# Chapter 100
Dohyuk curled up like a wounded animal.
Beyond that affectionate voice, another voice, half-obscured by old memories, overlaid itself.
‘I want to die as a human being.’
Whenever he recalled her final words, Dohyuk both understood and didn’t understand Esper Lee Seoyeon.
What did it mean to want to die as a human when dying was dying regardless?
Only after time passed did Dohyuk realize that those words meant “I want to remain an ordinary human to those around me until the end.” It was a wish that could only be hoped for when precious people were nearby. That her friends would mourn and grieve her death rather than be horrified and disgusted. That old memories would remain untarnished. Such wishes must have been woven into those final syllables.
Dohyuk thought he would face his end similar to Seoyeon. Because he didn’t want to show the ugly truth to his precious ones—Seah and Seungmin—he wanted to bury all secrets in the coffin with him and quietly rot beneath a flower bed.
“I’ve answered. Now it’s your turn to decide, hyung. What do you want to do with me?”
But why.
Though you’re clearly precious and dear to me, why do I want to transform into ugly vines and remain like a scar on you? Even as I wish for you not to get hurt, I hope the bluish bruise on your chest never fades away.
The head attached to this broken body must surely be malfunctioning somewhere. This couldn’t be affection. Such a deranged emotion of indeterminate color couldn’t possibly be adoration.
“Hyung, do you love me?”
This couldn’t be love. He had thought love was a peaceful emotion like settling beneath a calm lake without a single ripple. Surely if he loved someone, it would be natural to let them go here.
Dohyuk asked back with a voice cracking at the ends. His ragged voice sounded like resentment even to his own ears.
“Is it even possible not to love someone like you?”
A brief kiss touched the corner of Dohyuk’s eye. It tickled. Enough to make him want to scratch until he bled, sob loudly, and feel sorry for himself. Dohyuk continued, panting.
“Junseo, I… I’m… not normal. I don’t know how much you know, but…”
When he blinked, his blurry vision cleared with a thud, and only then did Dohyuk realize he was crying. The words he had pressed down welled up helplessly like a bursting dam.
“I’ve lived as an experimental subject and now might die as a failure. Do you think someone who underwent modifications and experiments for nearly 10 years is a normal human? Even I find myself disgusting, so how could I ask you to love me, to accept me? I’m just content that you don’t hate me…”
I’m satisfied with just that. His lips, trying to finish the sentence, parted foolishly and only expelled raspy breaths. Dohyuk rubbed his eyes mercilessly in confusion.
“You’re satisfied with just me not hating you?”
If he spilled out the words that he didn’t want to be separated from Junseo until the end even if it meant being horribly disfigured, would the face before him show a different expression? Just as good news and bad news always come hand in hand, did gloomy anxiety and anger hide like shadows on the other side of affection?
A familiar voice scraped at his ear like a nightmare.
‘You are dangerous. Your nature is crude and violent.’
Dohyuk agreed with those words for the first time.
This isn’t your fault but due to my nature that is unparalleled in its crudeness. Only then did Dohyuk reveal the childish and petty desires he had deeply buried and hidden before his most precious person. His voice, full of tension, trembled mercilessly.
“…No. Actually, that’s not true. So, if you could… lo-love me too… Even if just for a moment.”
He couldn’t bring himself to face Junseo. Even breathing felt awkward. He was wiping his sticky lips, wet with tears that had rolled down his cheeks, with his palm. Soft lips touched his damp eyelashes, as if praising the clumsy words he had stuttered out. A tongue licked around his eyes, and as soon as it departed, a delicate hand swept over the spot. Only then did Dohyuk, finally relieved, take a deep breath.
He reached out, missing the departed warmth. He brought his lips to the face that was too precious to even touch. Lips moistened with tears wedged between the cracks of lips and pressed against them. Whispers continuously followed.
“Why are you… doing this to me? Even though you’ll regret it.”
It was all a mess. Even as he bit back warnings and opened a way for Junseo to step back first, he prayed that Junseo would plant roots before his eyes for life.
He liked Yu Junseo. That’s why he also wanted to hurt him more. He felt like wanting to remain as a scar, at least. Swallowing the other voice that followed like a shadow, insisting that being forgotten was surely worse than being hated. He only had a crude heart, embarrassing to show. That’s why he had tried never to reveal it.
