# Chapter 85
He began his story calmly. A child born in the castle. Having lost his parents early, he took on menial tasks with small hands and unknowingly levitated falling glass bottles in mid-air. A maid, terrified, hid the child, but Devan’s suspicious abilities soon reached those who needed them. And from then on, everything began.
He said it was an incredibly distant memory if he tried to recall it. The first day he visited the Grand Magician’s room and was told that he would become his apprentice, Devan didn’t know he was under a high-level curse that would gradually constrict him. The gentle brainwashing that began made the child, who had been randomly unleashing his abilities, become tamed to serve only one master. While learning the concept of absolute loyalty, contradictorily, Devan felt comfort. He could neatly organize his surging desires and focus his scattered gaze on one place. Life revolved solely around his master, and he couldn’t even think of any other possibilities.
He had friends, too. Devan talked about other young magicians who trained with him. They weren’t many, but there were rare children born in the castle who served their master from the moment they opened their eyes. Children who made vows unsuitable for their age, with solemn gazes rather than frivolous laughter. But he didn’t remember much, he said. Back then, they didn’t have enough affection left to care for each other. All the affection and attention they could have was directed at their master. Whether voluntary or forced, that was how they had lived and it was a fate they couldn’t escape.
“Then I witnessed an execution. It was absolutely horrific.”
Devan remembered that day clearly. The execution was surprisingly cruel even at first glance. Those who received the highest level of execution were mainly those who had attempted to escape, he said. Naturally, young magicians were rare. Most were people who had lived ordinary lives, became manifesters, and entered the castle of their own accord. They were given the same brainwashing, but their minds, which had followed common sense frameworks for a long time, occasionally commanded escape. Despite being an entirely normal choice, several Grand Magicians surrounded the criminal and shattered their soul into pieces.
At first, Devan said he couldn’t understand. He thought those who tried to escape from such a cozy castle were foolish. The weight of his master had become so familiar that he believed he couldn’t live without a master pressing down on him. Even when given occasional opportunities to go out freely, the farthest Devan went was the lawn where we’re staying now. He didn’t think about running out into that vast plain, nor could he.
But soon he realized something strange. It was after hearing cries directed at their godlike master, as if scolding them, during an execution. As soon as the criminal’s resentful cries began, the master hurriedly took the young magicians inside, as if fleeing. It was a very rare occurrence, but as their resentments consistently carried the same meaning, cracks began to form in Devan’s solid curse.
The apprenticeship education that was implemented for the efficient control of magic. It was a measure to prevent the side effects of manifestation and to restrain magicians who committed evil deeds, but it didn’t take long for it to become corrupted in the hands of the powerful. That reality was contained in the vanished cries of criminals shattered into countless pieces. Though it took an unbelievably long time, Devan finally realized it. The scattered souls of the criminals dug through the solid brainwashing of his master. Reality relentlessly rushed through the gap created in the powerful magic. It was already after he had reached adulthood, and realizing it now felt more like a curse. The loyalty that had safely protected his life had a slight crack remaining, making it impossible to return to how it was before.
Eventually, Devan escaped. It was believed that no one succeeded, but that was because only the failures were reported. What he sought after coming out into the world was a new prison to confine himself. Living a new life as a mercenary under royal protection, he fought against the urge to return to the master who had constrained him his entire life. The unavoidable duties as a soldier became an effective new prison, becoming the reason why he couldn’t return to his previous hellish life. His long-hardened brain was excessively stingy with decisions for his own happiness rather than for his master. Therefore, without those reasons, it took too much effort to reach reasonable conclusions on his own.
As a result, the duties of a royal mercenary became a good shield that prevented Devan’s foolish return. Instead, he feared belonging to one place and never truly pledged allegiance to any dynasty. Only discipline. That was all he needed. He was cautious not to show any emotion to the real power holders beyond that. Even when opportunities for great wealth and glory occasionally came due to his excellent magical abilities, Devan didn’t work for any particular faction. The rules for protecting his new life were strictly maintained.
