After Yuchan disappeared with the staff, Dohyeong returned to his room with Wootae. He finished showering and lay in bed, but sleep wouldn’t come. It was because too many things had happened. The afterimages ringing in his head were still vivid even with his eyes closed.
“Hyung.”
“…Mm.”
At Wootae’s drowsy voice, Dohyeong held his breath for a moment.
What made Wootae honest wasn’t alcohol but drowsiness. It was common for him not to remember what he said the next day.
Occasionally, whenever he wanted an answer he couldn’t find himself, Dohyeong would take advantage of the moment when Wootae was sleepy. Because even if it was a hurtful answer, it would become a signpost when he couldn’t be coldly rational.
“Is it right for me to be swayed by Yuchan?”
Silence continued. He heard drowsy mumbling sounds as if swallowing words. After waiting for quite a while, he heard Wootae’s voice speaking as if with difficulty.
“Even if it’s not Yuchan… you being swayed by someone, that’s not wrong.”
He gripped the blanket tightly. He inhaled briefly and closed his eyes. Looking at the ceiling covered in pitch-black darkness, it felt like he’d be swallowed up.
“Living for your own happiness… isn’t selfish.”
“Yeah. That’s right.”
“But, Dohyeong-ah….”
“Yeah?”
No more words came. In the darkness covered by silence, Dohyeong opened his eyes. The streetlight seeping in from outside crossed the ceiling.
A light he hadn’t seen just before. Like that moment when he thought he was alone, when he thought of the people around him visible before his eyes as light.
“Your heart, leave it empty… when you, finish preparing… then.”
And his words cut off. Apparently unable to overcome drowsiness, he had fallen fast asleep.
But Dohyeong didn’t call Wootae. Because he knew all too well what the story he conveyed meant.
He thought sleep would come if he got an answer from Wootae, but somehow even when he closed his eyes, drowsiness didn’t come. Rather, his insides just became more frustrated.
Leaving his heart empty. Finishing preparing. They weren’t such difficult words, but when he tried to think about where and how to start, no answer came.
He was tossing and turning in frustration when suddenly his phone flashed.
Jung Haesung
Are you sleeping?
It was Haesung. Dohyeong, who sat up without realizing it, glanced unnecessarily at Wootae on the next bed.
Jung Haesung
No, I’m not sleeping.
What is it?
His heart pounded. Though it was a feeling completely far from excitement. Haesung contacting him at this hour was very unfamiliar.
He and Haesung had different filming schedules more often. Haesung never looked at his phone when filming, but that was the same even when he was home alone.
Even when Dohyeong, who had spare time during filming, contacted him, no answer would come back. The indication of unread, the number 1, would remain in that spot like a tattoo.
That Jung Haesung contacted him first.
Jung Haesung
I wanted to say good night.
At the messages arriving one after another, he unconsciously dropped his phone.
Jung Haesung
I thought this should come first if we’re going to become close. Greetings.
“Are you crazy?”
Was his muttering too loud? Startled, he covered his mouth with both hands and glanced at Wootae.
But he, still deeply asleep, didn’t move at all. Phew, he sighed briefly and glared at his phone again.
Jung Haesung
Is it not allowed?
It was the first time messages came in succession even without a reply.
So his insides turned over even more. It would have been better if he acted like before. Because he could predict his range of action and what words would follow next, so he could also handle him easily.
But this wasn’t it. Haesung’s sudden behavior just made Dohyeong uncomfortable.
Jung Haesung
Thank you for the greeting.
But can I ask one thing?
Yes. Ask.
Why are you being like this to me?
It was a message sent with courage, but no answer came back.
What, is he drunk? Just as he lay back down after staring at his phone for a while.
Jung Haesung
I want to become close. With Kim Dohyeong-ssi.
Once again, a message that made him doubt his eyes arrived.
He sprang up like a spring and brought his phone up to his eyes. In case he had seen wrong.
Jung Haesung
I don’t think I’ve ever tried to become close with Kim Dohyeong-ssi.
“…No, wait.”
He answered as if Haesung was right in front of him. Did I see correctly? Even after rubbing his eyes several times, the message displayed on his phone remained the same.
Jung Haesung
So, let’s become close. Us.
“…Say something that makes sense.”
This isn’t even a makjang drama. How can I become close with my ex-husband?
Dohyeong muttered inwardly and gripped his phone tightly.
Jung Haesung
Is it not allowed?
There’s nothing that will or won’t work.
I don’t know what you mean.
The distance with Jung Haesung-ssi is exactly this much.
Neither close nor not close. Just a relationship tied by work.
After sending it, his insides felt frustrated. Ah, I don’t know. Muttering, he shoved his phone under his pillow.
It would be more comfortable if sleep would at least come. When he sighed repeatedly with a frustrated heart, vibration sounds were heard in succession.
Let’s not look. Absolutely not look. Turn off interest, turn off attention.
But thoughts and actions always run separately. His patience lasted only 3 minutes. Dohyeong took out his phone again and checked the messages.
Jung Haesung
I understand. Then for now, with someone just tied by work, let’s gradually become close.
Really so self-centered.
Jung Haesung
Since it’s late anyway, go to sleep quickly.
He’s the best until the end.
Jung Haesung
You worked hard today. Let’s work hard tomorrow too.
He had no more words to recall. At the last message that arrived, Dohyeong ended up hiding under the blanket.
Jung Haesung
Good night, Dohyeong-ah.
