[Hello]
I stared at the email I’d been unable to write a single line for an hour since clicking reply.
I’d never signed a contract with a company before, so I had no idea what to reply to this kind of email. Should I just send “I want to sign a contract”?
“Haah…… Of course that won’t work.”
I tried writing it out long, referencing the email Almond TV had sent me, but I wasn’t satisfied with it at all.
At this point, I desperately wanted to just throw it all away, but I thought of Ryu Hanyoung who would be keeping his door closed today too as if protesting.
I didn’t understand why he was crying and getting angry over something like this. Well, I was also quite something, unable to resist that and eventually sending an email to Almond TV saying I’d be a NewTuber.
‘You say you can’t help it, you say it won’t work anyway, are you just going to let yourself be swayed by others like that? Are you just going to stay still and do nothing like this!’
‘……And you’re not even doing part-time work right now, but if you keep being a creator and sign with Almond TV, it’s actually good for you. If you keep at it steadily, you’ll make profit too……’
What Ryu Hanyoung said was annoying, but in the end, it wasn’t wrong. I was upset at the time, but it was ultimately said for my sake. As time passed, I mulled it over again.
‘……If you keep doing that, get out!’
Still, being told to get out was still annoying.
If I’d switched positions and said that to Ryu Hanyoung, wouldn’t Ryu Hanyoung have left the house crying? It’s because it was me that I didn’t leave, otherwise I would have been kicked out.
‘Acting like the world ended because you got rejected……’
Yet it was absurd how he acted cold right away for being rejected. With Sisi, even after breaking up like that, he was so clingy……
I remembered the love letter of Ryu Hanyoung’s I’d read before. Nothing else particularly bothered me, but there was one passage that impressed me to this day.
[Dajeong-ah. Even if we break up and I meet someone else, I think I’ll never be able to forget the memory of liking you…]
Honestly, I think what was written there was Ryu Hanyoung’s true feelings. And I think Ryu Hanyoung still hasn’t forgotten Sisi. Just mentioning the name makes him convulse—how is that the attitude of someone who’s moved on?
‘So, rather than liking me……’
Isn’t it that Ryu Hanyoung wants to make up for his failure with Sisi through me? Like constantly begging me to get revenge on Sisi, or hoping I’d become more famous than Sisi……
It seems like he thinks of me as some kind of avatar for his revenge. Well, I suppose he likes me in his own way. He does stare at me stickily all the time.
‘But not as much as that bastard Sisi.’
Because no matter how much Ryu Hanyoung denies it, Kwon Dajeong is Ryu Hanyoung’s first love.
I hoped Ryu Hanyoung would please come to his senses and sort out his own feelings first. I didn’t bother saying this because he’d definitely jump up denying it, but someday the day would come when he’d realize it himself.
‘If then…… what will you do if you’re dating me?’
Will you break up saying you dated me in a fit of anger because of Sisi?
I snorted.
* * *
Because I rejected that absurd confession, I absurdly became the world’s biggest bastard, so today too I had to put up with all of Ryu Hanyoung’s tantrums.
I endured his expression that blatantly showed he hated eating meals with me, and every time I said I was going out somewhere, I couldn’t even show my offended feelings to his annoying expression that said ‘Why are you reporting that to me every single time?’
But the most annoying thing was…… that Ryu Hanyoung not only pretended not to see me when I went out or came in, but also didn’t wait for me.
Now he hides his face completely and doesn’t show it. When I came in at night, the silent house seemed to tell me I was someone who shouldn’t be here.
Click.
Whenever I felt like that, I would just enter Ryu Hanyoung’s room.
“Mmm……”
At least sleeping Ryu Hanyoung was docile enough to tolerate, but sometimes his eyes were swollen, as if he’d cried before sleeping.
And seeing Ryu Hanyoung’s swollen eyes was secretly enjoyable. Because the only thing worth crying about would be thinking of me.
“Hanyoung-i hyung.”
“……”
“Ryu Hanyoung.”
Press. I pinched sleeping Ryu Hanyoung’s cheek.
Ryu Hanyoung used to wait for me in the living room no matter what time I came home and chatter away, but these days he avoids me like I’m plague-ridden. Does he know that each and every one of those things makes me angry sometimes?
“Uuh……”
Seeing his furrowed brow as if having a nightmare made me feel a bit better.
Honestly, I’m not that upset that Ryu Hanyoung is crying because of me. With a similar feeling, when I see Ryu Hanyoung with a contorted or crying face, or anyway such expressions, a corner of my heart gets slightly elevated. My stomach tingles too.
