The two received penalty points amicably, one point each, for the reason that they went out without notice and were late for roll call. They were only about 30 minutes late for roll call, but they received penalty points nearly equivalent to staying out overnight, so it could be called excessive treatment.
However, Yumyeong obediently accepted the punishment. Perhaps finding it unusual that the guy who would normally whine as much as he could had kept his mouth firmly shut, the dormitory supervisor shooed them away with a wave of his hand instead of lecturing them further.
When they returned to the room, Yumyeong was completely drained. Feeling sorry about getting on Hakyoung’s bed in clothes covered with dust from being out all day, he instead flopped down on the ownerless mattress with all the sheets stripped off.
When he raised his arm to cover his face, he felt signs of Hakyoung, who had been moving around nearby, heading to the bathroom to wash first.
“……He believes you can be sufficiently independent and has arranged a house for you. All the belongings at the main house will be moved there as well, so you can live there from now on……. Even in the case you go to university…….”
The main house? You expect me to believe that?
It was called independence, but he’d really been kicked out.
He wasn’t excited at all. Rather, resentment remained in his chest for not being able to properly question the discrimination until now.
If something like this happened, he thought there would be at least one chance to meet his father one-on-one. He had bent his own temperament and never rebelled even once to become the obedient honor student his father wanted. If he could be given just one chance to speak his mind to such a father, if only he could pour it all out thinking it was the last time.
‘Even if I’m not your child, if you decided to take responsibility, then do your job as a parent properly.’
He wanted to say that.
Throughout hearing the story, he glared at the secretary with piercing eyes, but he didn’t budge at all. Of course not. Because he was an outsider who had no need to empathize with Yumyeong’s situation.
After parting with the secretary, he tried calling the main house and his mother in turn. However, none of them could be reached. At first he was shocked by the fact that even his mother was refusing his contact, then thought, she must be avoiding me for a while because she feels ashamed. There had been such cases before. Like when he was kicked out to this rural boarding school instead of studying abroad…….
It was always like this. Mother had no choice but to follow Father’s words. And when she couldn’t justify her actions to Yumyeong, she avoided contact. Though it was terribly cruel, that too was the life Mother had chosen. He was a child, not a parent, so he couldn’t take responsibility for his mother.
‘Mom, get divorced.’
Since he was very young, those words had risen to his throat more than once or twice. However, even when he was a kid with far less sense, he couldn’t say those words.
If only I were an adult instead…….
Father was the dictator of this family. If his choice was to kick out one member who went against his wishes, ultimately the family would operate in such a form. He just needed to be the one to leave. Then that harmonious family would gain peace.
Yumyeong, who had wandered the streets alone in anger and sorrow, returned to school only after the sun set. His rage gradually changed to sadness and soon came as deep depression. After spending an unknown amount of time at the bus stop for a long while, he deflated on his own.
They said parents would do anything for their children…….
Is the reason my parents don’t do that also because there’s a problem with me?
But the fact that I’m not Father’s child isn’t something I could choose.
I wasn’t born because I wanted to be born either.
“Yumyeong, Shin Yumyeong.”
At Hakyoung’s careful voice, Yumyeong was pulled back to reality. Without raising his head buried in his arm, Yumyeong responded ‘why.’ An utterly sunken voice flowed out.
“You should wash up and sleep.”
“It’s bothersome……. Don’t wake me.”
“Get up, quickly.”
Hakyoung gripped and shook his arm as if he would grab it and make him stand up right away. However, Yumyeong stubbornly put strength in the opposite direction. Seeing that his eyes felt lukewarm, it seemed tears had already leaked out a bit. His eyes and nose had obviously turned red, but he absolutely didn’t want to be caught.
“Why are you resisting so hard?”
“Ugh…….”
“Are you joking around?”
“No, damn…….”
“You know I’m strong, right?”
“I know, so go away.”
“If I really put in strength. Whoa.”
When Hakyoung really made up his mind and put in strength, his wrist was lifted ridiculously easily. However, the moment their eyes met, surprise flashed in Hakyoung’s eyes at seeing Yumyeong’s reddened eyes. Yumyeong felt indescribable embarrassment and lay face down again.
Being caught crying was embarrassing, and pathetically his nose kept running. While quietly sniffling, Hakyoung came back after turning off the room light. As he lay quietly in the room with only the small stand light flowing, a moment later something cold touched his cheek. When he only glanced with his eyes, it was none other than banana milk.
He said he’d buy one more when he wanted to eat it, and he bought this without ever saying when.
