“What’s he saying?”
“He’s asking me to let him know before I leave so he can pick me up.”
“Wow, how devoted.”
Haemin giggled and chewed on her snack. Seeing her keep gulping down the empty coffee, she definitely seemed to be craving beer right now. I could tell her to drink alone, but if she drank, I’d want to drink too, so I pretended not to notice.
“But are you a bit angry… or…?”
“Why?”
“I told him I’d contact him if I was late, but I forgot.”
“It’s still 10 o’clock? Did you tell him you were coming to my place?”
“I did, just now.”
Haemin stopped putting the snack in her mouth and slapped her forehead with an incredulous expression. Then she grabbed my shoulder and shook me back and forth, lamenting.
“You should’ve told him before coming.”
“…Did I do something wrong?”
“You’re not even clueless, so why do you act like this when it comes to dating…?”
I thought it would be fine since Haemin is a Beta and a woman. If she were an Alpha, I obviously wouldn’t have come.
“I like men.”
Whether Alpha or Beta, as long as they weren’t Omega it didn’t matter, but I liked men. Since Haemin also said she was fine as long as they weren’t Omega, I too was definitely not Haemin’s type for dating. I could guarantee that even if I slept naked with her in bed, nothing would happen.
“How is Kim Minwoo supposed to believe that? Can you prove it? Now you can marry anyone, so if my boyfriend said he was going to someone’s house, I’d hate it too.”
It wasn’t that long ago. Originally, marriage was only possible between Alphas and Omegas, and Beta men with Beta women, but a few years ago it changed to allow marriage regardless of trait or gender.
Because of the fundamental issue of pheromones, trait-holders were generally mostly Alpha-Omega couples, but legally speaking, it meant Myeong Haemin and I could also get married.
Not that I have any intention of that whatsoever, but anyway.
“Even when you were dating other people, what could I say to someone living with Kim Minwoo?”
“Don’t even get me started. We really fought a lot over that.”
“Exactly.”
Haemin finally got up from her seat abruptly and took out a small can of beer from the refrigerator. She grinned at me apologetically, so I waved my hand telling her it was fine and to drink.
And I quietly moved drinking beer to number one on my mental list of things I want to do when Yongyong is born.
Until now, I hadn’t really felt inconvenienced by not being able to do something, but this was the first time. I absolutely have to have chicken and beer. I clenched my fist small under the table, making a resolution.
“Are you going to date Kim Minwoo halfheartedly and then stop?”
With Won Dogyeong? That couldn’t happen. My decision to try to make things work with him was quite a big resolution for me. If it had been a relationship where it was okay to end things carelessly, I wouldn’t have gotten this far in the first place.
“No….”
“Then you can’t do it the way you did with the people you dated before. I didn’t say anything until now because I’m your friend, but you’re too much to your lovers. Honestly, if it were me, I would’ve run away within a week.”
“That much…?”
“Hard to reach, constantly postponing meeting days, no reaction even when they do things for you, and living with a rich childhood friend Alpha…. I’ve never seen anyone date as insincerely as you.”
I shut my mouth tightly and fiddled with the mug. Saying I was insincere might not be wrong.
Do you even like me?
It was something I always heard at the end of every relationship.
My relationships generally started similarly and ended similarly. When they asked to date, I said okay, and when they said let’s break up, I also said okay.
The reason for breakup was usually my neglectful attitude of being tired of the same daily contact and making time to see their face despite being busy. Except for one bastard who cheated on me.
After repeating that several times, I stopped dating for a while.
If you ask whether I didn’t like those people at all, that’s not it. There were definitely moments when I liked them, but that was brief too, and I quickly got tired of asking about each other’s well-being.
Finding good restaurants, going on trips, sharing daily life—all of those were things that were sufficient to do with friends.
So, with Won Dogyeong. That side was more enjoyable actually.
Ah, except for sex.
No wait, is that included now too?
Honestly, he was the best match among the people I’ve done it with… Stop it, what am I thinking in someone else’s house?
Haemin, who had been sipping beer and shaking her head, grabbed both my cheeks.
“You should be grateful for this pretty face.”
“What are you… oomph.”
My cheeks got squished.
“Don’t piss me off.”
Haemin likes my face and always says things like that, but it really wasn’t to that extent. Separate from being somewhat satisfied with myself, it absolutely wasn’t impressive enough to be grateful for a pretty face. That kind of talk only works on Won Dogyeong.
“At least Kim Minwoo doesn’t have a rich childhood friend Alpha rival, so that’s fortunate.”
