The excessive kindness continued until the next morning.
I rubbed my sleepy eyes and barely managed to wash up, but as soon as I went out to the living room, the smell of coffee hit me like déjà vu.
Kang Sehyun, who had been reading a book alone until I went into my room at 3 AM, had already completely finished preparing to go out.
“I made coffee, so drink it before you go.”
He was standing at the entrance holding his car keys, as if he was about to leave.
“Kang Sehyun.”
“What.”
Sehyun, who had been opening the front door, turned back around at my call.
“You,”
“…?”
“You,”
“…Me, what.”
“…You’re strange.”
Sehyun laughed. His eyes were unnecessarily dazzling from the morning.
“You’re talking like you didn’t know.”
“No, that’s not it… You don’t need to be this good to me just because you’re staying at my place.”
“I don’t think of it as staying at your place like you do. That’s not why I’m being good to you either.”
“Then why are you doing this?”
“Just because I want to be good to you.”
Just because he wants to be good to me. This was another statement easy to misunderstand. Because it wasn’t something you’d normally say to a friend. Besides, normal people don’t just go out and buy an expensive coffee machine like that just because they want to be good to someone.
Should I ask? He won’t say he likes me. Right, that’s too absurd.
‘Why don’t you ask why?’
I should have asked back then. Why he suddenly hugged me, why he was doing things he hadn’t done before.
I wanted to ask even now, but I had no idea how to phrase the question. Should I ask if he likes me? What if all of this was my ridiculous delusion?
My head was complicated, my thoughts going back and forth. I wanted to ask, but then I thought it was better not to.
And in the end, I came to the conclusion that not asking right now was best in order not to complicate our relationship any further.
After the exams end and winter break starts, it’ll be okay.
Deciding not to go to Korea this time was such a good choice. If we’re apart for three weeks, won’t it get a little better? I decided to think that way.
Time was tight, so I got dressed without even smoking. When I went to the dining table to gather the things I’d studied until dawn, the books and materials that had been scattered around were neatly organized. I didn’t do it, so it was obvious who had.
Come to think of it, this was the same as before. Sehyun had been affectionate before too. That’s why I’d thought this so many times. How nice it must be to be Sehyun’s girlfriend. Even a guy would fall for him at this level. Thoughts like that.
This time too, I thought that way.
I finished preparing and was about to grab an energy bar and head to the entrance when I stopped. I was going to just leave using the excuse that I had no time, but guilt kept holding my feet back. In the end, I turned around and went to the kitchen, where a tumbler was placed next to a coffee machine that looked quite expensive.
There was a yellow Post-it note stuck on the tumbler.
「Don’t just leave saying you have no time.」
This is why I…
This is why even a guy would fall for him.
***
After my afternoon class ended and I went outside, today too Sehyun was smoking in that same spot I’d seen him on Monday. To anyone watching, it would look like we’d made a promise, but on Monday and today, I had no memory of agreeing to meet here.
At this rate, there was really no way to keep distance even if I wanted to.
“Your honey came to pick you up again today.”
With a light comment, Kihyun hyung approached Sehyun first to greet him. Then he waved at me once more and disappeared, saying he’d call later.
Instead of deliberately approaching, I just stared blankly at Sehyun’s profile as he smoked. Sehyun, who turned his head belatedly, smiled brightly when he saw me.
Watching Sehyun from one step away, I could see more clearly. How different he treated others versus me.
Feeling unnecessarily embarrassed alone, I walked slowly while fumbling. But after taking a couple of steps, someone spoke to me from nearby.
[Hey.]
When I turned my head at the voice from over my shoulder, a familiar face was standing there. The blond hair sparkling in the sunlight caught my eye first, and then I saw pretty green eyes. It was the foreigner I’d lent a lighter to a few days ago.
[Thanks for last time.]
[It was nothing.]
I’d felt it on Monday too, but his face was really small. His tiny face made his large eyes stand out even more. When I stared at him, he smiled with his eyes.
[What’s your name? The semester’s ending and I’m only asking now.]
[Sungha. Just call me Ian.]
[Hmm, is Sungha a Korean name?]
I nodded quickly. I felt bad for the person who deliberately spoke to me, but I kept being distracted by Sehyun behind me, making it hard to concentrate.
Not knowing my feelings, he introduced himself as Brian and kept talking.
[By any chance, would you like to exchange organized lecture notes?]
Exchanging lecture notes before exams was common. You could check parts each other missed and deduce expected exam questions, so as many as three or four people would share notes with each other.
