Upon hearing words that clearly conveyed a “whatever happens, happens” attitude, the secretary let out an awkward laugh and focused on driving. Somehow, just when it seemed like we were getting closer, things kept getting awkward with this person. I thought about trying to lighten the mood, but feeling too tired took precedence, so I kept my mouth shut while looking out the window.
“Ah.”
“Jiwoo-ssi?”
We happened to stop at a red light. As I slowly looked around and spotted a bookstore, I suddenly remembered Lee Juwon’s profile I’d seen at the research lab today and leaned toward the driver’s seat.
“Um, I’m sorry, but could we stop by a bookstore on the way?”
“A bookstore?”
When I asked cautiously, being in the position of making a request, he followed my gaze with his eyes. The bookstore was located about 100 meters from where we were.
“Yes, I think it would be good to buy something like a thriller or mystery…”
Ever since I saw that profile at the research lab today, somehow this sense of foreboding wouldn’t go away. I’d dismissed Lee Hyeonseok’s argument about “creating big data before fighting” as if he were pathetic, but thinking about the profile at the center, I had a strong premonition that I might actually run into him someday.
I wondered if I really had to deal with a kid whose ID card ink wouldn’t even be dry yet by reading the novel, but as Lee Hyeonseok said, there was nothing wrong with being prepared. However, no matter what, my resistance was far too weak to read the book Lee Hyeonseok had bought me. The sexual orientation didn’t match either. It was an unreliable statement coming from someone who’d already built a Great Wall with Lee Hyeonseok, but it really wasn’t for me.
From page 1,
「”R-Rio! Why are you doing this to me…! We’re friends, aren’t we!”
Nia, on the verge of tears, cried out to his childhood friend Rio of the same sex. Rio felt guilty seeing Nia like that but didn’t stop.
“No, Nia. I’ve wanted to do this since the moment I first met you.”
Rio had already held back for a long time. He could endure it as long as Nia put him first. However, seeing Nia make a new friend and focus on that friend, he could no longer hold back. He wanted to keep him by his side, even by force.
“Rio…! Didn’t you have an unwavering ambition to bear an heir and get revenge on your family?”
At Nia’s words, thrown out as if grasping at a last hope, Rio hesitated for a moment, but it was only for an instant.
“If I can have you, none of that matters anymore.”
Rio, laughing as if both anguished and relieved, pulled down Nia’s pants just like that. Watching Rio’s head lower, Nia secretly smiled with satisfaction.」
…I wanted to praise myself for managing to read about 10 pages.
The moment I saw the bookstore, I wondered if it really had to be a BL novel. Since he’d said it was about schemes, I thought a thriller or mystery would probably work just fine.
“I apologize. The young master instructed me to take you straight home, so that would be difficult.”
However, the secretary furrowed his brows in difficulty and refused carefully but firmly. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t anticipated such a reaction at all, so I settled back into my seat.
“Can’t we stop by just for a moment?”
“If you tell me what you need, I’ll get it for you.”
I stared intently at the secretary reflected in the rearview mirror and asked again, but he avoided my gaze.
“…Shit…”
The secretary wasn’t at fault. The employer was Lee Hyeonseok. The cause was Cheon Jaekyung. The trigger was Lee Juwon. It’s originally hard to earn someone else’s money. When told to do something, the underling has to do it.
‘Damn it, if only I weren’t just an employee…’
I swallowed the curse that had risen to the tip of my throat and let out a long sigh instead, staring into empty space rather than at the secretary or the bookstore.
“…Please do that for me.”
“Is there anything specific you’d like?”
“Well… Ah. A book on child psychology would be good too if available.”
Somehow it seemed like it would be even more helpful than mystery or thriller novels.
* * *
Lee Hyeonseok arrived an hour after I got home. He sat down in the living room with a completely different expression from the pleased look he’d had during the day. The sight was enough to make me stop moving my hand that had been about to put freshly cooked ramen into my mouth.
“What’s wrong?”
“…What do you mean what’s wrong… Uh…. I’m feeling flustered…”
They say even dogs don’t bother someone who’s eating. Lee Hyeonseok spoke abruptly as usual, without any additional explanation. I spoke ambiguously, watching to see whether I should put down my chopsticks or just put the ramen in my mouth. Seeing his grim expression, it seemed the secretary had told him everything in detail. Even without tact, he apparently earned his paycheck.
“Read the room.”
“I’m so happy I could die.”
“I said if you’re caught lying, you’ll lose your wrist.”
“……”
I tried to play dumb, but it seemed Lee Hyeonseok was genuinely upset for the first time in a while. If I continued to play dumb or lie, I felt like I’d really get hit. After thinking for a while, I decided to tell the truth, thinking that the more I acted like a lunatic, the faster Lee Hyeonseok’s affection might fade.
“First of all… overall, it’s like shit…”
“Is that so?”
“……”
I put the ramen I hadn’t even taken a bite of back into the pot, set down my chopsticks on the table, and slightly lowered my head. Then I glanced at Lee Hyeonseok and carefully broached the subject. Contrary to my expectation of getting hit, Lee Hyeonseok responded with his arms crossed. When I shut my mouth tight, intimidated, he even nodded his head as if telling me to continue.
