# Chapter 102
My head rang painfully as if someone had struck it with a hammer. I let out a groan as I clutched my heavy head. When I moved my hand, I felt an unfamiliar crackly texture. Something crumbling in my palm caught my eye belatedly.
The dark red substance that looked like paint was none other than blood. Dried blood fell onto the blanket with a soft sound. Seeing the dark red blood vividly imprinted in my vision, the details of yesterday began to come back to me.
I had realized I couldn’t die and fallen into despair. After that was darkness. I couldn’t help but laugh bitterly. To think I’d fallen asleep after causing such a commotion. The once-clean room was now a mess of blood. The blanket was torn in places, as if scratched by fingernails.
Unfortunately, the blanket was white, making the red blood stand out clearly. I must have tossed and turned a lot because there was blood smeared on my body in various places as well.
“Haah…”
Looking at this troublesome sight, I could feel my already aching head growing even more painful. I frowned and let out a sigh. The shower was inside the room, so washing my body wouldn’t be a problem, but the blanket and sheets were another matter.
If Boss were to see this scene, the situation would become complicated. Besides, I didn’t want him to find out about my pitiful attempt, even if I couldn’t actually die.
This unsightly appearance was something only I needed to know about. I left the bed to wash up first.
But perhaps because the situation was so overwhelming, I failed to notice someone approaching from outside the door.
“I’m coming in.”
“Wait—”
Boss entered without hesitation, probably thinking I would have sensed his presence as usual. I hurriedly tried to send him away, but Boss was one step faster. As soon as he entered, his face hardened.
“What is this…?”
His eyes moved from the bed to the floor and finally rested on my hands. After grasping the situation, he momentarily stopped breathing.
Though I hadn’t done anything wrong, a corner of my heart ached slightly. I lowered my head, avoiding his piercing gaze.
I didn’t want to make excuses. Everything Boss was thinking was probably true.
“I couldn’t die.”
So I told him the truth. Even to my own ears, it sounded absurd to say I couldn’t die after declaring so strongly that I wanted to.
But there was nothing I could do. Though I was clearly filled with the desire to die, when I actually tried, that feeling crumbled instantly. In that moment, my will to die was completely lost.
“I don’t want to live, but I can’t die either.”
I muttered emptily. What should I do? Is this all I can do, just keep living like this? Living in hallucinations with no end in sight. It was beyond terrible—it was despair.
A suffocating silence followed my painful words. The longer the silence stretched, the more anxious I became. I had spoken in the heat of the moment, but I was afraid to hear his response. I wanted to run away from Boss. Just as I couldn’t take it anymore and opened my mouth to leave—
“I always end up hurting you.”
A self-reproaching voice rang out, blaming himself for being unable to do anything. I quickly raised my head to look at him. Even if I tried to pretend not to care, I couldn’t help but respond to Boss who was concerned about me. I moved my lips, trying to find words as my reddened eyes grew blurry.
I had no desire to deny his words. The reason I wanted to die and the reason I couldn’t die were both Boss’s fault.
But what good would acknowledging that do? Nothing would change as a result. It would be the same even if I resented Boss.
“Then, please help me live.”
So instead of spewing angry words, I made a different choice. The words came out half-unconsciously. I was tired of even thinking anymore. I wanted to push everything onto Boss instead.
He had said he would dedicate everything to me, so this much should be fine, right? But when I didn’t immediately get an answer from Boss, I grew self-conscious. I watched his hesitant lips.
Looking at his contorted face, I could easily predict Boss’s answer. I couldn’t hide my complicated feelings at his pained expression.
“…I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
Was his promise to give me everything a lie? I ended up reacting sharply. I shouldn’t have trusted him after all.
As I tried to pass by him with a scowl, my anger rising, Boss urgently grabbed my arm. I tried to shake his hand off quickly, but I noticed something strange about Boss’s condition.
Unlike before, he didn’t look apologetic. Somehow, his face was oddly flushed, and my arm went limp. Unmistakable joy swam in his eyes.
“I’m happy that Kay said something like this to me.”
As he covered his mouth and turned his head away, I couldn’t help but blurt out a dumbfounded response.
“What?”
