Everything went white before my eyes then shook pitch black. Trapped inside bright red color, my body trembled, and my vision turned white again. The sensation of wondering if it was okay to feel this good spread rapidly from places I couldn’t think of and wrapped my whole body.
My lower belly tightened and sensation pooled drop by drop. My arms and legs shook drained of strength following his movement, and I barely moved just my tongue bit by bit to hold and rub the tip of his tongue kissing me. Every time Cha Jeonghan moved, a crazy feeling struck up to the top of my head. It was hard but felt so good that tears came out.
“Even crying… ah, why are you so pretty?”
“I, Jeonghan… now really, ngh, it’s strange… there, if you do it there now… nnh, ah….”
The place Cha Jeonghan was pressing was really strange. It was the same pleasure but something was different this time. The pooling feeling was also a bit different, and the approaching feeling of ejaculation was different from before. Something flashed through my mind for a moment so I quickly pushed Cha Jeonghan away, but he thoroughly kept his own words and wasn’t pushed even a bit.
“Ah…. It’s okay. It’s okay.”
“Haah… no, no…. It doesn’t seem… nnh, okay… st, stop… ah, no…. I don’t want to, really, Jeong, Jeonghan… haangh!”
The moment he rapidly stimulated somewhere deep with all his might, something burst out along with an absurd feeling of ejaculation. The pleasure was so strong that even a loud sound went down the back of my throat and couldn’t burst out. It felt like my whole body was pickled in pleasure then melted and turned to water. When I barely closed my eyes, tears flowed down wildly. Even the feeling of those hot tears flowing mixed with pleasure and melted.
It seemed I had made a mistake. It was definitely a feeling of ejaculation, but it was different from what I felt before. If it wasn’t semen, I definitely seemed to have made a mistake, so I couldn’t raise my head. I stretched out my hand that had no strength and pulled the edge of the blanket over my face. Cha Jeonghan removed the blanket covering my face too easily and met my eyes. Meeting those eyes, I was so ashamed that tears burst out wildly.
“Hah…. Why, why are you crying? Does it hurt somewhere? Yuhyeon.”
I didn’t want to cry but had no face to see Cha Jeonghan, so even crying sounds flowed out. Jeonghan looked down at me crying with a face not knowing what to do, just moving his hands here and there.
“Yuhyeon. What’s wrong, hm? Is it because I did it again when you said to stop?”
“…Yeah. I said I couldn’t do it anymore. I said I couldn’t but you did it… so I made a mistake….”
“A mistake? What mistake?”
Cha Jeonghan tilted his head as if not knowing what I meant and thought for a moment, then raised his wet hand. Seeing his hand wet with liquid, I wanted to lose my memory and faint right there.
“Is it because of this? This… doesn’t seem to be what you’re thinking.”
“……”
“Really. This isn’t a mistake you made, it probably burst because… you felt good….”
“Do, don’t say it….”
Feeling like I really couldn’t raise my head if I heard to the end, I quickly grabbed his wrist and lowered it out of sight, and also didn’t let him speak. If it wasn’t a mistake, that alone was enough for me.
“Okay. I won’t. So don’t cry. It’s not a mistake.”
“…How do you know?”
“Ah, I saw this before when studying while filming a medical drama.”
“……”
Among the dramas Cha Jeonghan had done before, there was one where he appeared as a doctor. There was a scene where he had a conversation about this kind of male prostate function with a friend who appeared in a supporting role, and it seemed to be a fact he learned then. I didn’t know whether to say it was fortunate he knew or not. Even if it wasn’t a mistake, it was the same that I was too embarrassed to look at Cha Jeonghan’s face properly.
Cha Jeonghan, who had pulled out from inside me, pulled out a tissue by the bed and lightly wiped my lower area. In the somehow ticklish atmosphere, I quickly pulled up the blanket to cover up to my face and turned my body to the side. At the feeling of Jeonghan entering under the blanket, I turned my body to look, and seeing me like that, he grinned.
“…Are you going to sleep here?”
“Then should I go home? It’s almost 5 AM now.”
“…Then I’ll go out and sleep. You sleep here.”
As I sat up, Cha Jeonghan grabbed my body and easily laid me back down where I had been lying. And he looked at me with a face that had none of the playfulness that had been on his face until just before.
