- Rift
***
After work, he entered a lively restaurant. It was the day Yoon Kihyun had made dinner plans with his friends.
For once, he saw the faces of the guys who had secured a table first and were waiting.
“Why did you suddenly lose so much weight?”
His friend who worked as a fitness trainer immediately pointed out his weight.
“I’ve actually gained some lately though?”
Yoon Kihyun replied nonchalantly and sat in an empty seat. After exchanging greetings asking how they’d been and sharing the dishes they ordered, he shared his recent updates.
“Ah, right. I quit the Center and I’ve been doing personal guide work lately. It’s much more relaxed than before.”
“What about money?”
“I get paid way more than at the Center.”
“Oh, that’s great.”
His friends’ reactions were generally simple. All they knew about guides was what they’d heard bits and pieces from Yoon Kihyun, so they didn’t know much about the Awakened Center.
A workplace that made you work like shit and paid accordingly, but where work-life balance had gone to hell.
That was roughly the image they had of Yoon Kihyun’s workplace, so changing jobs to somewhere that paid more was a good thing.
After pushing food into their stomachs, the atmosphere was such that his friends who wanted alcohol were ordering drinks.
“Kihyun, what do you want to drink?”
“I’m receiving treatment at the hospital for something, so I’ll pass on alcohol.”
“What hospital? Are you sick somewhere?”
All his friends’ eyes gathered on him. Come to think of it, he did look much more frail than the last time they saw him.
From then on, everyone ate half-heartedly. As he answered the barrage of questions one by one, all his friends’ complexions weren’t good.
“Why are the medication costs so expensive?”
“Doesn’t insurance cover it?”
“What about Center benefits and stuff?”
“What’s the personality of the person paying your salary like? If it’s a private employment arrangement, you two will be working together, right? If your personalities don’t match, that would be fucking terrible. With all that money going out, is it bearable?”
Somehow the topic changed to Jung Sijun. Yoon Kihyun chewed on a few pieces of meat placed on his small plate while choosing his words.
Jung Sijun. One day wouldn’t be enough to talk about that guy.
“…I used to think I didn’t want to work with him, but somehow I ended up working under good conditions.”
That said, he didn’t mention that he’d met Jung Sijun in front of a gate or that they’d slept together while drunk. These guys knew his sexual orientation, but he didn’t want to open up too many overly private matters.
“Did he propose it first?”
“Yeah.”
“Maybe that’s why, every time I see you, you seem a bit restless.”
“How old is the esper who hired you?”
“Twenty-five.”
His friends paused for a moment at the younger age than expected. They didn’t know Yoon Kihyun’s annual salary in detail, but they knew it was quite a burdensome amount for an individual to bear.
“No wonder you’re restless. He’s younger than you but pays that salary, so your pride must be hurt, and you must be hit hard with reality thinking ‘why do I have to live like this?'”
It was hard to argue. Because that was actually the case. Above all, the problem was that Jung Sijun couldn’t hide that he liked him.
“Recently, someone else has contacted me asking to be their personal guide too, so my head is really complicated.”
Jung Sijun alone was enough to complicate his head, but with Seo Igyeong sending messages whenever he was about to forget him, he was doubly disturbed.
“Wow, since you have ability, people around you won’t leave you alone. Should this be called receiving blessings, or should it be called a tiring life?”
The meal gathering gradually warmed up. While they talked about work, hobbies, and useless chatter, one friend who had been quietly observing Yoon Kihyun participating in the conversation here and there spoke up.
“How are you these days?”
Yoon Kihyun, who was about to pick up meat, asked back while recalling the topic they’d been discussing until just before.
“Dating?”
“Yeah.”
“Where would I have time for that? I don’t have the leisure, and my body’s like this, so it’s a bit…”
“No one you’re interested in either?”
Rather than interested, there was someone who bothered him. The problem was that despite having a build as big as a door, if you looked at him a bit longer, his earlobes gradually turned red, and he was an employer three years younger who constantly whined about not being able to buy him this and that.
As Yoon Kihyun’s answer was delayed, all eyes gathered on him.
“…There is someone, but.”
“But why is your reaction like that?”
“Seeing how lukewarm you are, is it perhaps your employer, that guy?”
At the question hitting the mark, Yoon Kihyun blinked rapidly and managed his expression.
“…No matter how I think about it, I think he likes me.”
It was a statement that seemed like excessive self-consciousness, but if you quietly watched Jung Sijun’s attitude, you couldn’t help but know.
“What do you want to do about it? Do you want to date him, or do you just want to ignore it?”
“I’m not sure about that.”
Yoon Kihyun sighed as he answered.
He didn’t hate that awkward and somewhat ticklish atmosphere enough to shudder. The guy had offered him a helping hand during a difficult time, and watching what he did was definitely entertaining.
But if asked whether he wanted to date him, an immediate affirmative answer didn’t come out. That’s why he was constantly disturbed.
He knew Jung Sijun’s feelings, and he had no intention of accepting those feelings, yet he felt like he was unnecessarily testing the waters. He couldn’t shake the thought that he was giving him some leeway and subjecting him to subtle torture of hope.
“Kihyun.”
“What.”
“You be careful.”
“Of what?”
“From what I see, you need to be most careful right now. When your body is sick and life is hard, if you date, your life generally goes strangely. I’m fucking worried, you bastard. Really.”
Sincerity oozed from the long sigh. It was advice bordering on meddling, but there weren’t many people who interfered with Yoon Kihyun like that. His human relationships were shallow to begin with anyway.
