Kang Sehyun is strange. Very strange.
After Sora left, he became even stranger.
“Aren’t you ready to transfer schools by now?”
Monday afternoon, 5:45 PM. When I finished my lecture and went out, Kang Sehyun was standing right in front of our school building smoking a cigarette.
Wearing a hooded jacket with a bag slung over one shoulder, he looked exactly like a student from this school. Kihyun hyung, who came out with me from the same lecture, looked at him and laughed as if amazed.
“Are you even attending your school properly?”
“Yeah. I am.”
“Your school, not ours.”
“I said I am.”
“Sehyun, be honest with me. You arrange your class schedule to match Sungha’s, don’t you? Otherwise, I find it amazing how you can match it so perfectly… Aren’t you going to get kicked out of school at this rate?”
“Still, my grades are better than yours, hyung.”
“Fuck… I’m hurt.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
While the two of them exchanged jokes, I took out a cigarette from my inner pocket.
The weather had gotten colder, and the wind was quite chilly. This year the cold seemed to be coming a bit late, so I let my guard down and dressed lightly, and now I felt cold in my body.
I lit my cigarette next to Kang Sehyun, who only had a butt left. Then Kang Sehyun, seeing me, put out the cigarette he was smoking and took out a new one.
“Huuu…”
The acrid cigarette smoke filling my insides becoming more welcome meant that winter was right before my eyes. I was thinking about how cold it would be this year when someone greeted me from over my shoulder.
[Hello.]
When I turned my head, a familiar face was standing there. It was one of the people taking the same lecture.
[Can I borrow a light?]
The other person pointed to the cigarette I was holding. I took out the lighter I had just put in my pocket again.
[Here.]
As I was about to hand it over, the other person brought their face close instead of their hand. They meant for me to light the cigarette directly. It was awkward to light it this way for someone I wasn’t close to, so I stood there a bit dazed before reaching out my hand. I carefully lit it, making sure the short golden hair didn’t touch the flame.
[Thanks. See you at the next lecture.]
The eye greeting directed at me was a bit excessive. It was clearly a look expressing interest. When I nodded toward them, they said thanks once more and disappeared.
“What’s with that person.”
I wondered why that comment hadn’t come out. An irritated voice came from beside me.
“What else. Someone who wanted to try talking to Sungha. Anyway, our Sungha is popular wherever he goes. Regardless of nationality, regardless of age, now regardless of gender.”
Hyung clicked his tongue looking at the guy who had just left. Then he tapped my back telling me not to be too surprised.
“I don’t really care.”
“Really? Doesn’t it bother you?”
“Well, not really. It happened a few times. In New York.”
It wasn’t just a few times, it was common. When I worked near Times Square, as many as three people in a day would give me their numbers. So this kind of indirect expression of interest wasn’t surprising. Rather, I was more surprised that they talked to me when Kang Sehyun, who was obviously better-looking, was right next to me.
“Having a face that works everywhere must be tiring too.”
“I’m grateful.”
“…Hah. You really, really are a good guy.”
Kihyun hyung always expressed things in an excessively exaggerated way, but today was worse than usual. He seemed to be excited all day because of the presentation results from this morning.
“If you’re done smoking, let’s go now. …What are you doing.”
Kang Sehyun was making a serious expression while looking in the direction that guy had just gone. It was more of a surprised expression than an angry one.
“Why are you so serious. It’s nothing.”
When I said that, this time he looked at me seriously.
See. He is being strange, right?
For the past few weeks after Sora left, Kang Sehyun often looked at me like this. While eating, drinking, or smoking cigarettes, even while watching a movie, if I suddenly lifted my head, he would be looking at me like this.
When I asked why, if something had happened, he always said no. That it was nothing.
“You’ll be in the library, right?”
“Yes.”
“Alright. Then I’ll stop by the research building to see the professor. See you there.”
After parting with Kihyun hyung, we headed straight to the central building. It was to buy coffee before going to the library.
“It’s cold.”
“It’s winter now.”
“Right. It’s already November. I like it but I also don’t.”
“I understand what you don’t like, but what do you like?”
“The last week is Thanksgiving.”
“You’ll be working then anyway.”
Actually, it was true that I needed rest, but more than that, I liked the atmosphere when holidays approached. You could see leisure on the faces of busy people, and the signs and banners hung everywhere seemed to overflow with some kind of affection.
In that sense, I liked winter. In November there was Thanksgiving, in December Christmas, and in January New Year’s. Especially for Christmas, some people started preparing as early as the beginning of November, so by December everywhere sparkled with decorations.
