“Deonggeori. You’ve gotten so big.”
I approached them, who had stopped, and stroked Deonggeori’s head. Unlike the old days, he had too much of a human form to be called Deonggeori. They say kids grow in an instant, and that was exactly right. Deonggeori avoided my hand stroking his head, moved one step to the side, and spoke clearly and confidently. I’d worried that he couldn’t even speak properly because he was much slower than his peers, but it was a needless concern.
“I’m not Deonggeori, I’m Gukmin Elementary School 3rd grade class 6 number 18 Shin Jaea, okay? Who are you?”
“Wow, now you speak well too. You always used to say ‘gamsan.'”
“What’s he saying? Hyung-ah, this hyung is weird. Let’s go inside quickly.”
Kkotmoa, who had been standing awkwardly, was moving his steps led by Deonggeori’s hand. And I grabbed Kkotmoa’s opposite wrist. Kkotmoa, forcibly stopped, looked up at me.
“Shin Moa hoobae-nim. I like flowers.”
If you call me sunbae, what choice do I have but to call you hoobae? If only I could start over from the beginning by doing even that, I could do everything you want.
“The only thing I like is flowers. What I like most in the world is flowers.”
I put the hundred roses I was holding into Shin Moa’s arms. I lifted the wrist I was holding to make him hold the flowers. And I showed the brightest smile I could manage.
“I like flowers.”
What I affirmed wasn’t flowers. What I affirmed was…
* * *
There were still 30 minutes left until the lecture started. Monday—today was the general education class I’d be attending with Kkotmoa for the first time. My eyes opened so early in the morning that I’d already come an hour ago and was standing in front of the lecture hall, anxious alone. I wondered how I’d endured all this time when I missed him this much.
After putting the flowers in Kkotmoa’s arms yesterday, I didn’t know what else to say, so I stroked Deonggeori’s head one more time for no reason and left the spot as if running away. ‘Is that hyung a crazy person? Why is he telling hyung-ah that he likes flowers? And why is he giving these flowers?’ I heard Deonggeori’s voice, but I couldn’t hear what Kkotmoa answered.
The sight of Kkotmoa holding the flowers I’d put in his arms, filling them completely, was so pretty it hurt my eyes. I’d seen him holding flowers for the first time in so long. Only after the flowers were in his arms did the flowers find their owner. Still, to my eyes, the plain him was much more beautiful than a hundred roses in full bloom.
Of course, because you’re my flower.
Kkotmoa wasn’t just Kkotmoa simply because he was the flower shop’s son. He suited flowers that well without any sense of incongruity, and he shone more when he was with flowers. For example, if Kang Junwoo’s family had run a flower shop and I gave Kang Junwoo flowers…, fuck, goddammit. Just the thought gave me goosebumps on my arms.
Excluding Kkotmoa, even if I washed my eyes and looked, there wasn’t a single bastard with the same thing attached among those around me who suited flowers. Putting “flower” in a name was the same. I absolutely couldn’t put “flower” in front of a name. If a male bastard who wasn’t Kkotmoa put “flower” in their name instead of their surname, I would definitely chase them to the ends of the earth to find them and make them a flower grave. So they could rest comfortably in a flower grave forever, while I mourned without shedding a single tear.
“Aww, is our Hyeondo changing his class schedule to see his flower?”
Instead of Kkotmoa whom I wanted to see, one disgusting crazy dog approached, sauntering. Seeing that grinning face made my fist want to rise on its own. However, I wasn’t a barbarian who carelessly wielded violence. I didn’t know if the crazy dog would understand even if it spoke human words, but I could give it one chance.
“Did you bite off your tongue? Should I grab it and pull it all the way out so you can pronounce properly at this opportunity?”
“Stalker bastard. So disgusting. How did you find out the lecture schedule?”
“Says the one who—”
“I signed up for the general education class matching your flower’s from the beginning though?”
“If you know it’s my flower, why are you clinging? Get lost.”
Since Kkotmoa wasn’t here now, there was no need to manage my image. I’d become quite a bit more shameless than when I was nineteen. Kang Junwoo was a bastard who’d milk this for years. Rather than that, it was a wise move to play along appropriately, then find an opportunity to get rid of the dog bastard sniffing around for the flower scent.
“Goosebumps. This bastard’s face color doesn’t change at all and he calls it his flower. Crazy bastard. I’m gonna puke. If I’d known you were this cringeworthy bastard, I would’ve cut ties long ago.”
“It’s not too late even now. Let’s do it, cut ties.”
“Will you be okay? If I cut ties with you, I’ll only pour out curses about you to your flower whenever I see him. You know, right? Our country’s rote memorization brainwashing education…”
“Fuck. Even a bastard like this is called a friend.”
I turned my head away from the giggling bastard and entered the lecture hall first. I swatted away the arm that unpleasantly hung on my shoulder. Anyway, from the old days, that bastard who’s shorter than me has been dying to hang his arm on my shoulder.
“Why are you sitting next to me, so unlucky.”