“Forget it. I’m busy trying to cure my illness, what dating…”
“You know in your head that’s what you should do, but you can’t, so that’s why you’re disturbed and confused, isn’t it?”
Every word hit the mark. It felt good to have his frustrated feelings aired out, but because it was too aired out, his chest felt hollow.
“From what I see, your problem is that you think too much and are fucking weak to affection.”
Yoon Kihyun’s friend said that and poured alcohol. So the problem was affection deficit. Because of that damn lack of affection.
“Hey, but he must be handsome, right? If Yoon Kihyun is agonizing over it.”
“Ah, what’s with the face talk all of a sudden?”
“You’re fucking picky about faces.”
Was I the type to be picky about faces? Yoon Kihyun pondered while picking up a side dish placed in front of him.
“I just don’t meet people if their face isn’t great. You’re all the same too.”
“That’s why your standard for ‘not great’ is fucking high.”
“But is he really handsome?”
At his friend’s question, Yoon Kihyun blinked.
“Objectively, I don’t think he’s on the ugly side… Anyway, watching him is strange. I think ‘is there really someone like this’ and he’s funny and all that.”
As he revealed his impressions of Jung Sijun, his friends’ faces twitched.
“Damn.”
“All three parts of the set came out?”
“That’s what I’m saying.”
His friends exchanged glances and giggled. Unable to understand what they were talking about, Yoon Kihyun raised an eyebrow as if demanding an explanation.
“When you say stuff like that, it’s 100% that you’ve completely fallen for him, you bastard.”
“What?”
“I’m saying you’re already done for.”
His friend who loved to babble shook his head. The pitying look made him gradually get annoyed.
“I fell for him? Go crazy. Go fucking crazy.”
Yoon Kihyun crumpled his face with all his might and refuted.
He admitted to having some feelings. But he couldn’t agree with the word “fallen.”
He was just a bit concerned, and felt human fondness for how he knew how to reflect on and regret past actions.
‘What? I’ve completely fallen? That doesn’t even sound right.’
It was ambiguous to say he definitely felt Jung Sijun as a romantic interest. They’d had sex twice, but both weren’t incidents that occurred during any emotional exchange.
The first time happened while working, and the second time was a happening that occurred while drunk.
“You really have no feelings for him?”
“It’s not that I want to date him or anything, bastard. I’m just a bit concerned.”
Yoon Kihyun shook his head as if shuddering. For someone openly expressing distaste, the words he’d let slip bit by bit were significant. One of Yoon Kihyun’s friends who had been twitching his lips tapped his chopsticks on the bowl and summarized.
“So what you’re saying is, when you see him, your feelings are a bit complicated.”
“Yeah.”
“When you watch him, you think ‘is there really a guy like this,’ he’s strange, funny.”
“Yeah.”
“His face isn’t objectively ugly by your standards. He has a lot of money.”
“…Yeah.”
“He likes you. But you don’t have absolutely zero feelings for him either, not even a speck.”
“…”
Yoon Kihyun’s answer speed slowed down, and finally there was no answer to the last statement. Seeing him press his lips tightly shut with a disturbed expression, Yoon Kihyun’s friends suppressed their laughter.
As friends, it was just funny to see a guy who could have been famous in another way if he’d put his mind to it sitting there like that.
“Kihyun.”
“…What.”
“Nothing. Just hang in there. What are you going to do with such a complicated head? Hang in there, bastard.”
“Yeah, okay. Thanks.”
Yoon Kihyun just nodded while drinking the water his friend poured. The meal gathering continued for quite a while after that.
On an evening when he was newly reminded of the preciousness of friends, Yoon Kihyun occasionally recalled Jung Sijun’s face even though he wasn’t at this gathering.
‘You already exchanged numbers with Seo Igyeong? Really. Don’t contact that bastard. I told you that bastard is fucking suspicious.’
‘Even if you’re my employer, you don’t have the right to interfere with who I personally contact. And I clearly told you I have no intention of being Seo Igyeong’s personal guide.’
‘But what am I supposed to do when I’m anxious?’
‘I heard being anxious about trivial things is an illness. How about going to the hospital once for counseling?’
‘Ah, shit! Forget it! Why can’t I say anything, really.’
What dating with that guy who grumbles like a kid.
On the way home, while walking through an alley organizing his complicated head, he felt a vibration notifying him of an arriving message.
Team Leader Seo Igyeong
A new cafe opened near the Center. It has more tea varieties than other cafes, so you should try it too, Kihyun (map link)
Remembering that he’d mentioned drinking tea to follow the doctor’s advice to stay away from caffeine, Seo Igyeong occasionally recommended delicious cafes.
Whenever he remembered, he visited them thinking of it as being deceived, but surprisingly they were all to his liking, to the point of being startling.
If I have time, I’ll go. Thank you
Team Leader Seo Igyeong
For something like this? I bought hibiscus to drink during night duty today, but I don’t think this one tastes very good. Just so you know
It would be a lie to say Seo Igyeong’s trivial contacts weren’t burdensome. However, he didn’t feel ominously suspicious like before.
‘But still, dating…’
There was still no room in his life for such a wasteful act as dating.
But if he were to date, it seemed like someone older with leisure would be better than a childish type like Jung Sijun.
‘Since I almost ended my life just cleaning up after someone, younger guys are just a bit… you know.’
Yoon Kihyun laid his weary body on the bed and fell fast asleep.
