Yumyeong asked nothing and simply embraced the trembling shoulders. His firm arms, which had grown much taller than his mother before he knew it, were comforting her.
There was no one in the house who could go against Father. It was the same for Yumyeong, and the same for Mother. Although he had guesses about the reason for this, Yumyeong had never once spoken it aloud.
Because just saying it would hurt everyone.
That he was not Father’s blood.
He didn’t know what circumstances led to Mother giving birth to him and then marrying the current Father, but he didn’t want to blame her for it. He was just terribly lonely when he saw his half-sibling being loved. To the point where he thought it was better to leave far away like this and not see it.
So he said something else.
“Seeing you cry… Mom, you must have heard about my exam grades.”
Even the joke he tossed out didn’t stop the tears. Yumyeong sighed while looking up at the car ceiling.
“I didn’t come in last place.”
“I’m worried… I’m so worried about you and it breaks my heart.”
“I know.”
Just those words saying she was worried about him made his heart melt. As long as she wasn’t turning away and abandoning him because she disliked and hated him, or because he didn’t meet expectations, anything was fine. The child who had been neglected with indifference for so long was starved for affection and became lenient so easily like this.
“I’ll really do well next time. Mom.”
Mother continued to cry without answering. Those tears were so sorrowful and suffocating that Yumyeong found it hard to bear. Hearing other people cry was the hardest thing for him to endure. Like that, Yumyeong comforted his mother for a long time.
Hakyoung found Yumyeong in a strange place.
Yumyeong was sitting near the parking lot behind the dormitory. He was sitting blankly on the step of the back door that was kept locked since it wasn’t normally used as an entrance, barely avoiding the rain.
He looked carefully at where Yumyeong was staring, but there was nothing particularly noteworthy there. That meant Yumyeong wasn’t looking at anything.
Yumyeong was often like this. After being noisy about everything, he would suddenly stop as if his battery had run out.
Hakyoung approached and knocked on the locked back door. But as expected, Yumyeong didn’t turn around. At times like this, Yumyeong seemed disconnected from the world, hearing nothing and not responding to any stimuli. He looked too powerless for it to be simply losing focus.
Without a word, Hakyoung left the dormitory and went around the building. By the time he approached the back door entrance, his whole body was slightly wet.
“What are you doing?”
He plopped down beside him, barely finding a dry spot, and only then did Yumyeong’s eyes roll toward him. Even then, his eyes couldn’t focus for a while and only recognized Hakyoung after a moment.
“What, why are you sitting so close?”
“I’m all wet, I can’t help it.”
Yumyeong grumbled and scooted over a bit. But perhaps because there was a water channel on the other side too, he couldn’t move very far. Hakyoung, who hadn’t actually minded sitting so close, felt a bit disappointed as he looked at Yumyeong’s wet pants and the toes of his sneakers. Perhaps he had been sitting there for quite a while, as even the skin of his arm that had briefly touched was moist.
“You have a half-sibling, don’t you?”
Hakyoung froze at Yumyeong’s sudden words.
“Don’t say anything. I had no way to explain it so I chose my words carefully… But calling them illegitimate sounds like I’m really picking a fight. Your mother is his second wife, right…? Even if I ask as politely as possible, this sounds awful too… So things like this, haah… no matter how you say it, it sounds awful.”
“…”
“In my family, I only resemble my mom.”
After saying something unexpected, Yumyeong stared at Hakyoung. He seemed to want to know Hakyoung’s reaction.
“Have you never felt that way?”
“Felt what?”
“You look exactly like your mother too. There’s nothing of your father’s face in you.”
“Hmm…”
Hakyoung narrowed his eyes and became lost in thought. He had heard until his ears were calloused that he had taken extremely after his mother’s side since childhood. His mother was an actress who had dominated the entertainment industry with her beauty during her active years before marriage. When rumors spread in the broadcasting industry that Hakyoung’s looks were the spitting image of hers, quite a few industry people had suggested whether they weren’t thinking of debuting Hakyoung in entertainment too.
On the other hand, Hakyoung’s father, aside from his wealth and fame, was nothing more than an ordinary middle-aged man in terms of appearance alone.
“I think it’s fortunate that I don’t resemble my father.”
“Haha!”
Yumyeong burst into light laughter at the honest words. But the laughter was brief, and bitterness hung at the corners of Yumyeong’s mouth.
“Is that so.”
“…”
“I wonder… what it would have been like if I resembled my father even a little.”
“…”
“My younger sibling looks exactly like Father. That might be why he favors him. Others say that can’t be, but it’s been visible since we were young, so I hated my own face.”
“Favoritism?”
Hakyoung thought of Yumyeong’s much younger sibling.
Around the time he was nine years old, Yumyeong got a younger sibling. Since it was a house with a newborn, visits weren’t easy, and he remembered that around that time, the number of times he went to Yumyeong’s house decreased. In Hakyoung’s memory, Yumyeong’s sibling was always a baby, so they only existed as a name.
It was clear that something had happened in that family after he left for America.
“Are you saying you and your sibling have different fathers?”
“Yeah.”
Yumyeong buried his head while hugging his knees. His fine black hair scattered over his forearms and sleeves.
“Still, at least Mom was on my side… but I left… They say out of sight, out of mind. She wouldn’t give up on me, right? But I couldn’t ask. I don’t know how to say it…”
What he muttered to himself pierced Hakyoung’s heart. His uncharacteristically melancholic voice made his heart churn.