“This bastard acts up even when I try to do a good deed for once. Don’t you know that your flower can only sit nearby if I’m here? Smart bastard is ignorant in the wrong places. If you don’t like it, say so—I’ll take your flower and sit in the farthest seat from you.”
I didn’t know when the hell Kang Junwoo had gotten this smart. I should have noticed when he brought up beautiful ‘mi’ (美) and friendly ‘chin’ (親). That he wasn’t as ignorant as I thought. They say even a dog at a village school can recite poetry after three years—attending university for five years, it was about time to shed the ignorant image.
“Why are you clamming up? What should I do, should I go to another seat?”
“…Go where.”
“Hmm, I’m thirsty. If I drink an Americano from the first-floor cafeteria with an extra shot and three pumps of syrup, I’ll be in a really good mood. Then I might even ask Kkotmoa to have lunch together.”
“……”
“I’m talking to myself, don’t mind me.”
Ha, what should I really do about that crazy dog?
The dog bastard who was already going crazy with spring fever even got smart, so it was more than a little annoying. There was also the method of me approaching Kkotmoa directly, but it wouldn’t be easy to monopolize Kkotmoa, who’d won over the kids’ hearts and become the center in just a few days, inside the lecture hall. Especially if he, who called me “Do Hyeondo sunbae-nim” and used formal speech with me, avoided me, it would all be for nothing. As much as I hated to admit it, I couldn’t deny that I needed Kang Junwoo’s help. So I had no choice but to get up. There were still 15 minutes left until the lecture started.
“Oh? Where are you going, my friend?”
“…If you want to drink coffee, stop that terrible acting.”
“You’re really going to buy it? Really? For real? Really? Wow, of all things, Do Hyeondo is doing a coffee errand. Is the end of the world approaching?”
“Shut up.”
“Don’t forget the Americano with an extra shot and three pumps of syrup, friend.”
Annoyance rose to the top of my head at the sight of him smugly smiling and waving his front paws. Still, it was better if I considered it the price for being able to sit close to Kkotmoa. Originally I was just going to sit in the same lecture hall and stare endlessly, but thanks to the crazy dog bastard going wild with spring fever, it seemed I could even have a conversation. If I was lucky, it seemed I could even eat lunch together.
I ordered one Americano with an extra shot and two mango juices at the first-floor cafeteria. I diligently pumped syrup three times too. I didn’t know if he still liked mango juice, but I hoped he still did. The first time he’d been to a cafe was with me, and at that time he drank sweet Mango Magic saying the staff recommended it.
I hope the memory that makes my heart flutter was also good for you…
I headed back to the lecture hall carrying three drinks in a carrier. Unlike before, the atmosphere in the lecture hall was brilliant and bright. It was natural. Because a flower had bloomed. Kkotmoa was sitting next to Kang Junwoo, rambling on about various things with his peach-colored lips. He was wearing a simple and neat navy-colored cardigan with no pattern over a white shirt. That made him look even more refined and clear.
“Awesome, my coffee. Hyeondo’s flower, Moa-ya, thanks to you I’m drinking coffee comfortably today.”
Kkotmoa looked at Kang Junwoo once with curious eyes as if asking what he meant, then turned his gaze to me. His clear smile was enough to make my heart flutter. However, I couldn’t get used to the words coming from his mouth at all.
“Hello, Do Hyeondo sunbae-nim.”
“…How long are you going to talk like that, hoobae-nim?”
“Then how should I talk?”
“…You can do it like before. Like you do with him.”
“Hmm, wouldn’t that be awkward since the gap is too big? I had a friend I really liked before, but contact was cut off one-sidedly. So I’m trying not to get close to just anyone anymore.”
My heart dropped. The kid who still hadn’t shed his boyish baby-faced look slashed at my heart with an innocent, naive smile. As if my place no longer existed, so I shouldn’t even dream of it. It was my just deserts. Having kissed him one-sidedly and then run away, I didn’t even have the right to feel hurt by him.
“The wounds received from people last longer than you think. Please understand, Do Hyeondo sunbae-nim.”
“Hey… Are you really not going to speak casually with Hyeondo?”
On behalf of me, who was frozen and couldn’t find words to say, Kang Junwoo tapped Kkotmoa’s arm, trying to ease the atmosphere. All decision-making power was with him. I had to follow whatever he wanted. That way he’d be less uncomfortable with me and at least give me a chance to approach.
“He’s consistently the top in our department. You know how desperately the juniors try to get his past exam files. If you become friends again like before, it’s good for both of you in various ways.”
“Is that so? I’m fine with just you as a friend though?”
No matter how cowardly I was in the past, I like you so much I don’t know what to do, yet you don’t even want to be friends with me.
“Yes, hoobae-nim. If that’s comfortable for you, do that.”
“Hey, why are you being difficult too, fuck. Making it awkward for the person in the middle.”
Kang Junwoo chewed on his Americano straw and shook his leg. It seemed Kkotmoa’s reaction was colder and pricklier than he’d expected. How much more so when even I was flustered? Still, I had no intention of giving up.
“But…”
“……”
“No matter what I do, can we never become close again?”
