The Cold
Kang Sehyun
“Since when did you become a student at our school?”
Kihyun hyung, wearing a thick padded jacket over his hoodie, pulled down the mask that covered up to his nose and asked. Without even a greeting, he threw out a question first, and when I just smirked, he stared at me with a dumbfounded expression. Kwon Sungha, who had been watching us nervously, pointed to the seat next to him toward hyung.
“Hyung, you’re here? I saved a seat for you.”
Even after two seasons had changed, Sungha still used formal speech with the hyungs. Even though we were the same age, I used casual speech while Sungha used formal speech, which made the hyungs uncomfortable, and they told him several times it was okay, but no amount of persuading worked.
“Yeah. I came because it’s our school, but why is this Kang Sehyun guy here again, leaving his own good school behind?”
Hyung, who answered indifferently, sat down next to me where my bag was placed, deliberately avoiding the empty seat next to Sungha. A cold chill suddenly rushed in.
“And you came all the way here on such a cold day? If it were me, I absolutely couldn’t come. No, I absolutely wouldn’t come.”
“I didn’t think it was that cold.”
“Ah fuck, I’m freezing to death. Have you lost all sensation now? Or does that padded jacket you’re wearing have some special function inside?”
Hyung put his hand inside my padded jacket, which wasn’t much different from the one he was wearing.
“I don’t think it’s at that point yet.”
“Ah, thinking about how much colder it’s going to get than now is really terrible. Crazy Chicago, crazy downtown. Really, building a campus here was crazy no matter how you think about it.”
“Shouldn’t you be used to it by now?”
“Are you used to this? My cousin hyung was born here and hasn’t adapted for 30 years.”
Kihyun hyung, who was very sensitive to heat, was also very sensitive to cold. In fact, no matter how resistant someone was to cold, there was no one who thought nothing of Chicago winters. The weather that got cold from late November dropped below 20 degrees Fahrenheit (minus 6 degrees Celsius) when December came. Especially downtown with its many tall buildings was on a different level from other cold places with just low temperatures. The cold wind whipping between the buildings blew as if it would cut through flesh.
Still, this much was relatively okay. The real cold was from late December to January. Around that time, no matter how many layers of thick clothes you piled on, you couldn’t avoid the cold that stung your skin.
“But why are you both at the library today?”
“Studying.”
“Who doesn’t know you came to study? I’m asking why you’re here instead of somewhere else.”
“Sungha wanted to be with the hyungs here.”
Since the midterms last time, Sungha occasionally slept over at my house. Sometimes on days with important assignments or presentations, he’d sleep in the guest room to reduce travel time and go straight to school the next day. Sungha, who hated being indebted to others more than death, would say “indebted” every time, but this was the one area where he allowed himself to be in debt to me.
So even though finals weren’t far off, he’d been studying at home until last week, but today I suddenly got a message saying he wanted to study at the school library.
“You said hyung was upset. That we were studying just the two of us.”
“That’s right, don’t just stick together all the time, let us join in too.”
“You don’t come even when we tell you to.”
In the first place, the reason I decorated my house’s study that way was to intentionally do separate interior design so several people could gather and study in the same space. The several people that belonged to that group were naturally only the hyungs, but even though it only took 20 minutes, the hyungs chose the university library saying that time was precious. Since I knew that was actually more convenient for the hyungs living in the dorms, I didn’t make any separate suggestions after that.
So it was always just the two of us. Sungha and me—the two of us had met countless times over the past two months, only on weekdays. Even though we didn’t go to the same university, nor did we graduate from the same high school, we sat facing each other for hours as naturally as if it were a lie that we’d only known each other for a short time.
It was very strange to me. I’d never once thought I could get close to someone this easily and this quickly. I, who had avoided meeting anyone one-on-one because I hated having to be mindful of the other person, kept meeting Sungha alone. Even with my close friend Kihyun hyung, I could count on one hand the times we met separately. In that sense, my relationship with Sungha was definitely special.
Thunk.
When the pen that had been wandering between Sungha’s fingers fell onto the desk, as expected, the chair that had held its position for a long time slid backward.
Sungha stretched his arms out, yawned, and stood up from his seat. When I stood up from my seat following him, Kihyun hyung looked at us with a puzzled expression.
“Where are you going?”
“Going to smoke one.”
Kihyun hyung, who would normally have come out with us, nodded without saying much, apparently really hating the cold.
Darkness had already descended on the sky that had been cloudy since morning. It was only six in the evening, but outside was already pitch black.
“……”
“……”
We put cigarettes in our mouths at the smoking area next to the library. Until then, we hadn’t exchanged a single word.
Sungha didn’t particularly speak first unless I spoke to him first. It had been that way from the beginning. Perhaps because of that, even that aspect was compared to other people I’d met before. Whether they knew about my family or not, people who saw the environment I lived in and what I wore would all, ten out of ten, show interest and ask questions, but Sungha was different.
