“Your eyes are red. Didn’t you sleep?”
“…I get bloodshot when I sleep too deeply.”
“Really?”
I wish he’d just let this slide. I can’t answer that I couldn’t sleep a wink because I was trembling just from lying next to you.
“Do you always wake up this early?”
“Mm, is this early? Other kids all wake up around this time too, right? Oh right. You said you eat breakfast, didn’t you?”
“I won’t die if I don’t eat for a day.”
I wanted to lie facing him like this and talk a bit longer. Maybe because it was morning, even Kkotmoa, who was usually full of energy, looked a bit languid, which was nice. His fine, straight hair sticking out in the back was cute too. I barely stopped myself from unconsciously reaching out to fix his bedhead.
“Still, I have to feed my Do Teacher. We still have some time, so, mm, is fried rice okay?”
“You don’t need to worry about feeding me, so sleep a bit more. You went to bed late.”
“I won’t die if I sleep a little less for a day.”
Kkotmoa, who slightly modified and repeated my words, got up. With a regretful heart, I wanted to forcibly make him lie back down. We could have talked while lying facing each other like this last night too, so it was a waste that we’d sat on top of the blanket and talked. Next time I come over, I definitely want to talk like this while lying down until we fall asleep.
I could hear the sound of Kkotmoa preparing breakfast in the kitchen. I was moved that he was overcoming sleepiness for me, preparing breakfast to feed me. I felt excited and overwhelmed. Even though my mom makes breakfast for me every day, I’d never thought that way. I guess I like Kkotmoa more than Mom, or rather, more than my family.
While Kkotmoa prepared breakfast, I washed up. True to my virile age, I had to struggle to kill the guy standing erect. During our conversation lying down, I hadn’t been paying attention to it, but actually, because I was conversing while looking at his face, and because it’s a phenomenon that happens every morning anyway, it hadn’t been too noticeable, but when I took everything off to wash up, its presence was newly confirmed. Cold water was the only way to live.
Since there wasn’t a separate shower booth, while showering I turned everything—the washing machine, toilet, and sink—into a sea of water. I’d been curious from before about why the washing machine was in the bathroom, but seeing it now, it seemed like there was nowhere else to put it. Anyway, after finishing my shower, I struggled for a while sweating to deal with the sea of water I’d created. If I was going to sweat again like this, I wondered why I’d even showered.
“Done washing? Want to dry your hair with the fan, or should I give you the hair dryer?”
“Hair dryer.”
“Here. I’ll also wash up and come out quickly. I showered before you came yesterday, so I just need to wash my hair, so wait a moment. Let’s eat breakfast together.”
While Kkotmoa was washing up, I focused on the sound of water coming from the bathroom. With the hair dryer in my hand, I was doing that without realizing it. Even though he said he just needed to wash his hair, while listening to the water sounds, what I was imagining was him showering. I wasn’t in my right mind from the morning.
Does he also experience the bodily phenomenon that happens every morning like me? Of course it’s natural, but I couldn’t imagine it well. Then how would he handle it? When he woke up earlier, from my quick glance, it seemed like there was no change…
Ha, crazy bastard. What the hell am I thinking from the morning? Unlike Kang Junwoo and other frivolous guys, I thought I was relatively plain and dull about sexual things, but maybe I’m quite a horny bastard. I might have been hiding and living while pretending otherwise.
So is Kkotmoa really just washing his hair…
When the water sound stopped, I came to my senses and turned on the hair dryer. The back of my neck felt hot for no reason. It was probably because the hair dryer’s air was hot.
Next to me drying my hair with the hair dryer, Kkotmoa turned the fan on high and dried his hair. My heart lifted and pounded at the fact that the same scent came from both of us. The wicked thought occurred to me that I wanted their dad to sleep at the hospital every day so I could come here and sleep every day.
Maybe because his hair was relatively finer than mine, Kkotmoa finished drying his hair first. His sticking-up hair had been so cute, but he looked calm and neat as always.
There was one thing I newly discovered today. As expected, Kkotmoa didn’t disappoint me. Making my worry that he might do improper things while watching strange videos on his computer seem pointless, there was no computer in Kkotmoa’s room. No laptop either. When I glanced through the open door at Kkotmoa’s parents’ room, there wasn’t one there either. However, the moment I felt relieved, I couldn’t stop the self-loathing that rushed in.
Unlike him who was pure and clear, I…
I was letting out a deep sigh when Kkotmoa came in carrying the whole frying pan and placed it on the table. Inside was fried rice with a brownish tint. Seeing that there were also chunks of egg here and there, it seemed to be egg fried rice. The egg fried rice my mom makes has carrots, peas, ham, green onions, and lots of other things in it, but Kkotmoa’s egg fried rice only had egg and soy sauce in it. However, it was strange that Kkotmoa’s rice, which seemed simply thrown together, tasted better than Mom’s rice cooked with various ingredients.
“It’s really been a long time since I’ve eaten breakfast and gone to school.”
“Did you used to eat and go?”
“Yeah. Before Dad’s accident, the time I went to school and the time Dad went to work were similar, so the two of us would eat and leave. My dad is really good at cooking.”
“…Which dad?”
“Ah, the dad at the hospital. Originally I call him Daddy. I have to distinguish between Dad and him. Daddy is mixed race with a French person, and Dad is Korean. Both of them have Korean nationality though.”