However, it was hard to bring up unless you had some rapport with the other person, and although he and I had seen each other’s faces in passing, the first time we actually spoke was the day before yesterday when I lent him a lighter. So it was a very sudden suggestion.
[Ah… I haven’t finished mine yet.]
That was the only excuse I could give. I felt bad about easily refusing the offer he made first, and even though it was a good suggestion, it was hard to accept when his purpose was obvious.
[I haven’t finished mine either. I’m going to reorganize from the middle chapters. We have time until next week anyway, so we can take it slow. What do you think? It’s better with more people.]
If more people were better, he could work with anyone besides me, but there was clearly a reason he specifically chose me. The visible interest was definitely not my imagination. But he spoke so coolly that I became the strange one for hesitating.
Ah, I really don’t know.
[When do you need it by?]
When I answered that way, a bright smile appeared on his pale face. He was noticeably happy.
[Just give it to me by next Wednesday.]
[Should I send it by email?]
[Yeah.]
[Got it. I’ll send it by then, so give me your email.]
I recorded the new email address in my phone’s notepad and gave him my email address too. But his pale hand suddenly held out his phone.
[And can you give me your number? I’ll send you a reminder message so I don’t forget before then.]
[No, there’s no need for that, I’ll send the materials by this weekend. If you don’t get it, tell me in the lecture hall on Monday.]
I hurriedly changed my words at the request to exchange messages. But the persistent person made it impossible to refuse with different words this time too.
[It’s not that I suspect you won’t send it, I just want to have it for emergencies. You might change your mind. I’m sending it to the group anyway, so I’ll include you.]
No, I said it’s fine.
It became an awkward situation. Actually, refusing here felt like embarrassing him, which was a bit difficult. It’s not like giving my number was a big deal.
“Why aren’t you coming?”
Suddenly, my right shoulder became heavy. When a low voice reached my ear, I got slight goosebumps.
“Ah… I was about to come now.”
“Not now, you should’ve come earlier.”
He was clearly speaking to me, but his gaze wasn’t on me but somewhere else. Sehyun, who had put his arm around my shoulders, looked down at the foreigner in front of me. Naturally, the other person’s gaze also turned to Sehyun, who was a span taller than me.
The atmosphere was really strange.
Wow, how did I end up in this situation.
“Well—”
“Let’s go.”
Before I could finish saying anything, tremendous grip strength pulled my arm. Naturally, I couldn’t give my phone number to the person named Brian, let alone say goodbye.
We walked for a long time from the building where we’d been standing. The place we needed to go was the library, but we’d somehow arrived in front of the student support center on the opposite side.
“How far are you going? You can let go now.”
At those words, the walking stopped, but my held arm still hurt.
Sehyun’s expression was just like that day. He seemed angry now too, and his eyes were bloodshot. I felt like I had to hurriedly say something.
“We came in the opposite direction. Since we’re here anyway, let’s stop by the copy center. I have things to copy.”
“Do you have nothing to say besides that?”
“Ah. Thanks to you, I was saved…?”
“Ha.”
“It was a bit awkward, so thanks for rescuing me.”
“You knew it was an awkward situation?”
“Yeah.”
His straight brow furrowed in an instant. Sehyun, frowning deeply, irritably swept his bangs up.
“What did you talk about?”
“Ah, he said let’s exchange lecture notes.”
“And?”
“…I agreed to do it.”
I heard a deep sigh.
“Fine. But explain why you need to exchange numbers for that.”
“Well…”
Sehyun was in a bad mood. Very much so.
If what I was thinking was correct, the reason was jealousy. Recently, he was even jealous of people around me, so when someone who openly showed interest appeared, there was no way he’d feel good.
The great Kang Sehyun being petty with jealousy. Honestly, it was a situation where I could only laugh.
Even if that were the case, there was no reason for me to explain everything. Yet I was explaining the circumstances in detail. And that too, standing in the middle of a windy campus in below-freezing weather.
“What if he confesses to you after you do that?”
I thought it would be over after explaining the situation from earlier, but the conversation went in a completely different direction.
“I’d obviously refuse.”
“Because he’s a guy?”
“…”
I closed my mouth for a moment. Should I answer no, or should I say yes? Either way couldn’t be the right answer. No matter how I thought about it, this whole situation was really absurd.
“Why do you care about that?”
“Because I care.”
His voice was firm.
“Kang Sehyun. You,”
The resolution I’d made until this morning collapsed absurdly.
Whether it was the best or worst option, I felt like I needed to just go for it now. I couldn’t pretend not to know anymore.
“Do you like me?”
