The script reading went smoothly.
Yuchan and Haesung, who had been sharpening their blades and engaging in a battle of wills in the garden, were now absorbed in their respective roles, reading their lines.
Soyeon also withdrew her hostility toward Haesung and became perfectly Hyea, exchanging affectionate lines with him.
So naturally, Dohyeong could also concentrate on acting without difficulty.
When the script reading ended like that, everyone was given some free time.
Each person either went to the playground to play table tennis or went out to the garden holding a can of beer.
The veteran actors returned to their rooms to spend time, but only Haesung sat on the central lobby sofa.
“…Haesung, aren’t you going in?”
There was Seonghyeok’s question, but Haesung remained silent.
He just quietly watched Dohyeong and Yuchan laughing and chatting while sitting on a bench in the outside garden.
“Hey. Jung Haesung.”
“Hyung.”
Seonghyeok let out a deep sigh at the sight of Haesung casually cutting off his words.
No matter how he thought about it, things had become strange. From the moment script reading started, he felt like the original Jung Haesung had disappeared without a trace.
“Over there.”
Haesung’s finger pointed toward Yuchan. Lest anyone see, Seonghyeok grabbed Haesung’s hand and lowered it.
“Don’t point.”
“If I sit there, what do you think will happen?”
At the out-of-the-blue words, Seonghyeok glanced at the two people outside.
He erased Yuchan, who was talking to Dohyeong with a bright smile, and drew Haesung over him. Haesung and Dohyeong sitting face to face laughing and chatting. He couldn’t imagine it at all and shook his head. This time he recalled Haesung acting cold with a taciturn, hardened expression.
Dohyeong would be wearing a somewhat awkward smile, and would show a restless appearance not knowing what to say. It was a suffocating scene, but rather that situation felt more natural.
At least when it came to Jung Haesung and Kim Dohyeong.
“…That appearance wouldn’t come out, right?”
“You can’t pull it off.”
“Why?”
“Are you really asking because you don’t know?”
At Seonghyeok’s question, Haesung’s serious eyes returned.
So he really is asking because he doesn’t know. Seonghyeok, who let out a deep sigh, swept his face with one hand.
“…Can you smile like Choi Yuchan-ssi and respond enthusiastically to Dohyeong?”
“I can smile.”
“Try smiling.”
Haesung glanced at Yuchan outside and awkwardly pulled up the corners of his mouth. Then, as if that wouldn’t do, he smiled brightly.
“Not a business smile.”
The corners of his mouth went down again. He returned to a taciturn and calm expression like the original Jung Haesung.
“Why does how you smile matter?”
“Because it’s sincere, it matters.”
He felt like he’d been hit on the head. It wasn’t that he didn’t know that the meaning changed depending on how you smiled, but because it seemed like he was saying it was something he couldn’t do. Haesung, who had been hesitating, touched the area around his mouth.
“Whether you’re genuinely enjoying what Dohyeong says, whether you enjoy the time conversing with Dohyeong. Wouldn’t that appearance come out only if it’s a smile that starts from there?”
He was hit right on the mark again. Haesung, who slightly turned his head, took in the sight of the two.
Come to think of it, he had never felt enjoyment in the time spent conversing with Dohyeong. No, maybe he thought it wasn’t important conversation to him.
Talk that wasn’t beneficial. Time that made his head more complicated.
Surrounded by people filming, listening to their stories, having to deliver emotions and lines created while wearing someone else’s mask. For him like that, what was always desperate was silence.
He hoped he would be by his side without saying anything.
He hoped he would occupy the position called his side without forcing any emotions.
He thought emotions like laughing, crying, and getting angry were problems far removed from him.
He realized far too late that all of that was arrogance and a mistake. Haesung, who had been quietly watching the two, let out a short sigh.
Startled by it, Seonghyeok glanced at Haesung. His sighs had increased. Uncharacteristically for Jung Haesung.
“…Pathetic.”
At the following words, Seonghyeok turned his head sharply. What did you just say? Bewilderment was clearly drawn on his expression.
“Jung Haesung looks pathetic for the first time.”
He meant it sincerely. This moment of not being able to properly accept someone’s heart and wondering in a situation where everything was broken why he couldn’t do it. He looked very pathetic and pitiful.
And yet, he was even more absurd at himself for not being able to get a grip.
Did he simply want to get along with Dohyeong? Was that right? After saying he would become a place for him to escape to, was that not satisfying enough? After thinking deeply, he stood up from his seat.
“Where are you going?”
Haesung, who had been quietly watching Dohyeong and Yuchan one last time, turned his head.
“Because I don’t think anything will come of thinking about it more here.”
It was a meaningful statement, but Seonghyeok understood those words. He also stood up from his seat and patted Haesung’s back. Yeah, let’s do that. At the words quietly conveyed, Haesung swept up his hair.
To clearly recall what he wants. The thought that this might be one assignment given to him wouldn’t quite leave his head.
***
“So I told my noona.”
Dohyeong’s gaze, which had been laughing excitedly while listening to Yuchan’s story, turned toward the inside of the building, to the central lobby.
Haesung was sitting on the sofa talking with Seonghyeok. Whenever his gaze happened to meet his, Dohyeong quickly faced Yuchan.