“I don’t think so. Want to bet?”
In contrast to himself, who was shaking from the ground up, the response was unusually calm, making Dohyuk twist his lips into a smile. You win. Bloodshot eyes, soaked completely, stared at Junseo.
“Alright, let’s bet.”
“Really? Do you know what I’ll ask for if I win?”
“Take whatever you want. I’ll do the same.”
He doesn’t remember the conversation after that. They were too busy mixing tongues, trying to plunder each other a little more.
# Chapter 100
“You have a troublesome partner. Is it because he trusts his family background? His personality is quite outspoken.”
When the assistant was organizing the examination machines, Dr. Jeong approached Dohyuk. Dohyuk briefly flinched at the voice referring to Junseo, but soon regained his expressionless face, judging that Dr. Jeong would have only had contact with Junseo through documents. He’s probably indirectly expressing regret about not being able to conduct the limit experiment examination for the first time because Junseo’s permission never came through.
Dohyuk pretended not to understand the meaning of those words and pulled down his top that was sticking to his chest area. Thanks to not proceeding with the limit experiment examination, it was more bearable than usual.
“Rather than outspoken, he’s more on the gentle and kind side.”
“Hmm.”
Dohyuk turned to look at Dr. Jeong, who showed no agreement with his statement. Dr. Jeong had an even more somber face than usual and was recording something incessantly. After watching those persistent hand movements for a while, Dohyuk’s lips quivered before he finally uttered a preface.
“I have a question.”
“What is it?”
“I understand that Esper Lee Seoyeon experienced a sudden condition deterioration before she went berserk.”
The writing hand stopped.
“Why are you suddenly bringing up the Esper you killed?”
At the voice that openly emphasized ‘killed,’ Dohyuk lowered his gaze slightly.
“…Was there any examination conducted on Esper Lee Seoyeon during the period when she experienced condition deterioration? I’m curious if the examination results showed differences from usual.”
“There were no differences. If there had been, we would have issued a warning and provided appropriate care. And wasn’t the corpse too severely damaged by you to properly study the circumstances of the rampage after Esper Lee Seoyeon’s death? There was an order to destroy evidence, but even so, to do that to a person who was your colleague… It’s an act that no normal person would ever do. It was so melted that it was unrecognizable in form; I thought it had been attacked by a vicious monster. Well, it was fortunate, if anything, that there was no family to properly identify the body.”
Dohyuk kept his mouth shut, but Dr. Jeong noticed the slight twitching of the muscles flowing along his rigid jawline. Dr. Jeong’s eyebrow raised, and his lips formed a leisurely smile. As if he had never cornered Dohyuk, a kind voice colored his previously solemn tone. He had long since put down his pen.
“Has something happened recently? Tell me. Despite our efforts to manage you well, the problem is that your nature is inherently violent. You haven’t forgotten that you must report everything, even the smallest things? Because even the slightest error can become a disaster.”
You understand, right, Dohyuk? At the voice subtly urging an answer, Dohyuk responded briefly. His lips, which had been tightly clenched enough to tense his jaw muscles, finally parted.
“I understand. Was there any other instruction from headquarters?”
“What instruction?”
“You said my abilities aren’t the same as before. Headquarters must have received reports about my abnormal state.”
Their eyes met. Dohyuk keenly observed whether any indication appeared from Dr. Jeong. In truth, Dohyuk was confused about what Dr. Jeong was thinking. He acted like someone who thought Dohyuk still had a lot of usefulness. He didn’t seem to have any intention of killing Dohyuk. There was always curiosity in Dr. Jeong’s gaze toward Dohyuk. He seemed to have curiosity about Junseo as well, but didn’t particularly seem to have any intention of overtly contacting Junseo to use him despite the risk, merely asking Dohyuk in detail about the number of guiding sessions with Junseo. Of course, Dohyuk didn’t properly tell Dr. Jeong and always mixed lies in his answers.
“Well, headquarters’ reaction is negative. If an item developed with tremendous economic support doesn’t have as much utility value, their reaction couldn’t be good, could it?”
“Then what will happen to me?”