Sungha approached me only as much as I approached him. Precisely, exactly that much. He absolutely never approached first.
Even though he looked like he’d give his whole heart.
Because he acted like he’d incurred a huge debt even for things that could simply be accepted as goodwill, I was even cautious about offering something first to avoid crossing that line. Because if it were Sungha, the moment it exceeded the goodwill he could accept, he would definitely step back.
Even though he seemed to give affection easily to this person and that person on the outside, perhaps he was the most difficult type to get close to among the people I knew.
“It is cold though.”
A half-weakened voice scattered through the cold air. White breath rose from between lips that opened after a long while.
“That’s right.”
A blunt tone settled over my curt answer. Sungha quietly vented his dissatisfaction about the worthless weather forecast that said it would snow from the afternoon.
“What are you going to do today?”
“Mm… Since it’s not snowing, shouldn’t I just go home? It doesn’t look like it’s going to come right away either.”
Sungha, who had originally planned to sleep over at my house because of the news about snow, frowned while looking at the clear sky.
“What if it falls at dawn?”
“Just in case, I should leave earlier.”
“Isn’t that a waste of time?”
“Getting a house there in the first place was a waste of time.”
“That’s true too.”
Not long ago, I asked again why he got a house so far from the university when I felt sorry watching him go back and forth between home and university every day, cutting into his sleep time.
‘If it were me, I don’t think I’d struggle like this just because I dislike complexity.’
Then Sungha gave an all-too-simple answer.
‘Because it’s close to where I work.’
University five times a week. Work four times. If it were me, I would have naturally chosen a place closer to university. No, couldn’t he have chosen a workplace close to university in the first place?
‘Did you like that restaurant that much?’
‘Yeah.’
‘What did you like about it?’
‘They pay a lot of money.’
It was a perfect reason that didn’t allow for any other questions.
“Anyway, I want to go home today. Since I was away from home yesterday too.”
“You act like that when there’s no one even waiting for you.”
“…I can’t argue with that, which makes me more annoyed.”
Even though he said that, I knew it was just a joke. The slightly fanned eyelashes below Sungha’s forehead curved prettily.
“It’s cold. Let’s go in.”
When we smoked faster than usual and went inside, Kihyun hyung, who had been sitting alone concentrating, turned his head sharply toward us. And as soon as we sat down, he spoke to us.
“Sehyun-ah. When do your exams end?”
“Tuesday of the week after next.”
“Why are you guys always a week late?”
“I don’t know either.”
“Hmm, Sungha, yours ends next week, right?”
“Yes.”
“Then let’s drink and hang out, just us without Kang Sehyun.”
I wondered why he hadn’t said that. For once he had a serious expression, but as expected, it was about hanging out.
“Do whatever. When have you not?”
“Ah fuck, if you really keep being like that, later I won’t let you join even if you beg.”
The reason hyung was saying this was because the time I spent meeting with the hyungs had noticeably decreased recently. Even the gatherings at my house that used to happen at least once every two weeks hadn’t happened for almost two months now. It was because I had plans almost every week.
“Well, I don’t want to interfere with your happy time with your girlfriend so I’m not saying anything, but at least pretend to be disappointed.”
“Aren’t you the one who misses the alcohol at my house?”
“Would I only miss that? My game records I’ve set up, the chips I’ve collected, and also…”
Hyung, who complained for a while in a joking tone, muttered at the end as if he was really disappointed. So was I going to keep going to New York this month too?
“It’s the end of the year, can’t you make time even once?”
I can’t make time because it’s the end of the year.
“Don’t tell me you’re going this week too?”
“No. I’m not going until next week.”
“I guess they’re cutting you some slack for exams. Really amazing. Don’t you get tired of seeing each other every week like that?”
My girlfriend, who was already disappointed that I couldn’t see her this week because of exams, had been sending plane tickets to New York every weekend for over a month now. She wanted to spend various events together like Halloween, her birthday, Thanksgiving, and if I didn’t go using work as an excuse, she’d take a plane to Chicago herself.
“Forget getting tired, how much does it cost to keep going back and forth?”
“Mind your own business.”
“Yes, yes. Amazing Kang Sehyun, work hard at dating and studying on your own. Those of us who finish first will enjoy our freedom on our own. Fuck, where should I go to make this bastard Kang Sehyun jealous?”
Sungha, who had been listening to our conversation blankly, joined the conversation as if something just occurred to him.
“Ah. Hyung.”
“Hm?”
“If it’s okay, would you like to come to my place?”
“Oh. Is that okay? Of course we’d love to.”
“It’s a bit far… And it can only be after work on Saturday.”
“That’s fine, that’s fine. But you have to let us sleep over.”
“Okay.”
Kihyun hyung tapped his phone screen with an excited expression as if he’d found a new hangout spot. The quiet chat room instantly became noisy.
A regretful expression crossed Sungha’s face very briefly.