Rather than Ryu Hanyoung crying saying he likes me, I was more curious about what’s in my head. What is this feeling of wanting to see him cry or get angry whenever I see Ryu Hanyoung?
“Sometimes I want to hit hyung a bit…… gently though.”
“……”
“As expected, this isn’t liking, right.”
“……”
Ryu Hanyoung was silent. Naturally, Ryu Hanyoung, who couldn’t hear what I said, just slept peacefully with a puff.
I pulled Ryu Hanyoung’s hair slightly, and seeing him scratch his head as if ticklish, I just left the room. I felt like I’d wake him if I stayed longer.
* * *
And several days passed.
The reply from Almond TV arrived much faster than the time I’d spent agonizing.
“Hello, Banye-nim. I’m so happy to see you again like this.”
In truth, I’d agonized over whether this was the right choice, but without time for regret, I was meeting with the Almond TV PD once more.
Maybe because Ryu Hanyoung wasn’t there, it was awkward like the first time, but the PD still acted friendly. Whether I was really okay, the PD had a grinning face the entire time meeting with me.
“Don’t worry too much about getting fired as a Card of Fantasy creator. Rather, it worked out well for us.”
“Yes.”
“And please think about taking the camera test.”
They said that last time too, and now again.
At those words, I reflexively thought of Ryu Hanyoung. Because he was the most enthusiastic about my face.
I awkwardly rubbed my face with my hand for no reason.
“Would it be good to reveal it?”
“Yes? Of course! If I had Banye-nim’s face, I’d quit being a PD and do NewTube.”
The PD reacted quite enthusiastically to my casually thrown words.
“Even if it’s not someone pretty or handsome, there are definitely advantages when you reveal your face. Of course, it might be burdensome…… but I think it’s a shortcut to faster success. Haha.”
It might be an exaggeration, but I liked that it was a path to faster success.
‘If I’m going to do it anyway, wouldn’t it be fine to choose the faster path without needing to take the long way around?’
Perhaps from the moment I started broadcasting, I might have already been unable to turn back to another path. While thinking rationally that there was no need to be impatient, I was secretly anxious.
And whenever that happened, what came to mind was Ryu Hanyoung’s face. That innocent face that doesn’t know others’ feelings…… that face that’s been turning people’s insides out even more lately.
“……”
Thinking about Ryu Hanyoung makes my head complicated.
Still, not only the PD but everyone I met reacted favorably, and this was the first time I’d been treated so respectfully while going to earn money, so it felt like things were going well.
After finishing the meeting and on my way home. Thinking of Ryu Hanyoung, I bought and packaged the hangover soup he used to eat well before.
‘He won’t be grateful though.’
Anyway, if I set it out, even with a death-like face, he does eat. I transferred the bought food to a bowl and went to call Ryu Hanyoung.
But.
“……”
I heard whispering sounds from inside the room. I couldn’t hear what was being said, but it was definitely talking.
‘What are they talking about?’
No, rather, with whom?
I was about to fling open the door when even in that moment, I remembered Ryu Hanyoung’s words to knock. I was annoyed at the petty barrier he’d set up, but I still respected it.
I knocked and opened the door.
“What are you doing?”
“U-uh?”
“I knocked. Didn’t you hear?”
“Ah…… I, I just woke up.”
Ryu Hanyoung can’t lie well. Even though I obviously know he was on a call, just the absurd excuse that he just woke up shows that.
I was annoyed at the attitude of spouting obvious lies, but I’d gone to the trouble of preparing a meal.
So when I told him to eat, Ryu Hanyoung said with a face like he was about to cry, as if something was so unfair.
“……You know the reason I can’t eat well lately is because of you.”
Ryu Hanyoung choked up while saying that, but I quite liked it. Regardless of who he calls or lies to, the reason Ryu Hanyoung is digging his own grave right now is because of me.
However, somehow there was something that bothered me to just let it pass.
“Did you call Nanneokeo?”
There was only one person Ryu Hanyoung would call. When I mentioned the name of the guy who’d been annoyingly acting up lately, Ryu Hanyoung’s face turned red with embarrassment.
“Why do you keep hanging out with him?”
“Wh-what does it matter to you who I hang out with or not!”
As expected, when I poked slightly, he couldn’t hold out to the end and spilled everything—so like Ryu Hanyoung who can’t lie.
Meanwhile, I thought angrily.
‘This is really ridiculous……’