Since I’d already run my mouth, I decided to keep going.
“Specifically, it’s like fuck…”
“How unfortunate.”
“But ultimately, I think I might reach enlightenment.”
“Enlightenment, even.”
Lee Hyeonseok’s eyes were scary, so I avoided his gaze while speaking, when I heard a voice that sounded dumbfounded. With a belated sense of foreboding, I rolled just my eyes to steal a glance at Lee Hyeonseok, and sure enough, he was staring daggers at me with murderous eyes. As soon as our eyes met, Lee Hyeonseok smiled sardonically.
“Usually it’s okay.”
Only then realizing I’d lost the situational awareness I’d been maintaining, I smiled awkwardly and brightly with all my might, but the bus had already passed and the water had already been spilled.
“You know what.”
“Yes, yes.”
Lee Hyeonseok began slowly approaching me. His appearance was like the grim reaper itself, making my body freeze so I couldn’t even avoid his gaze.
“I was in quite a good mood today.”
“That’s great…”
Lee Hyeonseok’s tone was quite cheerful, almost singing, but at the same time I could feel something chilling, letting me know he was angry. However, I couldn’t understand why Lee Hyeonseok was this angry. Even retracing what I’d said to the secretary, while he might be sarcastic or irritated, I absolutely couldn’t guess why he’d be angry. Was treating him like a contrarian the problem?
“As long as there’s no problem with my body, it’s fine.”
“Health is the best.”
I tried hard to appease Lee Hyeonseok without even properly knowing the cause. Whether it all showed, or whether Lee Hyeonseok was particularly good at reading me, despite my efforts, there was no sign of him calming down.
“When someone says let’s get along well…”
“!”
Lee Hyeonseok, who had been slowly approaching at a steady pace, finally reached the seat next to me. My heart, which had been pounding irregularly from tension, stopped for a moment as soon as Lee Hyeonseok stroked my head. The instant I instinctively braced for pain that could come at any moment, Lee Hyeonseok grabbed my hair first and pulled it up.
“Don’t you think someone waiting only for a clean break would feel like shit?”
“I went too far. But please forgive me just this once, just let it go.”
I groveled while smiling naturally as possible, but the hand gripping my hair, far from loosening, gradually strengthened. I tried hard to calm my flustered feelings. It seemed Lee Hyeonseok couldn’t adapt to this world even more than I thought. Honestly, I hadn’t adapted perfectly either, but I was getting by well because there were people who liked me in the midst of having no proper solution—otherwise, it might have been quite difficult. Thinking that way, I felt a bit sorry for Lee Hyeonseok.
“Should I ruin your life a bit, so you’ll finally cling to me begging to be taken in?”
…Never mind that, when that happens I’ll ruin Lee Hyeonseok’s life too. Even if I can’t ruin it, I’ll make sure to make him regret it.
“Should I kneel first?”
Still, since he seemed pissed off right now, I decided to apologize first. I didn’t stop there and preemptively said what Lee Hyeonseok might say. At that, Lee Hyeonseok snorted as if dumbfounded and finally let go of my hair. Then he pulled over a dining chair, sat down, and said with an expressionless face.
“Right. Kneel first.”
I got up from the chair without delay and obediently knelt before Lee Hyeonseok. Then I made my expression as gentle as possible and looked up at him pleadingly. Lee Hyeonseok was still looking down at me expressionlessly.
I was working my brain hard trying to figure out what to babble to satisfy him, when Lee Hyeonseok stopped my thoughts.
“Suck it.”
My face, which had been pretending to be gentle, was now colored with bewilderment. It was because the place Lee Hyeonseok commanded with his eyes was the place that boasted his masculinity. As expected, showing whether he had sadistic tendencies, Lee Hyeonseok’s expression was smiling, opposite to mine. To be precise, it was a sneer. Anyway, I asked him with a face full of difficulty.
Really? For real?
“……”
Can I trust you?
“You…”
Really doing it?
“…No. Never mind that for now.”
Even though I didn’t say it out loud, whether it was conveyed well enough, Lee Hyeonseok pulled back his body and retracted his words. The way he furrowed his brows and made a reluctant sound seemed to completely distrust me. I didn’t particularly want to send Lee Hyeonseok to the hospital, but since Lee Hyeonseok tested my limits every time he opened his mouth, I couldn’t guarantee it.
“Slowly getting you used to it isn’t bad either.”
Look, look look look, as soon as that thought ended, he’s testing my limits again. As expected, doesn’t Lee Hyeonseok have both sadistic and masochistic tendencies? Or else his memory is severely bad or he lacks learning ability. Somehow the one with the defect was Lee Hyeonseok, but the one suffering damage was me.
“What are you doing?”
I’d been stupidly just watching Lee Hyeonseok get up from the chair and leave the living room. He looked at me pathetically and jerked his chin toward his room as if telling me to follow.
Ah… I had a faint expectation, but today is that day.