“Eat.”
“Give me some tissues.”
Hakyoung handed over tissues without complaint. Yumyeong blew his nose, one-shotted the banana milk, and threw the crumpled trash whoosh into the trash can. As always, it was accurate aim.
When he calmed down a bit, Yumyeong adjusted his position and lay down again. Then after a big sigh, he spat out words.
“I think Father abandoned me.”
Even at the sudden confession, Hakyoung didn’t show a big reaction. When he looked beside him, he was just looking at him with cautious eyes. Instead of offering empty words of comfort, it seemed he was listening carefully to his story, which rather put his mind at ease. He strangely felt like talking more.
“I knew this would happen someday. I had a premonition it would be like this. But I thought it would be later…… at least after I became an adult. Damn…… is it because I messed up my grades……. Since it looks like I can’t get into a good university, is he already throwing me away?”
“You can get into a good university.”
“That’s obvious. But if that’s not what Father wants…….”
Before finishing his words, suddenly Hakyoung grabbed Yumyeong’s hand. It was a very warm hand. It was strength he could easily shake off, but he didn’t particularly feel like pulling it out.
Instead, Yumyeong looked into Hakyoung’s eyes. Hakyoung’s eye level, sitting on the floor leaning against the bed, was similar to his own eye level.
“You don’t need to think like that. It doesn’t matter what your parents expect from you. You can live however you want.”
“…….”
“Anyway, parents and children are meant to part someday, and they can’t live life at the same speed. Living together as a family is also just a moment when you look at your whole life. So you don’t need to be depressed because the time to be independent came a bit early.”
“Only someone who was loved in childhood can say such things.”
“That might be true.”
Hakyoung let out a slight laugh. However, laughing didn’t seem like he was lightly brushing off his worries. Without realizing it, Yumyeong was thoroughly examining that laughing face with quietly sparkling eyes.
“But it’s not easy for parents to abandon their child. They can’t…….”
“How can you be sure?”
“You remain on the family register.”
“…….”
“Do you think Korean law is that lenient?”
He burst out laughing at the absurd words. Finally seeing Yumyeong really laugh, Hakyoung quietly smiled. Yumyeong gripped his hand with a bit of strength and shook it.
“The house where I’ll live alone, they say it’s near Gwanghwamun. Let’s go together later.”
“That’s close to my house.”
“Where’s your house?”
“Yeonhui-dong.”
“I see. Our main house is in Jangchung-dong. They’re all not very far. Right. I wonder if I’ll have a reason to go there now though.”
“……Yeah.”
“Since we’ll be busy when the semester starts, should we go during vacation?”
“Good.”
When the words stopped, silence enveloped the two.
Silence continued but it wasn’t an awkward silence. While their eyes met, Hakyoung gently rubbed the back of Yumyeong’s held hand with his thumb. After looking at Yumyeong like that for a long while, Hakyoung tilted his head slightly.
A shadow fell over his head. Yumyeong only smoothly moved his pupils to look at Hakyoung coming closer to him. His fine-textured hair approached close enough to tickle his cheek, then soon their high nose tips bumped into each other.
His nose tilted at an oblique angle, and their lips quietly touched.
Like that, with their lips pressed together, both only breathed.
He didn’t know. Why he didn’t avoid it.
One thing was certain—there was nothing unnatural about it.
From when they were looking at each other, he somehow knew Hakyoung wanted to do that, and that feeling wasn’t unfamiliar or unpleasant at all. And right now, he wanted to embrace anyone.
“Come up.”
Yumyeong said quietly.
Hakyoung carefully came up onto the bed. As he lay down long beside him, Yumyeong squirmed and leaned against Hakyoung as he did every night. Even though he himself hadn’t even washed yet, and this wasn’t Hakyoung’s bed where they always fell asleep together but an empty mattress without even a single blanket laid on it, Hakyoung didn’t object to anything.
“Hug me.”
At those words, Hakyoung embraced his shoulders. Yumyeong also placed his hand on his waist and pulled him in deep.
There are times when anyone needs a hug while living. And now was exactly such a time.
In a place where no one watches, in a place where no one catches them.
People who each need affection are just sharing body warmth with each other.
Yumyeong hugged Hakyoung tightly and muttered.
“Warm.”
“……You too.”
Thinking about it, from when he was a baby, after he started being able to hold his neck up—in other words, after he developed a sense of self—his parents had never once hugged him like this. He wondered if they knew that and felt sorry.
