What Samyukshippal had been whining about must have been because he was sleepy. The kid who had been gleefully tormenting me by choking my neck and pulling my hair while piggybacking on my back quieted down after hearing one word from Kkotmoa telling him not to do that. Looking at the arm drooping over my shoulder and listening to the purring breathing sounds afterward, he seemed to have fallen asleep.
“Our Jaea must be sleeping well after eating his fill in a long time, Do Hyeondo sunbae-nim. He doesn’t usually let other people piggyback him.”
I couldn’t figure out at which point he was attaching the family name to call me sunbae. Earlier, the title “Do Hyeondo sunbae-nim” came out so naturally that I wondered if he was just pretending to be friends because Samyukshippal was there. If he wanted to draw a line, instead of calling me stiffly, it would be better if he just dropped the family name and -nim and called me “Hyeondo sunbae.”
“To Kang Junwoo.”
“Last time Junwoo said he’d give him a piggyback ride, but he wouldn’t get on.”
As expected, Kang Junwoo is no match for me. Deonggeori, who couldn’t communicate, was a bit difficult to deal with, but the simple Samyukshippal who could communicate seemed like he would be a good supporter for me. Warm body heat was wrapped around my back. That’s why I wasn’t cold even though I had Kkotmoa wear my trench coat. Not just Kkotmoa—Kkotmoa’s whole family was warm.
“In the old days, all you could do was hold our Jaea, but today you played with him really well, sunbae-nim?”
“Hubae-nim, I wasn’t playing—I was seriously making a big deal.”
“……Are you really going to buy us meals all week?”
“Yeah. If you say you don’t want to, I’ll just take Samyukshippal and feed him, then kidnap him. And keep feeding him delicious things to raise him.”
I expected him to say something, but Kkotmoa just laughed. It was just this afternoon that he had silently shed tears, but now it was unbelievable that we were walking in step together and laughing.
“You can be angry, you can hit me.”
“……Why, Do Hyeondo sunbae-nim?”
“You’re angry at me about a lot of things. You can do whatever you want to me until you feel better.”
“You already apologized…….”
“…….”
“Mm……, I do want to see you struggle with me a bit more, but since you apologized, I think it’s okay, Do Hyeondo sunbae-nim.”
“I’ll probably keep struggling with you from now on too.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to look good to you.”
Because I like you.
With the villa in front of us, Kkotmoa stopped walking abruptly. I stopped too. Maybe because we were together, even the chilly spring night breeze felt fluffy and soft. I turned my head at the gaze looking at me. Kkotmoa was looking at me with a slightly awkward expression.
“……I have something I’m curious about.”
“Yeah.”
“We studied together when we were high school seniors. I won a cafe card because of some event. But when I asked the cafe owner, they said there was no such event.”
A lie that had already been exposed was unlikely to be fixed even if I covered it with another lie. And I didn’t want to lie to Kkotmoa anymore. Courage is a moment’s decision.
“That was an event I made just for you.”
“……Why did you do that?”
“Back then……, I wanted to be with you. But I didn’t like that you were worried about money. I was also scared you’d misunderstand that I was pitying you when I wasn’t.”
“…….”
“I’m sorry for deceiving you. But I don’t regret it. Even if I could turn back time, I would deceive you the same way. If I could be with you that way.”
At the truth revealed after going round and round through several seasons, he quietly lowered his gaze. I got a little anxious at his expression that seemed to be thinking about something. Since the topic came up, it seemed better to push forward. Although there was a heavily drooping Samyukshippal on my back, I didn’t know when such an opportunity would come again.
“But now you seem to know for sure that I’m not pitying you, so I’m going to try doing everything I want to do.”
“Everything you want to do?”
“Yeah. I’m going to splurge money on you, which I couldn’t do back then.”
“……What?”
“Even if it’s already all in the past, you can at least receive that much from your first love, right?”
At my shameless words, Kkotmoa’s cheeks flushed red and his ear tips turned crimson. With a flushed expression, he was awkward and didn’t know what to do. His rolling eyes were looking for words to say. The confident appearance from the classroom talking about his first love’s cardigan was nowhere to be found.
“I also want to do at least that much for my first love. So don’t refuse.”
“……Th-that, um, pe-people might misunderstand, Do Hyeondo sunbae-nim.”
“What misunderstanding, Kkotmoa hubae-nim.”
“Just……, that you’re still interested in me…….”
He couldn’t even make eye contact and spoke barely audibly, which was quite cute. Even at twenty-four, he still exuded the atmosphere of nineteen and was flustered. From that appearance, I actually discovered possibility. Things that weren’t visible at nineteen were gradually becoming visible.
“I am, interested.”
“…….”
“I have selfish motives too.”
“…….”
“Ah, I have dark intentions too.”
“…….”
“The most important thing is that it’s sincere.”
Having attached all kinds of feelings I wanted to give you, I was no longer the immature, clumsy, flustered nineteen-year-old boy.
* * *
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.
