# Chapter 55
The cold morning air brushed against my cheek. The faint sunlight announcing the day’s beginning came through the window and sank weakly onto the chilly floor. The path to Kadilen was short, but my insides were endlessly burning up. Just until a moment ago, I had been thinking of running far away from him. Even if he had become sick in my place, even if it was because he had finally come to love me, it wasn’t enough to change my mind about leaving this place.
I thought there was nothing left in our relationship. I wanted this tragedy that began because of me to have a gentle ending. Instead of love that wounds and claws at each other, I wished for a peaceful conclusion with eternal rest and merciful forgiveness. I thought that would be best for both him and me.
That’s why, even though I knew there was no other way, I was afraid to face Kadilen. I feared that the moment I asked for his help for the first time would be when I was preparing for our end. Like a fate forcibly pieced together, I was about to meddle with time once again. Though I was afraid of what conclusion might be waiting at the end, my footsteps didn’t stop.
There was a child who would lose his life just for following me. A child who had no connection to any of this. Just for reaching out to me when I was crumbling, Rio had to suffer the same pain as me. This world, which would only be a temporary place for me before I disappeared, was a place for that child to unfold his dreams. A place to breathe, grow, and make choices to build his life. I had no right to take that away from him.
That was why I was desperately seeking Kadilen. Why I would face him again and risk an uncertain ending.
“His Majesty says to come in.”
When I opened the door to his office with trembling hands, Kadilen rose halfway with a slightly surprised face. Behind him, a cool breeze gently stirred his silver hair.
“Ludin.”
He substituted questions with a light calling of my name. His slow gaze carefully examined my disheveled appearance after a sleepless night. I opened my mouth to speak the words I had rehearsed in my mind countless times, but soon closed it like a coward. I wrung my innocent hands as I moved a bit closer to him.
“You don’t look well.”
Kadilen, who had been studying me without an answer, finally left his desk. Realizing he was tilting his head to meet my eyes, I unconsciously avoided his gaze. I could faintly feel his pain rising. Before I could sense his more detailed emotions, I hurriedly shook my head and spoke the difficult words.
“I came because I need your help.”
Kadilen made an ambiguous expression. While worried that something might have happened to me, his face showed a vague happiness that he could be of help. But as my explanation continued, his complex expression gradually hardened.
“Something happened to Rio. He ran into Luan who snuck into the palace, and he gave him the same poison as me. That bastard has the antidote. Jiman says it’s hard to find the medicine elsewhere.”
“…”
“So please help me.”
A brief silence fell. Kadilen contemplated something for a moment as I finished speaking, panting. Soon, his eyelids lowered and a calm voice flowed out.
“What did he say he wanted?”
Though it was a clear question, he already knew the answer. I recalled Luan’s greedy words as he laid out his ambitions. Not satisfied with just Kadilen’s death, Luan’s figure flashed by—his eyes gleaming as he greedily coveted the world beneath his feet. Seeing me hesitating to answer, Kadilen spoke calmly.
“I promise.”
His hand gently stroked my shoulder, which was already trembling.
“I will definitely save that child.”
“…”
“Even if I have to give him exactly what he wants, you and your people will be safe. I promise you that.”
His unwavering gaze held my precarious mind. A strong consciousness underlay his quiet voice. I calmed my anxious heart watching him calmly repeat the same promise. There was no need to explain how desperate I was, how mercilessly guilty I felt. He felt the same emotions as me and accepted the situation with such evenness that he might have seemed generous. That gentle pledge was repeated countless times in a kind voice.
“I will never let him harm the child.”
Until I finally exhaled a steady breath.
After calming myself, I had much to explain to him. About Luan’s secret passage, that he was watching Wimu, the method Luan had proposed to bring down Kadilen, and about Arzel too. But Kadilen, who was quietly listening to my explanation, didn’t seem surprised and simply nodded.
“I already had someone follow him.”
“You knew?”
I was the one who was surprised. Judging from his words at the last banquet, anyone could guess that he was eyeing the king’s power. But rather, that appearance had made him trustworthy in some way. He seemed to be scheming to share the king’s power, not to break him and rise above. Kadilen seemed slightly perplexed by my reaction. To me waiting for an answer, he quietly opened his mouth.
