“Mm-hm, you always said you have to ask directly about things you’re curious about, Daddy.”
The child, drawing out her words and acting cute, proposed a solution clearly even with her lisp.
It seemed that even in the child’s eyes, their relationship didn’t look very good. The child who had been whining and looking for Hae-won first until recently, for some reason, stopped looking for him right after the day Hae-won just went back home.
“Do you think Daddy and samchon fought, Ji-yu?”
He asked, wondering if the child was sensing something strange and holding back on asking for things she wanted. He hoped she wouldn’t feel like she had to read the room, at least.
Then the child shook her head with a “Uuuung.” But then, feeling the stare looking intently at her, she reluctantly nodded with a “Mm-hm.”
“Daddy, make up with samchon…”
“Why, what did samchon say?”
“Samchon just said he wants to make up with Daddy.”
“Did samchon say that first?”
“No, Ji-yu asked. Why doesn’t he come to our house?”
At the sight of the child speaking in a creeping voice as if reading the room, Seo-an finally hung his head deeply and let out a sigh.
It seemed she had been reading the room after all. The child, who would have come to him and asked “Why isn’t Hae-won samchon coming?” at other times, had deliberately caught Hae-won and asked him, which bothered him that much.
Seo-an held Ji-yu’s small hand. It was a hand stained with crayon marks, but he didn’t care and kissed it.
“Ji-yu, you can ask Daddy.”
“Mm-hm.”
“Does Ji-yu also want Daddy to make up with samchon?”
As soon as he asked indirectly, the child’s small head nodded very vigorously up and down.
He didn’t like the child reading the room, whatever else might happen. Even if it would be a good excuse for reconciliation with Hae-won, Seo-an’s feelings toward the child were sincere.
In the end, Seo-an decided to contact Hae-won again, even using the child’s feelings as an excuse. After giving a neat answer saying “I understand,” he immediately found his phone and typed a message.
Do you have time?
The read receipt appeared immediately. He could see the “typing” indicator, but the speech bubble that quickly disappeared showed he was hesitating. Or he thought it would look pathetic to send a reply right away.
Ji-yu went to daycare today
This time too, the read receipt appeared immediately.
Realizing that Hae-won was looking at the chat window, Seo-an immediately sent one more message.
If you have time, let’s meet briefly
After putting the child to sleep, in about… 30 minutes
Hae-won
Where?
Wherever is convenient for you
Hae-won
What do you mean convenient when there’s a child
I’ll come
Okay
Having finished the light reply, Seo-an finally let out a deep sigh. Even though he said he wouldn’t use the child as an excuse, he ended up contacting him because of the child’s words, the situation where they ended up talking again, and himself who somehow seemed to have wanted this. He didn’t like any of it.
Not long after, the doorbell rang in a newly conscious way.
Even though he already knew not only the front door password but also all the household items, his coyness deserved recognition.
Seo-an burst into laughter seeing the pretty face reflected on the wall pad, then chose the method of opening it directly instead of pressing the button.
As soon as he opened the front door, what he saw wasn’t Hae-won’s face but some T-shirt.
Seo-an looked at him with blank eyes for a moment. Then, realizing it was his own T-shirt, he widened his eyes.
“What’s this?”
“I borrowed it last time. Sorry for borrowing it without saying anything.”
…When?
Seo-an blinked his eyes in curiosity, then made way for him, telling him to come in first. When he belatedly received the T-shirt that was still being held out as if for him to take, only then did Hae-won trudge into the house.
Had it been barely three days?
During the past few days spent without contacting Hae-won, Seo-an had been quite uneasy and secretly concerned about him. He wanted to deny it, but seeing Hae-won looking dejected made it an undeniable fact, and his heart felt rather lighter.
“Before… when I slept at hyung’s house after drinking. I was about to take Ji-yu to daycare and something got on my clothes.”
“Ah.”
“Still, I was taking the child, so it felt a bit much to go looking dirty, so I wore it.”
“…Yeah, thanks.”
Seo-an habitually thanked him while fiddling with the T-shirt. He had picked out a large size well. He himself wasn’t small in build either, but still couldn’t compare to Hae-won.
“Why is hyung thanking me when I borrowed it?”