Why only at times like this, always only at moments like this.
At the thought that arose again, both his ears grew hot. He squeezed his eyes shut so as not to give himself time to think about why he was reacting like this.
It seemed like sleep, which wouldn’t come anyway, would wander far away for quite a long time.
***
Why does morning come and the sun rise?
Dohyeong, who got up from bed earlier than others, finished all his preparations and came down early for the script reading.
“Yehyun, couldn’t sleep?”
As he sat blankly in his seat, Director Na tapped Dohyeong’s shoulder.
“Ah, Director….”
“Here. Here is puffy.”
When Director Na pointed under his own eyes and smiled, Dohyeong also awkwardly pulled up the corners of his mouth. Haha, the brief laugh that dropped was quite awkward.
“Do you have a lot of worries?”
“…Life is originally a series of worries.”
Hmm, Director Na, who exhaled a long sigh, sat beside Dohyeong and placed both arms on the desk. With his wrinkled hands clasped together, after a long silence, he spoke with difficulty.
“People, you see. Sometimes forget the moment when they should be most selfish.”
He turned his head, wondering what this was suddenly about. When he asked briefly, “Yes?”, Director Na smiled faintly and ruffled Dohyeong’s hair roughly.
“That’s what I’m saying about Dohyeong-ssi right now. It’s a time when you can be most selfish, but you’re forgetting that.”
“…I have no idea what you mean.”
It was difficult to open his eyes at Director Na’s touch. As soon as his hand fell away, Dohyeong fixed his hair.
What does he mean? No matter how many times he ruminated on it, he couldn’t properly grasp the meaning.
“Think only of Dohyeong-ssi.”
The monotonous voice pierced deeply into one area of his chest.
“I know you have a lot on your mind right now. Things exploded right before the reading, those two guys are making you frantic.”
“……”
“But still, you see. You mustn’t become a reed swaying in the blowing wind.”
A reed. It was an amazing metaphor.
Right, he was swaying this way and that. Whoosh in the wind blowing from that side. Whoosh again in the wind blowing from this side. What else could his appearance be if not a reed, not knowing how to stand straight?
“You should at least become a sapling.”
“A sapling?”
“Right. I think it’s timing to find ground to take root in and make your own place. That’s what I think.”
“…But.”
“It’s not necessarily talking about people. When you’ve been uprooted from people, how can you take root in people again? That’s… difficult.”
But if he gets caught up in work, Seri and Wootae will worry again.
He felt sorry for not understanding Director Na’s words. As he hesitated for a moment looking for a chance to speak, the following words pierced his chest deeply again.
“Isn’t it that the place to take root is actually in yourself, but you can’t find it?”
Dohyeong slowly turned his head and faced Director Na.
“If you take root in yourself, establish your place, and spread your branches….”
Director Na, who hadn’t continued speaking for a moment, smiled faintly toward Dohyeong.
“Won’t the word happiness be close by someday? That’s what I think. As Dohyeong-ssi said, life is a series of worries, so to not be swayed while worrying, you must realize happiness yourself.”
Though it was a story that touched his heart deeply, to Dohyeong it was still like clouds in the high sky. Something that seems catchable but can never be caught.
But he smiled and nodded.
“Yes, I’ll try.”
Because it wasn’t just a verbal answer, but came from his heart.
Director Na patted Dohyeong’s shoulder a few times and stood up from his seat.
“Now, where did we decide to look at today….”
Dohyeong, who had been quietly watching Director Na return to his place, looked down at the script on the desk for quite a while.
Taking root in oneself. Establishing a place and spreading branches to become a sturdy sapling.
It was a story that seemed vaguely understandable yet still difficult to grasp. If there was one certain thing, it was the point that now he should be more faithful to pulling himself together.
You can do it. As he clenched his fist tightly with a brief resolution, the firmly closed door opened.
“Good morning!”
The first to enter was Yuchan, greeting energetically.
“I’m sleepy, really… Whose idea was it to schedule a script reading from morning?”
Following him was Soyeon, looking tired.
Last of all, Haesung entered. Without realizing it, he whipped his head away to avoid his gaze.
The stories he had shared with Director Na just before scattered like dust. Because of the messages exchanged last night.
Please don’t talk to me, don’t even acknowledge me. Just as he was repeating that to himself.
“Dohyeong-ah, did you sleep well yesterday? I tossed and turned so much just because the bed changed.”
Yuchan sat beside him and whined.
“Look here. Dark circles.”
Just as Dohyeong smiled faintly at Yuchan making a tearful face while pointing under his eyes.
“Good morning, Kim Dohyeong-ssi.”
He heard the sound of what he had hoped for shattering.
Because Haesung, who had approached close to Dohyeong’s side, greeted him calmly.
“…Yes?”
“I said good morning.”
Since when did hyung greet me in the morning? His mouth, about to ask, remained closed shut and wouldn’t drop.
Eventually, he accepted the greeting with a bewildered expression, and Yuchan’s face, who had been sitting beside him, hardened firmly.
“Ah, yes… Good morning.”
“Did you sleep well? The bed here was pretty good though.”
It was a remark that trampled on Yuchan’s words just before, when he had been acting spoiled to Dohyeong. Yuchan looked at such Haesung and scoffed as if it was absurd.
Anyway, shouldn’t we be Yehyun and Yujin again from now on? He wanted to ask back, but somehow it didn’t seem like that kind of situation.
God, please rescue me from here.
