It was an empty answer that didn’t feel even the slightest bit sincere. I’m the idiot for thinking I could have an honest conversation with this bastard. I pushed Baek Sahyun away with a scowl on my face.
He shrugged his shoulders as if unimpressed.
“Let’s try trusting each other, Heejae-ya.”
“Forget it, what’s your wish anyway? For me to act like your lackey again by your side? To grovel like a dog?”
When I sneered to my heart’s content, he crossed his arms and fell into thought. Soon a light and refreshing answer popped out.
“Should I?”
“What, you bastard?”
“Haha.”
Baek Sahyun laughed silently, then wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and pulled me sharply toward him. Unable to withstand the momentum, I ended up pressing my lips against the area near his chin. Fuck!
Baek Sahyun whispered at just the right moment.
“What my wish is, is a secret.”
“…….”
“This seems like it’ll be more fun.”
Only after a few seconds of silence could I understand the foul play he’d committed.
“You can’t make our lips brush like this!”
“It’s fine. This doesn’t count.”
Pressing down on my trembling shoulders with one hand, Baek Sahyun delivered his final provocation.
“Take good care of yourself for the time being, Heejae-ya. Don’t go biting my lips because you’re desperate.”
Crazy bastard. I was so dumbfounded I could barely breathe.
❖ ❖ ❖
Naturally, there was absolutely no way to figure out Baek Sahyun’s psychology. It could be a simple whim, or it could be genuine. Whatever it was, the best I could do was focus on the situation at hand, right?
For now, on the surface, the bet had been established, so even if I just endured quietly, I’d be halfway there. Whatever, I wanted to gain the right to use my wish to forbid his advances.
“You awake? Aren’t you tired?”
Moreover, from the very next day, seeing Baek Sahyun become strangely affectionate, it didn’t seem like the bet would just end at the level of a joke.
The guy was waiting for me from the crack of dawn with a meal already set up. I thought he’d make me grill the meat and everything, but suddenly his attitude changed to one of entertaining a VIP.
“Eat a lot, Heejae-ya.”
He even personally placed the spoon and chopsticks in my hand. It was a ploy whose intention was too obvious, but that made it even harder to come up with an appropriate response.
What should I say—it was like becoming the protagonist of a role-play. I wanted to pour cold water over this ticklish atmosphere, but I gave up since there seemed to be no way to handle it.
“…Thanks. You’re pretty good at cooking.”
Perhaps gaining confidence from my awkward reaction, Baek Sahyun continued to intensify the role-play from then on. Suggesting a date to show me the walking trail, kneeling down to tie my shoelaces saying they’d come undone, acting cute asking if I wanted to go swimming.
Eventually, Baek Sahyun, who’d dragged me all the way to the pool, appealed to me.
“Heejae, do whatever you want. You said you like playing in the water.”
“The water play I’m talking about is, fuck, not water torture.”
“Right. I won’t do that, so it means play however you want. Stop with that cursing already.”
I asked, feeling a bit bewildered.
“Hey. I’m saying this because I feel bad for you.”
“Mm.”
“Aren’t you… trying too hard?”
When there was no answer, I stared blankly at the rippling water.
I could tell he was making an effort to turn me gay. However, the probability of me being so moved that I’d give him a kiss was close to zero. Honestly, the more sincerity Baek Sahyun showed, the more embarrassed I just became. I felt bad for him, like he was pouring his soul into a hopeless fight all alone.
“Hahahaha!”
That’s why even seeing him burst into laughter only made me worry in reverse. Yeah. From his perspective, my statement must seem funny. With that face, how many times could he have been rejected?
“You’re a difficult type to seduce, Nam Heejae.”
Baek Sahyun, who’d been lying on the sun bed, approached with a jest.
“Just swim for now. I really won’t do anything.”
“Then you. You’re just going to keep reading your book all refined?”
“Yeah. I hate getting wet more than anything in the world. I’m not good at swimming either.”
Seeing him wearing long sleeves in this sweltering weather, I could tell he was definitely someone who kept his distance from swimming. Then when he shoved my head into the bathtub before, does that mean it was thrilling enough to endure getting his shirt wet?
Ugh. Shuddering at the memory that resurfaced, I turned my gaze to the vast pool.
“Anyway, I’m really playing by myself. Don’t disturb me.”
“As you wish.”
Baek Sahyun lowered his sunglasses as if telling me to do as I pleased, blocking his gaze.
I stripped off the black sleeveless shirt I was wearing. Just in case, I’d brought swimwear, but since I was entering the water for the first time in a while, I wanted to go in bare. That seemed like it would feel more like actually living.
But somehow it felt like someone was poking at my back, so I briefly turned my head. However, because of the black sunglasses, I couldn’t figure out where his gaze was directed.
Since being wary wouldn’t benefit me anyway, I did some simple warm-up exercises and jumped into the water.
Splash!
I felt the ice-cold water seep into my bones. I swam through the water, filled with anticipation.