“Give up?”
Hakyoung grabbed Yumyeong’s arm and shook it. It was an action he did without realizing. Yumyeong’s wrist that he grabbed was cold and moist.
Yumyeong, who had raised his head at the sudden contact, looked down at Hakyoung’s hand holding his arm.
“Your hand is hot.”
“Oh.”
Only then did Hakyoung become conscious and opened his hand in the air. When Yumyeong’s eyes followed that hand, his fingers trembled finely for some reason. Before it could be noticed, Hakyoung clenched his fist tightly again.
“Are you unhappy too?”
Yumyeong asked. With obvious eyes.
“Are you lonely?”
“…”
Whoosh— the rain grew heavier. The moment their eyes met, Hakyoung felt that only the two of them were left in a space isolated by rain. He had a strange feeling that no one could break through this barrier. It was a moment when a strong sense of empathy was formed. As if drawn by something, Hakyoung slowly nodded once.
“I’m lonely.”
I’m lonely because you can’t even imagine my feelings.
I’m lonely because it feels like I was the only one left behind in childhood…
At Hakyoung’s answer, Yumyeong smiled as if somehow relieved.
“Right, everyone must be like that?”
“Probably…”
When he trailed off, Yumyeong took a deep breath.
The humid, damp air smelled like rain. The smell of wet asphalt and tree bark too. Watching that scene, Hakyoung opened his mouth without realizing it.
“The sense of smell is connected to memory.”
“…?”
At those words, Yumyeong’s eyes turned toward Hakyoung.
“So take deep breaths when you’re happy. Not when you’re lonely.”
“You know about that too?”
Yumyeong’s eyes had grown slightly larger. His clean whites were shinier than usual with more area exposed. Finding it hard to meet those questioning eyes, Hakyoung turned his head away.
“…It’s common knowledge.”
“I guess so.”
Yumyeong hugged his gathered knees again and rested his chin on them. His droopy eyes looking forward blinked slowly.
“That’s right. I should do that. I need to store a lot of memories when I’m happy. I was going to… but I forgot at some point.”
“What do you even remember?”
“Hey, I have really good memory. I even remember things from when I was a newborn.”
“Don’t lie.”
You don’t remember me though.
Thinking this, Hakyoung secretly reproached Yumyeong.
That’s when it happened.
“Hey, do your best.”
When he turned to look beside him, Yumyeong was smiling as always with his droopy eyes. His tone of voice seemed to have suddenly changed, and Hakyoung was swept up in confusion.
“With what.”
“I’m telling you to do well with Sunmin. You’re even in the same club now.”
“All of a sudden?”
“I’ll help you.”
“…I don’t need it.”
“Why? Are you confident you can do it without my help?”
Before he knew it, Yumyeong seemed to have returned to normal. Feeling a bit relieved, Hakyoung suggested again.
“You should join too.”
“Where.”
“The astronomy club. …Song Heeun is there too.”
At those words, Yumyeong’s expression soured.
“What are you even thinking? Oh, I get it. If I get together with Heeun, the obstacle to your love disappears. Hmph, you think I don’t know what you’re up to.”
“Think what you want.”
Suddenly feeling irritated, Hakyoung spoke in a low voice. His lips jutted out, making his pink lips 1.5 times thicker than usual.
At that moment, Yumyeong, who had been blankly watching the rain, asked in a somewhat sheepish voice.
“Hey, but. Are the membership fees expensive?”
“Does that matter?”
“It matters. If I’m not even interested and it costs a lot of money… Haah.”
Saying that, Yumyeong rummaged through his pocket. Folded bills spilled out from it.
“Mom gave this to me earlier. If you say the fees aren’t too expensive, I’ll do it too. That astronomy club thing.”
It was unexpected. Hakyoung’s eyes widened slightly.
“Then you won’t take my money anymore?”
“We’ll see.”
Hakyoung sighed while looking at the air as if dumbfounded. Yumyeong’s cold hand firmly pressed on Hakyoung’s shoulder. Rather than tapping, it was gripping and shaking.
“Hey, those who have should share. Okay?”
“Ha, do I look like your wallet?”
“Can’t I?”
“Get your hand off me.”
Pretending to be irritated for no reason, Hakyoung grabbed Yumyeong’s hand that was on his shoulder. Thanks to Yumyeong resisting and not backing down, the cold, moist hand became deeply intertwined as if interlocking fingers. Suppressing the desire to grip that hand until it crushed, Hakyoung pushed Yumyeong away.
The clueless, stupid Shin Yumyeong was smiling brightly again.
***
[Yumyeong is stupid and doesn’t know anything.]
Six-year-old Hakyoung wrote that in his diary. For a young child, his neat, proper handwriting continued the scathing review. His small hand, gripping the pencil until it nearly crushed, was filled with anger.
[He won first place in the robot competition, but Yumyeong is stupid. He was stupid from the beginning. Adults all say he’s smart, but Yumyeong is stupid.]
And on the day he wrote that diary entry, his private tutor called Hakyoung over and asked with a worried face.
“Young, did you fight with Yumyeong?”
No.
Hakyoung shook his head. The teacher looked at Hakyoung, who was clearly upset, as if finding him cute.