Had I misspoken? But reviewing my memory, I hadn’t made any mistakes. How could asking him to help me live be a reason for joy?
“I know. This… isn’t something I should be happy about.”
Boss spoke carefully, perhaps thinking I was displeased. But I simply couldn’t understand him.
He hadn’t agreed to my request, but Boss said he was happy. So it could be seen as a sign of consent to help me live. But no matter how I thought about it, there was no room for joy to enter the situation.
“I don’t know. If Boss is happy, isn’t that right?”
In the end, I couldn’t understand what was going on in his mind. But he wasn’t someone who would say the wrong thing. If Boss felt that way, then that must be how it is. Seeing me quietly accepting this, he slowly shook his head.
“…I’m not as perfect as Kay thinks I am.”
“I don’t know anything. About Boss. So I can only judge based on the you in my memories.”
The person I remembered was perfect. Without a single flaw. That’s why I naturally thought everything Boss said was right. Like someone who had been brainwashed, I couldn’t escape that way of thinking.
As I trailed off bitterly, his face gradually darkened.
“That’s… true. I haven’t told you anything…”
“I don’t intend to find out by force.”
It would only be miserable to learn that way. Though I was curious, if he wasn’t going to tell me himself, I didn’t want to hear it. But I apparently couldn’t hide my dejected mood.
Seeing me trying to remain composed, he seemed to make a decision and carefully opened his mouth.
“…May I tell you everything about me?”
“Is it okay for me to know?”
“I’d like you to listen.”
If my words made him feel pressured, I was going to tell him not to speak. But Boss genuinely wanted me to hear. So I could only nod silently.
“Thank you.”
He smiled slightly and moved his lips for a long time. A lengthy silence continued, as if he was going back to a very distant memory.
And finally, his lips opened gently. He began speaking calmly, as if reciting a fairy tale.
“I was born into a very ordinary family. I had a father and mother. And, I had a close cousin brother too. Those were truly happy days.”
It was the first time I heard about his family history. An ordinary family? Boss had always seemed like someone accustomed to being alone from the beginning. That’s why I had sometimes thought he might be an orphan like me. It was hard to imagine that he had lived a normal, happy life.
As if knowing what I was thinking, Boss smiled with crescent eyes. But soon, perhaps recalling an unpleasant past, his eyes began to sink.
“That peace shattered in an instant.”
* * *
This was the first time I recalled the day that took everything away. But whether some brainwashing still remained or not, facing the memory wasn’t as difficult as I’d expected. The past, which I thought would have faded somewhat, came back as vividly as if I’d returned to that day.
From the time supernatural abilities appeared in the world, my family had been born with the Revive ability for generations. Though it was an ability that could only be used once, the fact that it could resurrect the dead made our family’s ability inevitably special.
Moreover, since only people from our family could use Revive, we were revered by others as living gods. But that didn’t last long. Once people learned that the ability could only be used once, they began to change.
Instead of revering and serving us, they revealed their desire to use the ability and tracked down every member of our family. Those who were supernatural ability users but had no other abilities except Revive were captured first.
Human trafficking even occurred due to the desire for the Revive ability. To escape such a situation, the family members had to hide. Those who left the city for remote places eventually scattered.
They began moving toward places they each considered safe. And my family settled deep in the mountains. The mountain where people didn’t come was safe, but we couldn’t shake off the anxiety. If someone was determined to find us, there was always the risk that this place would eventually be discovered.
But still, we lived happily for a while. Though there was inconvenience in living in a forest separated from civilization, we gradually got used to that life. And slowly, some leisure began to enter our tense lives.
That was until that day came. That day could be described in one word: “hell.”
I had a cousin brother named Heyon. He was the only person I had a relationship with outside my family. As an adult, he lived secretly in society and occasionally came to visit us.
Each time he came, he taught me various knowledge and gave me gifts that I couldn’t get here. For me, Heyon was an indispensable, precious family member and friend.
But recently, because Heyon had a new sibling, I hadn’t seen his face for several months. The days without Heyon were unbearably dull.
Finally, he was coming to visit. I couldn’t hide my excitement. I peeked out the window, waiting only for Heyon’s arrival.
