# Chapter 82
“My complexion is… terrible?”
Dawn had broken, but I was still buried in the intense memories of the night. Devan, who had rushed to my room first thing in the morning, forgot what he was going to say and stared at my haggard face. Even without looking in the mirror, I could imagine how much of a mess I was. Not only the shadow that had come down to my chin, but my eyes were also likely both reddened.
“Couldn’t sleep?”
“Not a wink.”
How could I possibly sleep?
Among all those dark nights, none was as shocking as yesterday. Crying, begging, getting angry, and then something completely unexpected…
In the pitch-black darkness, I tried to forget the scenes that kept replaying endlessly. But no matter how much time passed, everything was recalled more and more vividly. Jiman’s back that had seemed faint, as if about to disappear at any moment, and his unfamiliar gaze that instantly heated up. The way he pushed roughly while still carefully cradling my head. After instantly demolishing the walls built up layer by layer, Jiman completely released the last thread of reason he had been holding onto. Even when I pushed his shoulders and pounded his back, he seemed like someone who had forgotten the fact that I was moving. When he came back to his senses, he quietly stared at me with a flushed face and a dazed expression before silently getting up and disappearing.
Even after he left, I couldn’t subdue my wildly beating heart for a long time. It felt like every nerve in my body was on edge. Even though I pleaded that I was just surprised because it was so unexpected, that I should go to sleep soon for tomorrow, my head endlessly repeated his touch. And so, my desperate efforts were ruthlessly crushed, and I had to stay up all through the long night.
I shook my head to clear the memories that were rising again. Devan, with a worried face, gestured for me to come closer. I walked over, rubbing my stiff eyes. It felt as if blood vessels had burst, as my eyes stung with even the slightest friction.
“You said you talked with Kadilen yesterday. What did that bastard say?”
His speech was rough, but his hands gently caressed around my eyes. While he examined my bloodshot eyes, I briefly explained my conversation with Kadilen. I had worried he might get angry like Jiman, but even after the story ended, he just calmly handed me a glass of water.
“I’m sorry for getting angry yesterday. I made things difficult for you again.”
The cool water went down my burning throat with gulps. Devan took the empty glass from me and handed me clothes to change into.
“I’m trying to be good, but it’s not working well.”
“You’re doing well enough. Yesterday, both of you just had heightened emotions.”
I glanced at him before taking off my indoor clothes. Though smiling playfully, Devan turned around so I could change comfortably. After confirming the back of his head, I took off my top. I had deliberately prepared clothes used for training, not knowing what activities I would be doing at the castle. I hoped nothing would happen, but it was to ensure I could move sufficiently even in an emergency.
“When it comes to you, something happens to my head.”
“It’s okay. I didn’t do well either.”
I was taking off my pants while speaking soothingly, when Devan turned his head with moved eyes. He seemed like he was about to say thank you, but the timing was the worst. His eyes met directly with my completely unclothed lower half, and he grinned.
“Devan!”
“Sorry. It wasn’t intentional.”
He raised his eyebrows and slowly turned to look at the wall again. I sighed and finished changing clothes. Thick fabric that firmly supported my waist wrapped around my legs. It was difficult to put on, but once worn, my body felt light even in a tired state. I swung my arms once or twice to check if any strings were loose. It was the clothing I wore during sword training at the temple.
Looking at the slightly cut sleeve, I remembered the first time I held a sword. I had floundered, not knowing what to do, but I could easily recall the appropriate movements until the lurking poison made my breath ragged. Probably a trace of the old Ludin who had freely roamed the battlefield. Perhaps after recovering my health, I could also handle a sword as skillfully as him. If I could do that, it might be of greater help at times like now when entering right into enemy territory.
Thinking about the sharp sword and what I had to protect, it finally began to feel real. The fact that I was about to walk into Arzel’s merciless castle on my own feet, and the countless happiness hanging on the outcome of this mission.
Until yesterday, I had clearly spent a chaotic day, but from today, even thinking about such things was a luxury. I slapped my cheeks a couple of times to wash away the complicated emotions. Devan, noticing my sudden tension, carefully stroked my reddened face.
“Why isn’t Jiman coming? Look at the state he’s in.”
“What’s wrong with my state?”
“You look extremely tired. Can you really go?”
“No problem.”
If I wanted to back out, I should have done so a long time ago. I strapped on the longsword that Kadilen had prepared. It was a sword that he had engraved with his name and gifted to me. I took a deep breath and pointed at the sword with a confident expression. Devan’s worry didn’t easily subside, but he didn’t have a better solution either. Anyway, someone had to stop Arzel’s movements and obtain the antidote. Devan erased his anxious look and extended his hand.
