“Alright. We’ll cut for a moment and then continue!”
The booming voice softened the faint tension that had been permeating the entire space.
I adjusted my posture and shifted my gaze to where the sound was coming from. The MC was enthusiastically explaining something to the audience members who filled the seats tightly. Thanks to witty banter, laughter burst out here and there.
“I didn’t think there would be two hosts. We did live performances during ‘For Stadium’ too, but there wasn’t an extra MC then.”
Kang Subin whispered to me.
“Did you know, hyung?”
“Yeah. I heard about it before.”
Performance-type programs were a bit different from regular performances. Since they were released to the world through edited versions, the audience’s cooperation was necessary. There was also considerable waiting time every time the stage was prepared or filming was adjusted.
Because of that, there needed to be someone to lead the crowd from below the stage. It was because there was a limit to what the host Yang Nuri could pay attention to.
“If we didn’t know, the viewers would know even less…”
“That’s how this industry is.”
I recalled how people commonly compared this field to an iceberg. It was exactly as the saying went. What was visible was only a very small part of the whole, and the essence existed below the invisible waterline. Like right now, when this program was being filmed safely thanks to the people who endured the boredom and kept their seats and the staff who moved ceaselessly.
Kang Subin, who was looking around with emotional eyes, smiled brightly at people or waved his hand. Then, as if he’d discovered something, he tapped me. A whispering voice settled by my ear.
“Hyung. Ijae hyung. Look over there.”
“Hm? Over there?”
“No, a bit further back. Can’t you see well from your seat, hyung?”
“Hmm?”
“There, behind the elderly gentleman wearing a fedora, the woman in the brown dress. A sketchbook!”
In the hands of the woman I finally found after searching a bit was indeed a sketchbook, as Kang Subin said.
[Ijae, I’ll always support you]
Since I hadn’t expected to see a personal support message, I felt surprised and pleased at the same time.
She, who noticed my gaze, turned the sketchbook to the next page.
[No matter what happens]
[Still, I’ll always love you]
‘A familiar phrase…’
It was an expression I’d seen a few times while browsing SNS. It was because it was a regular comment from a personal fan account that posted my photos.
I don’t remember everyone who mentions me individually. But that account was a bit special. Not only had they liked me since the ‘For Stadium’ days, but the photos uploaded to the account were as wonderful as any pictorials.
Then, could it be that the person who took those photos came in person?
The affection that had existed in a somewhat abstract way felt realized before my eyes, so I felt somewhat dazed. I bowed my head toward that direction in greeting.
‘I hope I don’t disappoint them this time.’
Thanks to turning back time, not only my death but also the shock that those who liked me would have felt was reversed.
So naturally, I had that thought. What if this version of me made different choices from before and succeeded in retiring safely?
Of course they’d be sad. They might be upset. But regret was better than a sense of betrayal, and longing was better than disappointment.
At least I had a chance to make it so they wouldn’t be ashamed of having liked me. Thinking that way, this opportunity felt somewhat precious.
“Alright, we’ll start filming now. Ready?”
I quickly came to my senses and nodded to the MC on stage.
Yang Nuri, the host of ‘Yang Nuri’s Drawing Book.’ She was a talented singer-songwriter whose trademark was her flaming red hair. She was also an amazing person who debuted at a young age in her teens and proved her worth on her own.
Yang Nuri was as excellent at speaking as she was artistically talented. She proceeded smoothly even with as many as eight guests, and distributed questions so that no members lagged behind or were left out. She also threw sharp questions from time to time, as if she’d done prior research on Starium.
“The next song will be a duet between main vocalists Han Ijae and Kang Subin. Could you explain what song it is?”
Kang Subin smiled brightly and picked up the microphone.
“The song we’ll sing, ‘Start Line,’ is a track from a musical film that opened this spring. Ijae hyung said he’d seen it, so I followed and watched it too, and the song was really good, you know? It was my wish to sing it somewhere, and today I’m fulfilling that wish.”
Yang Nuri was impressed.
“Oh, I really enjoyed that too! But it seems you two didn’t watch it together. Who did you watch it with, Ijae?”
“Uh…”
At the question that came suddenly, I hid my awkward expression and smiled slightly. Since I couldn’t straightforwardly answer Seo Nakil, I decided to be appropriately tactful.
“With a civilian friend. We’ve known each other for a long time and meet occasionally on weekends, so we went to see it since it had just opened.”
“Good. I’m really looking forward to what ‘Start Line’ will feel like with you two’s own color. Let’s listen to the song.”
Soon the piano accompaniment began. Since a session pianist was playing directly rather than using a track, I had to be tense to not miss the beat.
— It doesn’t matter where the start line was
출발선이 어디였는지는 중요하지 않아
Cause it doesn’t change what happened
when you look back and grieve where you already left
이미 떠나온 곳을 돌아보며 비통해한다 해도
지난 일이 바뀌지는 않기 때문에
It was quite different from when I sang it on Bae Dojin’s radio. Singing while making eye contact and taking turns, it almost felt like having a conversation.
— If you run along the long and winding road
길고 굽은 길을 따라 달리다 보면
You’ll find a better place than the one that held you
너를 잡아 두었던 곳보다 더 좋은 곳을 만나게 되겠지
Kang Subin singing looked happy. Listening to his fresh and youthful voice like spring sunlight, I wondered if the burnt misfortunes of the world had all passed this kid by.
But I know that can’t be.
‘Wow! Can I share just one TMI? It’s my first time living in a place that’s like a real home. I’m so excited!’
‘…Hm? What do you mean by that, Subin?’
‘Oh. Did I not mention it? I’m from an orphanage. So I totally bet my life on For Sta. If I don’t make it into the debut group here, there’s no next chance for me.’
Perhaps because of that, I could even feel steadfastness from Kang Subin’s warmth. I sometimes felt comforted by that strong sincerity that he wouldn’t give up no matter what happened.
The next song was a duet between Min Seungwoo and Kwon Seonho. Perhaps because their relationship was tense, it even had a somewhat competitive feeling. It wasn’t just my impression, as Yang Nuri laughed heartily, saying the atmosphere was too different.
After that was a song all eight of us sang together. We’d arranged a track from our last album into an acoustic version to sing, when Yang Nuri suddenly jumped in with sparkling eyes.
“I really love that song. If you have the sheet music, could you give it to me for a moment? I’ll play guitar for you.”
“Suddenly?”
When Park Yul looked puzzled, she winked and laughed playfully.
“Why, don’t you trust me? I’ve even sung it on my personal channel.”
The way she naturally took out the guitar she’d set aside and got into position was natural. The story that each of her albums always included one guitar solo piece she’d composed herself naturally came to mind.
Yang Nuri put a bossa nova rhythm to our song. Every time she freely pushed and pulled the beat, the warm melody seemed to softly circle around us.
The problem was that unlike how easy it was to listen to, catching the beat to enter was quite tricky. It felt even more difficult because I wasn’t familiar with jazz.
‘After Yul is Seungwoo hyung, and then Seonho hyung, so…’
I was trying to hide my nervous expression while observing the members when suddenly a large hand landed on my knee.
“…”
It was Kwon Seonho.
