# Side Story 4
(From Wimu’s perspective)
“If you’re awake, please come out now. You’re disrupting the training.”
“…”
“What are you doing?”
It was an unfamiliar look in his eyes. Those eyes, which had remained calm as if out on a world tour even right after being banished to the temple, were now endlessly wavering. Ludin, crouched in a corner with an unstable appearance. His expression was fearful, like a child suddenly separated from his parents. Had he been frightened by the unfamiliar face?
“Ludin?”
“Ahh! Stay away.”
He flees with a startled reaction as I take a step closer. I should have been worried about this behavior so unlike him, but strangely, I remember my heart aching. In Ludin’s eyes, having lost all composure, I was merely a frightening intruder who should keep his distance.
“Wimu…?”
“Did you have a nightmare?”
Until he recognized me, until he remembered my name.
* * *
“Whoa, whoa. I get it. You win.”
“Kadilen’s disciple does not surrender.”
“Well, I surrender. I said you win, didn’t I?”
Throughout our sparring, Ludin’s breathing was excessively rough. His speed in avoiding attacks and the blade that drew distorted circles were slow and dull, as if underwater. Not like Ludin at all. I couldn’t shake the feeling that something had changed. It wasn’t just his way of acting that changed, but more… I mean, had he always been someone who caught my eye like this? I couldn’t take my eyes off him for a moment. Because he seemed more precarious than usual, because he seemed a bit unwell. There were many plausible reasons. No matter how long we had been friends, it’s difficult to know everything about a person. Wouldn’t it take constant observation to understand someone? I looked and looked at Ludin, citing valid reasons. By the time I realized that my gaze was following him automatically even without conscious effort…
“Are you hurt?”
My body had moved even closer to him. My heart was pounding. I was more frightened by his frowning expression than during the times I had wandered the streets and nearly died. It was almost laughable how my heart could sink so deeply at a single drop of Ludin’s blood, at one of his shallow wounds.
“Do you think I’d get hurt from something like this?”
Yes, this is the Ludin I know.
I think I was secretly relieved to see this strong side of him that he had managed to create.
* * *
The temple was peaceful for a while. Ludin was docile, as if he had forgotten how to cause trouble. He was even much gentler than before. Whether he had suddenly matured, or was too tired even to make mischief, although I couldn’t know the reason, I didn’t dislike seeing him that way.
“Wimu. Come here.”
For instance, like how he would call me over at every opportunity.
“Isn’t it fascinating?”
Pointing at the seeds flying in the wind and showing me a bright smile.
“Do you want some too?”
Chewing on the fruit he had given me as a gift while staring at me intently.
I definitely didn’t dislike such behaviors.
Let me be more honest. Actually, I liked it. Not just because he caused less trouble, but because he sought me out. Because he approached me first even for trivial matters and showed me trust. It felt like having a small, cute animal that followed me around. So every day, I quietly observed and wondered about his changed aspects. I embraced and comforted him lest he might fall. Sometimes there were days when I hesitated, thinking that perhaps only I was changing while Ludin remained the same. But his pretty smile was addictive, and his affectionate calls were dizzyingly sweet. Even the small quarrels we occasionally had were heart-achingly enjoyable. The calm but insufferably boring daily life at the temple suddenly sparkled as if bathed in sunlight.
At least for a while.
* * *
“I’ll ask again. What were you doing?”
Strong patience was evident on Kadilen’s face. I knew the meaning of that expression. Unconditional respect that considers neither prejudice nor unfavorable circumstances, but merely looks at a human being as a human. A trust with a lowered stance. My master extended such an opportunity even to a human driven to the edge of a cliff. Not just he, but all the soldiers staying in this temple had grasped that hand.
“He was going to extinguish the candles! I saw him going with a shovel. He must have been planning to cover the candles with dirt!”
“…That’s right. I was going to do that.”
But Ludin didn’t do that. My master’s hand was withdrawn. Between the angry voices of the soldiers and Kadilen’s strange silence, I stared blankly at Ludin’s eyes. His contradictory eyes, which looked as if they might burst into tears at any moment, faced with the reality he had ruined and the trust he had shattered.
I watched him silently enduring as Kadilen turned away without a word and the soldiers gradually disappeared. What was the truth that he refused to reveal, even while trembling violently, protecting? When finally no one remained by his side, I slowly walked to Ludin. A low sigh spread like fog. I couldn’t say anything to him, who had collapsed as if time had stopped, with an absent-minded expression.
