“You’re noisy.”
“No, I just like you, sunbae-nim, so I deliberately kept watching and moved seats as soon as one opened up…”
“Haah…”
I let out a sigh and irritably ran my hand through my hair. At my annoyed sigh, the girl across from me shut her mouth tight. If she was going to be at a loss and read the room, she shouldn’t have said useless things in the first place. No matter how much that bastard Kang Junwoo insisted, I really shouldn’t have come.
Unlike my first and second years when I desperately hung out with kids to forget him while sneaking looks at him every day, now I was trying to quietly focus on my studies and graduate. It was already a decided fact that I’d go to graduate school in America after graduation. I had no intention of playing at romance, and if it wasn’t him, I couldn’t like anyone. It seemed I still didn’t have enough time to forget him.
“What a temper. Sua-ya, this bastard’s personality is trash, so don’t bother with him. It’s because he can’t forget his first love.”
I glared at Kang Junwoo with force in my eyes. Even after saying such useless things, Kang Junwoo was toasting with the kids with a smiling face. The girl sitting across from me hesitated for a moment, then soon left her seat. With a tolerance of half a bottle and not even liking alcohol, I didn’t know what the hell I was doing sitting here. I desperately wanted a cigarette.
Others say they learn to smoke in the military, but I quit smoking in the military instead. In the military that I used as an escape to get away from him, I unknowingly fixed all the habits he would dislike, that seemed unsuitable for him.
And yet I tried to forget you—how absurd is that?
I was as reckless as I was young, as simple as I was reckless, and my heart was as blind as it was simple. There was no way I could easily cut off the first emotion I’d ever had. It was my first love, after all.
No, it was you.
It seemed best to get up before my thoughts deepened. There was no reason to stay in this noisy place any longer. No, whenever I drank while immersed in thoughts of him, it always ended in unsightly tears. It was one of the reasons I didn’t meet anyone, including Kang Junwoo, whenever I came out on leave. I grabbed my coat and stood up from my seat, greeting only Kang Junwoo roughly.
“I’m leaving.”
But the answer came in a voice I couldn’t forget even in my dreams.
“You’re leaving already?”
…No way.
I couldn’t take my eyes off the person who was taking off their coat and sitting across from my seat, as if they’d just arrived. They looked exactly the same as when I’d last stolen a glance before going to the military. No, since I’d seen them from afar then too, they actually looked more similar to their nineteen-year-old self.
A small, round head, white face and large eyes that stretched long without double eyelids, a cute upturned nose and peach-colored lips. Except for the disappearance of the cheeks that had looked chewy like glutinous rice cakes and the fact that they were wearing casual clothes, it was so unchanged that I could mistake it for having time-slipped back to the past. The person sitting raised their gaze and made eye contact with me.
“Hello, Do Hyeondo sunbae-nim. It’s been a long time.”
I was so surprised that my breath caught, and Kang Junwoo greeted him naturally with “You came,” as if he’d known. In a situation I hadn’t thought of at all, my spine grew cold and I felt all the blood in my body turning icy. Because it felt so unreal, I clenched and unclenched my fist several times, but perhaps because I was tense from the sudden situation, the tingling at my fingertips felt vividly real. Even seeing it with my own two eyes, I couldn’t believe this situation. My flower, who had reappeared before me, was smiling so brilliantly and prettily that my heart could stop. My lost heart beat violently.
As if entranced, I sat down in my seat, unable to come to my senses. The thought of going home had already disappeared. Even looking at the flower blooming before my eyes, I couldn’t grasp reality.
How are you here…
Right now, this place was the welcome party for the new students of our school’s business administration department. I couldn’t understand why Kkotmoa had appeared here. Even Kang Junwoo, who handed an empty glass to Kkotmoa calmly without being surprised, was strange. I couldn’t figure out what was going on.
“Alright, alright. Let me introduce him. This here is freshman Kkotmoa. He’s my high school friend, and a Korean of determination who got nearly a perfect score on the college entrance exam this time.”
It was a name more familiar than his real name, heard in person for the first time in four and a half years. Kang Junwoo introduced Kkotmoa to the people sitting at the table. But I couldn’t process the information properly. A freshman who entered after getting nearly a perfect score on the college entrance exam—it was clearly Korean, but I couldn’t understand it well. Then did that mean Kkotmoa didn’t go to college back then?
“Your name is Kkotmoa? Is there a Kkot surname too?”
“It’s a nickname, a nickname. His family ran a flower shop.”
“Wow, it suits you really well. I’m also a freshman, and you said you’re the same age as Junwoo sunbae, so can I call you oppa? Kkotmoa oppa.”
“No. Only I’m going to call him Kkotmoa.”
“Tsk, how can that be? I want to call you Kkotmoa oppa too. Kkotmoa oppa, oppa, answer me.”
Listening to the conversation between Kang Junwoo and a freshman whose name I didn’t know, Kkotmoa was smiling. Occasionally responding to their questions, he fit into the conversation. True to being a guy without rough edges, he quickly became the center of the kids at the table. Even then, I just stared blankly at Kkotmoa. I’d only had exactly two drinks before Kkotmoa arrived, but as if I were drunk, my mind became hazy and I couldn’t distinguish well whether this was a dream or reality.
“Is it true you got nearly a perfect score on the college entrance exam? Amazing. What’s the secret?”