Hae-won laughed as if it were absurd, but Seo-an didn’t give any particular response. He placed the T-shirt Hae-won had handed him on the table and awkwardly just looked at the air.
I should have prepared something to drink… It was belatedly embarrassing that he had called him over without any preparation.
Should I have suggested we go outside to talk instead? Even a bench in front of the first-floor entrance would have been fine.
As much as he was watching the child alone, he often went to the mart or convenience store while the child was asleep. So it wasn’t that there was absolutely no time to have a short conversation.
But now it also seemed pointless to go outside.
Seo-an looked at Hae-won, who was also standing blankly without sitting down. Normally, he would have already taken the sofa like his own home and shown a shameless expression, but even his quiet attitude was awkward, as if there really was a problem between them.
“…Sit down. What do you want to drink? Coffee at night is a bit…”
“It’s okay, you don’t have to try.”
No, so…
That attitude makes me more concerned.
Seo-an lightly scratched his brow and went to sit across from Hae-won, who had taken a seat first. He didn’t have it in him to ignore Hae-won, whatever about others.
Right, the expression “don’t have it in me” was accurate.
Seo-an thought that a severed connection couldn’t be reversed, so he wanted to maintain this distance while staying with Hae-won, yet he realized himself secretly watching Hae-won’s mood and inferring his feelings from his actions.
A deep sigh came out.
Originally, the head and heart work separately. And Seo-an dismissed the various emotions he felt as regret over an unfinished romance.
When he took a moment to catch his breath and looked at Hae-won, he tilted his head as if to say “Go ahead if you have something to say.”
“You went to Ji-yu’s daycare. I didn’t know.”
“Just, I was bored… and I thought, if not the child, where else would I hear about hyung?”
“Hae-won-ah, I—.”
He was about to say he just wanted them to continue getting along like this.
“Last time was just a joke. I was a bit offended because hyung reacted too sharply, but well, what can I do?”
Hae-won, who cut off his words and interrupted, even let out a hollow laugh.
“What can I do? Even when I’m annoyed, I’m like some guy whose life is mortgaged—just seeing your face makes it all go away.”
“No, so, Hae-won-ah.”
“Yes, go ahead. I’ll listen.”
Only after saying everything he wanted did Hae-won show a gentle expression as if he felt relieved.
For the past three days, cooped up alone in his room, there was only one thing he had been mulling over. What was the need to draw the line so firmly like that?
Kwon Seo-an wasn’t someone who easily let people close to him originally. He knew that well enough, but recently it seemed like the walls had crumbled a bit, and the look he sometimes showed—the same look from the past—made him think things had changed a little, but maybe that wasn’t it after all.
The distance between them, encountered at an unexpected moment, had definitely dealt him a blow.
What’s the big deal about divorce? These days, getting divorced once isn’t even considered a flaw, so did he like that person that much? So the wound was deep and he closed the door again?
Thinking like that, he couldn’t bear the anger that welled up for no reason.
This was unavoidable. He had lingering feelings for Kwon Seo-an, who had suddenly disappeared. Why else would Gong Se-hyeok still be careful about bringing up Kwon Seo-an’s name in front of him? Knowing that name worked well on him, hadn’t he even used it as a weapon to call him out to gatherings with their classmates?
If it had been another guy, he would have gotten annoyed right there on the spot, but because it was Gong Se-hyeok, he just let it go. He already knew well that even if his words or actions were playful, he wasn’t a completely frivolous guy.
Anyway, even if his feelings had subsided compared to back then since time had passed, they weren’t completely folded away when he encountered Seo-an, so he was helpless even to himself.
He got concerned one more time for no reason, his eyes went there a little more, and then he wanted to stay attached even for just one more minute—he didn’t even need to be aware of it anymore.
But he showed his discomfort so obviously, Kwon Seo-an did. And Kwon Seo-an clammed up at times like this.
“…No.”
Hae-won, who had been waiting for his words while even holding his breath, let out a sigh with a deflated feeling and squeezed his eyes shut.
Anyway, when I set up the stage, he can’t say anything to save his life.
The unchanged appearance from student days to now was both welcome and frustrating at the same time. Hae-won stared intently at Seo-an sitting in front of him.