The fight with himself, which seemed endless, finally came to an end. It was the day his master died. Although it happened in a very distant place, Devan could feel it. The magic that perfectly enveloped his particles, the magic that showed only threadlike gaps despite his efforts to break it, left him in an instant.
“He died in this castle. He called for me at the end, but I didn’t go. It wasn’t an easy decision, but I forced myself not to go.”
Devan cast his gaze into the distance as if recalling old memories.
“What was he going to say?”
“Do you regret not going?”
“No. I’m curious, but I don’t regret it. It was the day my long-standing shackles were released.”
A faint smile appeared on his face. I was a bit shocked by his story, long in some ways and short in others, but I was happy that Devan had reached a happy ending.
“How did it feel?”
“I thought I had escaped sufficiently before, but after the brainwashing was undone, it was like a completely different world. Everything my eyes touched was so beautiful. I couldn’t believe that everyone except me had been living such lives. So I lived enjoying it to the fullest. And then I met you.”
Devan slowly turned his head toward me, who had been listening quietly. I smiled subtly, recalling memories of Ludin and him that I couldn’t remember.
“At first, it was fun. But when I met you for the second time…”
“…”
“I was scared. Because you saw me sincerely. Because my feelings for you grew too large even for me. But that wasn’t the real problem. What scared me more was the way I loved you.”
The faint smile disappeared from his face. Devan looked at me with sunken eyes and lowered his voice.
“I arbitrarily made you my master, and then tried to become your master. I know it’s an excuse. But that was the only emotion I knew.”
Possession.
The emotion he spoke of was probably possessiveness.
Belonging entirely to someone and moving solely for that person. And possessing someone completely and making them move only for oneself. It gnawed at the souls of both of us. Neither could be satisfied with possessing the other.
“What I did was so terrible and disgusting. That I, who knew it better than anyone, did it to you of all people.”
Agony flashed across his face. His voice dropped even further, flowing slowly with the heavy air.
“But now I’m truly different, Ludin.”
“…”
“I know my heart exactly, and I guard it every moment so it doesn’t go astray. I’m grateful for your forgiveness, but it’s okay if you take that miracle back. If you hate me again, I can disappear from your sight forever.”
Don’t disappear. I wished he wouldn’t disappear, but I couldn’t open my mouth. Then suddenly I thought he might feel the same as me. The feelings Devan must have had every time my life became precarious, every time I made such decisions myself. He held my arm, not painfully, as if in agreement. His pitch-black eyes held well-settled emotions as he gazed at me seriously.
“Still, until the moment I die, I won’t be able to embrace anything but you. I was trained from birth to see nothing but one person, and the person I’m looking at now is you.”
“…”
“So this time, you allow it.”
His heavy voice cracked. It was like a command, but in his unwavering gaze, clear supplication was evident.
* * *
Devan and I talked without rest until sunset. Despite spending so much time together, there were still far more stories untold. Actually, it was the same with everyone. To all those I came to love anew here, I hadn’t heard enough of their stories. Sometimes because there wasn’t time, sometimes because I didn’t want to hear, the reasons varied, but in the end, we reached the same conclusion. Now, I desperately, frantically wanted to survive to hear those stories.
Looking at the falling red sun, Devan realized the time had come. I nodded back at him as he silently gazed at me. There was something unavoidable left to do. Something selfish, yet for everyone’s sake. So that no one would be hurt, so that our ending would be happy. I had to move and face what might be my last moment.
Devan reached out his hand to me as I slowly stood up. Flower petals he had created long before still bloomed vividly between his hands, not yet withered. I took them and approached the riverside. Like the ceaselessly flowing water, I hoped my life would flow without obstruction. As I put my hand below the water’s surface, the still petals slowly drifted away along the gentle river. Feeling the cold temperature of the river water, I steadied my wavering heart. I felt more awake than ever, and felt I could endure any pain that might come.
“Let’s go now.”
So I turned around. Devan smiled at me one last time. There was nothing to smile about, but I received his smile. This moment, facing imminent death, was the most important moment that would change the rest of my life. Devan and I moved simultaneously. There was no hesitation in our steps as we headed toward Arzel.
