I wanted to see his face at least once. Because I was curious what kind of child he was. Grandfather, who was in a good mood, grabbed me and listed everything he knew about the child called Chiwon. He was a very kind child, good and quiet, and he liked basketball, but his younger siblings were young so he always practiced alone, he said with a laugh, and then this and that…
“And.”
“Yes.”
“If you think you want to help, don’t make the decision lightly.”
Never give lightly. It was something I always heard, so I nodded. But Grandfather continued speaking.
“You’re still young, so you might not know well. But Eorin-ah, you need to know that when you’re the subject of helping someone, of giving to someone, how much of a looking-down gaze that can become. Of course, not everyone is like that. But certainly, there are people who feel hurt even by favors that pass lightly between people. In your relationship with Chiwon, you especially need to be more careful.”
“How can I know whether that child will be hurt by my favor or not?”
“By the time you know that, it’ll already be too late. Because you’ll only know after they’ve been hurt.”
“Then what should I do?”
“Not helping is absolutely not the solution. You know that, right?”
“Yes.”
“The most important thing is sincerity. It might sound cliché, but it really is. If your favor is sincere, that child will accept it with their heart. Just because something is light doesn’t mean it’s not sincere, but you know what I mean?”
Approach honestly and sincerely. Grandfather’s words had never been wrong, so I took those words to heart.
“And don’t pity that child. When extending favors, constantly worry and think about whether there’s a better way.”
“Yes.”
“Yes, that’s enough. I’m sorry that I’m only placing things for you to think about, but the position you were born into and enjoy comes with responsibility even for light favors. Still, if it’s my grandson, you’ll be fine.”
Grandfather smiled and patted my shoulder. And a month later in March, I saw that child at the entrance ceremony.
That child probably didn’t notice me. It wasn’t unreasonable. We had never met each other. Moreover, we didn’t face each other directly. I just captured in my eyes from afar that child who stood alone while looking into the distance.
But I knew at once that child was Chiwon. It was strange. I didn’t recognize him by pheromones, just, I just knew. Looking for pheromones came after that.
But no matter how close I got to that child, I couldn’t find the tree scent. Even with Chiwon right in front of me, I couldn’t smell the pheromones. He was clearly an omega. I was a bit shocked. The tree scent that I had believed without doubt I would smell again was nowhere to be found.
There seemed to be something going on. But we weren’t close enough for me to ask what happened. I found myself feeling regretful about that fact.
The entrance ceremony ended and I was walking to see the class assignment chart when I saw Junsu up ahead. He was a friend I’d stuck with throughout all three years of middle school. Since Haebam High had many students from other regions too, there were few familiar faces. It was fortunate that Junsu was there at least.
Even when the entrance ceremony started, I couldn’t see his face so I’d called several times, but seeing he didn’t answer until the end, he’d definitely overslept. I walked over to Junsu’s side and tapped him.
“You’re late even on a day like this.”
“I didn’t get caught.”
“As if you didn’t get caught.”
Junsu drew a V with his fingers and grinned. I smiled back and walked to the front of the class assignment chart to find my name.
I was a Kim and Junsu was a Na, so since we were at the top, I found our names quickly. We were in Class 5. Junsu was right after my number, just like in first year of middle school. It was thanks to that that I, who had no friends I knew after graduating elementary school and moving to this area, became friends with Junsu. Junsu tried to drag me to our classroom while talking about that time, but I didn’t move.
“What’s wrong?”
“…There’s someone I need to find.”
“Someone you need to find? Who?”
It was half impulse. Rather than looking around everywhere and worrying whether he’d catch my eye again, I wanted to find that child and confirm. If I knew where this strangely intense interest focused on Chiwon originated from, maybe I’d feel a bit relieved.
Maybe this strange impulse to look directly into those eyes would settle down.
I quickly rolled my eyes to find those three characters: Chiwon.
Very coincidentally, that child was also in Class 5. The moment I knew that fact, Junsu tapped my arm.
“What.”
“Hm?”
“What are you so happy about that you’re smiling? Let me in on it too.”
I touched the corner of my mouth. To think I’d smile without realizing just because we were in the same class. Something was definitely strange.
“…That child is in the same class.”
“That child, who?”
“…Chiwon.”
In middle school, when Junsu asked what pheromones felt like, I’d unintentionally told him about that deeply embedded tree scent. There are pheromones like that in the world too, Junsu had listened silently to my murmuring and asked about Chiwon, but all I knew was the pheromones and name.
But Junsu seemed to remember that story. As soon as I brought up the name Chiwon, Junsu’s eyes widened in surprise.
“He came here too?”
“Yeah.”
“And you’re in the same class? That’s amazing.”
Suspicion raised its head that maybe Grandfather had pulled some strings, but I erased it right away. No matter how much he cared, he wasn’t someone who would do that. So, it really was a coincidence.
“We’ll see him when we go to class. His face. It’s your first time, right?”