Pizza, tteokbokki and tuna kimbap and other snack foods, pork belly, hotel steak.
Samyukshippal had now been completely won over by me. Eating the course meal at the hotel yesterday and then packaging various desserts to send home with him was a stroke of genius. Samyukshippal even told me to come visit his house. While saying it was a secret from Junwoo hyung-ah.
During this time, Kkotmoa would speak informally to me as he pleased and treat me comfortably, then draw a line and speak formally calling me Do Hyeondo sunbae-nim, unpredictably jumping around. At school, he always used formal speech and called me Do Hyeondo sunbae-nim. I tried to somehow match whatever Kkotmoa said each time.
On Saturday and Sunday, on weekends, after Kkotmoa’s cafe part-time job, since his flower shop part-time job ended at 9 PM at night, he usually had Samyukshippal sleep at his aunt’s house. By the time Kkotmoa went to pick him up, Samyukshippal would usually already be asleep, so he’d been doing that for some time.
After finishing my American business management tutoring that I do every Saturday, I spent time reading books at a coffee shop near the flower shop. And from around 8:40, I loitered in front of the flower shop waiting for Kkotmoa to come out. Tomorrow I had successor classes, but I planned to finish them and come see Kkotmoa as well.
Until yesterday, Samyukshippal had been with us all week, but today was entirely just the two of us. I sent a message saying I’d wait, and Kkotmoa read it but didn’t reply to me. In my hand was the latest model laptop boasting lightness and good specs. The laptop I was holding now was the same product as my laptop that I bought new when I returned to school this time.
It was the first time Kkotmoa and I had the same thing. D Group’s main businesses were hotels and department stores, but what followed was electronics. Therefore, since it’s the currently best-selling model, there would be a tremendous number of people across the country using the same laptop, but that wasn’t my concern. What mattered to me was only that Kkotmoa and I had the same thing.
“Yo, you came early?”
Exactly at 9 o’clock, instead of Kkotmoa coming out, a stray mutt from who knows where approached and placed his front paw on my shoulder. I shook off the front paw in annoyance and frowned. I was irritated at why this bastard came here.
“Your squid face is getting uglier, so relax your face.”
“Would your face relax if you were me right now?”
“Why, all week Jaea was with you, and today it’s me so you’re upset? Aww, poor baby, you can’t be alone with your flower so you’re annoyed?”
“If you know, then fuck off. Before I rip out your tongue.”
“What’s with the laptop? Oh my, now you’re going with a quantity offensive, young master of D Group?”
Ah seriously, what do I do with this crazy mutt who got smarter?
I’m even tired of dealing with him now. No matter how much I mistreat him and curse at him, he’s an Energizer mutt who doesn’t get tired at all, so even exchanging one word was exhausting. But no matter how tired and exhausted I was, I couldn’t let him take away the only time I could be alone with Kkotmoa.
“You’re going to drink soju, right? I’ll treat you today.”
But before I could speak, Kkotmoa appeared. He was wearing my cardigan that he’d worn on Monday. Kang Junwoo immediately put his arm on Kkotmoa’s shoulder. I’m an idiot. How can my learning ability be this poor? When he put his front paw on me, I should have just left it.
I understand now. The reason why at nineteen and even now I can’t treat Kkotmoa as naturally and casually as Kang Junwoo does. Especially when it comes to skinship and manners. It’s because I have not just interest in Kkotmoa, but selfish motives and even dark intentions.
“Oh, you’re really going to treat us? Did you get your part-time pay today?”
“Yeah. Both the cafe and the flower shop. You can eat something expensive. Where should we go?”
“Since this opportunity isn’t common, today I need to properly strip Hyeondo and Kkot clean. Mm, as expected, with soju you need Korean beef…….”
“Crazy bastard, what soju with Korean beef. With soju, it’s pork belly.”
Not missing the opportunity, I put Kang Junwoo in a headlock around his neck and separated him from Kkotmoa. Kang Junwoo, whose neck was caught in my armpit, growled and barked, struggling to bite me. This is why dogs need to meet a good owner. A dog without proper training shouldn’t be left to wander the streets like this.
“Fuck. You messed up my hair. What the hell is a bastard who can’t even drink soju doing deciding the side dishes on his own?”
“I can’t drink soju, so I’m trying to build up my side dish game.”
“Then you get lost, you bastard. Where does a bastard who can’t even drink think he can join his hyungs drinking soju?”
My mom said, the person paying decides the place. But in our house, my father always pays when we eat out, so why does mom decide the place—it’s something I’ll never understand. Anyway, I thoroughly ignored Kang Junwoo and gave Kkotmoa a look.
“There’s a pork belly place right up ahead.”
“Alright, Junwoo-ya. Today let’s drink soju with pork belly, and next time when you treat us, we’ll drink soju with Korean beef.”
Kkotmoa, who created a smile more gentle than the spring breeze, made the judgment. Was it because of the situations Kkotmoa had experienced that he learned to say things like this, or was it the influence of the cunning Samyukshippal?