All I could do was take off my outer garment to block the cold, help him up from where he had fallen, and lead him away from that place to somewhere sheltered from the cold wind.
My touch when dealing with him became cautious. Fighting the urge to comfort him as he cried silently where I wasn’t present, I deliberately ignored the unidentifiable emotion that had settled in a corner of my heart. I made countless excuses—that I was upset about the fall of my shining friend, that I felt awkward because his changed appearance was unfamiliar.
* * *
“I endured when you dropped all the shields in the river, when you broke all the arrows, when you drank in the middle of the courtyard. But this is different.”
“What’s different?”
“Didn’t you know the meaning of the candles?”
“I did. Kadilen told me.”
I had to bow my head to hide my expression. I didn’t want to show him my eyes mixed with resentment and longing. Perhaps this was a kind of test. Did I need to prove how much I could be by his side, how sincerely I cared for him? I slowly rubbed my head in frustration. When Ludin, who had answered firmly but still hesitated, finally turned his back on me, my hand impulsively grabbed his arm. He looked at me awkwardly as he was pulled over, tilting.
“Are you serious?”
I held onto him as he swayed and pleaded.
“For the sake of our old friendship. Please.”
Ludin’s eyes widened. I tried endlessly to read the emotion revealed within them. He who had always been narrowing the distance with me turned out to be far away. Though we seemed to have always been facing each other, in the blink of an eye, he had disappeared to a place beyond reach. Are you happy being left alone like that? If so, you shouldn’t have looked so sad. One thing was certain—something was going wrong. Talk to me. Let me help you.
But Ludin was resolute. As if saying this was as far as the accessible line extended.
“I am serious.”
When what I thought was an open door turned out to be a solid wall, that despair was much deeper and darker than hope.
* * *
Misfortune came swiftly, not missing the opportunity.
“Zendal sent him. He planted a curse in him. The reason Ludin suddenly started behaving insanely, and the fact that the place he was sent to was specifically my temple, are all for the same reason. He is Zendal’s weapon.”
“…”
“I’ll kill him when the time comes, but for now, I’ll keep him alive.”
More than concerns about the temple or my master, the fact that I might have to kill him with my own hands weighed down on my heart first. Was Ludin really planning to betray me? My decision to wait and see was perhaps an arrogant and naive expectation that he wouldn’t do this to me. Because he and I had become closer, because Ludin treated me as a special friend. Captured by the faint hope that I could be his person, I thought I could change the situation.
* * *
But before my heart could be sorted out, heaven put me to the test once more.
“He was spying on the training. You shouldn’t let him go free!”
“Since he peeked without permission, he should be punished.”
I looked alternately at the soldiers waiting only for my command to fall and Ludin who had slumped down powerlessly.
“What would you have me do?”
My voice cracked miserably, like my painful heart. I wished he would end my agony. If he uttered just one word asking to be saved, I could have made an irrational move, discarding all rational judgment. I could have ruthlessly abandoned my own welfare, my master’s plans, and grabbed his hand right then. If only he would call me and embrace me like before, I was willing to forsake many things to help him escape from everything that troubled him. I was surprised at myself for having such thoughts. Irrationally, to a degree that even I couldn’t understand, I was longing for his sincerity. But Ludin’s lips moved cruelly slowly. At that moment, it felt as if the world had stopped.
“Do as you please.”
Determination settled on his face. I felt abandoned in an instant. It was Ludin who was in crisis, and it was also he who harbored the curse, yet I couldn’t understand why I felt this way. I stood silently for a long time, thinking about so many incomprehensible things. But soon, the soldiers’ call guided my frozen mind back to reality, and the moment to make a decision arrived. In the eyes of the soldiers burning with resentment and vengeance for past days, I saw Ludin’s blood. Even while clearly knowing what would happen, I feebly uttered the command.
“…Just spare his life.”
Ludin collapsed and was continuously shattered. The person who seemed would never break was trampled, spilling blood under ruthless violence.
And I stood like a statue, clearly witnessing his pain. Without blinking once, I watched all of his miserable moments. Looking back now, it was a form of self-torment. Without avoiding the results created by his choice and my choice, I looked on and killed the Ludin seated within me. I erased the hope and greed I had for him, and forgot the brilliant days I believed were special. Only after ensuring that no trace of Ludin remained within me could I miserably realize how I had been viewing him all this time.
Before losing consciousness, Ludin barely raised his head to look at me. I met his eyes, which had made my heart skip countless times. Thinking that I might regret this moment forever.