He deliberately laughed louder and reacted more exaggeratedly. Because Haesung was watching. He didn’t know why he was paying attention to him, but he wanted to show him a completely different appearance from the Dohyeong he had known until now.
“Dohyeong.”
Yuchan, who had been chattering away, suddenly cut off his words and called Dohyeong’s name. Dohyeong, who had been following Haesung’s back view at some point, turned to look at him.
“…Huh?”
“You can calm down a bit now. Right?”
In an instant, his head went blank. Did Yuchan know why he had been laughing and chattering like that? So he deliberately went along with his rhythm?
“…You.”
“I knew. That you were deliberately doing it more because you were conscious of Jung Haesung.”
“Yuchan, I—”
“It’s okay. I’m rather grateful.”
At Yuchan’s words, his mouth shut tight again. Even the moment when the wind blowing from afar swept past his hair felt vivid.
“There’s something I’ve always wanted to say.”
He should have told him to stop, but his mouth wouldn’t open. Because just the fact that Yuchan had seen through all his actions made his head freeze white.
“Use me.”
And he snapped to attention.
“You can use me to escape from Jung Haesung.”
He thought there wouldn’t be any after the direct confession of liking him. Words that took a bold step closer to him, words that tore him apart. He thought there wouldn’t be a second time.
“It’s okay.”
Even at Yuchan’s action of lightly holding his hand, Dohyeong couldn’t say anything. He just opened and closed his mouth, looking at him once, lifting his head to look ahead once.
How should he answer? Dohyeong, who had been agonizing for a while, carefully released Yuchan’s hand as if something had occurred to him.
“Please understand that I’m speaking as Yu Yehyun, Yuchan.”
He couldn’t speak as Kim Dohyeong. How precious a friend was Yuchan to him? He couldn’t trample on even those moments when he gave him strength and became someone to rely on.
“…I’m grateful for the words, but.”
He could see Yuchan’s face subtly trembling. The moment his pupils wavered, Dohyeong opened his mouth again.
“Seo Onyoung-ssi caring for me like this… makes me uncomfortable. No, I’m sorry. That I’m giving you burdens I should overcome myself. I don’t like it.”
Dohyeong, who had been calmly conveying each word, looked down at the floor.
Yuchan, who was initially surprised, listened to those words and soon pressed down on his lower lip.
“After I overcome it.”
At the following line, Yuchan slowly blinked his eyes.
“After that, tell me again. Then…”
And Dohyeong took a deep breath. He almost forgot his line at the sight of Yuchan grasping his hand again, but he barely managed to put strength in his head and opened his mouth.
“Then I’ll be able to think about it again with a light heart.”
This was sincere.
He didn’t think the feelings Yuchan conveyed to him were shallow. He didn’t think it was a light or immature, disposable heart. It was just that the timing was off.
When he needed to strip Jung Haesung from his heart and stand as purely Kim Dohyeong.
The time when he needed to show everyone Kim Dohyeong freed from his shadow.
Moreover, a situation where he could neither move forward nor step back, crushed by the weight of someone’s heart.
“At least after my heart has completely found stability, I want to talk again.”
Yuchan also seemed to know why Dohyeong was uttering Yehyun’s lines.
At the sincerity faintly conveyed, Yuchan smiled faintly. Even he found it absurd. When standing before Dohyeong, he smiled sincerely in any situation. When bursting into loud laughter, when being swayed by emotions. It was different from in front of the camera.
“Is that okay?”
At the following question, Yuchan nodded. And after firmly grasping his hand, he likewise stood up from his seat.
“They say in times like this you should say you can’t wait long. I won’t say that.”
No, this wasn’t a line in Onyoung’s script. In the script, Onyoung just hugs Yehyun without saying anything. That seemed to be all there was. Dohyeong’s bewilderment was brief.
“I can wait.”
At the following words, he was at a loss for words. One corner of his chest felt stuffy.
“Just don’t let go of the hand I extend.”
Is that right, Yuchan? He decided to lock away the question he wanted to convey deep inside his chest. Since he approached as Yehyun, he had to be Yehyun to the end. If Dohyeong came out here, everything would return to square one.
“Just don’t run away the moment I hold onto you.”
“…I’ll try.”
Even at the answer he barely spat out, Yuchan smiled. Can I hug you just once? At the following question, Dohyeong nodded.
Yuchan pulled Dohyeong’s arm and pushed him into his embrace. He could feel him hugging with all his might. This sensation of being pressed close from shoulders to chest was unfamiliar. Strange. It wasn’t even his first time being hugged by him, but today of all days it felt like being hugged by a man, not a friend.
“I’m okay.”
At the words that followed quietly, Dohyeong squeezed his eyes shut.
Before he could tell him not to be okay, a noisy voice was heard from afar.
“Yuchan sunbae, Dohyeong sunbae! What are you doing!”
“Is it Yehyun and Onyoung, or Yuchan and Dohyeong!”
At the shouts heard from here and there, Yuchan let out a deep sigh and separated Dohyeong from his embrace.
“Of course it’s Yehyun and Onyoung! We were matching lines!”
Dohyeong only quietly watched Yuchan walking toward the staff. He clenched and unclenched the hand he had held. Somehow it felt like the heat that had touched him wouldn’t disappear.
Don’t let go, just don’t run away. He chewed on the heart he conveyed inside his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut.
Really, it was an utterly complicated night.
