s voice grew louder. Soohyun firmly closed his mouth. He felt like he was being scolded by a younger brother 8 years his junior. Though he hadn’t particularly done anything wrong, he felt like he’d committed a sin against him.
“I… I… how much I….”
“Chaeho, I’m fine. Really.”
Chaeho’s anger-filled silence as he crouched down was long.
“Did you sleep at Choi Seojun’s house? Is that it?”
“There were some circumstances.”
Chaeho’s eyes even welled up with tears. Seeing the corners of his eyes heating up, Soohyun hastily raised his hand, but Chaeho coldly brushed off Soohyun’s hand.
“Why not me? I’ve only looked at you for 10 years, hyung! You know well how much I’ve waited for you, don’t you?!”
“Chaeho, suddenly what are you… ah!”
Chaeho roughly grabbed and pulled Soohyun’s wrist. And he brought Soohyun into the room and threw him onto the bedding where he’d stayed awake all night with open eyes.
“It hurts… Chaeho, I’m.”
“I can’t wait anymore, hyung.”
Chaeho overlapped his upper body on top of Soohyun’s body and lowered himself. At the heaviness felt on his stomach, Soohyun’s face turned deathly pale.
“Chae… Chaeho!”
“I’m a man too, hyung. How long will you see me as a child?!”
Chaeho’s lips touched Soohyun’s nape. And his tongue gently licked the most sensitive part of the neck, then lightly bit over the faint mark.
“Chaeho, no, don’t!”
“It’s here, here…. Why am I young? Why couldn’t I meet you faster?”
Chaeho’s hand rolled up Soohyun’s top. Unable to show him yesterday’s traces, he tried to push Chaeho’s body away, but his wrist was roughly held and he couldn’t do anything.
“Sto… stop! No!”
“Soohyun hyung.”
At the marks blooming here and there on the pure white chest, Chaeho lowered his head. He hated Soohyun who loved him this much but wouldn’t accept him. He disliked Soohyun who came after spending the night with Choi Seojun.
“Why not me? Because I’m young? I! I’ve loved you for a long time!”
Soohyun hugged him with his large shoulders heaving. When they first met 10 years ago, Chaeho was crying too. Soohyun, who had just left the facility and started standing alone in the world, felt sorry for Chaeho crying on the street and approached him to pat him affectionately. Like when taking care of younger siblings at the facility.
“Chaeho. I’m really sorry.”
“Hng-hng… hng… Soohyun hyung… I love you, Soohyun hyung.”