“…Because he is that person….”
“Now hurry up and go home.”
“Suddenly?”
Haemin, who had already emptied the small can, crushed it and put it down on the table while tapping my arm.
“I feel bad for Kim Minwoo who’s only waiting for you day and night. Go, get lost.”
I was about to leave soon anyway even if she didn’t kick me out. Since Myeong Haemin had plans all weekend Friday through Sunday, we met briefly during the week, and I had work tomorrow too.
When I opened the messenger and contacted Won Dogyeong, a reply came saying to come down in 30 minutes.
These days Won Dogyeong drove around following me everywhere I went. Dropping me off and picking me up, he was immovable even when I said he didn’t have to. It felt like I had a manager.
Since he started resting from work and spending more time at home, he tried to do all the laundry and cleaning himself, so I desperately stopped him and at least defended the laundry. Won Dogyeong pays the rent, and if Won Dogyeong also cooks, does laundry, and cleans, I’d be too shameless.
To make an excuse about the rent, since he stubbornly refused to accept it, I decided to use my card for groceries for the two of us instead. But judging by the amount charged to the card I handed over to use for shopping each month, it seems he only swipes it occasionally when he remembers because he can’t resist my nagging.
Laundry… I have to do it diligently.
“Until when are you going to work?”
“November? I think I’ll take leave in December.”
There were about six months left until maternity leave. The due date was January next year.
“Going straight to parental leave?”
“Probably.”
“Who’s going to drink coffee with me on the rooftop now?”
“I’ll be back soon.”
“I really want to quit.”
“What are you talking about, you need to become an executive.”
When I laid out the future Haemin would hate most, she wrinkled her face as if horrified.
“Hey, being part of the FIRE movement is my dream. I’m betting my life on high-dividend ETFs.”
While we were having such trivial conversations picking at the crumbs left of the snacks, my phone rang again. It was a call telling me to come down. Myeong Haemin dawdled out to the entrance and waved. Since she’d been at the company since morning just like me, Haemin looked tired around this time too.
When I took the elevator down to the first floor, I spotted a familiar car in front of the common entrance.
“Sorry for being late.”
“No… did you have fun?”
“Yeah.”
An awkward silence flowed while he pulled the car out along the alley.
No, I correct that. Won Dogyeong was busy driving and I was awkward alone.
He could get hurt, then someone might snatch him away. The things Haemin said circled in my head.
Am I hurting Won Dogyeong right now?
I don’t know. Even when I was dating, and even when Won Dogyeong was seeing someone, our relationship was always the same.
The frequency of eating dinner together might have decreased a bit, but we still went around finding good restaurants and occasionally went to late-night movies. On days off, we’d turn on the TV and turn the house upside down doing a deep clean together.
I liked that daily life.
But thinking about it now, that might have been an excessively selfish thought. Perhaps what sustained the days I wanted was Won Dogyeong’s constant effort.
The effort of making meals to eat dinner together and employing all kinds of excuses to get me into that house, and the effort made with a nonchalant face as if claiming it was all coincidence that he was there whenever needed.
Perhaps the one gripping the knot binding our relationship isn’t me but Won Dogyeong. If he decided to let go, I might be left alone in an instant, left to soothe my empty insides.
If he just decided to turn his affection toward someone other than me….
Like Han Hoyeon, for instance.
The striking face I looked up this morning flashed by. I felt strange.
If you ask whether I like Won Dogyeong, it’s difficult to answer.
To put it simply, of course I like him. But that’s not what you mean, right?
What does it mean to like someone?
But if I thought about Won Dogyeong spending time like this with someone other than me, I didn’t like that either.
Jealousy… is this jealousy?
I don’t know because I’ve never had this kind of emotion toward someone else. I feel like a adolescent contemplating love. What kind of act is this at my age?
I tried not to be conscious of Won Dogyeong driving with a quite serious face in the seat next to me, but my eyes rolled sideways on their own. While glancing around pretending to turn on the air conditioner, my gaze stayed on his hand holding the steering wheel.
Should I try asking to hold hands first?
My lips moved but no words came out.
Asking to hold hands, I’ve never said something like that in my life. I’d rather just grab his hand if I was going to. But since he’s driving, wouldn’t he be startled if I suddenly grabbed it?
While I was absorbed alone staring only at the headlights of the car in front, Won Dogyeong suddenly opened his mouth. And it was almost simultaneous that I, feeling guilty for no reason, blurted out what I’d only been thinking.
“Dinner…”
“Want to hold hands?!”