Then did they get married abroad and come to Korea? But if their nationality is Korean, can they be legally recognized as married in a country that recognizes same-sex marriage? I was a bit confused because I didn’t have the knowledge. But it felt like prying too much to ask that far, so I kept my mouth shut.
“Daddy and I would eat breakfast together, and Daddy would drop me off at school on his way to work. Then Dad, ah, our dad who runs the flower shop, would wake up around the time we left the house, wake up Jaea and get him ready to send him to daycare, then go to work at the flower shop.”
If only there hadn’t been an accident, Kkotmoa would have lived a life that was enviable. One unexpected accident changed everything.
“You know what our Daddy’s dream was? It was to save up a lot of money so our whole family could go live in France together, but, how should I say it, I just thought this. We don’t need to go somewhere like France, I wished Daddy would work a little less, I wished Daddy wouldn’t have such a hard time, something like that…”
“…The dad at the hospital, Daddy had a lot of money?”
“Mm… rather than having a lot of money, I think he was good at earning money? But you know people are really scary? After Daddy’s accident, since he couldn’t work, they even blamed things that were their fault on our Daddy, and actually I don’t really know well either, but I think Dad had quite a hard time handling that while running the flower shop. For a while he was so busy with that, he even closed the flower shop. Our Daddy and Dad are so kind that even I find it frustrating to watch.”
From what I see, you’re also pretty damn kind…
Well, if he’s a child raised by parents with kind dispositions, it made sense. What young children learn most is from their parents. They grow up receiving the most influence from their parents. So it was natural for Kkotmoa to be kind, considering his dads.
But suddenly I had this thought. While the word “kind” can be used in a good sense for us now, in the adult world, the word “kind” would never be a good thing. You could see that just from looking at various cases at D Group. The ones who always saw blood, suffered losses, and were victimized were the kind people. The world was going crazy.
I hoped my flower wouldn’t be tainted and would remain as he is now in this crazy world. Even if I go crazy together with the world in this crazy world, I wanted to protect my flower just as he is now in his purity.
“I’ll have to do the dishes when I come home later. Let’s hurry and put on our uniforms and go to school.”
“Yeah.”
Kkotmoa left the room carrying the empty frying pan. Until then, I was thoughtlessly taking off the clothes I was wearing and putting on my uniform. I put on my uniform pants first and was buttoning up my shirt when Kkotmoa came back into the room. And I was startled and turned my gaze away at the sight of him taking off his loose-necked t-shirt.
Since all gym class time is replaced with self-study time for third-year students, I hadn’t seen Kkotmoa take off his clothes even in the classroom. While other guys frequently changed into sweatpants saying uniform pants were uncomfortable, Kkotmoa was always in neat uniform attire. And he casually took off his t-shirt in front of me without a care.
My heart began to beat abnormally. I fumbled the shirt buttons several times, unable to button them properly. My mind was already stealing glances at him, but my eyes couldn’t even turn toward Kkotmoa.
When I was with Kkotmoa, there were too many things that could cause cardiac arrest. Landmines were everywhere.
“Hyeondo-ya, my uniform pants from over there.”
“Ah, yeah.”
Trying not to let my fluster show, I handed over the neatly folded uniform pants. No, I tried to hand them over. Kkotmoa’s uniform pants that were in my hands fell to the floor the moment I looked at him, leaving my hands.
Kkotmoa, who had put on his uniform shirt first, had buttoned it up to the neck and even put on his tie. Yeah, up to there it was fine. The problem was that because he’d already taken off his bottoms, his slender, smooth white legs were fully exposed under the shirt that precariously covered up to his upper thighs.
“Hey, you…”
“Hm?”
Kkotmoa responded innocently while picking up the uniform pants that had fallen on the floor and putting his legs into them. I stared blankly at that sight as if possessed by something. Unlike my thighs that looked hard just to look at, packed tight with muscle from long exercise, Kkotmoa’s thighs were not only slender but looked like they’d be very soft and smooth to the touch. They were more beautiful and pretty than the girl group legs I’d seen on TV. That’s why I, who’d been indifferent even when seeing the girl group that Kang Junwoo was crazy about, was now frozen, not knowing what to do.
“What are you doing, Hyeondo-ya? Should I button it for you?”
Before I knew it, Kkotmoa, neatly dressed in his uniform, approached me. Startled out of my wits, I stepped back. Being caught by Kkotmoa in my current physical state would be no different from suicide. I muttered as I fled into the bathroom.
“Ba-bathroom…”
“Will it take long? Number two? We need to leave in 10 minutes! If you don’t come out in 10 minutes, I’m leaving first!”
Hearing Kkotmoa’s voice from outside the door, I sang all four verses of the national anthem inside the bathroom. In a very, very reverent state of mind. I couldn’t possibly perform that lewd, raw act in Kkotmoa’s house bathroom of all places. It seemed to be like this because I’d skipped what I usually did every morning by pouring cold water over myself earlier.
Ha, I really feel like I’m going to die from the agony.
Being with you is the happiest and best thing in the world, but I’m dying from the agony just as much.
Even up until this point, I hadn’t realized it. That my body’s reaction was thoroughly because of you. That the meaning of me liking you included that too. Not knowing this, I’d mistaken that I’d be satisfied just looking at my flower, no, even just holding hands. I’m absolutely not that kind of guy… I overestimated myself.