“First time sleeping in the same bed with me? Why are you being so disappointing all of a sudden?”
“…It’s not the first time, but is that time the same as now?”
“It’s different.”
“Yeah, it’s different. Because it’s different, I’m like this.”
“I know it’s different too, but still, I can’t leave you alone right now.”
“……”
“And I also don’t want to be alone.”
The words that he didn’t want to be alone hurt more than the words that he couldn’t leave me alone. Knowing he felt loneliness a lot, I had always been concerned until now, and I was glad that I as his friend could fill his loneliness.
“You said you wanted to sleep with me.”
“……”
“Don’t you want to sleep like this?”
Over his serious face, a boyish playful smile spread slightly. Looking at that face, I thought he was someone I couldn’t help but fall in love with anytime. How could I not love you who are this affectionate and warm?
“Ah, I’m getting sleepy now.”
Cha Jeonghan, who lay on his side, pulled up the blanket over my shoulder to cover me. And he pressed the button by the bed to turn off the light completely. Facing the darkness where I couldn’t see his face, it felt exactly like everything that had happened until just before was a dream.
“Sleep well.”
“…You too.”
“Yuhyeon.”
“…Yeah?”
“Hug me.”
“……”
“Even just for a moment is fine.”
I reached out in the darkness, grabbed his arm that I couldn’t see well, and pulled slightly, and Cha Jeonghan came to me as if he’d been waiting. I hesitated a bit at Cha Jeonghan’s shoulder nestling into my arms, then very carefully embraced him. His body, bigger than mine enough that covering me would be more fitting, touched me and warmed my whole body.
I didn’t know how long this brief time would last, but still, I was glad to be with Cha Jeonghan. When day broke, I would organize my feelings again and miss him while looking at the traces of our friendship that had now really ended, but not yet… yeah, not yet, it seemed okay to be touching like this.
Because we were still buried in each other’s body heat at the same temperature like this. Because the heat that hadn’t yet subsided and the sensations that had spread so vividly clung to my memory. So I hugged Cha Jeonghan who dug deeper into my arms a bit more tightly. Knowing this was the last time touching was permitted.
I don’t know how it happened, but I definitely fell asleep holding Cha Jeonghan, yet when I opened my eyes, I found myself being held by Cha Jeonghan. Moreover, I was even more startled when I made eye contact with Jeonghan, who had woken up first and was looking at me, so I hurriedly pulled my body away. Jeonghan looked at me with a disappointed expression. Seeing him make such a disappointed face when I should be pushing him away made me feel a bit exasperated.
“Isn’t that a bit too cold?”
“…I was surprised.”
“You burrowed into me, so I held you too. Because you held me when we were sleeping.”
“…I did that to you?”
I sat up, looking at Jeonghan who nodded with a certain face. Honestly, it was hard to believe, but since Jeonghan had no reason to hold me when I was just lying still, I ultimately had no choice but to believe it.
“Sorry. You must have been uncomfortable because of me. Hurry home and get some good rest.”
“Yuhyeon-ah.”
“……”
“Don’t do that.”
“……”
“Don’t draw a line with me.”
I wasn’t someone who lived immersed in sentimentality, nor was I someone who believed that dreaming of the impossible could make it come true. The hot and warm dawn had passed, and this time was connected to the drinking session I had with my old classmates yesterday. I didn’t want to torment Jeonghan by being caught up in the dream-like sentimentality of dawn.
“It’s not drawing a line… I’ve just returned to reality.”
“If this is reality, then what we did at dawn? What was that?”
“Dream-like… reality.”
“Right, whether it’s dream-like or not, reality is reality. We went through that and arrived at this moment, now. Why are you acting so cold again as if that didn’t happen?”
“I said I wanted to sleep with you, and you slept with me. That time is over, and I’ve grasped the situation. And also…”
“And also?”
“I’ve understood my place too.”
As if he didn’t like the words “understood my place,” Jeonghan let out a short, sharp breath. I lowered my head, avoiding his gaze that reached me.
“Understood your place? I’m seriously going crazy. Do you really want to see me go mad?”
“Jeonghan-ah. Getting angry won’t solve this. You know that too.”