“I saw him earlier when passing by.”
“His face? No, you said you didn’t know his face. How did you recognize him? Ah, by pheromones?”
“I didn’t smell pheromones either…”
“What, then how did you recognize him?”
“I don’t know. I just knew.”
At my answer, Junsu narrowed his eyes and looked at me, then soon shook his head and sighed.
“What.”
“Nothing… I just thought your future is crystal clear.”
At Junsu’s words, I made a bewildered expression. Junsu sighed deeply and grabbed me and led me to the classroom.
When I entered the classroom, Chiwon caught my eye first. Chiwon wasn’t looking forward. I thought I’d be able to make eye contact, but with his head deeply lowered, I wondered what he was thinking. As I stared in that direction, Junsu pulled me down into my seat.
“Take it slow, take it slow.”
“What am I supposed to take slow?”
“Geez. You only look fine on the outside…”
Just as I was about to say something to Junsu, who kept saying incomprehensible things, the teacher came in. The teacher’s name was Park Sunsu, and Junsu giggled next to me and teased me that the name harmony was nice.
The teacher and the class kids all felt good. It was the atmosphere of a space where good people had gathered. While it was a bit noisy but harmonious, I laughed at the kids and teacher’s jokes while constantly keeping my senses sharp on what was behind me. It felt like I could hear that small sound of Chiwon laughing among the clamorous laughter.
And while talking about the temporary class president, Chiwon’s name was called from the teacher’s mouth.
Hearing Chiwon’s name in an unfamiliar voice in an unfamiliar place felt strange. So there really is a child called Chiwon who exists. Only then did it feel real. But what still felt uncertain was the existence of pheromones. Were the pheromones I smelled that day a mistake? But the orphanage Chiwon lived in was definitely an omega-only orphanage.
To the teacher’s question of whether he’d be class president, Chiwon shook his head with his eyes turning red. It wasn’t even a tearful face, just his eyes were red, but strangely it looked like he was about to cry. Maybe the teacher thought so too, as he soon smiled and withdrew his words, and I glanced at Chiwon. I kept staring because I was worried whether he was really crying with his head lowered, when suddenly my name was called from the side.
“I nominate student Kim Eorin! Ah, please keep it anonymous.”
“Hey, you crazy bastard!”
I whispered softly and tapped Junsu’s waist. Having suffered enough in middle school, I wanted to decline stepping forward. It would have been better if the homeroom teacher didn’t notice me, but it seemed ruined because of Junsu. In the end, I became vice president, so I glared at Junsu who was laughing happily.
Chiwon must be looking at me from behind. I held back a sigh while being conscious of what was behind me and sat up straight. Just in case this was the first moment Chiwon recognized me. If so, I wanted to at least look like a ‘decent kid.’
After first period ended, the teacher gave the first errand to bring textbooks. Kang Yeongjin who became president and other kids who said they’d help went ahead, and I ended up following behind while catching Junsu who was running away. While going to carry textbooks, I reproached Junsu with a sullen face.
“It’s ruined because of you. Do you know how annoying it is to be vice president or president?”
“Hey, but think about it.”
“What?”
“Whether it’s president or vice president, if you do it, won’t there be opportunities to talk to Chiwon? Whatever the reason.”
“…When did you see him to call him Chiwon?”
“So what.”
I felt needless defiance. When I’m being careful even about calling him.
“You’re using Chiwon as an excuse to tease me, aren’t you? Who do you think doesn’t know?”
“Hehe.”
So I also tried calling him Chiwon casually.
Strangely, it felt good.
The next period was cleaning time. Chiwon, who sat by the window in the first row, was going to get a rag. As I was staring at that figure, I also moved my body to clean, when I heard whining sounds from behind.
“Damn. Hey, switch with me!”
“I said no!”
It was Roh Jinho. He happened to be in the seat across from me, and Roh Jinho, who was on par with Na Junsu, the most sociable person I’d seen in my life, had easily become friends with Junsu and spoken to me in a friendly manner too. From what I heard, he seemed to be asking his partner to switch cleaning duties, but the partner who got the easiest job of wiping windows quickly ran away from Roh Jinho.
“What’s wrong?”
“Hey, Eorin-ah. Switch cleaning duties with me. I begged my mom and bought new expensive slippers. What if they get dirty while washing the mop?”
“Hey, aren’t you going to wear those to the bathroom either?”
“No. I’m gonna hold it in and do it at home? I’m gonna go home hugging my slippers?”
“Geez.”
“I’ll switch with you. If you sweep the classroom.”
Roh Jinho’s face brightened immediately. Roh Jinho made a fuss calling me the slippers savior, but I wasn’t particularly thinking of Roh Jinho’s slippers. Actually, I had an ulterior motive of following behind Chiwon going to wash rags and maybe trying to talk to him. Leaving behind Junsu looking at me with narrowed eyes, I picked up the mop from the back of the classroom and went out to the hallway.