“Um… when I was a senior in high school, my teacher was a god of studying.”
I snapped to attention. Wondering if that teacher was me, “Do Teacher,” I tried hard to make eye contact with Kkotmoa. But his gaze was on others. To be precise, he conversed with a smiling face while making eye contact with others excluding me.
“God of studying? Which academy? I know all the star instructors, but I’ve never heard of a god of studying. Or did you get separate tutoring?”
“You probably won’t know. My teacher only taught me.”
Kkotmoa answered while making direct eye contact with me. I was happy. Of course, I didn’t know how much my teaching from back then had helped with this college entrance exam. But I was happy just that I occupied a small part in his memory. Even though it had been five years, nothing had changed.
I still ride a roller coaster at your every word.
In the world, there were occasionally people who exuded an immature charm like boys even after becoming adults. Kkotmoa, who was twenty-four but unchanged from high school, was like that. He was fresh and refreshing enough that there was no sense of incongruity with the title of freshman.
“Huh? But if you’re high school friends with Junwoo, aren’t you also classmates with Hyeondo? You guys went to the same high school. Ah, was the school so big you don’t know Hyeondo?”
A classmate who joined in the middle butted in. I’d seen him hanging around with Kang Junwoo a few times before enlisting, but he was a guy I had no connection with. I wanted to say something because I didn’t like this guy calling my name so familiarly, but it was impossible since all my attention was already focused on Kkotmoa. More than that, I was curious about the answer that would come from Kkotmoa. What answer he’d give to the word “classmate,” not friend.
“Hey, you tactless bastard. Even if he’s a freshman, he’s the same age as us. Using informal speech from the first meeting. An intellectual bastard paying expensive tuition to attend university doesn’t even know how to respect his juniors?”
I couldn’t hear Kkotmoa’s answer due to Kang Junwoo’s scolding.
“Student number or whatever, if we’re the same age, we’re all friends. Why are you making such a fuss? Moa? Was it Kkotmoa? Your nickname is disgustingly refreshing. It fucking suits you weirdly well. Anyway, you use informal speech with me too. If you’re Junwoo’s friend, we’ll see each other often from now on, so let’s drop the student numbers and talk comfortably and be friends.”
The somewhat drunk guy acted chummy, flaunting that he was Kang Junwoo’s friend. Come to think of it, I seemed to remember him. I didn’t know his name, but he was a guy who clung on quite a bit after learning Kang Junwoo was the youngest son of Kangsan Group. I’d also ignored him because he acted overly friendly after learning I was the heir to D Group. So his suggestion to drop student numbers and be friends was no different from this bastard angling to see if there were any scraps to be gained from Kkotmoa.
“No, I’m fine. Sunbae-nim can do as you’re comfortable.”
“Hey, why are you being so cold? What’s with calling me sunbae-nim? Just call me Wonil.”
“Who calls you Wonil? They call you 911, Guil-il.”
“Ah, Kang Junwoo. Every year when new students come in, you’re the one spreading my nickname around! I’m not Guil-il, I’m Gu Wonil, okay? Kkotmoa, please, you at least call me Wonil.”
“How could I dare call a sunbae-nim as lofty as the sky by name, being just a mere freshman? Junwoo told me that sunbae is on the same level as God, friends with Buddha, and holds a position higher than professors.”
That crazy mutt must have gone insane after getting spring wind in his nose. I was dumbfounded by words that didn’t even sound like words. Kkotmoa, who said that as if it were nothing while saying ‘I don’t want to be friends with you’ in a roundabout way, was also formidable. Come to think of it, he was like that when he was young too. Kkotmoa showed his firm will by saying everything he needed to say in a kind tone and with a smiling face that made it impossible to hate or refuse him. According to Kang Junwoo, didn’t he refuse in this manner even when the teachers collected money for him back then?
“Hey, hey, I’m the one who taught you that wise saying, so why won’t you call me sunbae! You should call me Junwoo sunbae-nim too, cutely. Kkotmoa hoobae, who am I?”
“Junwoo-ya, are you drunk?”
“You don’t know my tolerance? I’m completely sober, you know? Kkotmoa, don’t be like that and call me that just once, hm? When else will I get to hear you call me sunbae if not now?”
“Then should I call you sunbae like a stranger and treat you uncomfortably from now on? I’ll do as you want, Junwoo-ya.”
“Harsh Kkotmoa bastard. Anyway, you never lose in a word fight. Fuck, I won’t listen because it’s disgusting.”
Unlike his grumbling words, Kang Junwoo picked up a sausage from the snacks and held it to Kkotmoa’s mouth. Kkotmoa opened his mouth and ate it as if it were nothing. Just like he used to open his mouth like a baby bird to receive snacks the kids gave him in the classroom.
“Oh my… you two must have been really close. It’s my first time seeing guys feed each other. But why is there no sense of incongruity? That’s strange…”
“Even when he was in school, he rarely used his own hands when eating. The kids always fed him.”
“…Why?”
“Because it’s Kkotmoa.”
Kang Junwoo, who always spouted nonsense, said something sensible for once in a long time. Right, because it’s Kkotmoa. The reason why all the strange and incomprehensible things melted away without any sense of incongruity was because it’s Kkotmoa. No matter what verbose logic and explanation you brought, there was no clearer reason than that.