“Hold on.”
It was a hand that could transport us to the castle in an instant. Before grabbing it, I checked the pouch containing medicine one last time. In the pouch that Jiman had organized in advance, effective painkillers were packaged by type. After confirming, as I was about to move, the bright smiling face of a child suddenly came to mind.
“…Wait. Let me see Rio just once before we go.”
* * *
“Jiman. Are you in there?”
My face turned red even before facing him because of last night’s incident. I hid my face as I went ahead of Devan before he could ask any awkward questions. It was difficult in many ways, but I wanted to see Rio’s smile just once more before leaving. If I departed like that, I felt I would have no hesitation in confronting Arzel alone to protect that child’s smile. But the ward I carefully entered had a somehow desolate atmosphere. The quiet atmosphere felt unfamiliar in a place that was usually full of busy nurses.
But suddenly, someone’s coughing sound broke the silence. Our steps quickened at the sound of coughing that seemed like they might choke. As we opened the door to the noisy room, Rio was groaning in Jiman’s arms with a painful expression.
“What’s happening! Rio!!”
“Hand me the powder on the table. Hurry!”
Devan, who was standing closer to the table than me, quickly threw the box containing the powder. Jiman calmly poured the grayish powder into the child’s mouth. Rio, who had been quietly exhaling labored breaths even on the threshold of death, was now suffering with moans. It took too long for the gasping groans to quiet down even after Jiman completed the emergency treatment.
“What’s going on? Has the antidote’s efficacy already worn off?”
“It seems there’s a problem with the medicine.”
“What?”
“There’s an unknown substance mixed in. I only discovered it this morning. The efficacy returned briefly, then the poison began to spread again. I’m looking for a way to remove the impurities. To discover this so late… it’s largely my fault.”
My heart pounded at the devastating news. It was a medicine that was supposed to have no problems. If even Jiman couldn’t immediately recognize it, it was likely not a simple mistake but a cleverly concealed scheme. My teeth gritted seeing Rio, who had collapsed exhausted after the pain had barely subsided.
“How is that your fault? It was wrong to trust him in the first place. That bastard Luan…”
My hands trembled with anger. The child I thought would run to me with a pure bright smile was being weakly led by Jiman’s touch. He laid Rio down stably. Though I admired his excessively calm appearance, his face as he turned away was filled with the same boiling anger as mine.
“Don’t worry for now. I’m looking into it as much as possible.”
“We’ll go to the castle right now, so leave the antidote to us.”
Devan spoke firmly in place of me, who was too angry to connect words. Only after seeing his eyes mixed with firm determination did I come to my senses. With everyone working hard, I shouldn’t be the only one in panic. I tried to revive my earlier composure as I grabbed Jiman’s shoulder.
“I’ll look for a way. Just hang on a little longer.”
“Don’t worry.”
For a moment, our gazes went back and forth. Jiman pulled my hand resting on his shoulder and held me in his arms.
“About yesterday…”
I wasn’t the only one surprised by his sudden action. Devan was narrowing his eyes, staring intently at Jiman and me. Jiman continued speaking in an affectionate yet firm tone, paying no attention.
“Rio was very ill and I was in a sensitive state. I saw your tears and heard what you were saying to His Majesty. With various things overlapping, I ended up committing an impropriety toward you.”
“No need to apologize. I should be the one who’s sorry.”
I mumbled, trying to escape from his embrace.
“It’s not an apology. I’m not sorry.”
“…Huh?”
“When you return, I will treat you differently than before.”
Jiman released me and met my gaze steadily. And looking at me, half-dazed from the overwhelming events, he whispered gently.
“You should be prepared, Ludin.”
I hurriedly detached my freed body from him. Not because I was scared, but because I was too greatly surprised. It was too explicit a statement for someone who always stepped back. Devan, pulling me toward him as I stood dazed, asked with a suspicious face.
“Did something happen between you two?”
But Jiman had already disappeared to attend to his duties, unable to answer the question. Left alone with the awkward question, I awkwardly led Devan out of the room. It was a soul-shaking declaration, but I couldn’t afford to waste time on such matters right now. Devan, who had been dragged out into the corridor without recourse, panted as he probed the situation. I looked at his face full of suspicion and pleaded stiffly but desperately.
“Please let it go for now. Rio is sick. Let’s hurry to the castle. I need to see Luan right away.”
Though he still seemed to have many questions, Devan fortunately extended his hand without retort. I gratefully took his hand, thankful to escape the awkward situation. The dizzy world disappeared instantly, and Devan and I fell as if being sucked into a quiet field.
