“Got it. I’ll be careful at school. But when others aren’t looking and it’s just the two of us, I’ll do as I please.”
“What are you going to do as you please?”
“This and that, there’s a lot that lovers can do together.”
“…”
“Why, are you scared?”
“No. It’s not that, but I don’t know much about it so I’m wondering if I should get sex education from Daddy and Dad.”
I laughed at the innocent words spoken while looking at me with round eyes. We’re already twenty-four, so it’s natural we’re at an age where we know everything, but I was happy just knowing that Kkotmoa knew that the ‘this and that’ I wanted to do were related to sex.
Because it’s not just me who wants it, but you also seem to want it since you’re thinking you should get sex education.
“It’s fine. As long as you don’t feel repulsed. I’ll take care of everything. You just have to trust and follow me.”
“…You’ve really become cheesy.”
As someone who heard the muttering clearly, I couldn’t help but be flustered. I was going to say “lover-nim just has to trust and follow me” but said “you” instead of “lover-nim,” so why is it cheesy again? I was an idiot for trusting a punk bastard like Kang Junwoo and depositing a million won.
“What did you say you’d buy for Jaea?”
“It’s a secret between alliance partners in a big deal.”
“Should I let go of your hand, Do Hyeondo sunbae-nim?”
“Cell phone.”
I confessed immediately at the cute threat. Anyway, Kkotmoa would be the first person to find out when I bought it. Actually, everything until now had been small deals. Today was the level that could be called a big deal. Kkotmoa must have thought so too. That’s why until now he pretended he couldn’t win against my money splurging on Samyukshippal and accepted it, but now he frowned.
“No. That’s too expensive.”
“We already made a deal, and Samyukshippal fulfilled his promise. Now it’s my turn.”
“Still, no. I’ll talk to Jaea properly so change it to something else. The money you spend buying dinner every day alone is already so much. What about all the gifts you keep buying?”
“…Do you want to turn me from ‘hyung-ah’s lover Invincible hyung-ah’ into ‘punk scammer hyung-ah’ who doesn’t keep promises? My money splurging applies to Samyukshippal too.”
“It’s not like you’re dating Jaea.”
“Don’t you understand my heart wanting to be acknowledged by your one and only younger brother?”
“Still, no. It’ll spoil him.”
“I was well-raised with good home education so I’m fine. I’m not at an age to be spoiled anymore either.”
“Not you, Jaea will be spoiled, Do Hyeondo sunbae-nim.”
Who doesn’t know that? I tried to deflect but Kkotmoa didn’t fall for it. Seeing him change to formal speech and honorifics, it seemed he really wouldn’t allow buying a cell phone. Still, I couldn’t give up. I’d already adapted to formal speech and the sunbae-nim honorific. To be a bit more honest, though it’s like a pervert, after deciding to date, Kkotmoa using formal speech and calling me Do Hyeondo sunbae-nim stirred up lewd feelings.
“I’ll control it well so he won’t be spoiled.”
“How are you going to control anything when you’re pouring out everything?”
“Then from now on, I’ll do it as a reward concept instead of a deal. Like giving gifts only when he does good things, or gives gifts when he does well on tests, like that. So just let this one slide, hm?”
I even wheedled unlike myself. But even so, Kkotmoa showed no signs of yielding. On the first day we decided to date, while walking affectionately with interlocked fingers, I was depressed about why we had to have a dispute over something like this. The villa was already right in front of us.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“What if Jaea starts asking you to buy him this and that?”
“I’ll just buy them. I can buy everything though? Has he asked me to buy anything besides meat until now?”
“And you say you’ll control it?”
“No, that’s not what I meant…”
While I was thinking ‘oh no,’ Kkotmoa was already pressing the front door passcode. I wanted to be invincible to Samyukshippal until the end. I wanted to instill pride in him dating someone as invincible as his hyung. Of course, that wasn’t something to show with money, but I couldn’t think of anything I could do for an elementary schooler besides a gift offensive. I quickly followed Kkotmoa who was entering the room.
“I’ll only buy it this time and won’t buy anything else going forward. I’ll only give gifts when his grades improve and such. Really, trust me. Can’t you trust me that much? Wasn’t accepting my confession because you trusted me?”
“That and this are different.”
“What’s different? Ah… you really can’t trust me. I think I’ll be hurt. The fact that the person I like can’t trust me, not just anyone else, is such a painful and agonizing thing. I thought I’d only be happy now that we decided to date, but you didn’t accept me because you trust me, you just accepted me because you pitied me.”
As a last resort, I spoke while acting as pitiful as possible. I thought it was at least better than the bad acting Kang Junwoo sometimes shows.
“…Really just this once.”