“He was a threat to you. Would I have let him live without any reason?”
His gaze briefly went to my nape. Only then did I recall meeting Arzel the day after the banquet. That day, he had shown a threatening appearance as if he would harm me at any moment. Wimu wouldn’t have failed to relay that incident to Kadilen.
“Arzel was a warrior. Once, there was no commander more combative than him. Many trembled in fear when facing him on the battlefield. He was greatly defeated after Zendal took power, but that’s the reason he could still remain in the palace. Those who follow him criticize me for being weak and remember the battles where he was victorious.”
Kadilen was momentarily lost in reminiscence. I recalled the description of Arzel I had seen in the text. His sharp appearance matched his swift actions that instantly subdued opponents and seized the advantage. Remembering that made me frightened once again. But Kadilen added quietly.
“But they seem to have forgotten the time when I held the sword.”
He smiled gently at me. Considering the meaning behind those words gave me goosebumps. Kadilen was the one who had claimed victory in more wars than anyone. The reason Zendal kept him by his side, and the reason he feared his position so much, was because he remembered Kadilen’s figure that decided battles. No matter how merciful and kind he was in caring for the weak, his sword was sharper than anyone else’s.
When Kadilen chose to stay at the temple, his sword that had been quietly sleeping in the deep mountains had finally found its destination after circling in the void for a long time.
“So don’t worry. I just need to yield to him meekly. Until he brings the trap to his master himself.”
I was curious about his plan. When I probed for details, Kadilen explained step by step what he had prepared. He said that after hearing about Luan’s survival from me, he first watched for changes among the nobles. Luan’s small force and lack of noticeable activity was rather a poison. As a result of persistent observation, Arzel was the first tail to be caught. He was the most suitable person for Luan’s plan to create a rift among the ministers.
But if there was one thing that didn’t make sense, it was why Arzel had sided with Luan. To him, Zendal was the culprit who ruined his homeland and his greatest enemy. Considering the time Arzel had bowed to survive in politics, it was unexpected for him to help Zendal’s son who had lost power. Kadilen was also pondering the same aspect. Finding out what Luan had offered could be an important clue to bringing them down.
For now, we needed time to discuss together after Wimu returned. I was hoping nothing concerning would happen while he was following Luan. That thought reminded me of Luan’s other warning.
“He said if he found out I was cooperating with you, he’d dispose of the medicine right away. We have to consider the worst-case scenario.”
“What you’re worried about won’t happen.”
Kadilen calmly reassured me, but my worries didn’t easily subside. Even if we could find out Luan’s entire plan and corner him, what we needed most was the medicine to save Rio. If he sensed danger and disposed of the medicine, all these efforts would be in vain.
“Kadilen. Take out all the beads.”
It was time to break our strange connection.
“It would be troublesome if more people found out you’re sick in my place. And you know that just because you take away the pain doesn’t mean I can live.”
“Ludin.”
Kadilen quietly tried to dissuade me. But I didn’t bend my will.
“If Luan finds out, he’ll think it’s suspicious. It wouldn’t be good for him to know I can’t lie to you.”
His face, which had maintained composure throughout, turned pale for the first time. Thinking about the pain that would return made my heart heavy, but I couldn’t risk danger for just such a reason. In fact, what was eating away at me wasn’t the disease or approaching death. Rather, not being able to know Kadilen’s heart might even make me more comfortable.
“Let me ask one thing.”
Breaking the long silence that followed, Kadilen spoke.
“If we get the medicine, will you live together with the child?”
It was something I hadn’t thought about. Luan had promised me the antidote too. If I could save Rio with Kadilen’s help, it meant I would also get a chance to live here. But…
“The child and I are different. I…”
I hesitated, choosing my words.
“I don’t know why I should live.”
You were my last reason to live.
I barely swallowed the words I was about to add. There was no reason for me to remain here anymore. At my words, muttered almost to myself, Kadilen’s head, which had been persistently gazing at me, dropped. His sadness enveloped my heart.