“Should I buy a tree this year?”
Hearing my mumbling, Kang Sehyun was noticeably surprised.
“Why suddenly.”
“Just.”
The living room, equipped with a sofa, living room table, and now even a TV, finally really looked like a place where people lived. I had tried not to get attached to the house, thinking I didn’t know how long I’d be there, but I was starting to develop affection for it.
Should I buy a clock to hang on the wall, it would be nice to have a small lamp stand too. I didn’t notice when I was alone, but lately being with Kang Sehyun made me more greedy for such things.
“Should I buy it for you?”
“No. I’ll buy it myself, so bear with it. What excuse are you trying to use to buy it this time? The sofa was a housewarming gift, the living room table was a 1-year moving anniversary gift, the TV was a 2-year lease renewal gift. What is it this time?”
“…I’ll think about it.”
“Why would ‘I’ll think about it’ come out there? It’s ridiculous to celebrate a 1-year moving anniversary or commemorate an apartment lease renewal in the first place.”
I was serious, but Kang Sehyun laughed. Even though his complexion wasn’t good at all from lack of sleep today, his laughing face was more refreshing than anyone’s. Today too he was a bit hateful, today too a bit annoying.
I ordered two black coffees and stood in front waiting while the coffee came out.
“Then let’s go buy it together. When are you going?”
“On Black Friday.”
Kang Sehyun’s expression, which had been smiling just moments ago, darkened instantly.
“That’s still far away.”
“Christmas is even further. There’s almost two months left.”
“But there are too many people then. Go another day.”
“That day is the cheapest.”
“Christmas items are on sale now anyway.”
“While I’m there, I want to look at clocks and lamps too.”
“…I’ll just buy it for you.”
“Why would you buy that for me? If you don’t want to, don’t come.”
“Then who are you going with?”
So why do I have to tell you that?
Standing in the middle of campus talking about whether to buy or not was already incomprehensible, but it was strange that a completely unimportant question about who I was going with came up. What’s so great about buying one tree?
“Can’t I go with someone?”
“Yeah. You can’t.”
“Why?”
“…”
“Why can’t I go with other people?”
“I just don’t like it.”
So why don’t you like it?
It was exactly the kind of statement that could be misunderstood. Other people aren’t allowed. I don’t like you going with other people.
Even someone completely oblivious would know that the reason Kang Sehyun didn’t like it now wasn’t because of the tree. Whether I bought a tree, bought a lamp stand, or even bought a single pencil, Kang Sehyun would have said he didn’t like it just like now.
Dude, that’s a strange possessiveness.
I was about to say something but stopped.
It was more absurd and flustering because this wasn’t how he used to be. In all the time I’d known him, he’d never been like this.
Thinking he was just doing this because he was bored was getting old. It was true that he had free time now that he wasn’t paying attention to his girlfriend, but Kang Sehyun was originally someone who did well on his own.
Really, something was strange.
“Hey, Kang Sehyun.”
“Yeah.”
“It’s been about two months since you broke up.”
“Has it?”
His tone was indifferent, as if it wasn’t about himself.
“Has she contacted you again since then?”
“She hasn’t.”
“Even if she contacts you, you have no intention of seeing her again?”
“None.”
Kang Sehyun answered very firmly. Well, if he was going to see her again, he wouldn’t have been so cold-hearted when breaking up, I thought.
“But why are you asking that?”
“Just curious.”
“Why are you curious about that?”
“…Mm. I’m concerned?”
“Why are you concerned about that?”
Why. Why. Why.
Rather, I was the one who wanted to ask why. What the hell is wrong with you?
But I couldn’t bring myself to say it was all because you seemed too bored, seemed to be clinging to me excessively.
“You said you wanted to break up, but you dated for a long time, so won’t you feel empty after breaking up? They say you forget a person with another person, so if she doesn’t contact you, I thought maybe it’s okay to meet other people now. That’s why I asked.”
“Other people?”
“Yeah. Even if not right away, if you become interested in someone.”
“Hmm.”
Kang Sehyun surprisingly thought deeply after hearing my words. Meanwhile, the coffee we ordered came out. Kang Sehyun, who received the coffee from the staff, handed me one cup.
“I’m not interested in anyone lately.”
It was the answer I expected, so I nodded. But then.
“Except you.”
The next words I completely didn’t expect.
Ah… This is even stranger.
Footnotes:
1) Thanksgiving, one of America’s biggest holidays. The fourth Thursday of November every year.
2) The Friday after Thanksgiving, the day when the biggest sale season of the year begins.