Above the distorted slope, I could see the blue sky rippling. Suddenly I felt liberated. So much so that I wanted to stay submerged in the water forever.
“Hah….”
When the water temperature became lukewarm and the scenery reflected in the currents turned reddish, I finally hoisted myself up onto the tiles. I wiped my stinging face with a towel.
Once my vision was properly secured, I saw Baek Sahyun turning pages in the same position as dozens of minutes ago.
Actually, I thought at some point he’d enter the pool and push down my head. However, Baek Sahyun, as he’d promised, hadn’t shown even an inch of movement for several hours.
After roughly drying off the moisture, I cautiously approached him. I waved my palm in front of his sunglasses, unable to tell if he was looking at the text or viewing the scenery.
Even then, when there was no movement, I was certain he was dozing. Suddenly my heart pounded hard. The great Baek Sahyun was sleeping in an unguarded state. And right in front of me!
With trembling hands, I lifted his sunglasses. Is he really asleep….
“Aagh, fuck!”
However, what I faced when I lifted the sunglasses were eyes with a clear boundary between the whites and blacks, blinking very brightly. I ended up flopping onto the floor with a thud.
“I thought I was gonna have a heart attack! Ugh, you bastard! Really!”
“…Already pregnant? I think we’ve only kissed so far.”
I covered my ears at the insulting remark.
“If you get pregnant now, I’d be slightly wronged. It’s too early to become a dad.”
Baek Sahyun whispered shamelessly, then took the towel hanging around my neck and began wiping the remaining moisture from my lower face. He asked subtly.
“So. How do you feel?”
“About what.”
“Did you build some trust in me?”
“What trust?”
“I was waiting quietly. I keep my promises well, don’t I?”
Receiving his touch, I pondered my answer. While I doubted whether trust could build in just one day, recognizing the fact that he’d been reading his book for a good several hours did shake my heart.
Baek Sahyun whispered.
“Heejae, you swim well. You should’ve been a swimmer.”
“…So you’ve changed your tactics to flattering me now.”
“Yeah. Don’t like it?”
“It’s okay to hear. Try groveling with words at least.”
A laugh escaped without me realizing it. It was ridiculous how he was doing this frantic flirting for the sole reason of wanting to make me gay.
“Sorry, but no matter how hard you try, it won’t work, Sahyun-ah. What can I do when my identity is heterosexual?”
“I pampered you all day and all you do is say things that ruin the mood.”
“Hey…, with no pride, why are you acting like you did me such a favor? Don’t tell me you did this with your previous lovers too?”
I whacked his shoulder in horror. I’d never seen a decent guy who acted like he was doing favors. I’d always taught Haesu to stay away from guys who acted like they were doing favors.
At that moment, Baek Sahyun raised the corners of his mouth strangely.
“Where would I have lovers, Heejae-ya.”
The distance narrowed by another span.
“…If you don’t have any, you should try making one. Don’t torment an innocent friend.”
The timing was exquisite. The towel hanging around my neck dropped to my feet with a thud. A crisis alarm began ringing in my heart. Fuck, this tension was dangerous.
“You’re right. I’ve been paying too much attention only to Heejae lately.”
“Right. Now stop paying attention to me and think about finding a decent omega….”
While pushing away his body with my forearm, our gazes met head-on. In the darkness that had begun to settle, his black eyes gleamed.
Baek Sahyun tilted his head slightly. Ah, damn it. My gaze, which had been unable to find its bearings, settled right above Baek Sahyun’s lips. Once I started being conscious of it, I couldn’t easily tear my gaze away. I was naturally drawn to his lips like a gravitational pull.
Absolutely not!
Unable to endure the oppressive atmosphere, I twisted my body and pushed Baek Sahyun backward. Without realizing that there was a pool beyond him.
Splash—!
“Bae, Baek Sahyun!”
I hurriedly looked into the pool. A pitch-black silhouette went in and out of the water, then soon sank completely toward the inside. Only then did Baek Sahyun’s voice whispering that he couldn’t swim flash through my mind.
And…, memories from the past that I’d been forgetting lately came crashing over me.
An accident from over a decade ago. That time when Jang Haesu, who was eight years old, fell into the valley water and lost consciousness.
“How can you not even properly watch your sister!”
That summer when Jang Haesu and I, who’d never even properly gone on trips, participated in a church camp through the kindness of a pastor we’d known for a long time.
With a small group camping in tents rather than a villa—even at that insignificant trip, my heart was purely excited. Because it felt like a brief liberation from the damp-smelling underground one-room.
Because of that, I seemed to have forgotten my duty. While playing in the valley water, I let go of Jang Haesu’s hand.
No, perhaps I didn’t let go, but I myself abandoned Jang Haesu. The impulse to discard the existence I’d been burdened with like baggage for several years.
If I’d known the term “willful negligence” from that time, I would have lived my whole life ruminating only on that term. From the moment I lost Jang Haesu in the steep valley, I had always been a sinner.