I nodded my head up and down like an obedient puppy. Whether my acting worked or he was playing along, Kkotmoa, who seemed like he’d never allow it, smiled as if he couldn’t stop me and spread out the blanket. Seeing the blanket suddenly made me nervous. We decided to date today, and this was the first time lying down together after deciding to date. Of course, I made a big deal with Samyukshippal because I wanted to, but I couldn’t stop my mouth from drying and my palms from sweating.
“I have class in the morning tomorrow so let’s sleep early.”
“Ah, okay.”
Since we’d already washed before taking Samyukshippal home, there wasn’t really anything to kill time with. Kkotmoa, as if nothing was wrong, got into the blanket first and lay down. And just like that time in the small room when I was fluttering and nervous, he smiled brightly and said.
“You turn off the light.”
“Yeah. I was going to. Of course I should turn it off. If you have anything to ask, ask me everything. I’ll do it all.”
After adding unnecessary words, I turned off the light. Even in the darkness, his eyes looking at me sparkled like stars in the night sky. Swallowing dry saliva, I approached the blanket where Kkotmoa was lying with slow steps. When I was about to lie down, he slightly lifted the blanket for me.
“Sleep well, Hyeondo-ya.”
When I lay down, he covered me with the blanket up to my chest, patted it a few times, and I couldn’t respond to the greeting. Honestly, because I had blurted out stuff about patience, consideration, self-control and whatnot, I was determined not to do anything, but there weren’t many men who could endure when the person they like is lying next to them, and they’ve even decided to date. However, all I could do was sneakily interlock my fingers with his hand.
When starting to date, there are cases where guys go for the body first like a dog in heat, punk trash driven by selfishness wanting to feel momentary pleasure who pounce on them, but I had a stronger desire to completely have him whom I liked too much to help it. I wanted to know everything about him that I didn’t know. Even if the result would be the same, the intention was clearly different.
Yeah, that’s bullshit. I’m dying to do it with Kkotmoa. Honestly, I’ve wanted to do it with Kkotmoa since I was nineteen.
What kind of expression do you make when you feel good from sexual stimulation, what kind of sounds do you make, what do you look like when having affectionate acts with me, what kind of feelings do you show, how unbearably pretty will you be at the moment of reaching the peak of ecstasy…
Just imagining it made my lower abdomen heavy and stiff. Strength kept entering my body. I, who quit watching porn videos in high school, was flustered by the physical changes that occurred just from briefly thinking of his obscene appearance. But what can I do, it’s true that I want to do this and that with the person I like.
How much time had passed?
Probably much more than I thought. The space next to me was extremely quiet. Even if it’s not stimulating, I wanted to at least purely steal a kiss. I wiggled the hand holding his interlocked fingers and asked quietly.
“Are you asleep?”
“…No.”
It wasn’t a night when only I couldn’t fall asleep.
“Can’t sleep?”
“…How can I sleep when we decided to date today and are lying down together?”
It was a somewhat resentful tone. The moment I thought maybe you also couldn’t fall asleep because you were thinking the same thoughts as me, my body moved incredibly fast and nimbly, surprising even myself.
In an instant, I climbed on top of Kkotmoa’s body, overlapping my body with his and making eye contact. His wide-open eyes, perhaps very surprised, moved here and there unable to find direction. I could clearly see them wandering so much that if done well, you could hear the sound of his eyeballs rolling.
“Why, why suddenly…”
“Haah, I really can’t hold back.”
I muttered in a low voice and brought my face close. The distance between his and my lips was only about a span. With just a thin blanket between us, the feeling of warm bodies touching made me tighten below more tautly. I wanted Kkotmoa so much that I’d have nothing to say even if kicked out right now. I was dying to know everything about him.
“Can’t I just kiss you? Moa-ya, I’ll really just kiss you.”
“…Who was the person going on about seriousness, responsibility, patience, consideration, even self-control? Who was the person who said they were good at waiting until you give permission?”
“That’s not me. I don’t know that kind of guy.”
Even if I got slapped and kicked, I wanted to snip the last strand of my remaining reason with scissors.
“Puhoot.”
At the sudden laughter, the tension disappeared in an instant. Kkotmoa, who burst into laughter once, couldn’t hold back and shook his shoulders giggling. Covering his mouth with his hand while laughing with his eyes rolled back was nothing short of lovely, but right now it wasn’t pretty at all. When someone is dying to hold back wanting to kiss and touch while someone else is laughing comfortably, it was natural for my brow to furrow.
“…What? Why are you laughing?”
“Because it’s cute how the great Do Hyeondo is losing face and changing his words.”
“Just cute? Not heart-pounding or fluttering?”
“…”
“I’m really serious and earnest right now.”
“…My heart feels like it’ll burst too.”
The laughter completely vanished from his neat face and he immediately showed tension. I know it’s my delusion, but his flushed expression looked exactly like he was anticipating what would happen.
“Can I do it?”
“…You’re really just going to kiss, right?”
“Yeah. Don’t you trust me?”
“…In this situation, is there anyone else to trust?”
