Most moments in life are generally remembered in the form of ‘what was done’ at the time. But occasionally, there are memories where ‘who it was done with’ is more important.
Later, when looking back on the summer vacation of his second year of high school, Yumyeong naturally thought it would be entirely about Ryu Hakyoung.
There were no special events in the daily routine that repeated itself every day. They woke up together, spent their days going through their schedules, and on some days, attended special vacation lectures prepared by the school. On days when there was nothing scheduled, they impulsively rented bicycles and rode along the stream. They once traced where this waterway ended and reached a huge reservoir.
The distance they rode by bicycle that day was about 80 kilometers, and after returning to the dormitory, the two had to suffer from severe muscle pain for quite some time. (They had even departed without a plan, so Yumyeong was still wearing slippers) Every time they went up and down the stairs, they would burst into sobbing laughter at each other’s awkward appearance as they walked hunched over, gripping the handrails.
On other days, they borrowed the school media room and watched movies or dramas all day long. Yumyeong, who had an impatient personality, wasn’t drawn to anything, no matter how much of a masterpiece it was, if the opening didn’t hook him. Hakyoung, on the other hand, was the type to patiently enjoy things until a scene came that made him cry, but he would agree when Yumyeong got bored. That day, they skipped past about 30 movies after watching only the first 10 minutes.
“I’m kind of drawn to this one. What do you think?”
“I like it too.”
After finally choosing a movie, Yumyeong was delighted, saying they had similar taste in films. Not knowing that Hakyoung had unilaterally gone along with everything.
Just then, a violent scene was playing on the screen. Rather than getting excited by the realistic action scene, Hakyoung frowned.
“Why don’t they just resolve it through dialogue.”
At the absurd comment, Yumyeong burst into laughter.
“Then the movie wouldn’t continue.”
“Anyway, violence is the worst. I don’t understand the feeling of wanting to hit someone.”
“Have you really never wanted to beat someone up even once?”
“Right. So… you shouldn’t do that either.”
Yumyeong unconsciously stared intently at Hakyoung’s profile. Come to think of it, in the early days, Hakyoung had many misunderstandings about him related to throwing punches. He even chose movies where people throw punches. His first impression might still remain, and he might still think of him as a guy who resorts to violence at the drop of a hat.
But if that were the case, he would be in an unfair position too.
“There’s something you’re misunderstanding—I hate violence too. Before coming to this school, I’d never actually hit anyone.”
“……”
“Really. You know him too. That third-year sunbae. Hwang Gyeongjin. No, that bastard… he was making me do punishment exercises and suddenly told me to crawl between his legs while doing push-ups. I did it with my eyes tightly shut, but right when I was passing between his legs, he sat down on my back. You know that feeling when your eyes suddenly turn? So without realizing it, I jumped up right then and……”
Yumyeong jumped up and mimicked throwing a punch into the air. Even though it was just a motion, the threatening sound of it cutting through the air made Hakyoung flinch without realizing it. Noticing this, Yumyeong chuckled.
“That was the first time. Later I found out the bone in the back of my hand had come out of place, you know? I should’ve known what I was doing before hitting him. I was clumsy. Since my fist landed wrong, I got hurt too. Of course that sunbae must’ve hurt, but I was fucking hurt too and couldn’t say anything to anyone.”
When he finished speaking, Hakyoung suddenly grabbed Yumyeong’s hand and began examining it this way and that. As if he would find traces of something that had already happened over half a year ago.
Those careful eyes were so cute that Yumyeong grinned.
“It’s healed now.”
“Did you get it treated properly?”
“Yeah. It had a hairline fracture so I got a cast. It was my right hand so I had a hard time for a while.”
“……It must have hurt.”
Hakyoung’s voice was filled with sincerity. With just those few words, the knot that hadn’t unraveled since last winter dissipated. Because he had been disappointed in himself for doing something that couldn’t be called good in any way, he had naturally never complained about it. But it seemed he had wanted to tell someone to understand his situation.
Father……
Even if he scolded him until his tears dried up, if only he had said just one word, ‘It must have hurt.’
It was strange that Hakyoung was saying now what he had wanted to hear back then.
At one time, when his heart felt terribly lonely, he would torment his body to stop his thoughts. That’s why he threw punches recklessly against the sunbae who persistently bullied him, with a ‘come what may’ attitude, and why he endured on the rooftop in just a shirt, taking the cold wind hitting his entire body. The situation was worse than back then, but now he didn’t feel like doing that.
Because his friend provided comfort better than anything else.
Yumyeong grew to like Hakyoung even more with renewed feeling.
“Hey, you’re going to attend university in Korea, right?”
At Yumyeong’s out-of-the-blue question, Hakyoung looked up.
“Probably. Why?”
“You’re not going to America?”
“I did have plans to before.”
“Your words are ambiguous?”
“That was my parents’ idea……”
Saying that, Hakyoung chewed on his lips. Watching that appearance intently, Yumyeong suddenly spoke.
