Tap, tap, tap.
Startled by the hand tapping my thigh, I looked at Kwon Seonho. But Kwon Seonho was staring at the camera, not at me, so our eyes didn’t meet.
— Break down the line we drew
We’ll rebuild the rule
This is a world turning backwards
Looking down at his hand while gripping the microphone tightly, I realized he was quietly helping me not to miss the beat.
When I focused on the sensation of him tapping my leg, my voice flowed out without trembling.
— You’re not the only one who’s lost
This place spread before your eyes
Is land not even on the map
Only when it was time to add harmony did my eyes meet Kwon Seonho’s. At his confident smile, I felt gratitude for the first time in a long while.
Kwon Seonho wasn’t a good person. He was even less of a kind person. But he was annoyingly dazzling. When I saw him doing well at what he liked, I found myself understanding, without knowing why, why I’d clung to that one thing so anxiously for so long.
But that was all. I’d only come to understand how I’d come to admire him, why I’d come to like him so much.
“…”
It was strange. At one time, I’d desperately held onto him as if he were my last hope. But seeing him look cool didn’t make my heart flutter anew…
‘I really don’t like him anymore.’
I just clearly realized the fact that I no longer liked him the way I used to.
Then, where did the feelings I’d liked him so much with go?
“Thank you for your hard work.”
“Great work!”
“Thank you.”
On the way down from the stage after finishing the recording, I suddenly looked back as if someone had called me.
Between the audience members hurrying to leave, I caught a glimpse of the brown dress. She was sitting there as if she’d been expecting me to look back at least once.
And.
[In the end, your voice will brighten the world.]
I looked at the feelings written on that sketchbook for a long while. Until the members, unable to wait any longer, urged and pulled me along.
It was an expectation I’d already betrayed once. I should have felt burdened and sorry for the affection I couldn’t live up to.
But why was the feeling of gladness stronger? Why did I think I wanted to do well this time, that I hoped it would be different, that I wanted to accomplish it?
“Wow, that was really tiring. This really drains your energy.”
Kang Subin, who’d arrived at the waiting room, melted limply onto the sofa.
“I feel like I’ll pass out as soon as I get home.”
“Doesn’t matter. There’s no schedule tomorrow morning.”
Min Seungwoo answered calmly while packing up things.
“You worked hard, guys. Let’s just return the costumes and go straight down.”
“Yes, hyung.”
Once the tension left, my body did go limp. I leaned against the wall and let out a deep sigh.
I should start changing clothes soon. I was fiddling with my sleeves when Min Seungwoo asked me.
“Ijae?”
I hadn’t checked my phone. But even without doing so, it was easy to recall who would be waiting for me in the underground parking lot.
“I think I’ll move together with Bae-u-nim. Since he took care of us in various ways today.”
I added carefully, reading his expression.
“I… think I’ll be a bit late if we talk.”
“It’s fine.”
Before other members could say anything, Min Seungwoo stepped forward and settled it.
“When you see him, tell him thank you for taking care of us.”
“Yes, hyung. I’ll do that.”
Was it my imagination? Min Seungwoo was favorable toward Seo Nakil. More precisely, he seemed to subtly welcome me being with Seo Nakil.
Thanks to that, it was fortunate that it was easy to take time or go meet him separately. I bowed my head, changed clothes, and hurried down to the basement.
I’d now gotten used to finding Seo Nakil’s car in the parking lot like this. Same with getting into the passenger seat.
“I’m back.”
“Welcome back.”
Seo Nakil, who’d been leaning with his arms crossed in the driver’s seat, smiled.
“Good. I was just missing you.”
Even though the filming had been long, it had only been half a day. Could that be, when we’d just seen each other and were meeting again?
Those words sounded exactly like he’d been thinking of me the whole time in this quiet car.
“Thank you.”
I said in a small voice, but clearly.
“For preparing the lunch boxes. Not just for me but for the members too, and of course the staff and even the audience members.”
“I’m glad you were pleased.”
He said with an easy expression.
“CEO Seon said that. That if I was going to care that much, shouldn’t I at least make you look good in front of others.”
“Everyone was delighted.”
“I hope they liked you as much as they were delighted.”
To me, who looked puzzled, Seo Nakil shrugged.
“That’s what I did it for.”
At those words, I somehow felt breathless.
How could he do that?
He must have spent an enormous amount of money, but above all, this wasn’t ordinary care. As if giving this opportunity wasn’t enough, to even take care of the audience members.
Seo Nakil had been evaluated as not just clean in his private life but even desolate. For such a person, this must have been the first time he’d publicly taken care of someone else like this.
It wasn’t just this time. Seo Nakil was always like that. He gave everything as if it were natural, and yet never properly showed off about it.
How should I express that heart that just hoped one more good thing would happen to me?
‘I thought everything had changed.’
This man had even changed the most. He was someone who’d suddenly walked into my life even though there hadn’t been any particular connection before I turned back time.
But still, there was one thing that hadn’t changed.
The only relief that sparkled among common misfortunes. Seo Nakil was that kind of existence to me. Before, and now too.
“…”
My body tilted to the left. I placed my palm on the armrest and leaned my upper body a bit more. Headlights that flashed in the distance spread between us and then disappeared, making the inside of the car grow dark to the point of being stifling.
“Han Ijae.”
Seo Nakil’s voice had become a bit damp.
“There’s too little distance. Do you know that?”
“…Yes.”
I closed my eyes and moved my lips.
“I know.”
Warm breath tickled the tip of my nose and cheeks. It was a kiss that felt not just soft but even ticklish.
He waited for a moment, perhaps thinking my choice was impulsive. But when I actively approached instead of pulling back and took his lips, he overlapped his hand on top of mine that was on the armrest.
Soon our lips completely locked. When hot, damp breath came over, my tightly closed eyelids trembled.
Seo Nakil gently led me as I fumbled without skill. He made me tilt my head slightly and entwined our tongues, and acted soothingly, gently tickling the hard part of my palate with his pointed tongue tip.
The current leisurely stimulation settled softly over the memory of the hot and overwhelming first kiss. Before I knew it, I was holding his hands with both of mine, concentrating on the kiss. As our mucous membranes rubbed together, I felt my cheeks grow hot at the wet sounds and dazedly drank in his breath.
Then, when I finally broke away from the kiss, out of breath, and tried to pull my head back slightly.
“…Mmph.”
A hand that had approached at some point grabbed my nape and pulled my head in. Our lips overlapped again as if they’d never separated.
It was completely different from moments ago. His body heat was boiling impatiently. He tilted his head and pressed my cheek with the tip of his nose, then firmly grabbed my chin and opened it. I didn’t know what to do as I accepted the tongue that came in deep.
Sweat seeped slickly from my palms. My heart pounded rapidly, and I ran out of breath much faster than before. I was so short of oxygen my head felt foggy.
“Wait, hah… just a moment…”
“Sorry.”
Seo Nakil interlaced his fingers between mine, lacing them together.
“Just a little more. Okay?”
Not only my lips but my entire chin tingled. When a groaning sound leaked from me as I gasped, he bumped his forehead lightly against mine.
“You said waiting was nothing.”
“I did.”
Leaving a peck like a bird pecking on my lower lip, Seo Nakil said.
“But I never said I wasn’t thirsty.”
“…It sounds like you’re saying you want me.”
“I’ve always wanted you, Ijae.”
Recalling the secret he’d quietly told me, I asked.
“For a long time?”
‘My feelings are old. A bit more than you think.’
Seo Nakil didn’t give any answer.
But I read in those black, deep eyes that he’d once again promised forever.