“Can’t you not go?”
“Huh?”
“Don’t go to America, let’s go to school in Korea together.”
It was a statement that implicitly assumed a future together. Hakyoung stopped chewing his lips and raised his head.
“I think it would be fun to go to university together. Going to mixers, drinking a shitload, dating……”
As if cutting off the continuing words, Hakyoung retorted sharply.
“Do you go to university for fun?”
Seeing that, Yumyeong smirked. The light from the movie pouring out of the media room’s large screen flickered over Hakyoung’s face.
“You’re always playing hard to get when you’re actually pleased, you are.”
Saying that, Yumyeong plopped back down in his chair. He found the remote control and was absorbed in rewinding the screen that had flowed meaninglessly while they were chatting.
Hakyoung sank deep into his chair.
Like that, moving outside of Yumyeong’s field of vision, he stole glances at his face instead of the screen from time to time.
***
As he had felt before, Hakyoung’s bone structure was incredibly solid.
He could feel it when embracing him deeply. The sharply protruding scapula that touched when wrapping his arms around his back, or the ankle bone that touched when their bare feet brushed against each other. The parts where muscles were attached were so firm that even when pressed hard with fingers, they wouldn’t give way at all, but in contrast, his skin was soft. Especially the inside of his elbows and his earlobes.
“What’s wrong. It tickles……”
When he fiddled with his earlobe, Hakyoung mumbled while shrinking his neck a little. Yumyeong chuckled and absentmindedly and repeatedly touched the soft part with the knuckle of his index finger.
When his heart felt empty, Yumyeong would burrow into Hakyoung. Previously, he didn’t know that an embrace where he could feel the other person’s body heat could be this good. Just hotly embracing someone gave him an inexplicable sense of fullness. If he had raised a small dog or cat, he probably would have embraced them. But there was only Hakyoung by his side, and he never refused Yumyeong’s embraces.
‘Well, of course, since he’s the type who’s attracted to men.’
If he treated other friends this way, they would either be disgusted or tell him he was acting weird and rebuke him. But there was no way Hakyoung would hate this kind of thing, and knowing this, Yumyeong relied on him for many nights.
“Stop it……”
As if the fidgeting touch was no longer pleasant, Hakyoung shook his head to shake it off. Then he lowered his head and burrowed into Yumyeong’s embrace. Of all things, every time he breathed, his breath touched around the collarbone. Thanks to that, this time it was Yumyeong who felt ticklish.
“Hey, don’t breathe. It tickles.”
“Then let me go.”
“No.”
Yumyeong held Hakyoung’s head and fiddled with his fine-textured hair. His hair, which was more than abundant—it was thick—gave off a fluffy shampoo scent every time he tickled the ends of his scalp with his fingers.
“What do you want me to do……”
Still with his face buried in his neck, Hakyoung quietly grumbled.
“Don’t talk either.”
“Haah……”
“Don’t sigh. I said it tickles.”
“……”
As if trying to comply with Yumyeong’s words, Hakyoung didn’t breathe for about 30 seconds. But after that, as if he absolutely couldn’t stand it anymore, his breathing continued more intensely than before. Because he was gasping for breath, going “huk, huk,” Yumyeong eventually burst into laughter.
While laughing loudly, his eyes met with Hakyoung’s, who had raised his head. The moment he became aware of those eyes that seemed to bore into him, he felt a warm, dry palm touching his waist.
These kinds of moments came often these days. The color of their embrace had definitely changed from not long ago when they merely shared the same bed because he didn’t want to experience sleep paralysis.
Yumyeong didn’t avoid it and looked straight into those eyes. Even if Hakyoung touched him with some kind of intention, he didn’t particularly dislike it now. Perhaps it was because he needed Hakyoung just as much. Intoxicated by the comfort that no one would find out and no one would suspect, Yumyeong became a little more lenient.
Is he going to do it again?
It was the moment that thought crossed his mind.
But a few seconds later, Hakyoung instead lowered his eyes and pulled back first.
“Hmm……”
While letting go of Hakyoung who was creating distance while awkwardly clearing his throat, Yumyeong fell into thought.
Whether once or twice.
No one knows anyway.
Does it mean he doesn’t want to do it with just anyone?
“Why aren’t you kissing me?”
At the question that suddenly burst out, Hakyoung suddenly choked badly. He thought he would be okay quickly, but for quite a while he coughed and suffered, his ears and face turning bright red. Since he couldn’t calm down at all, even Yumyeong awkwardly got up from his seat.
“Are you okay?”
When he patted the back of Hakyoung who was suffering from not being able to breathe, he finally managed to breathe and said,
“How can you say something like that……”
“Hey, you’re funny. I only asked. You’re the one who actually did it.”
When he brought up what happened not long ago, Hakyoung turned his head away sharply with a reddened face. Tilting his head and following that face all the way, Yumyeong wondered why Hakyoung was so embarrassed.
